Sometimes I feel like dying and other days I feel life is a blessing.. it seems when I am more positive and take care of my body and present myself well, I am better off and when I'm more negative, things are the opposite so .. there could be a correlation with that. I get compliments on how I dress and when I am "groomed".. so that is a plus so if we can't have satisfaction in our looks we can find ways to present ourselves well through fashion or style. To this day nobody has said anything about my scars to me that was blunt about it or insensitiveexcept a friend who asked if I was going to do anything about them and that hurt.. but she was just curious.. and this lady who recently traumatized me by what she said..to depressing to state so I won't post. Sometimes peoples words do hurt but they hurt more when I've been beating myself up about it days before.But I agree that we can not let anybody label us and we must strive to create our own image of ourselves. It's hard though because acne comes with a huge stereotype that people with it are dirty or don't take care of themselves which is NOT TRUE. I come to realize I spent a lot of time obsessing over my scars and I will never get that time back!This is why I know that we can't let acne scars destroy what life has to offer and at every age.I have missed out mostly because of the Self Inprisonment people have talked about here.Iwill still not give up hope to go for treatment but I know that I will never have perfect skin and that is something hard to accept. Improvement yes but perfect is just asking for anxiety,depression and more panic attacks. Yes, I from time to time have panic attacks if a guy talks to me it's absurd but I do and I'm trying to work on it. Litterally will not even know what I'm saying and try to be as objective as possible and do some fight and flight shit. Not like literal but anything socially acceptable to get out getting to know that person. I have wondered about this affecting my mental health but have not been to be diagnosed... at this point I am constantly double-checking my mental state though as a reassurance and take time for a me break when I need it.This is how I know my acne scars not only effect my emotions but the way I interact with people. Lol I am never like this with women but with men sayenaro!! Andgroup presentationsmake me anxious. This has affected my ability to hold intimate relationships but my own fault for letting things get to me and not go ahead and follow lead naturally. I know that acne scars aren't the worst thing in the world tho and I will admit at times I feel foolish for bothering about them.I've found it's all about feeling comfortable usually I have that sense but out of the blue some encounter with an interest will have me feeling out of place and insecure about my comparison to other females.And I will say I have better relations with women than men because I have never let myself be around them because I judge myself so harshly as I assume most women doif they haveinsecuritieseven without acne scars. I've learned I just have to be thankful for what I have and work for what I want but sometimes what we want, can't happen and that's where I'll have to be satisfied with what god has to offer. Slowly I'm taking steps but it is a back and forth battle. I hope everybody finds inner peace and along their journey they getimprovement !!!!
Well the past few days I seem to have literally hit rock bottom! I was finding going to work ok but now I am constantlytrying to fight back tears as I work. People I know think I have lost the plot, they reallydon't get what I am on about but they also claim they don't see what I am seeing. I have taken some pictures in different lights to try and show them what I mean and when Ishow them they just say oh that's just because the light is bad. Yes the light is bad but it's still on my bloody face and that's exactly what I keep seeing. My other half last night accused me of trying to make it look as bad as possible and avoiding any positive pictures. I tried explaining that if I saw the "good" skin photo's when I look in the mirror then of course I wouldn't have a problem but I don't see that ever. I will have to put the pictures up when I get the courage because I have seriously never seen skin texture as weird as mine. I am starting to feel very isolated now, everyone is starting to lose their patience with me and I am so fed up of being drip fed the same BS " there is nothing wrong with your face" line.
I am even starting to second guess if the derm is going to be treating me for what I want now as the lighting in their place does not show half my problem. Geez life really is getting unbearable now.
Sorry for the rant I needed to get it out lol.
Boxcar and rolling scars on my entire face.
I live in New England. I could only see one in the New England/NY area as far as travel.
Thanks Clareabella. Yes though, that is how people see me. I've made a woman cry in the grocery store once, it scared her that badly. My scarring is SEVERE. It makes people extremely unsettled. I don't blame them, but no, it's absolutely not just in my head.
1 hour ago, Kay24 said:Boxcar and rolling scars on my entire face.
I live in New England. I could only see one in the New England/NY area as far as travel.
Thanks Clareabella. Yes though, that is how people see me. I've made a woman cry in the grocery store once, it scared her that badly. My scarring is SEVERE. It makes people extremely unsettled. I don't blame them, but no, it's absolutely not just in my head.
You have been around on this site long enough and seem to understand all the various treatments. Decided on what you want to have done and find a suitable doctor in your area that is known for that treatment. Dont procrastinate or make any excuses, and quit worrying about the slim chance that the doctor might be mean.
Ok so the first time I had severe acne is when I was 1st year college. It really did ruin half of my freshmen life. I cried every time I look in the mirror. I commute to school and I always hide my face with my hair because I'm shy knowing people were looking at me. Until it got better. My face cleared up. Less sensitive. There are still some pimples but not severe as the old one. Scars faded as time goes by. My confident boost and I even won a crown in a Beauty Pageant in our college.
Until after I graduated and started working, my face starts to breakout again. I have cystic acne and pimples keeps popping out all over my face! Starting to look like a red tomato again. I'm really trying my best to be positive. I don't cry and I still go out. Still spend some time with my family, bf and friends. But I can't avoid the fact that people will keep on asking me what happened? With that "Disgusting" look on their faces. Even one time when me and my friend were having fun drinking in a bar, my friend told me "Oh you still didn't changed? You still have pimples!" and my other friend said "It's not pimples anymore! It's ACNE!". And they laughed together. Another one is when a friend said that he is getting distracted with my acne when he's talking to me. I know that they just making fun of me like what we usually do with each other. But honestly, it hurts me. Now I just spend most of my time alone. I try to hide my face to people. I sometime do work from home so that I can avoid my office mates. I know my family is missing me because my mother said so. I avoid having fun nights with my friends because I didn't want to hear their mean comments and also I want to have a good 8 hours of sleep. I started to be shy in front of my boyfriend and I keep on asking him not to look at me. Which he refused to do.
Now my face seems calming down. It just there are red spots left on and some pimples which still doesn't looks good. But I can hide it with concealer while treating it.
Still, I'm not gonna give up with myself. I will still be positive knowing that there are people who supports and love me in spite of my looks.
I'm just really sad how this has affected me. Forced to give up my career, what I at the time thought was the love of my life, pretty much all my friends, isolated myself for years and still today the scars are still there. It just makes me sad, really really sad, I had huge dreams and goals, I still do, but the acne destroyed everything. I'm pissed, sad, I don't know, just wish I had someone to talk with about all this cause no one really seem to understand what it's like. I've lost several years of my life, the years that are suppose to be the best years of your life, gone, wasted because of acne. It's not fair. I know there's a lesson somewhere in here, I know that and I do believe everything happens for a reason, and I really hope that one day I can look back at all this and be grateful that I've made it through, but some days are still so hard. I just miss my life. I really do. If anyone wants to talk I'd be more than happy to.
Sophie - all of us that are on here understand that isolated feeling too. I don't want to see friends or family anymore - and the longer I go without seeing someone, the less I want to see them because the worse my scars get.
The thing that helps me is that you have to know, your rational self HAS to remember, that you are always your own worst critic. You will perceive yourself worse than anyone else. And on top of that, i like to think about how most social interactions are eye contact based. Those things help me feel better.
All that said, we all act weird when we know we are in bad lighting, when we're standing at a bad angle ... it's awful. I'm basically only comfortable now when talking to other people with scars. But. Even though I'm new re, this community and board has helped me. Even though we don't know each other, there are other people in this world my throigh what we are going through.
None of this helps much, but it does help to "talk" this stuff out together. Keep the faith everyone.
What really help for me is this:
Take care of yourself. Eat and drink healthy, but also, which i think is very important, take care of your appearance. So, buy some nice clothes, shoes and maybe some jewelry. If you are a girl, buy yourself a nice pair of earrings and if you like put some nice (eye) makeup on. Give yourself a nice haircut, etc. This does not have to cost a fortune! There are loads of cheap stores and there are cool clothes, jewelry etc. secondhand.
If you do this, it will work in 2 ways.
First is that it make yourself feel better. When you have some nice clothes on etc. you WILL feel better about yourself 
Second is if you take some time to look ok, people will see that to. They see your shiny appearance and therefor it makes your scarring less apparent. It is the whole package.
So. Today is the day to take care of yourself, you all are worth it. We all can look nice!
