I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

 

You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...

To be perfectly frank, that doesn't look bad at all. Infact, I'll wager that 99% of the people that you encounter wouldn't even notice it.

 

Doesn't look bad... What about now in different light? Still doesn't look bad? The scarring is almost invisible, right? .

I think you're being way too harsh on yourself.

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

 

You can

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

 

You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...

To be perfectly frank, that doesn't look bad at all. Infact, I'll wager that 99% of the people that you encounter wouldn't even notice it.

 

Doesn't look bad... What about now in different light? Still doesn't look bad? The scarring is almost invisible, right? . IMG_1431.JPG

Hey as asufer on and off for 10 years now I understand the effect that a new break out has it sucks. However acne is cyclical and unfort things brew for weeks before they ome to the surface so untill uve compltely beaton it you will alas b liable to break out. It honestly doesntlook that bad. The second pick is in exageratted light an know one will see you like that up tat close so the first pic ismore acurate kee oing dont give up.

Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.

Glad the day is over...

Is any part of you glad now your classmates will have a better idea of what it's like to have acne? Sometimes I wish other people understood what I had to go through. I want them to know that its not my fault, that it's not a personal hygeine problem or a lack of motivation. I want to know how much time and effort goes into trying to make my skin ok and how heartbreaking it is that I can't get it anywhere close to how theirs is without any effort at all.

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

I'm so sorry to hear that, I know that feeling too well, and sometimes it's even more gutting when you think you're on the up I guess it won't make you feel any better but I'll say it anyway just in case. When I first saw your picture I thought it was a 'yay I'm nearly clear' pic! Do you use anything topical that might stop these forming cysts in their tracks? I know Dan recommends aha for that, I've found bp or duac works pretty well for that purpose too. I can understand why you're upset about the scarring shown in the second pic, mine is kinda similar and I'm devastated about that too. I bet it doesn't look so bad from a distance though? I get a bit paranoid that in some lights my skin looks terrible and some it looks ok but I think more often in real life the lighting and positioning are more favourable Are you planning on doing any scar treatments? I've thought about laser scar treatment but I have mixed feelings about it and anyway right now I can't really afford it.

It occurred to me today that rain would be so much less distressing if I didn't have acne... If you spend two hours in the morning applying creams and makeup it is so disheartening to then have to cycle to work in the pouring rain! Most people just get to work, pat their face dry and get on with the day... AND they don't have to worry about bp bleaching their freaking clothes. This is one of the reasons why I am moving to live near work soon!! Acne is deciding where I freaking live!!! This has to stop!

I've got my heart set on Accutane now. I've done ALOT of reading, of scientific papers, of these boards and yesterday I looked up reviews on makeupalley which was helpful too. In my age range 92% of people would recommend it, and most of the people who wouldn't recommend it said so because their acne came back rather than because they had severe long term side effects. I know something bad could happen to me, but I wonder if it is much more likely than getting run over in the street? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am hoping with all my being that he doesn't veto it. I am at my wits end with acne. I've dealt with it too much for too long. It is too present in my life! I read reviews where people don't have to bother about their skin anymore! I want that so badly... Anyway if he gives me the go ahead I get to start Accutane on 13th June! Over the past 10 years acne has caused me so much psychological distress that it would seem ridiculous to me if they refuse me the cure because of the risk of depression. Hopefully he will agree, if not I think I will be inconsolable tomorrow...

 

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

I'm so sorry to hear that, I know that feeling too well, and sometimes it's even more gutting when you think you're on the up I guess it won't make you feel any better but I'll say it anyway just in case. When I first saw your picture I thought it was a 'yay I'm nearly clear' pic! Do you use anything topical that might stop these forming cysts in their tracks? I know Dan recommends aha for that, I've found bp or duac works pretty well for that purpose too. I can understand why you're upset about the scarring shown in the second pic, mine is kinda similar and I'm devastated about that too. I bet it doesn't look so bad from a distance though? I get a bit paranoid that in some lights my skin looks terrible and some it looks ok but I think more often in real life the lighting and positioning are more favourable Are you planning on doing any scar treatments? I've thought about laser scar treatment but I have mixed feelings about it and anyway right now I can't really afford it.

It occurred to me today that rain would be so much less distressing if I didn't have acne... If you spend two hours in the morning applying creams and makeup it is so disheartening to then have to cycle to work in the pouring rain! Most people just get to work, pat their face dry and get on with the day... AND they don't have to worry about bp bleaching their freaking clothes. This is one of the reasons why I am moving to live near work soon!! Acne is deciding where I freaking live!!! This has to stop!

I've got my heart set on Accutane now. I've done ALOT of reading, of scientific papers, of these boards and yesterday I looked up reviews on makeupalley which was helpful too. In my age range 92% of people would recommend it, and most of the people who wouldn't recommend it said so because their acne came back rather than because they had severe long term side effects. I know something bad could happen to me, but I wonder if it is much more likely than getting run over in the street? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am hoping with all my being that he doesn't veto it. I am at my wits end with acne. I've dealt with it too much for too long. It is too present in my life! I read reviews where people don't have to bother about their skin anymore! I want that so badly... Anyway if he gives me the go ahead I get to start Accutane on 13th June! Over the past 10 years acne has caused me so much psychological distress that it would seem ridiculous to me if they refuse me the cure because of the risk of depression. Hopefully he will agree, if not I think I will be inconsolable tomorrow...

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...

Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?

I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.

So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

* Dear diary *

I just got prescribed Accutane and my "insurance" covered it, yaya! My insurance is provided by our city for local residents, and only covers the very basics.

It was really surprising because they didn't include it in their program half a year ago, so after that I finally saved up an extra two grands to pay at my own expanse. Then a week ago when I checked back, my doctor sent letters and helped me to convince them to cover for me.

I was optimistic during that whole time when I was saving up money because luckily the acne on my face is manageable, no bumps, a bit of foundation is enough to cover the pores and redness. However, my back acne is getting a bit out of control. And let's face it, I really don't like it when I break out on my face. So might as well kill two birds with one stone, get rid of the back acne, and help to prevent breakouts on my face at the same time!

I will be starting a log soon when I finally go pick up the pills, going to start at 20mg per day, then 60mg after that and so on.

 

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

 

You can see how it looks... How do I still live with it...

To be perfectly frank, that doesn't look bad at all. Infact, I'll wager that 99% of the people that you encounter wouldn't even notice it.

 

Doesn't look bad... What about now in different light? Still doesn't look bad? The scarring is almost invisible, right? . IMG_1431.JPG

Pianina, your acne is similar to mine, and we both have PCOS. I have been on diane in the past, it's been 10 years now so I don't remember all the side effects, but if this helps, I was taking it with Androcur to lower my testosterone as well. My gynecologist at the time thought that diane, which mainly targets estrogen, might cause estrogen dominance if taken on its own for too long so he prescribed androcur with it to keep the hormonal levels balanced. Talk to your gynecologist and get your hormones checked in case of estrogen dominance. If they diagnosed you with PCOS without checking your hormones, then they were doing guesswork and targeted the most common female hormones that cause acne, which may not necessarily apply to your case. And remember that it can take up to 6 months for BCP to kick in, so a few breakouts during your cycle are not unusual, and actually your skin doesn't look that bad (whose skin doesn't show flaws in extreme close up??!?!).

One other thing: I would suggest you either lower or stop supplementing with vitamin A. It gets stored in the body and can become toxic over a period of time. I used to take clearetto, which has vitamin A, plus a multivitamin with extra vitamin A, and after a while I started noticing some spontaneous scarring in places where I didn't have acne. Since I stopped taking supplements with vitamin A, the scarring in those areas has stopped too. I don't think that was a coincidence, I even asked the endocrinologist about it because he was telling me about accutane (high dose of vitamin A derivative) and he said that it is one of the side effects of vitamin A for some people.

 

 

I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

I'm so sorry to hear that, I know that feeling too well, and sometimes it's even more gutting when you think you're on the up I guess it won't make you feel any better but I'll say it anyway just in case. When I first saw your picture I thought it was a 'yay I'm nearly clear' pic! Do you use anything topical that might stop these forming cysts in their tracks? I know Dan recommends aha for that, I've found bp or duac works pretty well for that purpose too. I can understand why you're upset about the scarring shown in the second pic, mine is kinda similar and I'm devastated about that too. I bet it doesn't look so bad from a distance though? I get a bit paranoid that in some lights my skin looks terrible and some it looks ok but I think more often in real life the lighting and positioning are more favourable Are you planning on doing any scar treatments? I've thought about laser scar treatment but I have mixed feelings about it and anyway right now I can't really afford it.

It occurred to me today that rain would be so much less distressing if I didn't have acne... If you spend two hours in the morning applying creams and makeup it is so disheartening to then have to cycle to work in the pouring rain! Most people just get to work, pat their face dry and get on with the day... AND they don't have to worry about bp bleaching their freaking clothes. This is one of the reasons why I am moving to live near work soon!! Acne is deciding where I freaking live!!! This has to stop!

I've got my heart set on Accutane now. I've done ALOT of reading, of scientific papers, of these boards and yesterday I looked up reviews on makeupalley which was helpful too. In my age range 92% of people would recommend it, and most of the people who wouldn't recommend it said so because their acne came back rather than because they had severe long term side effects. I know something bad could happen to me, but I wonder if it is much more likely than getting run over in the street? I see my psychiatrist tomorrow and I am hoping with all my being that he doesn't veto it. I am at my wits end with acne. I've dealt with it too much for too long. It is too present in my life! I read reviews where people don't have to bother about their skin anymore! I want that so badly... Anyway if he gives me the go ahead I get to start Accutane on 13th June! Over the past 10 years acne has caused me so much psychological distress that it would seem ridiculous to me if they refuse me the cure because of the risk of depression. Hopefully he will agree, if not I think I will be inconsolable tomorrow...

 

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...

Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?

I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

 

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.

So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

 

 

 

I know what you mean about the distressed skin. But when the acne stops happening, I feel like the healing starts and the skin starts to look better. As long as there is any inflammatory activity in that area, your skin can't heal itself properly. So, I always thought the left side of my face was screwed up and I kept breaking out there. I cleared for a while, and now its come back (the acne) but its on the other side. The funny thing is, the scarring on the left side (depressed wrinkly looking scarring) has really lightened up! Have you ever tried a retinoid? It seems like cystic acne is just too severe for Duac and a sulfate cream. I had some really painful cystic acne. It actually wasn't as prominent on my skin as it felt. I couldn't smile without hurting. My smile actually changed to accommodate the pain. It was less wide. Really crappy looking. So glad its gone; it wouldn't be without tazorac, though. That's definitely something to consider before accutane. Consider dryness too -- dryness can contribute to cystic acne. When the wind started in late winter, my skin went ape.

I think it's insane to be sane in a world that is insane. Take a moment and take a step back from your life and see the world, what the fuck is this. What the fuck are we? Nothing absolutely nothing.

 

 

Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.

Glad the day is over...

Oh my God, that really sucks. How insensitive a topic to use considering there would likely be an acne sufferer in almost any class.

 

>I feel devastated... Two cyst started forming on my cursed cheek this morning. Ever since I noticed it, I can't stop crying. The skin in that place is so exhausted by continues attacks that it doesn't heal well, always leaves scars... It could break out anywhere on my face, why there where it's so fucked up already? ;((( This shit is incurable..........

I'm sorry to hear this. Just remember that you got clear for a little while so you must have been doing something right. You will figure out your triggers and how to stop this from happening again. Is it getting close to your period by any chance? It seems I break out when I ovulate no matter what.

Yeah I do think it was a little insensitive, seeing as this lecturer comes from a psychology background - but I'm thankful the topic wasn't discussed really. She just gave out the examples and told us to go over them in our own time. So I guess it was better than it could have been.

I noticed I'm the only girl with skin issues in that class (it's not a very big class either by the way)- there's one guy with scarring and other with milder acne but they both seem more confident then I am - I wonder if they reacted to the example papers being on that topic how I did...

Also - Pianina - I'm sorry you're feeling this way at the moment. I don't think your skin looks as bad as you seem to think it does. Maybe try and remember the progress your skin has made..? I hope you feel better soon!

(My doctor was suggesting Diane for me too - I haven't decided if I'll take it or not yet though)

 

 

Today wasn't the best though... the lecturer handed out well written and poorly written examples of the type of assignment were doing so we could learn from it. Coincidentlly the topic the examples were on was acne. Acne and how it effects someone emotionally. I felt like everyone was looking at me. So I feel incredibly insecure now that all the people in my course know what it's like for me and are either judging me or feeling sorry for me - neither of which I want... I just wanted to disappear when that happened.

Glad the day is over...

Is any part of you glad now your classmates will have a better idea of what it's like to have acne? Sometimes I wish other people understood what I had to go through. I want them to know that its not my fault, that it's not a personal hygeine problem or a lack of motivation. I want to know how much time and effort goes into trying to make my skin ok and how heartbreaking it is that I can't get it anywhere close to how theirs is without any effort at all.

That is another way to look at it. Maybe it will make them more understanding... though depending on how a person reads part of one of the papers, it could come across like 'people with acne have acne because they don't wash their face after exercise' -- but the rest of the info was more 'accurate.' It might make them more understanding in terms of the emotional impact of acne and maybe they'll get that it's more than a 'skin problem.'

@Helton - glad to hear that! I really hope it works for you

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...
Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?
I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.
So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

I think aha might be worth a try. Dan recommends 10% aha as a spot treatment on newly forming spots to prevent them from fully developing. I know he and a number of other people on the boards have had success using it like that. I don't have his aha because of import costs but I use the other one he recommends by Alpha Hydrox. I'm not sure if it has any additional benefit over bp/duac because I always use that too but afaik it could be making a difference - often I am able to prevent cysts from developing if I catch them early enough. I have one on my forehead now that looked like it was going to be huge but actually stayed quite small and the inflammation went down. What is MSM? Thanks for the info about laser. I got really obsessed with trying to sort out my scarring a few weeks ago and I was desperate for laser treatment but now I think I need to sort out my acne first! Do the accutane, stop forming new scars... That's the plan.

I'm happy today because my psychiatrist didn't veto accutane. At first he suggested I wait til a less stressful time in my life but now he understands how much impact it has... He said he doesn't have experience with patients on it so he wants to read about it first but I don't think he will stand in the way I took this picture after I did my makeup this morning

:

It takes me two hours to apply creams/base/foundation and to paint concealer onto every single one of my post acne red marks (I have nearly a hundred after a horrendous breakout last autumn) and blend it in. If I showed you a picture of what I look like before makeup you could see why I feel like I've painted a masterpiece every morning! It is so exhausting and I am so sick of it. At least I can hide it but I get so oily and flaky that it quickly looks gunky and horrible and people probably think I wear too much - I put SO much time and effort into it and I still look worse than everybody else. I hope so much that Accutane can free me from this routine because I really do feel enslaved by it. Maybe I am being a bit too much of a perfectionist but I know if I don't wear any makeup at all people will find me disgusting and I won't be able to look anyone in the eye.

Feeling very depressed today..I am on day 8 or so of my Accutane(20mg) treatment and it has caused me too flair up a lot and my skin is so dry so I can't smile or talk without pain. Got a meeting tmrw and need to study my exams but the way I look now I don't want to leave my room. I hope I will be clear before the next semester starts...

:

It takes me two hours to apply creams/base/foundation and to paint concealer onto every single one of my post acne red marks (I have nearly a hundred after a horrendous breakout last autumn) and blend it in. If I showed you a picture of what I look like before makeup you could see why I feel like I've painted a masterpiece every morning! It is so exhausting and I am so sick of it. At least I can hide it but I get so oily and flaky that it quickly looks gunky and horrible and people probably think I wear too much - I put SO much time and effort into it and I still look worse than everybody else. I hope so much that Accutane can free me from this routine because I really do feel enslaved by it. Maybe I am being a bit too much of a perfectionist but I know if I don't wear any makeup at all people will find me disgusting and I won't be able to look anyone in the eye.

Wow, your skin looks PERFECT. Like seriously, if you have acne under there you are the best makeup artist on the planet. You can cover the redness, sure, but it's almost impossible to cover BUMPS--how do you do it?

@alliwantisclearskin93, hang in there! <3 I know it's rough. I've never used accutane but it seems similar to the regimen in that you have these horrible stages of dryness and flakes and pain in the beginning. It will all be worth it if you get clear. Just watch your moods and make sure you aren't becoming unnaturally depressed, as that could be a side effect.

I feel pretty good, today, as my bumps are gradually going away! Yayyy

Looked in the good mirror, that's how I feel.

On 5/17/2013 at 1:13 AM, alliwantisclearskin93 said:

Feeling very depressed today..I am on day 8 or so of my Accutane(20mg) treatment and it has caused me too flair up a lot and my skin is so dry so I can't smile or talk without pain. Got a meeting tmrw and need to study my exams but the way I look now I don't want to leave my room. I hope I will be clear before the next semester starts...

I'm so sorry to hear that it sounds awful. Are you feeling any better today? I'm lucky I'm not as bad as I was but I have been there with feeling too ugly to leave my room. It must be so hard to think positive when you're affected like that but all the evidence says things should improve soon -hang in there!

On 5/17/2013 at 11:36 PM, dejaclairevoyant said:

Wow, your skin looks PERFECT. Like seriously, if you have acne under there you are the best makeup artist on the planet. You can cover the redness, sure, but it's almost impossible to cover BUMPS--how do you do it?

Thanks My skin is pretty clear at the moment, I'm so glad it's mostly just redness I have to hide now because as you say, you just can't hide bumps - I was very painfully aware of this in the autumn when both sides of my face were covered in cysts Better lighting and a high resolution photograph would show that I actually do have small bumps over both sides of my face. I only have one cyst at the moment on my forehead. And I'm very oily and flaky and I have alot of shallow scarring... But this photo is messing with my mind slightly... I look at it and think why on Earth am I saying I'm going to take Accutane?? It can't be worth the risks? But sometimes photos lie... The derm clearly thought it was bad enough to give it to me on the NHS and despite my psych history... And she's a very experienced and respected derm so I think I'm just going to trust her and go with it, I'm so sick of deliberating!

I'm feeling pretty good today! I know I'm probably being a bit premature about it but the Regimen seems to be working SO well for my skin, I've got almost no new breakouts since starting Week 2. I expect more breakouts along the way since that's a given in the what to expect section, but it seems like this might literally be the perfect treatment for my skin. It's been a long time since I've felt this hopeful about the possibility of becoming clear and STAYING clear.

Side note: Got my AHA today! I'll be using that on a few shoulder blemishes to see how it works.

Feeling good about my skin today! It's a lot smoother from the SA I've been using. Paula's choice SA came in today. the 1oz bottle is teeny!! I really like the way the gel feels, though. I might just stick with the rapid clear pads after this bottle is done though. or maybe some facewash with SA. So much cheaper.... Also, has anyone seen this blog called "futurederm"? I found it recently, and it's such a breath of fresh air. People like Paula make you feel like everything's bad for your skin. It's such a source of stress for me. Argh. This kind of clears up a lot of that. I find it so much more positive and informative! I hope this lasts!

@Helton - glad to hear that! I really hope it works for you

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...

Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?

I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

 

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.

So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

I think aha might be worth a try. Dan recommends 10% aha as a spot treatment on newly forming spots to prevent them from fully developing. I know he and a number of other people on the boards have had success using it like that. I don't have his aha because of import costs but I use the other one he recommends by Alpha Hydrox. I'm not sure if it has any additional benefit over bp/duac because I always use that too but afaik it could be making a difference - often I am able to prevent cysts from developing if I catch them early enough. I have one on my forehead now that looked like it was going to be huge but actually stayed quite small and the inflammation went down. What is MSM? Thanks for the info about laser. I got really obsessed with trying to sort out my scarring a few weeks ago and I was desperate for laser treatment but now I think I need to sort out my acne first! Do the accutane, stop forming new scars... That's the plan.

I'm happy today because my psychiatrist didn't veto accutane. At first he suggested I wait til a less stressful time in my life but now he understands how much impact it has... He said he doesn't have experience with patients on it so he wants to read about it first but I don't think he will stand in the way I took this picture after I did my makeup this morning

:

It takes me two hours to apply creams/base/foundation and to paint concealer onto every single one of my post acne red marks (I have nearly a hundred after a horrendous breakout last autumn) and blend it in. If I showed you a picture of what I look like before makeup you could see why I feel like I've painted a masterpiece every morning! It is so exhausting and I am so sick of it. At least I can hide it but I get so oily and flaky that it quickly looks gunky and horrible and people probably think I wear too much - I put SO much time and effort into it and I still look worse than everybody else. I hope so much that Accutane can free me from this routine because I really do feel enslaved by it. Maybe I am being a bit too much of a perfectionist but I know if I don't wear any makeup at all people will find me disgusting and I won't be able to look anyone in the eye.

If you need accutane, then there's something I don't know about acne... I thought it's for severe cases when there's no hope...

I don't understand what more people want from their skins, why they push it to the line... Even with makeup I would never look like this.

Just... live and be happy Flaxen.

If you need accutane, then there's something I don't know about acne... I thought it's for severe cases when there's no hope...

I don't understand what more people want from their skins, why they push it to the line... Even with makeup I would never look like this.

Just... live and be happy Flaxen.

I totally see where you're coming from. That photo has been messing with my head! It is a misleading photo, you have to remember it took me two hours to get my skin to look like that and it is a very low resolution photo. High resolution in good light my skin is no better than yours, I'd say it was more active and has many many more red marks. But it has made me question my need for Accutane again, as I mentioned to deja. When I went to see the derm a few weeks ago I didn't want Accutane and I didn't expect her to suggest it as my skin was alot better than when I was originally referred since I'd gone back on Dan's regimen; but she did suggest it and persuaded me it would be a good idea, and she is a senior well respected derm. She was offering it to me on the NHS even though I have a psych history so I thought she must think I would really benefit from it. She told me my skin was still active. That I could suppress it with bp but the only way to cure it was with Accutane. She was offering me the chance to be free from acne and all the shit that goes with it and played down the risks, why wouldn't that be tempting? My skin has improved a bit more since she put me on epiduo and an antibiotic so maybe she will look at my skin again and say I don't need Accutane but if she still thinks it's appropriate to give it to me I think I will go for it because I just want this to be over and I don't want to wonder 'what if' as I live through the rest of my adulthood with problem skin and waste thousands more hours on skincare. I'm aware of the risks and they do concern me... But I'll be on a low dose and well monitored and I'm so sick of my skin I think it's worth it.

 

Feeling very depressed today..I am on day 8 or so of my Accutane(20mg) treatment and it has caused me too flair up a lot and my skin is so dry so I can't smile or talk without pain. Got a meeting tmrw and need to study my exams but the way I look now I don't want to leave my room. I hope I will be clear before the next semester starts...

I'm so sorry to hear that it sounds awful. Are you feeling any better today? I'm lucky I'm not as bad as I was but I have been there with feeling too ugly to leave my room. It must be so hard to think positive when you're affected like that but all the evidence says things should improve soon -hang in there!

Wow, your skin looks PERFECT. Like seriously, if you have acne under there you are the best makeup artist on the planet. You can cover the redness, sure, but it's almost impossible to cover BUMPS--how do you

do it?

Thanks My skin is pretty clear at the moment, I'm so glad it's mostly just redness I have to hide now because as you say, you just can't hide bumps - I was very painfully aware of this in the autumn when both sides of my face were covered in cysts Better lighting and a high resolution photograph would show that I actually do have small bumps over both sides of my face. I only have one cyst at the moment on my forehead. And I'm very oily and flaky and I have alot of shallow scarring... But this photo is messing with my mind slightly... I look at it and think why on Earth am I saying I'm going to take Accutane?? It can't be worth the risks? But sometimes photos lie... The derm clearly thought it was bad enough to give it to me on the NHS and despite my psych history... And she's a very experienced and respected derm so I think I'm just going to trust her and go with it, I'm so sick of deliberating!

Flaxen, my esthetician gave me samples of a make-up called oxygenetix, its formulated for post-surgical procedures like laser and microdermabrasion to cover rendess AND not to irritate skin at all. Ive tried it several times, it doesnt break me out and it covers red really well. Its made with aloe and some sort of oxygenating formula...maybe it would cut out some of the time you need to appy make up. I dont wear make-up much anymore but if I do, I wear this. Its expensive though but no more than Lancome.

@Helton - glad to hear that! I really hope it works for you

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...

Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?

I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

 

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.

So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

I think aha might be worth a try. Dan recommends 10% aha as a spot treatment on newly forming spots to prevent them from fully developing. I know he and a number of other people on the boards have had success using it like that. I don't have his aha because of import costs but I use the other one he recommends by Alpha Hydrox. I'm not sure if it has any additional benefit over bp/duac because I always use that too but afaik it could be making a difference - often I am able to prevent cysts from developing if I catch them early enough. I have one on my forehead now that looked like it was going to be huge but actually stayed quite small and the inflammation went down. What is MSM? Thanks for the info about laser. I got really obsessed with trying to sort out my scarring a few weeks ago and I was desperate for laser treatment but now I think I need to sort out my acne first! Do the accutane, stop forming new scars... That's the plan.

I'm happy today because my psychiatrist didn't veto accutane. At first he suggested I wait til a less stressful time in my life but now he understands how much impact it has... He said he doesn't have experience with patients on it so he wants to read about it first but I don't think he will stand in the way I took this picture after I did my makeup this morning

:

It takes me two hours to apply creams/base/foundation and to paint concealer onto every single one of my post acne red marks (I have nearly a hundred after a horrendous breakout last autumn) and blend it in. If I showed you a picture of what I look like before makeup you could see why I feel like I've painted a masterpiece every morning! It is so exhausting and I am so sick of it. At least I can hide it but I get so oily and flaky that it quickly looks gunky and horrible and people probably think I wear too much - I put SO much time and effort into it and I still look worse than everybody else. I hope so much that Accutane can free me from this routine because I really do feel enslaved by it. Maybe I am being a bit too much of a perfectionist but I know if I don't wear any makeup at all people will find me disgusting and I won't be able to look anyone in the eye.

Had a nasty chin breakout today, not happy at all

I want to go out with my friends and feel confident, but I can't.

I'm currently not using any products (or even water) because I'm on the caveman regimen. I breakout considerably less, but it's not a cure. I've tried changing my diet, that didn't help and it's not really convenient when I live with other people and have to have specific foods.

Do I look for products to use? Do I start the regimen again? I have no idea what to do anymore.

 

@Helton - glad to hear that! I really hope it works for you

Hey Flaxen! I wish it was a "I'm nearly clear picture" because I was planning to post one few days ago. Good I didn't, because it would feel so bittersweet now. What is not visible in the first picture are the bumps under the skin that are gonna break out any time. One of them is getting more red and angry every hour if not minute. I feel that pulsating pain and warmth in the area. I wouldn't even worry that much about them, but recetly my skin got much more prone to scarring... Hyper pigmentation is something I absolutely don't mind, but scars... They depress me so much It can look pretty ok when I look at the mirror from a distance in semi twilight, but as soon I get closer...

Oh yes, I use topicals to prevent them from forming - Duac and MSM cream, but usually it doesn't even feel like anything can affect my cysts. Duac I've been using every night for past 1,5 years, so my skin got pretty used to it. But aha could be good to try, maybe a facial with aha? Have you tried it?

I can't afford laser treatments either at the moment! You know, I spent around 800 usa dollar (5000 swedish crowns) for red light laser treatment last winter, had 4 procedures and didn't see any result. I guess it could take more precedures to have any effect but come on, after 4 of them at least some improvement should be visible. It was not promising and too expensive, so I dropped. Never should have taken it anyway... Nevertheless I'm quite positive about fraxel and will do that as soon I can afford it (it will be winter 2014). Have seen fraxel doing some miracles on my friend's sun damaged skin. I would just do it on my cheek though, cause it's craaaazy expensive.

 

I agree with what you said about accutane. We can't be afraid of everything, just because there is a slight chance something will go wrong. In that case nobody should take a plane, cause there's 1 change in 2000 000 that it will crash. I would myself try accutane if my skin wasn't so extremely dry on it's own (i swear, most of the time I feel like I'm already on accutane, so if someone gave me a placebo pill I'd be sure it's real accutane side effects, lol). It could happen than your psychiatrist will be against it, mine was strickly not recommending it because of my rich history in psychiatry, but I think I would be able to talk her into it if I wanted.

So even if your's doesn't agree with the idea, try to argument that acne is much greater trigger and actually is a cause of all that distress.

I think aha might be worth a try. Dan recommends 10% aha as a spot treatment on newly forming spots to prevent them from fully developing. I know he and a number of other people on the boards have had success using it like that. I don't have his aha because of import costs but I use the other one he recommends by Alpha Hydrox. I'm not sure if it has any additional benefit over bp/duac because I always use that too but afaik it could be making a difference - often I am able to prevent cysts from developing if I catch them early enough. I have one on my forehead now that looked like it was going to be huge but actually stayed quite small and the inflammation went down. What is MSM? Thanks for the info about laser. I got really obsessed with trying to sort out my scarring a few weeks ago and I was desperate for laser treatment but now I think I need to sort out my acne first! Do the accutane, stop forming new scars... That's the plan.

I'm happy today because my psychiatrist didn't veto accutane. At first he suggested I wait til a less stressful time in my life but now he understands how much impact it has... He said he doesn't have experience with patients on it so he wants to read about it first but I don't think he will stand in the way I took this picture after I did my makeup this morning

:

It takes me two hours to apply creams/base/foundation and to paint concealer onto every single one of my post acne red marks (I have nearly a hundred after a horrendous breakout last autumn) and blend it in. If I showed you a picture of what I look like before makeup you could see why I feel like I've painted a masterpiece every morning! It is so exhausting and I am so sick of it. At least I can hide it but I get so oily and flaky that it quickly looks gunky and horrible and people probably think I wear too much - I put SO much time and effort into it and I still look worse than everybody else. I hope so much that Accutane can free me from this routine because I really do feel enslaved by it. Maybe I am being a bit too much of a perfectionist but I know if I don't wear any makeup at all people will find me disgusting and I won't be able to look anyone in the eye.

 

 

If you need accutane, then there's something I don't know about acne... I thought it's for severe cases when there's no hope...

I don't understand what more people want from their skins, why they push it to the line... Even with makeup I would never look like this.

Just... live and be happy Flaxen.

Accutane is also prescribed for really persistant acne. There are some people who have really severe acne but it responds really well to medication like retinoids, bp, SA. However, there are some whose acne is really persistent -- this puts you at higher risk for scarring, for example. In these persistant cases, derms will use accutane. Furthermore, people with higher levels melanin in their skin (skin of color) are often advised more agressive treatment plans, so accutane is prescribed quickly if the strongest retinoids don't work. This is because there is a higher risk of PIH and scarring.

That said, I think that unless I've tried agressive combination therapy, I'm not going for accutane. Accutane scares the shit out of me. It's chemotherapy for acne! Acne isn't life-threatening even if it is extremely depressing. It's an awful disease but accutane is... o.O I'm going to try using three different treatments together at least, first. I'm using Aczone, tazorac, and now SA. I also have a niacinamide based moisturizer and am going to add antioxidants after I've tested out the SA. (The niacinamide and aczone seem to be working well.) Tazorac worked wonders for me, but I started getting 2 or 3 actives over the winter again (I think because of dry, unexfoliated skin + hormones overproducing sebum). My derm is recommending accutane if the addition of aczone doesn't work. With two or three actives. The inflammation of and damage caused by those actives on already damaged skin was pretty bad though. key message? The longer acne persists, the more damage it does, and the harder it is to treat! ‹Which is why her doctor (and mine!) is recommending accutane.

Had a nasty chin breakout today, not happy at all

I want to go out with my friends and feel confident, but I can't.

I'm currently not using any products (or even water) because I'm on the caveman regimen. I breakout considerably less, but it's not a cure. I've tried changing my diet, that didn't help and it's not really convenient when I live with other people and have to have specific foods.

Do I look for products to use? Do I start the regimen again? I have no idea what to do anymore.

Go to the derm, bro. Like seriously. Retinoids prevent aging, address sun damage, and are actually good for your skin. Your derm will probably put you on a retinoid. If you use it correctly and gradually, it will work.

Until then, find a gentle cleanser. Make sure your cleanser is pH balanced at about 5 or 6. Tap water is actually too basic for the skin used alone. You have an acid mantle produced by the secretions of your skin which includes sweat, sebum, urea, water, etc. This stuff is all acidic and acts as a germicide. By using tap water, you are compromising the integrity of your skin's barrier. Also find a moisturizer with not much in the way of treatment in it. If you can find a moisturizer with niacinamide in it, that is fragrance and dye free, that's your best bet. Use that for a few weeks. Get used to it.

Then add in an active like SA. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think BPO is very difficult to find in the UK? SA or AHA (glycolic acid) is a better bet. Use that for a month to see if it works.

Check out this blog: http://www.futurederm.com/ There are some good product recs here. I don't know if you have Neutrogena Rapid Clear pads, but those are a good option. Just make sure that the SA product has a pH between 3 and 4. (It's okay if it's 4! and It's also okay if it's 3!). Don't be too afraid of alcohol either, lol. People here just really are, but its not that bad for your skin when its combined with ingredients like SA. It increases their penetrance.

Ditch the caveman method, please! You're seriously not doing any favors for your skin. Like I said, tap water is actually more basic than your skin. If the only thing you get out of this is find a pH balanced cleanser and book an appointment for the derm, that's fine too.

That said, guys, I wish doctors and derms would do more to educate their patient about disease and physiology. I mean there's no reason I need to know about liver cancer because I'm not at risk for it and I don't have it (although I will know about it once I'm hopefully in medical school). But my derm should have given me resources on how my skin works, how my products work to help my skin, how to find good products (more than just "make sure it's oil-free," or "something from neutrogena") I wish derms would spend more time teaching you about how to help yourself. I wish a derm had told me everything i know about my skin, but the two that I've had didn't. I had to actively seek information, and you know what? Until I learned how to use and understand research, I was looking in all the wrong places!!!

Flaxen, there's nowt wrong your skin - give it a rest!

On 5/18/2013 at 4:17 AM, FlaggLives said:

I'm feeling pretty good today! I know I'm probably being a bit premature about it but the Regimen seems to be working SO well for my skin, I've got almost no new breakouts since starting Week 2. I expect more breakouts along the way since that's a given in the what to expect section, but it seems like this might literally be the perfect treatment for my skin. It's been a long time since I've felt this hopeful about the possibility of becoming clear and STAYING clear.

Side note: Got my AHA today! I'll be using that on a few shoulder blemishes to see how it works.

Yay! I'm so glad to hear it's working for you! It's definitely pretty amazing. (Btw--since we keep talking about horror movies, check out a Filipino film called "The Road" if you get a chance. It's pretty creepy and very well done)

On 5/18/2013 at 6:03 AM, skinnie said:

Feeling good about my skin today! It's a lot smoother from the SA I've been using. Paula's choice SA came in today. the 1oz bottle is teeny!! I really like the way the gel feels, though. I might just stick with the rapid clear pads after this bottle is done though. or maybe some facewash with SA. So much cheaper.... Also, has anyone seen this blog called "futurederm"? I found it recently, and it's such a breath of fresh air. People like Paula make you feel like everything's bad for your skin. It's such a source of stress for me. Argh. This kind of clears up a lot of that. I find it so much more positive and informative! I hope this lasts!

I'm so glad you're finding stuff that's helping! <3

Update on me: The kefir-induced cyst has healed, but it left behind an inactive red bump. I think it's just leftover stuff that will go down after a few more applications of AHA, but I'm not sure. The ones on my forehead are healing, so I'm free of any actives at the moment.

The problem I'm having now is that I've gotten really dry and flaky again. Not sure why--I'm not doing anything different. I've decided to slowly decrease the amount of BP I'm using, since they say you can do that when you're all clear. I'd like to get BP down to as low a dose as possible and keep using AHA and doing chemical peels because those have the best effect on my skin tone--they just don't stop acne. I hope lessening the BP helps a little. Moisturizing isn't helping. As of now I'm doing 3/4 finger length amount in the morning and full finger at night, and AHA every other night (sorry I'm lazy about changing my signature).

I fully combed out my dreads! It took ages and was super painful but I'm finally done. Such a weird feeling to have straight hair after 1.5 years with thick-ass dreads! I love it though.

Oh--and I've tried another fear food last night: corn chips! Corn was one of the original things I gave up to try and heal my body, along with soy and dairy, etc. I never in a million years would have thought I'd eat it again, but I did (and nothing terrible happened). Hooray for taco salad!

No acne still working on improving the uneven texture and color of my face so far aveeno clear complexion lotion seems to be working is 2 weeks only so too soon.