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I sympathize with what you are going through. I recently developed eczema in the past year and combined with acne, it's the worst! Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, start a routine for both, don't feel less then and above all else, don't allow these physical ailments stop you from getting an education. Schooling will take you places.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out to the community or PM me
During the last month my skin was doing somewhat fine, i was not clear but it wasnt this bad. Im 20 and living in college, so with all the drinking, smoking, junk food, etc to have acne is not out of the norm, even though my acne is worse than most people's acne. But i could live with it.
But my last breakout, combined with the eczema, its just too much to head back to college. I never had acne until college, so to have this mess in my face is horrible. I feel like im disgusting.
I dont want to sound cocky, but eventhough my body is "ugly", im quite handsome so one thing compensated for the other. But now both my face and my body look disgusting. I just have zero confidence
Just a quick life update: Things are going pretty well for me. I'm still on the Regimen (nightly) and it continues to do a good job of managing my acne. I'll never be 100% acne free but my face looks so much better compared to my bad breakout days. In other news, I've found a creative outlet that I love and I'm having some success with it. I've been writing ever since I was young but in the last year or so I finally buckled down and started to take it seriously. I've now written and self-published a novel (horror fiction) and I'm currently in the process of self-publishing my second novel. Early reviews have been positive and I think I've finally seized on something I love. I'm able to express through my stories those feelings of isolation and hopelessness that I went through during my really bad years, and have my characters persevere through dark moments and face off against insurmountable odds. The entire experience has been so cathartic and I feel like in terms of writing and growing as a writer, this is only the beginning for me.
I dont want to sound cocky, but eventhough my body is "ugly", im quite handsome so one thing compensated for the other. But now both my face and my body look disgusting. I just have zero confidence
I know how you feel 100%. I used to think even though my body is crap (was never great, but 2 kids later and it's destroyed), at least my face is pretty. Now I feel like I have no good points. My skin is a mess and, to quote the woman on Legally Blonde, I have stretch marks and a fat ass D: I feel I look disgusting, and disgusted with my self. Took another Xanax today, it's helpful to have some time when I just don't give a crap.
Welp, I don't feel horribly bad about my acne today, it's pretty tame atm except for one spot I squeezed last night (bad, I know, I'm a compulsive skin picker though and it's so hard to stop, and the pop was successful so it should be gone soon at least) However, my skin over all just looks like crap. I don't know what it is, but last night I used for the first time, the Equate brand of the Cetaphil moisturizing cream (in the big tub), and it made my enlarged pores (that the AHA+ caused) look ginormous, like ice pick scars almost. Nearly gave me a heart attack and I had trouble sleeping. Weird thing is when I washed my face in the morning, and applied my Cetaphil sunscreen moisturizer, they nearly disappeared. I was very relieved as I thought my skin was getting even worse. I have no idea why that cream would make my pores look so awful, but am going to keep using it at night since the effect seems to be temporary and I need a night moisturizer. And who knows, maybe it wasn't the cream, maybe I drank too much coffee yesterday. I don't effin' know. I'm sick of my face being such a bratty little diva. It's like anything I put on it, it's all "mmm mmm, oh no you didn't, girlfriend!" and then it freaks out. Hoping now that my dermatologist was correct and my AHA induced scars will fade over the next year. I can deal as long as I have some hope that this condition will improve.
Not suitable for a bride
My proactiv cleanser expired which had 2.5% ben. Peroxide
Around April 1, decided to quit it and go on caveman regimen
Worst breakout of my life
I should be having a wedding in the middle of July 
I hope to get better
I don't wanna be bridezilla
My fianc© doesn't know what my face looks like, he's overseas right now
I'm scared to disappoint him 
All my tiny clogs are slowly becoming inflamed so fun fun fun! Also, I have developed a super inflamed painful pimple under my chin that thankfully is hidden. My acne is so so- by no means hideous but at 31, I'm so over this. Mom on day # 2 of a detox so we'll see what twists and turns my skin take.
Reading through these, I can so relate. May of last year I started using Paula's Choice. I started the regular strength toner 2x a day and it was rough at first, but then my skin did start to improve. I actually had some clear days. And every day my skin was clear, I thought, wow is this how other people feel (not having to constantly think about their skin, or cry in front of mirrors, or feel ugly/embarrassed/depressed??). I really thought I found something. I knew salycycilc acid worked fairly well for me as I had some succes with stridex years back. But I think my conclusion is:
My skin is just stupid.
After a year----I'm still getting painful cysts. No, my spots are not coming up smaller and resolving faster like I thought. I'm back to wincing when I look in the mirror and feeling like I'm NEVER going to get where I want to be.
My initial response to everyone above is to hang in there and keep going, but then I think about myself and really I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying. It's not really hopelessness but more acceptance. It just is what it is. After 15 years of dealing with this in one way or another (various degrees of severity), I'm of the mind that my skin just sucks. I don't know why. It doesn't shed right, it makes too much oil.. who knows. I know I always get little clog seeds that come out of every bump..so my lining is inefficient or something. But, I tried stuff to address that and while many of my pores look good, I still obviously have problem areas. Should I bump up to the 2% gel and just purge everything out and deal with the aftermath? Should I try this or that?? *shrug*
UGH I'm just tired of having to think of a strategy and constantly try to battle my skin. It's exhausting and honestly I devote way too many hours of every day focusing on my skin. A sad thought is.. if I met someone that I knew from 10 years ago, or even 5, and haven't seen since then, I would STILL have the SAME skin and they would probably think, wow even after all this time they are still dealing with that. That's a pretty sad realization...
Reading through these, I can so relate. May of last year I started using Paula's Choice. I started the regular strength toner 2x a day and it was rough at first, but then my skin did start to improve. I actually had some clear days. And every day my skin was clear, I thought, wow is this how other people feel (not having to constantly think about their skin, or cry in front of mirrors, or feel ugly/embarrassed/depressed??). I really thought I found something. I knew salycycilc acid worked fairly well for me as I had some succes with stridex years back. But I think my conclusion is:
My skin is just stupid.
After a year----I'm still getting painful cysts. No, my spots are not coming up smaller and resolving faster like I thought. I'm back to wincing when I look in the mirror and feeling like I'm NEVER going to get where I want to be.
My initial response to everyone above is to hang in there and keep going, but then I think about myself and really I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying. It's not really hopelessness but more acceptance. It just is what it is. After 15 years of dealing with this in one way or another (various degrees of severity), I'm of the mind that my skin just sucks. I don't know why. It doesn't shed right, it makes too much oil.. who knows. I know I always get little clog seeds that come out of every bump..so my lining is inefficient or something. But, I tried stuff to address that and while many of my pores look good, I still obviously have problem areas. Should I bump up to the 2% gel and just purge everything out and deal with the aftermath? Should I try this or that?? *shrug*
UGH I'm just tired of having to think of a strategy and constantly try to battle my skin. It's exhausting and honestly I devote way too many hours of every day focusing on my skin. A sad thought is.. if I met someone that I knew from 10 years ago, or even 5, and haven't seen since then, I would STILL have the SAME skin and they would probably think, wow even after all this time they are still dealing with that.
Calendula, I feel you on everything you said. I am at that point where I just want to say to hell with it and pretend that I don't have acne. No one in my family struggles like I do and can't understand how I feel. My relationship with God and my friend and family is what makes dealing with this bearable. I think if I quit having all these expectations, I would be a much content person. It's just like a person with a birthmark - they live with it but after a while, it becomes a natural part of them.
Reading through these, I can so relate. May of last year I started using Paula's Choice. I started the regular strength toner 2x a day and it was rough at first, but then my skin did start to improve. I actually had some clear days. And every day my skin was clear, I thought, wow is this how other people feel (not having to constantly think about their skin, or cry in front of mirrors, or feel ugly/embarrassed/depressed??). I really thought I found something. I knew salycycilc acid worked fairly well for me as I had some succes with stridex years back. But I think my conclusion is:
My skin is just stupid.
After a year----I'm still getting painful cysts. No, my spots are not coming up smaller and resolving faster like I thought. I'm back to wincing when I look in the mirror and feeling like I'm NEVER going to get where I want to be.
My initial response to everyone above is to hang in there and keep going, but then I think about myself and really I'm just tired. I'm tired of trying. It's not really hopelessness but more acceptance. It just is what it is. After 15 years of dealing with this in one way or another (various degrees of severity), I'm of the mind that my skin just sucks. I don't know why. It doesn't shed right, it makes too much oil.. who knows. I know I always get little clog seeds that come out of every bump..so my lining is inefficient or something. But, I tried stuff to address that and while many of my pores look good, I still obviously have problem areas. Should I bump up to the 2% gel and just purge everything out and deal with the aftermath? Should I try this or that?? *shrug*
UGH I'm just tired of having to think of a strategy and constantly try to battle my skin. It's exhausting and honestly I devote way too many hours of every day focusing on my skin. A sad thought is.. if I met someone that I knew from 10 years ago, or even 5, and haven't seen since then, I would STILL have the SAME skin and they would probably think, wow even after all this time they are still dealing with that.
Calendula, I feel you on everything you said. I am at that point where I just want to say to hell with it and pretend that I don't have acne. No one in my family struggles like I do and can't understand how I feel. My relationship with God and my friend and family is what makes dealing with this bearable. I think if I quit having all these expectations, I would be a much content person. It's just like a person with a birthmark - they live with it but after a while, it becomes a natural part of them.
Same here about no one in the family. Well, ok my teenage son. lol Poor kid got his skin from me apparently, though his look like what I call "normal type" and not bulging cystic. My husband never washes his face and has like nonexistent pores. I've never once seen him with anything near a cyst in the 16 years of marriage. He gets tiny "regular" pimples once every 6months or so. Very rarely and they go away without him even treating them. My husband has only made mention one time about my skin...we were talking about the products my son wanted me to buy him for his face and my husband said, "I guess he got that from you." It wasn't in a mean way, and really I think it slipped out without him meaning to say it. But, it did cut me deep. I just said, "I guess so..but I never had problem skin in school. Not until I became pregnant did my skin start acting up." I've read that if your parents suffered adult onset you would, too. Neither of my parents had this problem. My brother doesn't have it. I'm the oddball out and I live healthier than any of them. ha! It may not go anywhere anytime soon. I read something saying people well into the 40s, 50s and even 60s+ still deal with it. The only thing that depresses me more than dealing with it now, is the thought of still dealing with it when I'm a grandma.
Well, enough boohooing! I guess we all have crosses to bear and maybe this one is mine. Maybe I'm supposed to learn something from it. lol At least all of my contacts (friends/family/acquaintances) never say anything. I am very thankful for that.
wow, haven't been on this site in a while. i managed to clear my acne up completely for a few months using The Regimen, but a week ago I stupidly drank a glass of milk (which I've found out to be a huge trigger to my cystic acne), so now I'm dealing with a big cluster of cysts on my jaw, chin and cheek. i'm pretty pissed at myself because not only do I have to manage the breakout, but now I have to dry my skin out to get rid of it, and it takes an additional 2~ish weeks to re-hydrate my dry skin. eugh! acne is the worst.
Acne wise, feeling fed up, frustrated and lonely. I am doing everything humanly possible to treat it and it makes no difference. Thanking God for the many gifts in life he has given me and praying for the ability to see the positive in this ongoing battle.
Absolutely depressed with it today's to the point where I didn't go to work.
I shaved with a razor as opposed to a beard trimmer yesterday for the first time in years and I remember why! My skin and pitted scarring look dreadful
I don't usually get spots anymore but I have today. I can't understand why my scarring looks so much worse when I don't have stubble. Maybe I'm just kidding myself
Face looks like shit today and I am still picking. I shouldn't say my face, but my right cheek. It's like everything is ok but my right cheek. Any time I think some of my scarring looks bad, I look at one of my red, irritated scabby pimples (since I pick and all) and next to that the scarring looks like nothing, so there's that at least. Puts things into perspective. Starting the inactive pills on my second pack of Yasmin this Sunday. So in a little over a week will be the start of the "magical" three month mark. If things don't start to look a bit better by the end of month 3 I am going to be very disappointed because I don't know what to do next if it doesn't work. I realize bc doesn't help everyone, but I am trying to remain optimistic.
I'm feeling better today. 
I switched cleanser and am now using Cerave foaming cleanser. I was using Paula's earth sourced gel (which I love btw), but i thought is was 5.5 pH. A PC rep told me it was a 6, so I decided to get something closer to skin pH. My face had been getting drier and I think that is a real problem for me. My skin seems to explode when it is dry. I've had some episodes of really bad cysts and I've been keeping logs in my calendars. I've gone back and looked them--the worst breakouts were around times I noted my skin being dry. Maybe bacteria gets in easier and/or my skin is damaged from dryness to repair itself. I don't know. But now trying to figure out a good balance.
My skin is oily. Always has been. But, now I'm wondering if I really have DRY(as in dehydrated) and OILY skin. What a terrible combination. I normally don't use moisturizer and maybe that has been a constant factor. So, I reluctantly switched to the cerave and also use the cerave pm moisturizer (tiny bit). I haven't seen any increase in acne and my skin actually looks better. Not red tinged and my pores seem smaller (maybe bigger from dehydration??). I'm still working on healing the spots I have, but I'm feeling better and optimistic again. I hope the lower pH will help aid my skin in repairing and managing itself. I also think this is helping my 2% BHA clear toner work better! My skin cleared up and my pores were cleaning out before on it, but I still have areas (from nose to chin area) that are visibly congested. Since using the new routine, little plugs have been coming to the surface. Honestly, I can;t tell if teh mositurizer is helping lubricate and move them up or if the BHA is exfoliating them. Both?
I am a little upset that Paula's doesn't have lower pH. I was going to switch to their new resist cleanser but it is also a 6. The toners and acids are still good. I don;t know about the other cleansers. If they would lower the earth sourced cleanser it would be the perfect one for me. I used to use Neutrogena ultra gentle and loved it as well. It worked well, but i think over time it had dried/damaged my skin since it was a 7pH. That is why I originally switched to PC.
Anyways, right now this seems to be working.
hi everyone! It's been a long time since I logged in but I haven't forgotten about you. Life got really hectic and I haven't had time to update. I'm currently recovering from a procedure I had done to remove a dermoid cyst in my ovary (sorry for TMI)...I'm hoping this is the last bump in the road for complete recovery. My acne was just the tip of the iceberg 2 years ago...by trying to find the causes of my acne, I actually stumbled upon other more serious health issues I needed to address. This dermoid in particular would not have been removed if I blindly followed doctors' suggestions to go on hormone therapy. I finally went with my gut and got an ultrasound...and now I'm in recovery.
I wish you all good luck in your journey. Acne is truly a sign that something is wrong with your body. Don't ignore it.
When I'm better, I want to write a post on histamines & diet...from what I saw, more people are going the low histamine route, which is great whether or not your acne is an issue. In the mean time, I want to recommend SOD (superoxide dismutase) enzyme supplements for those of you who break out from high histamine foods/products.
Well today is crap.
I've been really trying all week to be positive, and to maybe try and see that tiny teensy bit of hope at the end of the tunnel, but what happens today when I'm getting ready? My dad comes in, "Errrr! What's that on your neck?" - "What?" - "Well it's really red, look, feel how hot it is" (rubbing his hand on the back of my neck.) Turns out I have a massive rash there which has probably been there for days/weeks without me noticing.
So I go to look in the mirror, using a handheld portable mirror so I can see the back, and yep...horrible nasty rash. While doing this, I also get a clearer view of the side of my face and see how red, blotchy, and all marked up it is. I just look a complete disaster and I'm fed up... I've just locked myself away in my room and am crying. I'm so fed up of this, of literally waiting and hoping for something that just isn't going to happen. I'm never going to look like I used too/like a normal person.
Let's just say I wouldn't mind dying right this minute, haha.
What a shame, just when I thought things were turning up, I end up seeing that it's just as bad as ever. My life is just over now, I never leave the house, my career is non-existant and all relationships with my family and friends are completely screwed up. I don't talk to anyone, I don't do anything, and every day my face and body just gets continuously worse. I just want it to be over, and I honestly can't see myself ever being happy again.
Guess that's my rant for this morning, heh...had to let it out somehow.
WishClean, glad you found that cyst and had it taken care of!
leelowe1--*hugs* and sorry about the continued breakouts. I definitely sympathize!
Lore91, I'm so sorry to hear about your day yesterday. I hope today was better. I have felt the same way, too. It's a completely painful and depressing journey some days.
As for me, today is a bit better. I haven't had any more cysts show up and still working on these two slowly healing. I have noticed more plugs coming out of my pores. I really think the new pH and moisturizer is helping and the BHA is more effective now with the change. My chin is noticeably clearer and not clogged. I can always tell when products junk it up because the pores have white stuff in them. They are cleaner than they have been in a while. So, I know the Cerave pm lotion is not clogging them, or they would be full (like they are after the Paula's hydralight lotion). This is good news since it's been a little over 1 week of using it daily and usually 2x a day. I'm hoping this is THE routine.
I'm feeling super frustrated tonight. I'm into my 4th month on accutane and my skin is not improving like it did in my last course. I still have quite a few blackheads and my skin is still getting oily. I'm getting a lot of anxiety because of this.
Frustrated. If I weren't so physically tired from all the running around I've been doing, I would probably be crying my eyes out.
My face is so inflamed and splotchy! The only positive is that the dry feeling is gone as I've skipped differin last night and tonight. My derm suggested to take a 2 week break and then reintroduce differin starting once a week. I think 2 weeks is too long a break so I may restart it either tomorrow or Monday and use it every two nights.
It's not doing anything for me but I don't want my face to become desensitized to retinoids incase I have to move up to retin a.
Right now I am feeling so unattractive........
May this too pass