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So today I have a whole colony of acne on the left side of my cheek, right side isn't so bad though. I kind of feel like Dr. Jekyll and Mr.Hide or TwoFace or something honestly lol. I'm a little down but I'm a trooper, I hope this regimen stuff works for me, I'm so over playing the monster in this fairy tale called life. I'm more optimistic than I sound i promise lol. Best of luck to all you guys.
Lily, I hope you don't think I'm some boy crazed girl! I don't pin my self worth on guys! Far from it. I would choose my mind over my looks any day! It is highly valuable to me. I'm also a sister and a friend and a role model. That said, every girl watched Disney movies and read love stories and most girls hoped they would find someone for them one day. That's what I mean. I don't want a boyfriend to have a boyfriend. I want someone for companionship. For those hugs and touches you don't get from friends. For me, it's not that I desperately want someone but no one will ask me out; it is that my acne has led me to pull myself away from any possibility of such a thing. I feel disgusted when I think of myself in a relationship, because I'm disgusted by myself. Because my response to romantic interest is "what's wrong with him?!?" I'm thriving in all other aspects of my life, but in a sense, I've committed romantic suicide. A relationship is very much about the physical, even if you're not having sex. ( which is not happening until I'm Ina very committed relationship. Engaged, maybe.) It's googly eyes and handholding and a lot of other stuff I'm sure. It's also. Defining yourself by another person. Who the hell wants to define themselves like that when they are at their worst? It's really hard to explain, but I can't think of MYSELF in a romantic light... If i don't find myself attractive in some sense of the word, I can't imagine being in a relationship which involves someone else attracted to me. That's the scary thing; I can't ever imagine myself in a relationship. I've turned that part of myself off. I can't make eye contact with guys I find attractive. Most of the time, I just mentally whip myself for finding someone attractive because It makes me feel like its useless and pointless to think about it. I can't explain it any better than: I've stopped seeing myself as someone capable of romance. I feel...impotent almost.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up though! I do feel a bit better from a few days ago.
I'm using tazorac, which I've been using for a year now, it worked, but my acne's started coming back. My derm recently prescribed me aczone on top of it. I also think maybe exfoliation is the problem bc my skin started getting worse in the cold weather. I tried vitamin d and that didn't work. So I might start using some SA from neutrogena in the mornings. We'll see.
No I didn't think you were 'boy-crazed' or anything like that - sorry if it came across that way!
But I think I relate to how you feel about the whole thing even more now after reading what you've said just now...
I've never used either but I hope the combination of tazorac and aczone works out well for you. Good to hear you're feeling a bit better now too 
Id seriously re-think that option.
I know that a few pimples can seem like the end of the world but there are much worse things.
I took accutane for one month and it was completely bad, I ended up suicidal. Some people have such bad side effects that they are in fact a shell of their former selves. Even worse, you may get permamant side effects and then, the acne comes back. That would be a really bad irony wouldnt it?
Somehow even 1 pimple has become too much for me to deal with. Scarring will do that to you I guess and it's even worse now that my skin is much more prone to scarring at 25. Of course I never get small pimples that go away in a few days. Every single one that I get is under the skin and takes weeks to go away. Unfortunately I had to quit my "cure" of fermented cod liver oil as I am convinced that it somehow caused me to get 2 terrible staph infections on my face that required me to go to the hospital both times. It reduced the oil on my face dramatically in only a few weeks without any visible side effects such as dry lips or skin but I think it made me susceptible to infection. Could be a coincidence but I am not willing to risk it again.
Either way, starting Accutane in a month. I read some guy say this on another forum regarding Accutane and it really hit home:
"get accutane and risk the side effects or run the risk of living the rest of your life as a pathetic shell of a man. super serious"
I was all clear until today .I have this big pimple on my right cheek bone.It's growing bigger! I have to attend my cousin's wedding in a week and it's the typical big fat Indian wedding where around 800 people would be having a great view of my moon like cratered face.Unfortunately pimples always come at the wrong time.
...I have one week to heal this nascent monster.Any tips? I've stopped becoming depressed over this.When i was 16 i used to cry like a girl but now i have told myself.Acne shows my masculinity! I have more testosterone! DAMNIT! haha
HELP pls
Update: My kefir-induced cyst is STILL in the process of healing and I got another new cyst on my forehead, which I think is from ovulation. (even last month when I was totally clear before my period I still got one cyst for ovulation). It's painful and annoying and ugly but it's the only active I have at the moment and the rest of my skin is clear, youthful and smooth, so I'm VERY grateful! Hopefully these two things start to heal before long. Posting some pics to share how I'm doing:
This is the worst of my face ^ The lump on my lower cheek is the kefir-induced cyst.
And the dark red splotch on my upper cheek is the worst of my hyper pigmentation. For some reason during the worst of my acne I continually got cysts in that spot so there's a whole cluster of dark marks there. So weird/gross. The AHA is helping but these spots were particularly dark and some were made worse by picking. So it's going to take a while.
But in this pic ^^ You can really see my progress! Remember how red and spotted my chin used to be? The AHA is fading all of that hyperpigmentation down to almost nothing. I'm not wearing BB cream or anything in this pic. Just plain skin. The regimen has really made a huge difference. I just need to stick to it and not touch any probiotic foods ever again.
Also I decided to comb out all but one of my dreadlocks. It's going to take a while but I started last night and my hair is going to be so long! Even with them half combed out it's already to my butt. I'm going to get bright-color hair extensions and mix them in and have silky-smooth sexy hair again.
I love my dreads but now that they are mature they're just too damn heavy and they pull at my skull and cause headaches and stuff.
You're skin is looking great - Congrats on the progress!
I think I'm more annoyed at not being able to try Dan's AHA, because of the shipping costs to where I am, than I am about not being able to trying the regimen! One of my biggest concerns with my skin is hyper-pigmentation because I have a lot of it and AHA sounds amazing for most people in helping with it. Hopefully I can find an alternative to that in stores here....
I like your plan for the new hairstyle too with the bright coloured extensions (you could even try hair chalks - though extensions might be easier than using the chalks everyday).
While i was looking at your acne pic,i wasn't actually looking at your cheeks but your neck.You have a longggg neck! long necks are pretty on girls and your acne isn't that bad .In the other pic your skin looks clear! Believe me there are people who are 10x worse (me )
Hating it, hating the pimples, the redness from the pimples, the clogged pores, my skin tone, my face, etc, etc, etc. At this point i can't fathom it getting any better. Wish i could crawl into a hole in the ground and never crawl out
Ahhhh.....rant over! In the 3rd week of the regimen and side effects and breakouts are hitting me on all sides. It's a part of the process i guess
Deja - your skin looks so nice! I remember your pictures from earlier and the improvement is huge, awesome!
Skin update: minor breakouts due to ovulation, otherwise everything's the same. Started to think that Diane-35 is actually having a slight effect on my mental health, because I have it so easy to cry for any reason. Also, I'm under a lot of stress, working like crazy to earn as much money as I can and at the same time preparing for three major exams and working on a Human Computer Interaction project with my group at the university. If that wouldn't be enough, I'm so stressed about spending as much time with my boyfriend as I can, despite us both being extremely busy. He's going away in 1,5 month and we won't see each other for about 6 months... Due to his leaving I won't afford to keep our apartment so I need to find a new place to live, but... I have sacrificed the possibility to get a more comfortable place for an opportunity to visit him in Brazil. Things you do for love.
Off to a doctors appointment soon...really worried about it actually. I'm just going to ask about what I can do for my skin and I also want to ask about the anxiety I've been having - but the reason I'm so worried about it is that I just can't talk face-to-face with another person about myself or my skin without getting emotional and upset about it. I don't want to end up breaking down in tears at the doctors but I don't think I'll be able to stop it. How embarrassing. I'm getting a flu shot too - couldn't be more relaxed about that haha and guess that's the thing that some people would normally be worried about - needles.
Ugh hope it ends up going ok and I don't end up in tears... I bet I will though
My new caveman regimine is going really good. I can see my face repairing from all the damage done by chemicals, redness is fading, have not had a cyst since I started and my face is way less inflamed. I started going out more and just being outside feels fuckin good. I can feel my
confidence coming back. Definantly going to stick with this shit.
I got a text from my crush and it said this
"Are you OK? Like you've really seemed out of it lately."
I wish I could tell her that I've been quite because of this thing called acne. It's nice to know people care though, but I doubt I'd ever share why I'm so quite, just gonna brush it off I guess.
I was actually sort of happy because my acne is slightly better today, but I def. feel a little bittersweet after that text.
On 5/14/2013 at 8:31 AM, Lilly75 said:Of to a doctors appointment soon...really worried about it actually. I'm just going to ask about what I can do for my skin and I also want to ask about the anxiety I've been having - but the reason I'm so worried about it is that I just can't talk face-to-face with another person about myself or my skin without getting emotional and upset about it. I don't want to end up breaking down in tears at the doctors but I don't think I'll be able to stop it. How embarrassing. I'm getting a flu shot too - couldn't be more relaxed about that haha and guess that's the thing that some people would normally be worried about - needles.
Ugh hope it ends up going ok and I don't end up in tears... I bet I will though
Good luck, Lily...hope you get prescribed something that works for you! I know how tough it is to talk openly about acne, I can barely make eye contact with my dermatologist when I visit him (especially back when my skin was really severe) because it's just really embarrassing. I'm sorry that it makes you feel so sad. Try and stay strong and remember we're all pulling for you here <3
On 5/14/2013 at 9:19 AM, ImDoneWithThis said:I got a text from my crush and it said this
"Are you OK? Like you've really seemed out of it lately."
I wish I could tell her that I've been quite because of this thing called acne. It's nice to know people care though, but I doubt I'd ever share why I'm so quite, just gonna brush it off I guess.
I was actually sort of happy because my acne is slightly better today, but I def. feel a little bittersweet after that text.
I know how this feels, man. I've had girls crushing on me so many times in the past and they end up thinking I'm distant or an asshole for ignoring them or something like that...when the sad truth is my acne and scars consume so much of my time...like this fuckin' dark obsession that holds me back in life. Wish you well with the whole situation.
Of to a doctors appointment soon...really worried about it actually. I'm just going to ask about what I can do for my skin and I also want to ask about the anxiety I've been having - but the reason I'm so worried about it is that I just can't talk face-to-face with another person about myself or my skin without getting emotional and upset about it. I don't want to end up breaking down in tears at the doctors but I don't think I'll be able to stop it. How embarrassing. I'm getting a flu shot too - couldn't be more relaxed about that haha and guess that's the thing that some people would normally be worried about - needles.
Ugh hope it ends up going ok and I don't end up in tears... I bet I will though
Good luck, Lily...hope you get prescribed something that works for you! I know how tough it is to talk openly about acne, I can barely make eye contact with my dermatologist when I visit him (especially back when my skin was really severe) because it's just really embarrassing. I'm sorry that it makes you feel so sad.
>I got a text from my crush and it said this
"Are you OK? Like you've really seemed out of it lately."
I wish I could tell her that I've been quite because of this thing called acne. It's nice to know people care though, but I doubt I'd ever share why I'm so quite, just gonna brush it off I guess.
I was actually sort of happy because my acne is slightly better today, but I def. feel a little bittersweet after that text.
I know how this feels, man. I've had girls crushing on me so many times in the past and they end up thinking I'm distant or an asshole for ignoring them or something like that...when the sad truth is my acne and scars consume so much of my time...like this fuckin' dark obsession that holds me back in life. Wish you well with the whole situation.
We all know how it feels ...Talking to someone about your acne,be it your own parents or your doctor!But you need to defeat acne by not letting it emotionally and psychologically affect you.How can you do this?Well,everybody has his/her own unique technique of battling in tough times (times of severe breakout).Like i've already mentioned in the post above that i keep telling myself that i'm more masculine since i have more testosterone! You find your way 
Good luck.
This guy I know kinda tried to get my hair out of my face by tucking it behind my ear and I flinched and quickly moved my head away. It's pretty funny when I think about it now but I guess I sort of freaked out a little. I usually have my hair down to hide the acne and scarring I had on my jawline and cheeks. But now that I have cleared up considerably, I noticed I still do get a bit apprehensive about putting my hair up.
Just a random post. I guess having acne for so long...sometimes you still carry that with you.
I got a new organic gentle oatmeal soap yesterday and so far so good. anytime I try something new I'm always paranoid it's going to break me out. xD
I feel okay about my skin today.. I have a few tiny ones on my chin though. oh chin and jaw acne, why are you so persistent?? but it could be a lot worse. so I'm just gonna cover it up and solider on into work today..
actually I have to ride my bike to work today. this is always kinda annoying because I'll apply my makeup perfectly but being out in the warm weather and cycling... yeah a lot of it just melts off. Uhg.
I got a mild breakout after eating potatoes for the first time in maybe a year. A lot of stomach cramps and gas, too. But nothing so terrible that I won't eat potatoes every once in a while.
That breakout I got from the kefir is still there, though. It looks like a whitehead/cyst constantly, like it's full of pus and about to pop. But it never does. It's been a long time now with no changes and I'm starting to wonder if it's going to get better. Definitely not a normal zit. I've had other zits come up and then heal in the time period I've had this one look exactly the same. Very weird.
At least the very painful one up near my hairline is becoming non-active and no longer hurts. It was very red, swollen and painful the other day.
Other than that I'm clear. I've been working hard on combing out my dreadlocks. I think I have 11 more to go. Such a PAINFUL process. Especially up near the root where it pulls directly on your scalp. But definitely better than shaving my head. My loose hair is past my waist, I love it.
Of to a doctors appointment soon...really worried about it actually. I'm just going to ask about what I can do for my skin and I also want to ask about the anxiety I've been having - but the reason I'm so worried about it is that I just can't talk face-to-face with another person about myself or my skin without getting emotional and upset about it. I don't want to end up breaking down in tears at the doctors but I don't think I'll be able to stop it. How embarrassing. I'm getting a flu shot too - couldn't be more relaxed about that haha and guess that's the thing that some people would normally be worried about - needles.
Ugh hope it ends up going ok and I don't end up in tears... I bet I will though
Good luck, Lily...hope you get prescribed something that works for you! I know how tough it is to talk openly about acne, I can barely make eye contact with my dermatologist when I visit him (especially back when my skin was really severe) because it's just really embarrassing. I'm sorry that it makes you feel so sad.
We all know how it feels ...Talking to someone about your acne,be it your own parents or your doctor!But you need to defeat acne by not letting it emotionally and psychologically affect you.How can you do this?Well,everybody has his/her own unique technique of battling in tough times (times of severe breakout).Like i've already mentioned in the post above that i keep telling myself that i'm more masculine since i have more testosterone!
You find your way
Good luck.
Thank you both
It went alright... I guess me getting a little teary before I left got it out of my system so I wasn't a mess at the doctors 
I managed to talk about my acne and options fine but it was harder to talk about my anxiety. My doctor sent me for a blood test so when I go back to get the results for that I'll try and go into more detail about that and see what she thinks.
At this point for acne she says it's up to me. She even said she'd refer me to a derm for accutane if I wanted - even though my acne isn't horribly severe. But I'm not wanting to go on accutane. So my options are antibiotics again or birth control (diane was the one she first suggested but talked about others too).... So I'm not making any decisions yet... I'll see if she says anything after the blood test comes back.
Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.
Glad the day is over...
Lily, I hope you don't think I'm some boy crazed girl! I don't pin my self worth on guys! Far from it. I would choose my mind over my looks any day! It is highly valuable to me. I'm also a sister and a friend and a role model. That said, every girl watched Disney movies and read love stories and most girls hoped they would find someone for them one day. That's what I mean. I don't want a boyfriend to have a boyfriend. I want someone for companionship. For those hugs and touches you don't get from friends. For me, it's not that I desperately want someone but no one will ask me out; it is that my acne has led me to pull myself away from any possibility of such a thing. I feel disgusted when I think of myself in a relationship, because I'm disgusted by myself. Because my response to romantic interest is "what's wrong with him?!?" I'm thriving in all other aspects of my life, but in a sense, I've committed romantic suicide. A relationship is very much about the physical, even if you're not having sex. ( which is not happening until I'm Ina very committed relationship. Engaged, maybe.) It's googly eyes and handholding and a lot of other stuff I'm sure. It's also. Defining yourself by another person. Who the hell wants to define themselves like that when they are at their worst? It's really hard to explain, but I can't think of MYSELF in a romantic light... If i don't find myself attractive in some sense of the word, I can't imagine being in a relationship which involves someone else attracted to me. That's the scary thing; I can't ever imagine myself in a relationship. I've turned that part of myself off. I can't make eye contact with guys I find attractive. Most of the time, I just mentally whip myself for finding someone attractive because It makes me feel like its useless and pointless to think about it. I can't explain it any better than: I've stopped seeing myself as someone capable of romance. I feel...impotent almost.
Thanks for trying to cheer me up though! I do feel a bit better from a few days ago.
I'm using tazorac, which I've been using for a year now, it worked, but my acne's started coming back. My derm recently prescribed me aczone on top of it. I also think maybe exfoliation is the problem bc my skin started getting worse in the cold weather. I tried vitamin d and that didn't work. So I might start using some SA from neutrogena in the mornings. We'll see.
No I didn't think you were 'boy-crazed' or anything like that - sorry if it came across that way!
But I think I relate to how you feel about the whole thing even more now after reading what you've said just now...
I've never used either but I hope the combination of tazorac and aczone works out well for you. Good to hear you're feeling a bit better now too
It seems to actually be working quite well! I keep forgetting that I have to uber moisturize my skin, so I'm back to using CeraVe cream. I also caved the other day and scrubbed my face (gently) with a washcloth while washing. And...it actually helped!!! (It hurt, though. Probably won't be using abrasive methods any time soon...) I'm thinking I need to add an exfoliant into my regimen. Maybe weekly. I ordered some stuff from paula's choice. I have to be really careful with not overusing it, I suppose... My skin is looking A LOT better than a few days ago! The emotional side-effects, however, are not gone. I tend to get really angtsy, and my parents are still angry at the way I acted... I'm angry at the way I acted too... but... my parents think it was because I'm stressed about my MCAT. That contributed, but the acne played a larger role, sadly enough.
Also, it didn't come across that way! I just thought my post came across that way.
How did your doctor's appointment go? Don't worry too much if you haven't had it already; I get glassy eyed at the derm. I think that they've probably seen it all. And if your doctor is someone who cares, they will probably understand. Not all doctors are like that, but some really do sympathize. Having a doctor you can actually talk to really helps.
I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........
You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...
Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.
Glad the day is over...
Oh my God, that really sucks. How insensitive a topic to use considering there would likely be an acne sufferer in almost any class.
I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........
I'm sorry to hear this. Just remember that you got clear for a little while so you must have been doing something right. You will figure out your triggers and how to stop this from happening again. Is it getting close to your period by any chance? It seems I break out when I ovulate no matter what.
I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........
I'm sorry to hear this. Just remember that you got clear for a little while so you must have been doing something right. You will figure out your triggers and how to stop this from happening again. Is it getting close to your period by any chance? It seems I break out when I ovulate no matter what.
I'm in the middle of my cycle, 3rd month on Diane, don't even imagine what I do right or wrong, it's absolutely out of control... I've been experiencing "getting clear" moments throughout those 8-9 years of acne without noticing any logical correlation to anything... I've been to solarium yesterday, but so far it was always having an amazing effect on me. I just break out in the middle of the month, no matter what I do......
My right cheek is absolutely hideous...
On 5/15/2013 at 10:56 AM, Lilly75 said:On 5/14/2013 at 9:31 AM, FlaggLives said:On 5/14/2013 at 8:31 AM, Lilly75 said:Of to a doctors appointment soon...really worried about it actually. I'm just going to ask about what I can do for my skin and I also want to ask about the anxiety I've been having - but the reason I'm so worried about it is that I just can't talk face-to-face with another person about myself or my skin without getting emotional and upset about it. I don't want to end up breaking down in tears at the doctors but I don't think I'll be able to stop it. How embarrassing. I'm getting a flu shot too - couldn't be more relaxed about that haha and guess that's the thing that some people would normally be worried about - needles.
Ugh hope it ends up going ok and I don't end up in tears... I bet I will though
Good luck, Lily...hope you get prescribed something that works for you! I know how tough it is to talk openly about acne, I can barely make eye contact with my dermatologist when I visit him (especially back when my skin was really severe) because it's just really embarrassing. I'm sorry that it makes you feel so sad.
On 5/14/2013 at 2:35 PM, Perseverance92 said:>We all know how it feels ...Talking to someone about your acne,be it your own parents or your doctor!But you need to defeat acne by not letting it emotionally and psychologically affect you.How can you do this?Well,everybody has his/her own unique technique of battling in tough times (times of severe breakout).Like i've already mentioned in the post above that i keep telling myself that i'm more masculine since i have more testosterone! You find your way Good luck.
Thank you both
It went alright... I guess me getting a little teary before I left got it out of my system so I wasn't a mess at the doctors
At this point for acne she says it's up to me. She even said she'd refer me to a derm for accutane if I wanted - even though my acne isn't horribly severe. But I'm not wanting to go on accutane. So my options are antibiotics again or birth control (diane was the one she first suggested but talked about others too).... So I'm not making any decisions yet... I'll see if she says anything after the blood test comes back.
Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.
Glad the day is over...
I can relate Lily . The people who have not suffered from acne or even those whose sufferings have ended (unfortunately!) are so callous.Their apathetic attitude towards the acne sufferers is so heart breaking sometimes.You should have told the lecturer after the class was over that how uncomfortable the topic made you.These inconsiderate people have no right to add insult to our injuries! As far as i am concerned,i'm really sensitive about my acne.Acne has made me aggressive...
I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........
You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...
To be perfectly frank, that doesn't look bad at all. Infact, I'll wager that 99% of the people that you encounter wouldn't even notice it.
I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........
You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...
To be perfectly frank, that doesn't look bad at all. Infact, I'll wager that 99% of the people that you encounter wouldn't even notice it.
Doesn't look bad... What about now in different light? Still doesn't look bad? The scarring is almost invisible, right? . 