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Yes my hubby is lovely and I feel blessed to have him in my life
Your man sounds wonderful too, and very supportive.
It must be hard for them to understand the condition though if they've never had it, although my husband said he suffered pretty bad back and shoulder acne when he was younger but it was for a fairly brief period.
How have you been? How is your skin recently?
Yeah, my boyfriend doesn't quite understand the daily anguish of breakouts. He usually has beautiful, naturally tanned skin. But, interestingly enough, he has a dime size area of his temple and a small area underneath that where he has deep scarring from the *few* cysts that he's ever had. Much worse than any scarring I have on my face. But I still think he's absolutely beautiful 
I've been okay! well, sort of. haha. I used too much tea tree oil on my face a couple days ago when I came home after being out with my friends all night. It caused a full-face rash that it still on it's way out. I'm also trying out a regimen that's worked for me before, and so far it's actually going quite well. Besides my rash, I don't have ANY active acne right now and only have red marks. 
Once again, super happy for you!
Skin not too great - in particular my neck is looking pretty gross right now. In a way it`s my own fault for having alcohol, coffee, chocolate and dairy in the past couple of weeks. I know these things are all triggers for possibly breaking me out so maybe I deserve the breakout I am having right now. Got my fourth session of CBT tomorrow. It`s early days yet but part of what the therapist and I are trying to do is attempt to focus on other personal and physical qualities that I have and not make the condition of my skin the be all and end all. It`s tough though - on the bus today everyone I looked at seemed to have perfect skin and it just made me feel inferior and not as good as them.
Skin not too great - in particular my neck is looking pretty gross right now. In a way it`s my own fault for having alcohol, coffee, chocolate and dairy in the past couple of weeks. I know these things are all triggers for possibly breaking me out so maybe I deserve the breakout I am having right now. Got my fourth session of CBT tomorrow. It`s early days yet but part of what the therapist and I are trying to do is attempt to focus on other personal and physical qualities that I have and not make the condition of my skin the be all and end all. It`s tough though - on the bus today everyone I looked at seemed to have perfect skin and it just made me feel inferior and not as good as them.
is therapy really helping? I ask because I have considered seeing a shrink myself because there is no way I can live this way much longer. I just don't want to be prescribed meds, I want to get to the root of the problem and fix it. Like somehow find a way to make me naturally not care and be free from my brain. It sucks because it only takes one small remark or a dirty look from someone to ruin my day completely.
I've been trying exposure therapy to get over my social anxiety and its kinda working I guess. I have gone from being on the verge of having a panic attack in the middle of the shopping mall to now just feeling invisible. If that makes sense. Feeling invisible to people doesn't feel that great either. 
Woke up with my face peeling and a small breakout. When I was about the leave the house, my face was pealing pretty bad. So I felt like crap in the morning trying to avoid everyone. Right when I got over that, a deep painful cyst broke ou on my head.
Going to take some pain killers and sleep. To fed up right now :/
Skin not too great - in particular my neck is looking pretty gross right now. In a way it`s my own fault for having alcohol, coffee, chocolate and dairy in the past couple of weeks. I know these things are all triggers for possibly breaking me out so maybe I deserve the breakout I am having right now. Got my fourth session of CBT tomorrow. It`s early days yet but part of what the therapist and I are trying to do is attempt to focus on other personal and physical qualities that I have and not make the condition of my skin the be all and end all. It`s tough though - on the bus today everyone I looked at seemed to have perfect skin and it just made me feel inferior and not as good as them.
Random question for you, but how do you finance the therapy? It's it something medical insurance would cover?
I've really considered this too because I feel like it would really help me. I don't talk to my parents about my skin because it's too embarrassing, I don't have a girlfriend/significant other to confide in (I notice most people draw strength from a partner when it comes to acne) and I wouldn't bring it up with the few friends I have left because it's just such a sensitive subject for me, but it'd be nice to talk to someone about it in the real world that just listens and helps you get through the emotional crap that comes with acne.
UHG. I should be past my hormonal breakout right about now, but I still have a few spots that just won't budge. They're not so bad I guess, especially since I don't pick them like I used to. 
I decided to just not care though and wore my favorite blue dress and no makeup and went out with my husband and it was a lovely day.
I started taking vitamin D3 today, 5000mg. I'll see how I react to it. I can't go out into the sun very much because I have red hair and extremely pale skin and I just burn instantly, so vitamin D3 could be really good for me regardless if it affects my skin. I bet I have abysmally low levels of D in my system! I would like to get tested but right now I just don't have the time or money to do so. Ah well.
Feeling much happier - I TOLD MY HUSBAND ABOUT MY ACNE ON FRIDAY!!!
For those of you who don't know, I had hidden my acne condition from him since we met as I was so ashamed, but couldn't hide it much longer and so glad we had the talk. It was difficult for me to open up to him, but his reaction was the best I could have ever hoped for!
He said that having acne is perfectly normal and natural, also very common. He said it does not reduce my attractiveness level neither is it a turn off for him! He doesn't think it's a big deal and doesn't bother him at all, he doesn't think I need skin resurfacing but will support me if I choose to go down that road (which I still want to).
What a relief though! Now when I'm in a bad mood due to my skin, or feel uncomfortable in social situations I can tell him exactly what's on my mind
YAY!!!! SO SO SO SO SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!!!
Every once in a while, usually in the shower, sometimes not, I'll just feel my face for once. Instead of being terrified of touching it, I'll feel around it with my hands, gently but not too gently, remembering what it's like to not care about touching it. Connect to it, you know? Feels like hugging someone I haven't seen in a long time. I don't use face wash so my hands never normally touch my face except to itch it for a brief second (which comes with a LOT of trepidation and anxiety). But when I do this, I just feel so relaxed. Tonight as I did it I found myself repeating, "my face is not a foreign object, my face is not a foreign object", over and over again in my head. It's damn-well therapeutic.
Skin not too great - in particular my neck is looking pretty gross right now. In a way it`s my own fault for having alcohol, coffee, chocolate and dairy in the past couple of weeks. I know these things are all triggers for possibly breaking me out so maybe I deserve the breakout I am having right now. Got my fourth session of CBT tomorrow. It`s early days yet but part of what the therapist and I are trying to do is attempt to focus on other personal and physical qualities that I have and not make the condition of my skin the be all and end all. It`s tough though - on the bus today everyone I looked at seemed to have perfect skin and it just made me feel inferior and not as good as them.
Random question for you, but how do you finance the therapy? It's it something medical insurance would cover?
I've really considered this too because I feel like it would really help me. I don't talk to my parents about my skin because it's too embarrassing, I don't have a girlfriend/significant other to confide in (I notice most people draw strength from a partner when it comes to acne) and I wouldn't bring it up with the few friends I have left because it's just such a sensitive subject for me, but it'd be nice to talk to someone about it in the real world that just listens and helps you get through the emotional crap that comes with acne.
As I live in the UK, I am fortunate enough to be able to have CBT free via the NHS. Initially I had to approach my GP who then referred me for CBT (although I had to wait a few months). As I don`t live in the US, not sure if CBT is something that would be covered by medical insurance (maybe someone who lives in the US would be able to answer this).
I`m very much like you Flagg - I don`t have a partner who I can confide in and it is certainly not a subject that I feel comfortable speaking about with friends or family. Have to admit that laying it all on the line to a complete stranger (my therapist) was not easy and highly embarassing to begin with. However it is all totally confidential and after a couple of sessions it is getting easier. At present,I cannot really say that CBT is helping but it is very early days at the moment so just need to keep persevering.
By the way, hope you don`t mind me saying but I`ve noticed that the regimen seems to be working very well for you. Congrats!
Skin not too great - in particular my neck is looking pretty gross right now. In a way it`s my own fault for having alcohol, coffee, chocolate and dairy in the past couple of weeks. I know these things are all triggers for possibly breaking me out so maybe I deserve the breakout I am having right now. Got my fourth session of CBT tomorrow. It`s early days yet but part of what the therapist and I are trying to do is attempt to focus on other personal and physical qualities that I have and not make the condition of my skin the be all and end all. It`s tough though - on the bus today everyone I looked at seemed to have perfect skin and it just made me feel inferior and not as good as them.
is therapy really helping? I ask because I have considered seeing a shrink myself because there is no way I can live this way much longer. I just don't want to be prescribed meds, I want to get to the root of the problem and fix it. Like somehow find a way to make me naturally not care and be free from my brain. It sucks because it only takes one small remark or a dirty look from someone to ruin my day completely.
I've been trying exposure therapy to get over my social anxiety and its kinda working I guess. I have gone from being on the verge of having a panic attack in the middle of the shopping mall to now just feeling invisible. If that makes sense. Feeling invisible to people doesn't feel that great either. 
To be honest, CBT isn`t helping much right now. However, I have only just started and I know that there is not going to be a quick fix for something that has been a hang-up for most of my life so I`m determined to stick with it.
Skin is good no acne and barely any pigmentation thanks to the tan.
I'm trying to gain weight so I had and intake of roughly
5156 calories yesterday....and 5334 calories today.
Ice cream time.
Dang, that's a lot of calories! haha, if I ate like that, I think I'd explode!
Happy that your skin is good!
Well, I have one personal achievement to share as well. I don't think anyone would understand besides you guys...
So I was obsessing about one person who had made me feel miserable in the close past. I was checking her profile, each time hurting myself with how well it turned out for her and beautiful she became, while I'm still the same miserable, still with trapped within my awful skin. It became my way of torturing myself. For almost 3 years now.
But today I made it so that will never be able to see her. It's too destructive, I need to move on. I don't know if anyone can relate, but it was hard to do that. I don't know why..
Woke up with my face peeling and a small breakout. When I was about the leave the house, my face was pealing pretty bad. So I felt like crap in the morning trying to avoid everyone. Right when I got over that, a deep painful cyst broke ou on my head.
Going to take some pain killers and sleep. To fed up right now :/
Ugh, I know how you feel. I wake up pretty much every morning with a peeling face. :/ And then the peeling usually results in pimples. It sucks. And hey, I live in the bay area too! Sweet.
Had a CBT session today. I`ve been asked to keep a diary detailing occasions during the course of the day when I look in the mirror and how it affects my mood. Well tonight I have just had my normal nightly wash and have studied myself in the mirror. My neck is currently covered in spots (possibly folliculitis) and I have got a massive zit developing on the top of my lip. Right now I feel hideous and I`m going to record that.
Next week the therapist has asked me to take along to the session the mirror that I mostly use to examine myself in (a small shaving mirror). That should be interesting!
BLAHH. I've been sort of on edge and anxious all day .. I don't like taking my benzo medications on days I'm off because I tend to build up a tolerance to them when I take them constantly. It's easier to deal with these feelings when I'm at home anyway.
I had nightmares that I looked in the mirror and had terrible acne cysts completely covering my face. I woke up so afraid it was real I had to run to the bathroom just to check. Everything was more or less the same though. ;o; Really I'm doing okay, and I have hope that vitamin D might improve my skin a bit. I just feel kind of .. I don't know, not good enough? I get really paranoid about my husband and the people he works with and if there are pretty girls there. I know I'm being stupid because we've had some long talks and we were really open with each other about how we felt about these things, and he fought tooth and nail for me to not leave him at a certain point (when we were having bad relationship problems.) So I don't think he would do something stupid. He's a really wonderful person. I think I just have such low self-esteem that I assume nobody would want to honestly be with me so I just keep injecting doubts into things that are probably fine.
I'm going to stop feeling sorry for myself, put on some makeup and try to look pretty. I also need to clean my poor ferrets cage, she really knows how to make a mess in there!
My face is doing pretty good but I'm really depressed today. Every time I see or meet a nice girl and I just wish I had the ability to do something. I just can't ever think of anything to say and always feel like I have absolutely no chance with absolutely anyone.
I feel like such a loser for being single for so long that it just makes it even harder. I've just been sitting around sad all day today thinking I'm going to be alone forever. I feel heart broken from having nobody love me in so long.
I had a break out on Sunday night. Now it is early on Wednesday morning and it's still on-going. I have roughly 8 raised large red bumps in a horse shoe shape on the right side of my neck, spreading up onto my jawline, and 6 equally sized ones on the back of my neck and hairline, including two right next to each other which are so close together that I already feel them merging togther into one, huge, red bundle of hate.
When my skin is bad, I change completely as a person. I can't help it.. it just overpowers me. My entire demeanor changes and I feel myself becoming more withdrawn from everything and everyone around me. I spend all day longing to be alone - back in my house, with the doors closed and no one around me.
It's tough.
Off to the doctors later today - finally able to follow up on my blood test and see if I can take either spiro or diane... I'm not exactly comfortable with taking either though... so unless she says something to change my mind, I don't know if I'll go ahead and take them. The side effects worry me - even though there's a good chance I wouldn't experience any...
I sort of want to see how what I'm doing now works out... or maybe start the regimen with all store bought products... I guess now would be a good time to start - I have nearly 2 months where I don't have to be seeing people every day so I'd feel more comfortable being a red, flaky mess haha
And if I weren't indecisive enough - I found a new treatment that I hadn't heard of before called sebaceous gland ablation (SGA) that's offered in a few clinics around Australia. It's expensive but it's permanent. I can't find a lot of info on it though. I found how it works but no info on if it presents any negative effects in following years or if it effects ageing of the skin etc... Either way - it's appealing because it's permanent..
I just want to make the right choice! I don't want to end up wasting more time on trying to clear my skin to find it doesn't work for me... It all sort of feels hopeless...
I also think I should talk to my doc about the anxiety I get because it can be quite bad sometimes. Though I wouldn't know how to bring it up as I do find it hard to talk about.
Anyway - just needed to get some thoughts out to clear my head a little.
Hope things improve or keep improving for everyone here
Hang in there
On a positive note, two of my lady friends were talking about this guy with acne as bad as mine (severe) and they were talking about how he is so cute and all that good stuff. They didn't mention his acne even once. So I guess that there are people out there that look past the acne.
For what it's worth, I've never EVER heard a girl mention a guys acne once in my life (outside of the internet, of course). There are a few guys at my school who have moderate to severe cystic acne and there are girls who talk about how cute they are. One of them even has a really pretty girlfriend.
On a positive note, two of my lady friends were talking about this guy with acne as bad as mine (severe) and they were talking about how he is so cute and all that good stuff. They didn't mention his acne even once. So I guess that there are people out there that look past the acne.
Feeling pretty done with life right now. Step one of my life right now is to fix my skin (which will probably never happen) and step two is to try and fix everything else that's wrong with me. 
For what it's worth, I've never EVER heard a girl mention a guys acne once in my life (outside of the internet, of course). There are a few guys at my school who have moderate to severe cystic acne and there are girls who talk about how cute they are. One of them even has a really pretty girlfriend.
On a positive note, two of my lady friends were talking about this guy with acne as bad as mine (severe) and they were talking about how he is so cute and all that good stuff. They didn't mention his acne even once. So I guess that there are people out there that look past the acne.
Feeling pretty done with life right now. Step one of my life right now is to fix my skin (which will probably never happen) and step two is to try and fix everything else that's wrong with me.
I feel the same way, I didn't leave the house in the past week because of my acne. My cheeks look very bad, same for my forehead !
This is more of an update rather than how I feel...well some of it will be. I stopped using the BHA gel from Paula's Choice because it was just causing me to flake out like crazy - I think I'm just really sensitive to topicals and chemicals.
I don't have any actives on my face right now, woo? No. My skin just looks awful. It's red (not really red, but red), flaky, oily in some places and dry in others. Lately I just can't bare looking people in the face. I'm 20 tomorrow, I'm in the prime of my life and I feel so self-conscious about the way I look.
What I've noticed is that, in a morning when I cleanse and moisturise, I love how my skin looks. Because I've just applied moisturiser, you can barely see any flakes or healing acne. My skin looks how I wish it would look all of the time. Slowly but surely my skin starts to flake, develop whiteheads and turn pinkish in my problematic areas, that's when my head slowly begins to fall and I can no longer make eye contact with any of my friends. I'm starting to wonder if there's more to my acne, not diet, but something underlying. I've read that some people have dermodex mites which causes acne, maybe I do? I just don't understand why my acne is is persistent and why it's always inflamed pustules rather than the generic kind of acne...maybe my face is being eaten on, pooped on and whatever knows else'd on by these little mites.
I just don't know anymore. It's not my diet, it's not the products I use (I rarely react to anything unless highly medicated e.g. BP or SA) and I know for a fact it's not because I am dirty or touch my face. I actually have a phobia of myself or anybody else touching my skin, so that's not it. I literally have no idea anymore.
I guess that ended up more about my feelings than I initially planned...