Feeling especially disgusting today. I just noticed acne turns me into a totally different person. It turns me into a person i don't want to be. When i can't stay home and have to show my face to the world I feel like i'm not myself. I become a very quiet person, i just talk with somebody if i feel it's really necessary. The reason why i avoid talking to people when acne is giving me a hard time is not only because i know they will look at my acne (and i honestly don't see the point of going through this situation unless you really need to talk to someone, right?) but also because at those times i feel like anything can make me lose my cool. I turn into a really rude person even though i try not to be. Maybe deep inside i feel a little jealous and like this whole thing is pretty unfair. All of my friend have pretty great skin and probably they don't even know how much acne can affect you. Right now, i'm feeling like i'm battling acne in a one person army. (i don't know if i said this correctly, i'm from brazil, so excuse my mistakes 
).
Acne: 
me: 
Oh shit, i went full retard
Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.
Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.
For BDD, a real flaw can be present. It's real or perceived, as long as it's not so severe that the defect ends up in a category of true deformity. Like someone with noticeable neurofibromatosis that's bothered by it would probably be diagnosed with depression/anxiety. For me, I was diagnosed even though I have true, visible scarring from 15 years of acne. I look like a normal human being to someone standing ten feet away with no glasses, but you get close and you'll see my skin is damaged and well below average in appearance. I still fit for BDD.
The most common BDD focus out of any flaw is skin. I think a dissatisfaction with the nose/facial structure itself is the next. It's all about how much this is taking away from your quality of life. If it's sucking the life out of you, and you can say this flaw has ruined all or portions of your life and all your energy and focus seems to be going into fixing and examining your skin, then you could meet the criteria. BDD has a lot of OCD elements to it. It's an obsession that usually follows with a lot of complusive behaviors.
I think speaking to a therapist is worth. I feel like acne and skin scarring is a really isolating issue that can make you feel so alone with all these negative feelings on a daily basis. It's exhausting really. It's also just not something other people understand or want to discuss, so therapy is a great outlet. It took me ten years in and out of therapy to ever reveal this issue, and I was shaking and beyond embarrassed but it was worth it in the end. It also gives you a new perspective and kind of adjusts your focus. If nothing else, speaking to a therapist about self image and esteem even if it isn't full blown BDD is always good if you're struggling.
Feeling like absolute shit about my acne today. It isn't even that bad, mild at most, but with how bad my face got after using glycolic acid (scars, discoloration, thanks AHA+ for ruining my fucking face and life), and zits on top of that, I want to punch a wall. On week 3 of Yasmin so I am hoping I am just having a bit of an IB and things will get better. If they get worse I'll.....I don't know what. Not to mention I think I have BDD, or something like that. Don't get me wrong, my face looks like shit and I'm not imagining that. But it isn't normal to keep looking at the mirror over and over, literally an inch away. And I feel the longer I look at my face, the worse it looks, and then the panic starts, so that can't be normal either. I took a bit of Xanax today to calm my self after crying for an hour and now I feel less anxious and depressed and more just plain pissed at my face. Feels like it is kicking in a bit now, but I think I need a psychiatrist. I just can't get over that within less than 4 months my face went from nearly flawless to something that I cringe at when I look at. FML.
For BDD, a real flaw can be present. It's real or perceived, as long as it's not so severe that the defect ends up in a category of true deformity. Like someone with noticeable neurofibromatosis that's bothered by it would probably be diagnosed with depression/anxiety. For me, I was diagnosed even though I have true, visible scarring from 15 years of acne. I look like a normal human being to someone standing ten feet away with no glasses, but you get close and you'll see my skin is damaged and well below average in appearance. I still fit for BDD.
The most common BDD focus out of any flaw is skin. I think a dissatisfaction with the nose/facial structure itself is the next. It's all about how much this is taking away from your quality of life. If it's sucking the life out of you, and you can say this flaw has ruined all or portions of your life and all your energy and focus seems to be going into fixing and examining your skin, then you could meet the criteria. BDD has a lot of OCD elements to it. It's an obsession that usually follows with a lot of complusive behaviors.
I think speaking to a therapist is worth. I feel like acne and skin scarring is a really isolating issue that can make you feel so alone with all these negative feelings on a daily basis. It's exhausting really. It's also just not something other people understand or want to discuss, so therapy is a great outlet. It took me ten years in and out of therapy to ever reveal this issue, and I was shaking and beyond embarrassed but it was worth it in the end. It also gives you a new perspective and kind of adjusts your focus. If nothing else, speaking to a therapist about self image and esteem even if it isn't full blown BDD is always good if you're struggling.
Yeah I am pretty sure I have BDD. I am already OCD with skin picking (my face as well as any other part of my body, especially cuticles) I will obsess over my face. I know I don't look deformed in the least and people probably don't see what I do, but I obsess none the less. I think about it constantly, and you are right, it is terribly exhausting that so much of my mental energy goes into worrying about my skin. I usually look forward to bed time because then I get a rest from it. That is no way to live. I have two kids and want my attention to go to them, not my damn face. I have been considering a psychiatrist/therapy for the past few months. It sucks that my husband is not supportive of this because he hates doctors of any kind for whatever stupid reason, but I might do it anyway because he's sure not helping me get through this. He doesn't like when I take Xanax because he doesn't like the way it makes him feel, and I told him well I love the way it makes me feel, it makes me feel like a normal human being without constant and crippling anxiety. I only take it occasionally when I feel like I can't take it. I know the dangers first hand of taking benzos longterm. I wish they weren't so addicitive, because I'd be on them 24/7. That's terrible but I seriously cannot stand how crazy my brain is. I just want to be normal.
He needs to trust your judgement on this. You're trying to do what's best for your well-being, which im sure he can respect. Having an hour every week or two to release all your stress can help so much. I went into therapy with severe BDD and just being able to express my thoughts out loud and receive rational, supportive feedback has been incredible. I'm very pro-therapy in general though. It's good for your skin too! Little bonus. I know for me stress makes me less healthy and my skin worse. Therapy serves a purpose.
Benzos are great for the reason you have them. If you have panic/anxiety, there's no denying that xanax or ativan are the best emergency fix. You acknowledge the risks, some people don't and seem in denial that they can be so addictive. I'm right there with you. I'm one to be quick to tell people to be mindful of benzos. With that said, I'm on klonopin and take it scarcely cause there's no other alternative anxiety med on the market or therapeutic remedy that's going to bring you down when you're ready to explode from that panicky feeling. The klonopin has been the only thing that's successfully reduced my picking, which is triggered by anxiety. Your mature about this stuff and have your priorities in the right place. I hope your husband sees what helps you and understands that youre going through a hard time. Seeking help with medication and therapy just means your being proactive(no pun intended) about getting better.
He needs to trust your judgement on this. You're trying to do what's best for your well-being, which im sure he can respect. Having an hour every week or two to release all your stress can help so much. I went into therapy with severe BDD and just being able to express my thoughts out loud and receive rational, supportive feedback has been incredible. I'm very pro-therapy in general though. It's good for your skin too! Little bonus. I know for me stress makes me less healthy and my skin worse. Therapy serves a purpose.
Benzos are great for the reason you have them. If you have panic/anxiety, there's no denying that xanax or ativan are the best emergency fix. You acknowledge the risks, some people don't and seem in denial that they can be so addictive. I'm right there with you. I'm one to be quick to tell people to be mindful of benzos. With that said, I'm on klonopin and take it scarcely cause there's no other alternative anxiety med on the market or therapeutic remedy that's going to bring you down when you're ready to explode from that panicky feeling. The klonopin has been the only thing that's successfully reduced my picking, which is triggered by anxiety. Your mature about this stuff and have your priorities in the right place. I hope your husband sees what helps you and understands that youre going through a hard time. Seeking help with medication and therapy just means your being proactive(no pun intended) about getting better.
You're right, and if I do decide to go to therapy I will just have to let him know I have to do what's best for me, not what he wants. He isn't the one dealing with this, after all. This is affecting me terribly and I feel like it is turning me into a bad mother. Maybe not bad, but not as good as I could be. I don't have as much patience as I would like because I am always stressed, so I yell too much and I hate myelf for it. I do think talking about my problem to someone more receptive would be great. My mom always tells me I am worrying about nothing, and while I think she is trying to make me feel better, it just makes me feel like my concerns are not being validated. Same with my husband, he says he sees nothing wrong with my skin.
I took Klonopin for quite a while when I was a teenager. I took it daily, though, and built up a tolerance and was taking 4 mg daily and had a hard time quitting eventually. Before I was ever prescribed Klonopin, though, I got it off my brother. One weekend he was unable to get his prescription filled right away, and I had a seizure at school after being forced to suddenly stop taking it for 3 days. It made me feel great when I took it, just like Xanax, but I know I have to be careful to not take it (or any other benzo) constantly because tolerance builds up very quickly and benzo withdrawal is a nightmare. But I don't even care. A .25 Xanax does wonders to take the edge off. I hardly have any left (I got it from a family member....bad I know) so will need to see a doctor if I want any more. I guess I kept hoping I would "get better" and this little bit I have would get me through the worst of it, but the whole getting better thing doesn't seem to be happening 
I seriously hate being a mental case.
Something that works for me when I'm being hard on myself is asking if I'd say the same negative thoughts I'm having to my best friend in the same situation. We're always so hard on ourselves, much harder than we are on others. To me as an outsider, you're not a mental case at all. You seem intelligent, you're a great mom, and you're handling this in a responsible way. You're right that they aren't validating your feelings. I get where they're coming from, but validation is exactly what you need.
As far as validation, my therapist gave me the best little scenario that stuck with me. She said if someone falls out of a tree and breaks their arm, and they're in pain and suffering, is it right to say, "hey, calm down! Not like you have cancer or some terminal illness. It's not that bad." No, you should see that they need help and comfort. Sometimes hearing love ones say stop it, you're fine when you're clearly having a hard time is the worst.They probably see the truth in their eyes, which is that you're beautiful and your skin isn't bad, but you're sad and anxious about it and that's the reality for you right now. This is a big deal for you, and I understand and don't think you're acting crazy about it. It's distressing. I've had my share of panic attacks and crying sessions. I've snapped on love ones because I was so down about it and it really does bring down your mood. I know that acne is distressing in itself, and scarring is even more jarring. I hope you find some calming solutions, and get all the support you need while you recover emotionally and your skin heals, and it will!
When you see the psychiatrist, if you mention the issues you had with klonopin they probably wont prescribe benzos, so I'd keep that out. Benzo withdrawals can be fatal, so that's a pretty scary thing you went through. I have a friend who has had suicidal tendencies in the past, so her husband keeps her ativan for OD prevention purposes. She goes to him when she has a panic attack, and that works for them. So if it ever gets to the point that you get worried about dependence, you could give it to someone you trust and go to them when it's an emergency. I think you're okay though, you've clearly learned a lot from that experience. Benzos are what they are, they have that bad side, but damn are they necessary for severe anxiety. Xanax is so hard to get these days though. I've always been given ativan or klonopin. I kind of like klonopin the most because it's 8 hours of relief.
I've been super busy with uni so I'm not really around here much anymore! (But I'll be trying to stop by when I can to say hi 
)
My skin has been breaking out A LOT over the past few months. I've been slack with sticking to the regimen and have been finding BP just isn't as effective as it used to be for me. Didn't seem to help at all with acne that was clearly hormonally driven.
I ended up deciding to try BCP for my skin. Haven't been taking it long (a week or so now) and so far so good - no side effects. But yet to see any change in my skin
Overall, despite my skin breaking out a lot and not really knowing what else to do for it (besides hoping BCP helps) I've been good and my skin hasn't been getting to me like it used to. I've just been trying to get on with the rest of my life. And being so busy with uni helps.
Obviously I still have the down days, but they've been a lot less frequent recently.
Really hoping everyone here is going ok and that things keep getting better or start improving for you all soon
Hang in there 
The worst part about all of this isn't even my skin. It is by far my eyes, which are constantly in pain from being so dry and inflamed. Between my eyes and my skin and constantly feeling fatigued and barely able to function unless I consistently get 9 hours of sleep each night, I often feel like I am physically chained to my current location. While I love to travel, missing any of my health rituals makes me so much worse. Day trips are usually fine but any anything beyond that is a serious challenge.
Last summer, flying back from Alaska was probably the worse I ever felt in my entire life and I truly mean that. Earlier on the day of my flight, I had hiked extensively for hours so by the time my plane was set to depart I was already pretty exhausted. But of course I can never sleep on planes. Maybe if I had had a neck pillow and an eyes mask and over-the-ear headphones things would have been different. My flight ended up being delayed for 2 hours while we sat on the plane, then a few hours later, we had a 5 hour layover in Chicago. At this point I had come down with a tremendous cold (being so prone to illness - another sign of my poor health). I wanted nothing more than to take a later flight out and instead get a hotel and sleep even though our next flight was only 2 hours in length. But my group pressed on. The flight from Chicago to Baltimore was one of the worst experiences of my life. I literally felt like death having been awake for close to 36 hours with a monster cold, and unlike most people I don't simply feel tired. Tired for me is a state of extreme adrenal exhaustion, one in which I am scarcely able to cognitively function. When most people feel tired, their eyes feel a little drier as well. For me, everything is magnified because the fatigue is so great and my eyes are already so predisposed to being dry. The itching,burning, throbbing, and dryness becomes nearly unbearable. There is something that is very much wrong with me. It is clearly visible in my face riddled with cystic acne, in the dark circles under my eyes, and in my eyes themselves, which are bloodshot and constantly red and inflamed. I just look sick.
So what I am trying to say from the above example is that I need to sleep and rest my eyes at regular intervals, which means never being too far from my bed, despite having a strong sense of wanderlust and more recently a very real fear of missing out (FOMO). So many people I graduated with are studying or working abroad this summer and I've realized that I don't want those kinds of meaningful international experiences to be absent from my own life. I only have a few years before my twenties end, and that realization alone has ignited a kind of panic in me, amplifying any impulse and desire to travel. Time is the only luxury. It doesn't matter how much money you have if you don't have your health, and, in turn, the time, to realize your dreams. I am fascinated by the idea of personal transformation but it is a concept that increasingly feels unattainable and that's what terrifies me the most. It has been a lifelong dream of mine to visit Japan but thinking about where I'm at now, and the 15 hour flight, and everything that would be needed to get from point A to B is incredibly daunting. I am terrified, but also equally enthralled, at the idea of venturing half away around the world and perhaps on my own as well. Knowing how much work would be involved, how much I would have to do to regain my health, and how amazing an existential experience like traveling alone would be is strangely motivating. The goal seems so impossible that it makes me want it all the more. Plus, to be perfectly honest, I would have no one else to travel with.
Acne has dictated my entire adult life. It has caused me to avoid social interactions and lose friends but it has also sent me on a journey towards better health. In doing so, in lingering longer in my safety net and delaying major life milestones, I have saved more money. I have the means to travel, which I suspect most other people my age do not as their financial responsibilities are very different from mine. What I don't yet have is the time or wellbeing and mental outlook to venture forth. I want to stay positive and I try to do so but the sheer physical misery and negative thinking is sometimes overwhelming. Some people are very fortunate to clear their skin and take control of their lives through diet and exercise and supplements alone but I do not think I am one of them. At 26 years old, I think I need to very seriously start considering detoxication protocols, things like liver cleanses and temporarily candida diets. I am seeing a functional medicine practitioner on the 29th of May and am very hopeful that that, along with any resulting blood tests, food allergy tests, etc. will shed greater insight into my condition.
It's been worse I guess.I've got one small cystic pimple that's scabbing and a few whiteheads, but I've dealt with worse like I said.I'm being much more gentle with my skin & I'm using less products (I find I can in a cycle of a couple spots > freak out and buy loads of products > end up with worse skin as it's overloaded and sore)I've got a band around my wrist which I play with when I want to pick my skin, and I remind myself of the people who care about me and the things I want to achieve.I have to believe it will clear up! I just try to distract myself.
Hopeless, Completely hopeless that it will get better, the acne is slowly getting under control, but the pitted scars left behind are absouletly horrendous, now amount of makeup can cover them up. I can't look in a mirror without completely hating myself, I don't go on dates, and when I have and it's ended up badly, I feel it was my acne, and scarring that they couldn't get over. I feel ugly and hopeless. I was feeling a little better earlier when I heard from my dermatoligst that fraxel lasering was the way to go, but then I read reviews, and now I am as hopeless as ever
Hopeless, Completely hopeless that it will get better, the acne is slowly getting under control, but the pitted scars left behind are absouletly horrendous, now amount of makeup can cover them up. I can't look in a mirror without completely hating myself, I don't go on dates, and when I have and it's ended up badly, I feel it was my acne, and scarring that they couldn't get over. I feel ugly and hopeless. I was feeling a little better earlier when I heard from my dermatoligst that fraxel lasering was the way to go, but then I read reviews, and now I am as hopeless as ever
Don't read reviews. The internet is full of horror stories about almost everything. I did 4 Fraxel Re:store procedures during September-February period, and taking a break before next autumn. My scars are deep. The improvement I saw was of 15-20%, but the thing with lasers are that results are getting more visible by time. I'd say my improvement right now is about 22-25% and getting better. No need to lose hope cause of bad reviews. Just find a good specialist. Dermarolling over a long period of time gives good results too, been following few youtuber's progress over a time (though improvement takes at least a year to see). One thing that will get you nowhere - it's feeling hopeless. There are loads of procedures out there that can help, good luck!
Bad. I'm 7 weeks on Spironolactone and i'm definetely seeing results. Skin Texture is awesome. Skin was doing great until yesterday. Yesterday i was already feeling a bump but was hoping it wouldn't become a big pimple. So today woke up and it was incredibly painful but it was not giant though. When i came home from college i was feeling it was ready to be popped, so i steamed the pimple area (jawline) and tried to pop it using a cotton swab (which usually works great). The result was a complete disaster. I dont know how to explain it, but somehow i managed to squeeze the surface of the pimple instead of squeezing where i felt that the puss was. It starting bleeding like crazy (not the normal amount of blood that come out when you pop a pimple, but the amount that come out when you have a cut) and i thought it was a blood pimple (i don't even know if thats possible but i was considering anything at that point). 3 hours later it came to a head and i could easily pop it. That's it, now i have a big red wound where the medium-sized pimple was, when i could've just waited a few hours to pop (or squeezed where the puss was!). I USUALLY DON'T POP A PIMPLE UNLESS IT COMES TO THE SURFACE, BUT THIS ONE WAS SOOO PAINFUL AND, BECAUSE I THOUGHT IT HAD ALMOST CAME TO A HEAD, I FELT I COULD POP IT.
Feeling stupid now. Shouldn't have touched it. 
Every time there is a glimmer of hope, there comes another wake of acne. Granted it is not moderate at this point, I am still disappointed that I am still continuously breaking out. I miss my pre pubescent skin, I really do. I Had hoped that alongside with supplements I would see a consistent change but no, that hasn't been the case. To its credit though, this combined regimen works way better than Ziana and Atralin.
Don't stop being hopeful. I saw that there were people in their 40's who still had acne, and THAT'S when I made getting rid of it my number 1 priority. People shouldn't have to suffer their whole lives because of some stupid rash on their face. We shouldn't have it to begin with. That's our body telling us "hey! There is something wrong!" And we solve it. I'm gonna be clear and cured before the end of 2016, and that's not because I stopped being hopeful. It's because I became determined.
Finished my first pack of birth control the other day. Can't say my skin is any better or worse yet, but I heard it can take 3 months to work. I am trying to stay positive. Feeling kind of "meh" today about my skin. I really don't feel like thinking about it. It makes me feel tired.
Things were pretty good for a while. I was watching my diet, taking my probiotics and sleeping well. But last week, I didn't get enough sleep for a couple of days due to work and my face just threw up. Three on the left side of my face, two on the right side and three on my chin. Aaaarrgh!!!!
ive got the flu, and all the sweating cause of the fever is driving my skin crazy. the eczema looks disgusting, bright red and peeling, and i got a couple new cysts on the cheeks and one on the forehead which hurts like a motherfckr.
the only positive thing is that my parents let me stay at home until my breakout clears up a little. i would love to go back to college but i look ridiculous all broken out at almost 21 years old.
I'm tired. I bought over $100 worth of make up and all natural bullshit products. My scars still look, there's no words for it really. I want to sleep for a very long time. I've focused my life on my face for almost six months now. I really do not know anymore. I miss feeling lively, hopeful. I'm just going to chug my water and try not to stare in the mirror much more for the day.
Not good at all. I think my eczema is flaring on my inner cheeks as the area is bright red and somewhat dry but thankfully no itching. I want to cry and start panicking but that will not help any. I think i will skip Differin tonight and moisturizer BEFORE and AFTER aczone to combat dryness. If I am still the same or worse off tomorrow, I will skip topicals for a few days but hoping it doesn't come to that
ive got the flu, and all the sweating cause of the fever is driving my skin crazy. the eczema looks disgusting, bright red and peeling, and i got a couple new cysts on the cheeks and one on the forehead which hurts like a motherfckr.
the only positive thing is that my parents let me stay at home until my breakout clears up a little. i would love to go back to college but i look ridiculous all broken out at almost 21 years old.
I sympathize with what you are going through. I recently developed eczema in the past year and combined with acne, it's the worst! Take it one day at a time, be kind to yourself, start a routine for both, don't feel less then and above all else, don't allow these physical ailments stop you from getting an education. Schooling will take you places.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to reach out to the community or PM me