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Am I the only person here who genuinely feels great when she looks great? I mean, I was always a really cheerful person back when I had clear skin, and I'm always a lot more happy/energetic/upbeat during the summer months when I tend to lose weight than the winter months when I tend to put it on (though this is partially also SAD). I've heard so many people here (and elsewhere) say that even after they lost weight/cleared up/got their nose/eyelids/jaw/whatever done, that they didn't magically become a "happier" or "more fulfilled" human being, but I don't know - when I don't have anything to worry about I just... don't find new things to get sad over and therefore don't have anything to worry about.
Having said that, my derma just upped my Accutane dosage so I'm experiencing a second initial breakout and I look pretty gross and therefore feel even grosser 
Am I the only person here who genuinely feels great when she looks great? I mean, I was always a really cheerful person back when I had clear skin, and I'm always a lot more happy/energetic/upbeat during the summer months when I tend to lose weight than the winter months when I tend to put it on (though this is partially also SAD). I've heard so many people here (and elsewhere) say that even after they lost weight/cleared up/got their nose/eyelids/jaw/whatever done, that they didn't magically become a "happier" or "more fulfilled" human being, but I don't know - when I don't have anything to worry about I just... don't find new things to get sad over and therefore don't have anything to worry about.
Having said that, my derma just upped my Accutane dosage so I'm experiencing a second initial breakout and I look pretty gross and therefore feel even grosser
This is true=\ but you know what, before acne I was such a happy person! Now i won't even go out at all. I used to be so positive and always striving for the best. But this has killed my soul things were little obstacles that I would battle and conquer. Now EVERYTHING is about my acne. What I eat, when I shower, how much water, can't drink that. I feel like I'm gaining weight because I don't want to go to the gym. If I wear makeup, it clogs my pores, and I dare not go without makeup. This has consumed me! And I can even eat something to make me happy without feeling guilty. It's hard this stuff=\ I feel so guilty all the time and think about it. Not to mention the financial difficulties this has caused.
Btw. Your username does not help at all!!! Haha I want one
QuoteThis is true=\ but you know what, before acne I was such a happy person! Now i won't even go out at all. I used to be so positive and always striving for the best. But this has killed my soulthings were little obstacles that I would battle and conquer. Now EVERYTHING is about my acne. What I eat, when I shower, how much water, can't drink that. I feel like I'm gaining weight because I don't want to go to the gym. If I wear makeup, it clogs my pores, and I dare not go without makeup. This has consumed me! And I can even eat something to make me happy without feeling guilty. It's hard this stuff=\ I feel so guilty all the time and think about it. Not to mention the financial difficulties this has caused.
Btw. Your username does not help at all!!! Haha
Bleh, ditto I have skipped out on five travel invitations (three of them international) since I started having acne two months ago, skipped an entire month from work, and basically just turned down so many social invitations to things that I can't even keep track (the only things I've forced myself to go out to are birthday dinners for people I'm very close to, like family and best friends), and just turned into a major drag since the start of my acne. I spend all my time on the computer now because I won't willingly leave the house - I even make my parents go out to buy products for me (the upside of having moved back home, I guess) because I'm too freaking scared to go out shopping unless it's absolutely necessary. I don't go to the gym/yoga class in spite of my fairly pricey memberships (because that would mean being willingly out in public), I have at least $500 worth of fairly new makeup that I'll probably have to throw away soon because I'm meticulous about expiration dates (and I haven't worn even a bit of makeup since my acne started), ninety percent of the time my diet is depressingly restricted (people bring in baked goodies to my workplace every other freaking day so this requires a lot of willpower), and after all this is over I'll have to spend thousands on expensive skin rejuvenation lasers/peels/whatever plus jawline botox in order to counteract the amount of emotional damage acne has done to me (I've always hated the shape of my face so I think sharpening my jawline will give me a much-needed boost of self-esteem after I'm done with Accutane), not to mention the hundreds I've already spent on Accutane/antibiotics/herbal remedies/doctor's fees.
tl;dr my life sucks, I just really wanted to type that out because I've been having a totally brutal initial breakout these past two days
P.S. My username is actually a reference to a song! But nobody has gotten that yet, ha ha.
^Hot burrito reference in a song, eh? I never would have ever guessed, haha. I naturally assumed it was about a food as well. I wonder if anyone will get that it's a song reference.
I'm sorry you're having a brutal time with your initial breakout, atm also I know what that feels like to want to stay at home. Honestly, if I didn't have college classes or the need to make money to pay for things, I would be at home, too. It's much much easier to do that than going out wondering if people will stare at your face, if a kid/someone will make a comment. It really is a struggle, sometimes.
Omg hot burrito!!!! I'm the same way!!!! Haha I just want to stay home because I don't want to put makeup so I ask my mom to go for me. I had no idea you were a girl. Lol that makes me feel way better lol I thought I was the only violent one because of their acne. Ive been feeling optimistic with my acne too even though right now it's the worst it's ever been! I have about thirty cystic things on my lower cheek each! But I started birth control a month ago so this is my initial bitchout. Haha Jk well I guess it means something is happening! Ugh. I'm happy I met you. Lol I feel better about life now.
Quote^Hot burrito reference in a song, eh? I never would have ever guessed, haha. I naturally assumed it was about a food as well. I wonder if anyone will get that it's a song reference.I'm sorry you're having a brutal time with your initial breakout, atm also
[Edited link out] This song, to be exact - one of my favourites.
Thank you 
This is my second IB (my derma just upped my dosage to 40/80) and it's much worse than my first, so I'm just really frustrated because most people seem to see more of an improvement by this point. I do go to work now, though I took basically the entire last month off - I've not only got to pay for my Accutane medication but I'm also trying to save up for law school! Other than work though (during which I just get paid to sit in front of a computer browsing the web and watching entire movies for seven hours a day), I'm pretty much just at home all the time.
QuoteOmg hot burrito!!!! I'm the same way!!!! Haha I just want to stay home because I don't want to put makeup so I ask my mom to go for me. I had no idea you were a girl. Lol that makes me feel way better lol I thought I was the only violent one because of their acne. Ive been feeling optimistic with my acne too even though right now it's the worst it's ever been! I have about thirty cystic things on my lower cheek each! But I started birth control a month ago so this is my initial bitchout. Haha Jk well I guess it means something is happening! Ugh. I'm happy I met you. Lol I feel better about life now.
Ha ha, yes, I'm a girl. I just have a manly username and act like a dude sometimes.
No, you're definitely far from the only violent one. I'm glad to hear you're feeling optimistic! I'm having a hard time retaining my optimism, but I'm still definitely better than I was last month because I was literally crying several times a day every single day back then. Thank you for your kind words, and likewise! I hope your BC clears your acne quickly - you seem like a very sweet person 
Vampireninja. I know! I want to call in for work but I'm like ah I need to money =\ I missed class today though lol
Hotburrito,
No. I get crazy. Lol but we can both stab walls together? Lol yeah it sucks my whole life I've tried to be optimistic till acne. But I think venting on here helps alot? I can't talk to my mom cuz all she does is talks about this. My sister has baby ass skin and is the most shallow person ever.
Lol yeah so ive started this thing where I work which is Wal greens. So obviously I have customers that I have to see all the time. If I notice somebody staring at my face at the checkout line I just look up and stare and them lol it makes them soooooo uncomfortable! I dont smile or anything. I just stare at them. It's so funny
No. I get crazy. Lol but we can both stab walls together? Lol yeah it sucks my whole life I've tried to be optimistic till acne. But I think venting on here helps alot? I can't talk to my mom cuz all she does is talks about this. My sister has baby ass skin and is the most shallow person ever.
Lol yeah so ive started this thing where I work which is Wal greens. So obviously I have customers that I have to see all the time. If I notice somebody staring at my face at the checkout line I just look up and stare and them lol it makes them soooooo uncomfortable! I dont smile or anything. I just stare at them. It's so funny
Lol, I haven't stabbed (okay, punched in) a wall since my rebellious teenager days, but I'll stab away with you in spirit. I was a natural optimist before the acne - my friends used to get mad at me because I'd never really worry about anything but everything would just fall into my lap anyways. And yes, I think venting here helps a LOT. It's nice to have people whom you KNOW can sympathize.
I have a pizza face and I'm still shallow as hell, so I can't really say much about your sister, unfortunately.
Are you sure the people at Walgreens are actually staring at you in a mean way instead of just looking at you directly? I mean, they could just be the type of people who'd hold eye contact, and then it wouldn't seem fair to stare them down...
I work in marketing (technically - I'm really more like glorified customer service). I don't meet with many clients because my workplace is deee-aaad, but I do work at a high-end company so I spend a lot of time feeling guilty that I'm not representing our "image" better
No like I'll be looking down at the products and scanning them and I see with my perifials people staring at my face. Then I'll look up and they just look away lol even people that aren't paying and are just there with the person that is =\ and they just look at my face so I just look back.
Wow that's good. I have class and work =\ but I'm planning on going to Texas state in jan so I just feel like screw everyone. I'm not gonna see them again. I won't let it bother me lol. What I really hate though is when I see people from hs or that I haven't seen in a while =\ I never had acne in hs. So now suddenly I have severe acne=\ it sucks seeing them.
No like I'll be looking down at the products and scanning them and I see with my perifials people staring at my face. Then I'll look up and they just look away lol even people that aren't paying and are just there with the person that is =\ and they just look at my face so I just look back.
Wow that's good. I have class and work =\ but I'm planning on going to Texas state in jan so I just feel like screw everyone. I'm not gonna see them again. I won't let it bother me lol. What I really hate though is when I see people from hs or that I haven't seen in a while =\ I never had acne in hs. So now suddenly I have severe acne=\ it sucks seeing them.
No like I'll be looking down at the products and scanning them and I see with my perifials people staring at my face. Then I'll look up and they just look away lol even people that aren't paying and are just there with the person that is =\ and they just look at my face
Wow that's good. I have class and work =\ but I'm planning on going to Texas state in jan so I just feel like screw everyone. I'm not gonna see them again. I won't let it bother me lol. What I really hate though is when I see people from hs or that I haven't seen in a while =\ I never had acne in hs. So now suddenly I have severe acne=\ it sucks seeing them.
Oh, geez. Yeah, that's totally understandable.
I'm glad I'm no longer in school, though I'll have to go back next year... but by that time I'm all but sure my acne will have cleared. Good luck with your transfer!
Seeing people who know you as having clear skin is often hard. I have pyoderma faciale, so I had spotless skin my entire life and then developed severe cystic acne all over my face within a week, so you can guess how I (and everybody else) reacted. I've gotten so many "What happened to you? But your skin used to be so pretty!" comments that I really just want to punch the next person who says it in the face even though I know most people don't mean any harm with it.
Sort of defeated, sad, antisocial. Not exactly antisocial so much as I'm not skipping any parties or gatherings or anything, just need to go to the store but I really don't want to. Trying to build up the energy. It's been rainy for a couple days and I've gotten sick so I think maybe it's all bringing me down. I have a big fat pimple near my mouth. And boobs are sore and my head hurts. So that's how I'm feelin'. Ugh.
Sort of defeated, sad, antisocial. Not exactly antisocial so much as I'm not skipping any parties or gatherings or anything, just need to go to the store but I really don't want to. Trying to build up the energy. It's been rainy for a couple days and I've gotten sick so I think maybe it's all bringing me down. I have a big fat pimple near my mouth. And boobs are sore and my head hurts. So that's how I'm feelin'. Ugh.
That's exactly how I feel defeated and sad. I dont like going out so maybe I am antisocial lol
Gluten sensitive? Are you celiac or just sensitive? Because the holistic people made me super self consience about what I eat. They're completely right about everything. Dairy isnt that good for you but still... I wish I could enjoy foods without fearing that it'll break me out =\ I want to be free
Just a wheat allergy, thank goodness. I don't think I could handle the gluten free life.
Don't let people scare you. Everyone has a different reaction to things they eat. Maybe you're one of the people who can handle dairy and gluten and whatever else they say stay away from. It's estimated that only 6% of the population is gluten sensitive. And if your only symptom is a skin reaction then you're probably not affected by it. It could be something else in whatever gluten containing product you're eating or just chance. If you're really worried you could try a food trigger test. Those are pretty accurate if you do them right I think.
Been about a week? Oh, well that "MONSTER zit" went away while ago. And my nose is sort of clearing up, only tow relativley sall ones put otgether instead of the three all over ones. With makeup its like they dont exist, even if you look close:D The thing between my eyebrow is no longer red, Ive sort fo jsut been leaving it the frick alone for a while now, becuase I stopped caring...and its less sweeled and barely red, again with makeup, its like not even able to see. I see these one day wihteheads come and go around my nose.....i dintm ind them one bit:D
Im totally happy and confident, and i ensure my skin is not perfect or at its bestest right now. I just scrolled thorugh all these sad comments.....and I know I dont have bad bad acne. Ive never really had a cyst, or nodules, never had my forhead covered in bumps, or blackheads or that crap. Never had rolling scars.....but I have acne. I get a juciy red zit or three on my face, and I get pigment marks and pimples.....and Ive had a few times where I couldnt bare to look in the mirror. But if theres one thing I learned this summer is, worrying wont make it go away, wallowing wont make it go away, nor will crying, or sitting there alone feeling sorry fro yourself. THEY WONT. And the sooner you accept yourself and just smile at your face (no matter how fucked up you think it looks) the sooner youll feel better, and hey, maybe if you forget for a while, itll dissapear. My point is,beating yourself up wont get rid of your acne,....itll just make you feel worse. SO mgiht as well, get out there and enjoy life. cheers.
My progress has gone way backwards these last couple of days. Even further in the last couple of hours, in fact. For some reason, my skin's getting bad again and I just want it all to stop. I've even got two big cysts which is not normally how it goes for me. One on my right cheek and one on the right of my nose. In both cases, they're on the bone and they're hurting so much. I was watching something on TV just now and it made me laugh but I stopped straight away because moving my face like that hurts. When you're feeling really low and depressed, and it's actually physically painful to laugh or smile, you know you're in trouble.
One of the things I often like to do as a bit of an escape is go to concerts. Sometimes it takes my mind off things. I'm supposed to be going to one tomorrow but I don't think I want to now. Paid 30 for a ticket and it's money I really don't have due to being unemployed, but I just don't want to go out and I know I won't enjoy it. I don't feel great this week as I've got a bad cold, but I look in the mirror and what I see is gross. I probably look like a bit of an oddball going to these places by myself anyway when everyone else is there with their friends, but when my skin looks bad too, I just feel horrible and totally isolated. Really sucks. Speaking of mirrors, I managed to make my skin even worse, as usual, and it's just so pathetic. It's like I'm literally trapping myself in this, year after year.
I thought I was getting the better of this but it's just not happening. I asked my doctor what I could do about how I feel about myself and my skin and he pretty much just told me to get over it. I wish I could but I don't know how. That's why I asked for help and that was all I got. Don't know where else to turn. I thought I was actually doing something proactive by treating my acne with antibiotics, but it's just not working. Last time I got some new medication for my skin, my doctor also told me that because my acne has lasted into adulthood, I'll probably have this for a very long time and that I'll just have to keep taking antibiotics for in an indefinite period of time, like I should just accept this. I don't want to, I can't. For that reason, I'm just existing because I can't find the strength to live life with acne. He refused other treatments and Accutane because my skin does respond sometimes, like how it looks in my pictures, but the rest of the time it's bad. That's the side nobody sees because I don't want to be seen and I hate it.. I just feel like I'm running out of options for my skin and for myself and I don't know what to do.
I'll probably have this for a very long time and that I'll just have to keep taking antibiotics for in an indefinite period of time, like I should just accept this. I don't want to, I can't.
I used to feel that way every single day for about 14yrs, except I battled on without antibiotics, knowing they weren't the answer for me. Having recently, in the last 2 years, been in the position of a 100% clearance from acne by natural means, I know there's a way out. I've been a bit relaxed with my lifestyle in the last few months, so probably at 99.9% clear at the moment.
It's hard to accept a lifetime of acne, the question of 'Why me?' is on everybody's lips.
One of the things I often like to do as a bit of an escape is go to concerts. Sometimes it takes my mind off things. I'm supposed to be going to one tomorrow but I don't think I want to now. Paid 30 for a ticket and it's money I really don't have due to being unemployed, but I just don't want to go out and I know I won't enjoy it. I don't feel great this week as I've got a bad cold, but I look in the mirror and what I see is gross. I probably look like a bit of an oddball going to these places by myself anyway when everyone else is there with their friends, but when my skin looks bad too, I just feel horrible and totally isolated. Really sucks. Speaking of mirrors, I managed to make my skin even worse, as usual, and it's just so pathetic. It's like I'm literally trapping myself in this, year after year.
Funny how they said acne was a teenage problem and it will disappear when you reach your twenties. I'm nearly halfway into my twenties with a few stubborn pimples and scars. Are you in university? I am a very isolated person, but there are some days where I feel like interacting with my classmates. I am starting to open up a bit, and my social skills are improving, but seriously I come off as a misanthrope. I have lost many friends over the years due to my anti-social behavior, but meeting new people is getting easier for me. It is easy to bullshit with guys (or I guess blokes where you are from?) because you just talk about the hot girls in the class, going out and drinking and just other guy stuff. I have met a few new people in my classes that are cool dudes. Girls are a different story.
Funny how they said acne was a teenage problem and it will disappear when you reach your twenties. I'm nearly halfway into my twenties with a few stubborn pimples and scars. Are you in university?
The various doctors I saw in my teens all used to act as though a course of antibiotics would clear it up. I had no reason to disbelieve that, they're the doctors, and I was going to them and asking what would be the best way of fixing it. They all said these things would work. So I took all sorts of antibiotics from 14 to 22, with varying results along the way but it never fixed the problem. It's like all it does is masks and sometimes even makes the acne come back stronger when the antibiotics are out of my system.
I had maybe 18 months off antibiotics and did very little to my skin because I couldn't be bothered to deal with it anymore. It just got worse and worse so when I decided I'd had enough of that and wanted to fix it, the same doctors all said, "Oh, so it hasn't gone away on it's own after all?" It's obvious they don't care and they pretty much mocked me when I tried to talk about how this bothers me so much and about the negative impact it has on my life. I lost all my friendships years ago, pretty much just spent the last 8 years by myself. I got fired from my job because my insecurities and the anxieties of being there with bad skin were freaking me out and I messed up.
It's obvious that I'm not going to get clear on antibiotics, nor does it go away when I'm off them, and the doctors all refused to refer me for Accutane on the basis that my skin does occasionally respond to antibiotics. I eat well and I try and limit what I assume could be triggers, based on things I've read here, so I don't know what else I can do. I'm even doing therapy for depression but what they're offering me isn't going to help me with my lack of self esteem, my dislike of my appearance and the sheer amount of self-loathing I feel when my face breaks out. I've asked them about this and all that's available on the free health service is what I'm currently doing, so I feel like I've run out of options there, too.
I appreciate these couple of posts might suggest otherwise, but I really don't like to moan about stuff if I can help it, I'd much rather share things with people here with the intention of helping and supporting them. I used to feel better about myself if I could support others, and if that helped them as well then it's a win-win, But now I just feel lost. I'm on my own and trying to do this all by myself and I guess I'm just struggling to see a way through.