Woke up with a cute little breakout oh how I love life. My chin, , left cheek and both temples have cute little red bumps that will probably hang around for a couple weeks.

My over all complexion looks like shit right now. My scars look deeper and one in particular looks like it got wider. I might be trippin tho but I swear shit is getting worse. I cant even laugh at myself anymore

Flagg- Thanks I read everyone's posts too, I just didn't realize everyone else does as well! Good to know my words aren't really "drifting off into the wind" I'm hoping my skin keeps improving and I hope you the best while using the Regimen. It was too harsh for my incredibly sensitive skin, but I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Decided to try my modified caveman regemine, instead of accutane. If this doesn't work accutane will be next.

2nd day and already I have zero cyst only regular zits, a lot of them. But it feels so weird having regular zits instead of cyst. I'm actually optimistic for once in my life.

That is so good to hear!! Optimism can have amazing effects on your overall happiness! haha What is your modification to the caveman regimen?

I caught a little tan myself as well, while studying in the sun, it looks very nice and even today! Otherwise - I'm totally clear, no blemishes, no clogged pores. Hope it will stay that way! I'm going to take pictures of cherry trees today, will post a bit of that beauty for you guys, it's breathtaking!

That's great, Pianina! I love cherry trees-- they're so gorgeous! Happy for you that you feel good about your skin!

Flagg- Thanks I read everyone's posts too, I just didn't realize everyone else does as well! Good to know my words aren't really "drifting off into the wind" I'm hoping my skin keeps

improving and I hope you the best while using

the Regimen. It was too harsh for my incredibly

sensitive skin, but I'll keep my fingers crossed

for you!

 

 

 

Decided to try my modified caveman regemine,

instead of accutane. If this doesn't work

accutane will be next.

 

 

 

2nd day and already I have zero cyst only regular zits, a lot of them. But it feels so weird having regular zits instead of cyst. I'm actually optimistic for once in my life.

That is so good to hear!! Optimism can have amazing effects on your overall happiness! haha What is your modification to the caveman regimen?

Basically no more use of any chemicals just water, except to repair all the damage done I'm using Shea butter as a moisturizer. And coconut oil at night. So far so good.

Basically no more use of any chemicals just water, except to repair all the damage done I'm using Shea butter as a moisturizer. And coconut oil at night. So far so good.

That sounds a lot like my new regimen-- except in order to take off my makeup at night, I put on jojoba and grapeseed oil then wipe the makeup off. I use coconut oil at night too and I just splash with water in the morning. So far so good for me, too! Good luck and keep updating on how it's going.

I have quite a few deep spots that just aren't surfacing. I don't think they're shrinking or healing either... just staying there under the skin looking very red. They're a little painful when I touch them - like when washing my face too. But on the bright side - I'm happy that some areas are looking relatively clear - most breakouts on my forehead are gone and I'm just left with a few clogged pores there. Same for the 'apples' of my cheeks - mostly just hyperpigmentation and some clogged pores. So I'm happy to see some improvement but there's still a long way to go. Hoping that even this small improvement lasts a while longer!

I caught a little tan myself as well, while studying in the sun, it looks very nice and even today! Otherwise - I'm totally clear, no blemishes, no clogged pores. Hope it will stay that way! I'm going to take pictures of cherry trees today, will post a bit of that beauty for you guys, it's breathtaking!

Jealous Of your skin and that you have cherry trees to go see - I think they're so beautiful! Your new profile photo is really lovely too Great that you're skin is doing well!!

My dad walked in on me crying this morning. I hate this disease. I feel ugly and I feel like I've done everything! It just keeps coming back! I have three new pimples on the side that I thought was my clear side. I'm never going to find anyone. I'm never going to be pretty. And this sounds really awful, because I'm pre-med and I've got such a bright future, but the one thing that I've wanted more than anything else since the age of 11 is a boyfriend. I've never been in a relationship. And with this ugly face that looks older than my mom's because of all the scarring, I'm probably never going to be in a relationship. :\ My derm says she's going to put me on accutane if I don't clear this time around. I don't want to be on accutane. With my luck, my hair's going to fall out. Plus, this medication scares the shit out of me. My derm thought my face looked bad. 🙁 :*(

I'm still dealing with my breakout. It seems to have created an almost permanent cyst. Very strange. I don't understand why water kefir would do that. If it's an allergy, how does the body benefit from making a cyst that lasts for weeks and weeks? Like, what is the biological purpose? I totally don't get it.

About my stressful job app: I ended up cancelling. It was truly insanity. Revision request after revision request, vague critiques, unable to understand what they wanted, etc. I was told over and over again to use "real-life examples" but honestly, how many real-life examples can you give about back up batteries? I already talked about things like having your laptop fail during a business trip and needing a replacement right away, or if your vacuum cleaner or home phone failed, etc. They wanted this huge piece written on replacement batteries and it was just driving me into an early grave (I had nightmares all night from the stress of this) so I cancelled my app and sent them a message respectfully stating that I don't think this type of writing is for me.

*sigh* Days of time wasted... so depressing.

I am so sick of acne Day four on epiduo and lymecycline and my initial breakout is starting already. I kinda just want to go back to Dan's bp... I've tried so much shit from the doctor/diet/supplements and the only thing that has ever made any difference is Dan's bp. Do I settle for how my skin is with that or try this new regimen the Derm prescribed and then accutane? I'm scared of accutane... I know plenty of people don't get serious side effects but you have no way of knowing if you will be one of the ones who is severely affected. I'm just so sick of it. All these years of obsessing and feeling ugly. All those thousands of hours to spent painstakingly applying makeup to look just ok. I'm having a hard time in my life in general right now and the acne feels like one bad thing too many. I feel cheated of the kind of life my friends have. I feel diseased when I take my meds. Starting that big lymecycline pill in addition to the eight I was already taking for bipolar and contraception feels like a punch in the stomach. And now my derm tells me she thinks my adult acne is being driven by lithium... So I might end up a toxic drug -accutane just to counter the effects of lithium which is also very toxic. That is if my psychiatrist doesn't veto the accutane that the derm recommended! So sick of this, so sick of trying and never succeeding. I'm so tired of it all.

Not a good day, trying to stay positive but it's tough.

On 5/10/2013 at 12:55 PM, Lilly75 said:

On 5/9/2013 at 3:24 PM, Pianina said:

I caught a little tan myself as well, while studying in the sun, it looks very nice and even today! Otherwise - I'm totally clear, no blemishes, no clogged pores. Hope it will stay that way! I'm going to take pictures of cherry trees today, will post a bit of that beauty for you guys, it's breathtaking!

Jealous Of your skin and that you have cherry trees to go see - I think they're so beautiful! Your new profile photo is really lovely too Great that you're skin is doing well!!

Thanks!

I only accept your jealousy for the cherry trees Nah, to be honest my skin is nothing to be jealous about... It badly needs some resurfacing, but I will only be able to afford it next year. My unlucky cheek and forehead got so much damage during the years, that only serious treatment will be able to reduce it. Besides, I see slight signs of aging at the areas I used to bombard with Duac non stop over a year. Oh well, I'm thankful at least for having no breakouts.

On 5/11/2013 at 5:44 AM, Flaxen said:

I am so sick of acne Day four on epiduo and lymecycline and my initial breakout is starting already. I kinda just want to go back to Dan's bp... I've tried so much shit from the doctor/diet/supplements and the only thing that has ever made any difference is Dan's bp. Do I settle for how my skin is with that or try this new regimen the Derm prescribed and then accutane? I'm scared of accutane... I know plenty of people don't get serious side effects but you have no way of knowing if you will be one of the ones who is severely affected. I'm just so sick of it. All these years of obsessing and feeling ugly. All those thousands of hours to spent painstakingly applying makeup to look just ok. I'm having a hard time in my life in general right now and the acne feels like one bad thing too many. I feel cheated of the kind of life my friends have. I feel diseased when I take my meds. Starting that big lymecycline pill in addition to the eight I was already taking for bipolar and contraception feels like a punch in the stomach. And now my derm tells me she thinks my adult acne is being driven by lithium... So I might end up a toxic drug -accutane just to counter the effects of lithium which is also very toxic. That is if my psychiatrist doesn't veto the accutane that the derm recommended! So sick of this, so sick of trying and never succeeding. I'm so tired of it all.

The lines in bold text - almost identical of what I feel/used to feel. Hang in there, Flaxen!

Ughh - idiot me just used sugar to exfoliate... bad idea. Why did I do that when I KNOW from past experience it does not help my skin!?!! I'll probably have new breakouts from it tomorrow...

@deja - sorry to hear the job didn't work out hopefully something better comes your way soon!

@Flaxen - I know what you mean - dealing with acne and all that can come with it is incredibly tiring. But hang in there!! I hope you see improvements and find something that works for you soon.

 

My dad walked in on me crying this morning. I hate this disease. I feel ugly and I feel like I've done everything! It just keeps coming back! I have three new pimples on the side that I thought was my clear side. I'm never going to find anyone. I'm never going to be pretty. And this sounds really awful, because I'm pre-med and I've got such a bright future, but the one thing that I've wanted more than anything else since the age of 11 is a boyfriend. I've never been in a relationship. And with this ugly face that looks older than my mom's because of all the scarring, I'm probably never going to be in a relationship. :\ My derm says she's going to put me on accutane if I don't clear this time around. I don't want to be on accutane. With my luck, my hair's going to fall out. Plus, this medication scares the shit out of me. My derm thought my face looked bad. :*(

I relate to a lot of what you're saying and to how you're feeling.

I've cried on more than one occasion about my skin - and it's always more than just my skin because acne is more than just a skin issue - it can effect so much of your life... I don't think I've had someone find me crying over it, though my mum's seen me get chocked up or emotional about it if it's come up in conversation.

I often think things like 'I'll never be pretty' too... But I've come to realise that everyone is beautiful in their own way and has something beautiful about them. We are so critical on ourselves it's ridiculous. Others don't see us as harshly as we view ourselves. We should work on being kinder to ourselves! I find that I can be comparing myself to other women and how they look without even realising that's what I'm doing and it will get me upset so easily. I've been making an effort to stop comparing myself with others - especially as far as appearances go - and that helps me. I also relate to what you said about wanting a boyfriend. I turned 20 a few days ago and haven't been in a relationship before. It's something that can upset me if I focus on it and is embarrassing in a way because 'society' seems to think that it's something that should have happened by now. But everyone and their circumstances are different. I think when you say all you've wanted since you were 11 was a boyfriend is probably not the best mind-set to have. Wanting a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend or relationship aren't the right reasons to be starting a relationship in my opinion. Also, in my case at least, I realised that in recent years I've had so much other stuff going on in my life that I just wasn't ready to be involved in a relationship at all, - I wouldn't have been a good girlfriend and it would have hurt me and the guy I'm guessing. I just wasn't 'in the right place' I guess.

Anyway - you still have plenty of time for relationships! And like you said - you have a bright future ahead of you being a pre-med student (the degree I study at uni is often used as a pre-med degree - I'm not planning to go into med but I study with a lot of people who are going that way). You'll have the opportunity to meet a lot of people while studying too. You never know, 'mr. right' could be in one of your classes

What are you doing at the moment for your skin? I hope that whatever it is works for you!! I'd be worried about accutane too and I'd be making sure I'd tried everything else I could first. Even if your derm prescribes accutane, if it scares you too much, you don't have to take it but again - I hope what you're doing now will work for you so you don't have to even think about accutane. So try not to worry about it just now. And there are different treatments you could look into for scarring too.

I don't know if any of that is of help to you at all, (sorry it might have turned into me just talking), but maybe it's at least some comfort to know you're never alone in dealing with acne or in how you're feeling. Hang in there!

Relatively OK.. I cut my short almost bald- a-like. Good thing I don't have any zits. I am currently dealing with acne scars. Almost all of my dark spot have faded which is good.

On 5/11/2013 at 5:44 AM, Flaxen said:

I am so sick of acne Day four on epiduo and lymecycline and my initial breakout is starting already. I kinda just want to go back to Dan's bp... I've tried so much shit from the doctor/diet/supplements and the only thing that has ever made any difference is Dan's bp. Do I settle for how my skin is with that or try this new regimen the Derm prescribed and then accutane? I'm scared of accutane... I know plenty of people don't get serious side effects but you have no way of knowing if you will be one of the ones who is severely affected. I'm just so sick of it. All these years of obsessing and feeling ugly. All those thousands of hours to spent painstakingly applying makeup to look just ok. I'm having a hard time in my life in general right now and the acne feels like one bad thing too many. I feel cheated of the kind of life my friends have. I feel diseased when I take my meds. Starting that big lymecycline pill in addition to the eight I was already taking for bipolar and contraception feels like a punch in the stomach. And now my derm tells me she thinks my adult acne is being driven by lithium... So I might end up a toxic drug -accutane just to counter the effects of lithium which is also very toxic. That is if my psychiatrist doesn't veto the accutane that the derm recommended! So sick of this, so sick of trying and never succeeding. I'm so tired of it all.

What made you quit Dan's BP? I definitely can relate to all of your feelings. Hang in there.

On 5/11/2013 at 12:04 PM, Sum1killme said:

Not a good day, trying to stay positive but it's tough.

You're doing great! I've seen your posts get more positive over the last couple of weeks and I'm really proud of you. I know you're trying so hard. Please keep trying, every day stay as positive as possible. You're going to climb out of this hole and put this behind you one day, I promise. <3

On 5/11/2013 at 3:51 PM, Pianina said:

Thanks!

I only accept your jealousy for the cherry trees Nah, to be honest my skin is nothing to be jealous about... It badly needs some resurfacing, but I will only be able to afford it next year. My unlucky cheek and forehead got so much damage during the years, that only serious treatment will be able to reduce it. Besides, I see slight signs of aging at the areas I used to bombard with Duac non stop over a year. Oh well, I'm thankful at least for having no breakouts.

You look absolutely amazing in your new pic! Like movie-star gorgeous!

 

I am so sick of acne Day four on epiduo and lymecycline and my initial breakout is starting already. I kinda just want to go back to Dan's bp... I've tried so much shit from the doctor/diet/supplements and the only thing that has ever made any difference is Dan's bp. Do I settle for how my skin is with that or try this new regimen the Derm prescribed and then accutane? I'm scared of accutane... I know plenty of people don't get serious side effects but you have no way of knowing if you will be one of the ones who is severely affected. I'm just so sick of it. All these years of obsessing and feeling ugly. All those thousands of hours to spent painstakingly applying makeup to look just ok. I'm having a hard time in my life in general right now and the acne feels like one bad thing too many. I feel cheated of the kind of life my friends have. I feel diseased when I take my meds. Starting that big lymecycline pill in addition to the eight I was already taking for bipolar and contraception feels like a punch in the stomach. And now my derm tells me she thinks my adult acne is being driven by lithium... So I might end up a toxic drug -accutane just to counter the effects of lithium which is also very toxic. That is if my psychiatrist doesn't veto the accutane that the derm recommended! So sick of this, so sick of trying and never succeeding. I'm so tired of it all.

 

The lines in bold text - almost identical of what I feel/used to feel. Hang in there, Flaxen!

Thanks Pianina! I didn't really think anyone would read my little moan, which I didn't mind cos I just needed to have a moan but it's so nice to have people respond who understand! Though of course I wouldn't wish this on anyone... Feeling a bit better today

Ughh - idiot me just used sugar to exfoliate... bad idea. Why did I do that when I KNOW from past experience it does not help my skin!?!! I'll probably have new breakouts from it tomorrow...

@deja - sorry to hear the job didn't work out hopefully something better comes your way soon!

@Flaxen - I know what you mean - dealing with acne and all that can come with it is incredibly tiring. But hang in there!! I hope you see improvements and find something that works for you soon.

Thanks so much Lilly for the support. I think exfoliating with sugar sounds really resourceful! I hope it works out better this time...

What made you quit Dan's BP? I definitely can relate to all of your feelings. Hang in there.

Thanks deja. I finally saw a dermatologist for the first time after 10 years of acne... She recommended accutane but wanted to check with my psychiatrist first. She gave me epiduo and lymecycline as a stop gap. I figured I should do what she told me but I'm a bit afraid of stopping Dan's BP. Maybe I spoke too soon about the initial breakout, my skin doesn't look too active today... fingers crossed :S

Update: My kefir-induced cyst is STILL in the process of healing and I got another new cyst on my forehead, which I think is from ovulation. (even last month when I was totally clear before my period I still got one cyst for ovulation). It's painful and annoying and ugly but it's the only active I have at the moment and the rest of my skin is clear, youthful and smooth, so I'm VERY grateful! Hopefully these two things start to heal before long. Posting some pics to share how I'm doing:

This is the worst of my face ^ The lump on my lower cheek is the kefir-induced cyst. And the dark red splotch on my upper cheek is the worst of my hyper pigmentation. For some reason during the worst of my acne I continually got cysts in that spot so there's a whole cluster of dark marks there. So weird/gross. The AHA is helping but these spots were particularly dark and some were made worse by picking. So it's going to take a while.

But in this pic ^^ You can really see my progress! Remember how red and spotted my chin used to be? The AHA is fading all of that hyperpigmentation down to almost nothing. I'm not wearing BB cream or anything in this pic. Just plain skin. The regimen has really made a huge difference. I just need to stick to it and not touch any probiotic foods ever again.

Also I decided to comb out all but one of my dreadlocks. It's going to take a while but I started last night and my hair is going to be so long! Even with them half combed out it's already to my butt. I'm going to get bright-color hair extensions and mix them in and have silky-smooth sexy hair again. I love my dreads but now that they are mature they're just too damn heavy and they pull at my skull and cause headaches and stuff. I just feel like they are weighing me down and I kind of miss having silky, soft hair. I feel like I need a sleek new look to go with my healing skin. So the next few days are probably going to be spent soaking my hair in deep conditioner and going at it with a comb. Will post pics on my blog when I get it done.

@dejaclairevoyant - You're skin looks amazing in the second pic! You can barely tell you had acne there. Do you definitely think it is the aha rather than time that is fading your marks? I was using aha (alpha hydrox rather than Dan's due to import cost) and my marks have faded significantly but I don't know how much they would have faded anyway. I've had to stop using it now on epiduo but the retinoid should help maybe.

Generally feeling better about my skin (although not about my life!) I'm leaning away from the idea of taking accutane. I'm not sure my skin is bad enough and I'm not sure it's worth the risk... Although the idea of taking something that could solve all my skin problems is very tempting! But perhaps that outcome is unlikely anyway...

Somehow even 1 pimple has become too much for me to deal with. Scarring will do that to you I guess and it's even worse now that my skin is much more prone to scarring at 25. Of course I never get small pimples that go away in a few days. Every single one that I get is under the skin and takes weeks to go away. Unfortunately I had to quit my "cure" of fermented cod liver oil as I am convinced that it somehow caused me to get 2 terrible staph infections on my face that required me to go to the hospital both times. It reduced the oil on my face dramatically in only a few weeks without any visible side effects such as dry lips or skin but I think it made me susceptible to infection. Could be a coincidence but I am not willing to risk it again.

Either way, starting Accutane in a month. I read some guy say this on another forum regarding Accutane and it really hit home:

"get accutane and risk the side effects or run the risk of living the rest of your life as a pathetic shell of a man. super serious"

On 5/12/2013 at 11:40 PM, spartan32 said:

Somehow even 1 pimple has become too much for me to deal with. Scarring will do that to you I guess and it's even worse now that my skin is much more prone to scarring at 25. Of course I never get small pimples that go away in a few days. Every single one that I get is under the skin and takes weeks to go away. Unfortunately I had to quit my "cure" of fermented cod liver oil as I am convinced that it somehow caused me to get 2 terrible staph infections on my face that required me to go to the hospital both times. It reduced the oil on my face dramatically in only a few weeks without any visible side effects such as dry lips or skin but I think it made me susceptible to infection. Could be a coincidence but I am not willing to risk it again.

Either way, starting Accutane in a month. I read some guy say this on another forum regarding Accutane and it really hit home:

"get accutane and risk the side effects or run the risk of living the rest of your life as a pathetic shell of a man. super serious"

Good quote! A few years ago I would definitely have taken it whatever the risk because my acne was impacting my life so much and I was just a student. Now I'm scared the side effects (depression mainly as I'm high risk) might stop me from working and my acne doesn't really stop me from doing anything, it just means I have to get up two hours earlier than everyone else to put on makeup - I'm exhausted before I even leave the house! Still very glad I'm a girl though for that reason, must be tough for guys not really having that option because it does make a massive difference to how I look and feel.

Update: My kefir-induced cyst is STILL in the process of healing and I got another new cyst on my forehead, which I think is from ovulation. (even last month when I was totally clear before my period I still got one cyst for ovulation). It's painful and annoying and ugly but it's the only active I have at the moment and the rest of my skin is clear, youthful and smooth, so I'm VERY grateful! Hopefully these two things start to heal before long. Posting some pics to share how I'm doing:

This is the worst of my face ^ The lump on my lower cheek is the kefir-induced cyst. And the dark red splotch on my upper cheek is the worst of my hyper pigmentation. For some reason during the worst of my acne I continually got cysts in that spot so there's a whole cluster of dark marks there. So weird/gross. The AHA is helping but these spots were particularly dark and some were made worse by picking. So it's going to take a while.

But in this pic ^^ You can really see my progress! Remember how red and spotted my chin used to be? The AHA is fading all of that hyperpigmentation down to almost nothing. I'm not wearing BB cream or anything in this pic. Just plain skin. The regimen has really made a huge difference. I just need to stick to it and not touch any probiotic foods ever again.

Also I decided to comb out all but one of my dreadlocks. It's going to take a while but I started last night and my hair is going to be so long! Even with them half combed out it's already to my butt. I'm going to get bright-color hair extensions and mix them in and have silky-smooth sexy hair again. I love my dreads but now that they are mature they're just too damn heavy and they pull at my skull and cause headaches and stuff. I just feel like they are weighing me down and I kind of miss having silky, soft hair. I feel like I need a sleek new look to go with my healing skin. So the next few days are probably going to be spent soaking my hair in deep conditioner and going at it with a comb. Will post pics on my blog when I get it done.

Your skin is looking really nice, Deja! Super smooth. I'm glad you're seeing improvements. That AHA seems to be a miracle worker for dark spots. And the idea for the new hair sounds awesome. I need to get my hair cut soon, I've had it long for almost 2 years now.

 

Somehow even 1 pimple has become too much for me to deal with. Scarring will do that to you I guess and it's even worse now that my skin is much more prone to scarring at 25. Of course I never get small pimples that go away in a few days. Every single one that I get is under the skin and takes weeks to go away. Unfortunately I had to quit my "cure" of fermented cod liver oil as I am convinced that it somehow caused me to get 2 terrible staph infections on my face that required me to go to the hospital both times. It reduced the oil on my face dramatically in only a few weeks without any visible side effects such as dry lips or skin but I think it made me susceptible to infection. Could be a coincidence but I am not willing to risk it again.

Either way, starting Accutane in a month. I read some guy say this on another forum regarding Accutane and it really hit home:

"get accutane and risk the side effects or run the risk of living the rest of your life as a pathetic shell of a man. super serious"

Good quote! A few years ago I would definitely have taken it whatever the risk because my acne was impacting my life so much and I was just a student. Now I'm scared the side effects (depression mainly as I'm high risk) might stop me from working and my acne doesn't really stop me from doing anything, it just means I have to get up two hours earlier than everyone else to put on makeup - I'm exhausted before I even leave the house! Still very glad I'm a girl though for that reason, must be tough for guys not really having that option because it does make a massive difference to how I look and feel.

Honestly I have been changing my mind on Accutane for about 7 years now. I always kept convincing myself that my skin is not that bad and it will go away. Diet after diet and supplement after supplement has given me obsessive tendencies toward food that makes me question everything that I eat. I finally have come to terms with the fact that it will never go away at almost 26 years old and that it is just fools gold every time I clear up. It is literally a roller coaster and I decided that it is time to stop fooling myself and do what is necessary.

It does suck not being able to cover my skin with anything but I know all too well having to wake up early and make sure that I am home at a certain time at night so I can apply my BP. It literally runs my life. The thought of not having to be a slave to a topical routine or get up early to apply makeup in your case does sound amazing doesn't it?

Regarding the side effects. I feel like they are massively exaggerated and I blindly believed in them all for too long. The king of broscience thread, "repairing the long term damage of accutane" should have a huge disclaimer to alert people not to buy into the b.s. It had turned me and probably many other people off to a drug that could have otherwise saved us a ton of anxiety and stress. In my mind, Accutane was 100 percent going to turn me into a bald, suicidal man with crohn's disease and erectile dysfunction if I was lucky to only escape with that. Of course some people experience some side effects and that is undeniable but other people are too quick to blame Accutane for every single problem in their life. I see stories of guys in their early 20's saying that Accutane has caused them hair loss. I have so many friends in their early to mid 20s that have never taken Accutane and are fully bald or seriously thinning. Is it the Accutane or the fact that many guys are just genetically prone to start losing hair around this age?

Sorry for the rant but good luck with what you decide to do!

 

Somehow even 1 pimple has become too much for me to deal with. Scarring will do that to you I guess and it's even worse now that my skin is much more prone to scarring at 25. Of course I never get small pimples that go away in a few days. Every single one that I get is under the skin and takes weeks to go away. Unfortunately I had to quit my "cure" of fermented cod liver oil as I am convinced that it somehow caused me to get 2 terrible staph infections on my face that required me to go to the hospital both times. It reduced the oil on my face dramatically in only a few weeks without any visible side effects such as dry lips or skin but I think it made me susceptible to infection. Could be a coincidence but I am not willing to risk it again.

Either way, starting Accutane in a month. I read some guy say this on another forum regarding Accutane and it really hit home:

"get accutane and risk the side effects or run the risk of living the rest of your life as a pathetic shell of a man. super serious"

Good quote! A few years ago I would definitely have taken it whatever the risk because my acne was impacting my life so much and I was just a student. Now I'm scared the side effects (depression mainly as I'm high risk) might stop me from working and my acne doesn't really stop me from doing anything, it just means I have to get up two hours earlier than everyone else to put on makeup - I'm exhausted before I even leave the house! Still very glad I'm a girl though for that reason, must be tough for guys not really having that option because it does make a massive difference to how I look and feel.

Honestly I have been changing my mind on Accutane for about 7 years now. I always kept convincing myself that my skin is not that bad and it will go away. Diet after diet and supplement after supplement has given me obsessive tendencies toward food that makes me question everything that I eat. I finally have come to terms with the fact that it will never go away at almost 26 years old and that it is just fools gold every time I clear up. It is literally a roller coaster and I decided that it is time to stop fooling myself and do what is necessary.

It does suck not being able to cover my skin with anything but I know all too well having to wake up early and make sure that I am home at a certain time at night so I can apply my BP. It literally runs my life. The thought of not having to be a slave to a topical routine or get up early to apply makeup in your case does sound amazing doesn't it?

Regarding the side effects. I feel like they are massively exaggerated and I blindly believed in them all for too long. The king of broscience thread, "repairing the long term damage of accutane" should have a huge disclaimer to alert people not to buy into the b.s. It had turned me and probably many other people off to a drug that could have otherwise saved us a ton of anxiety and stress. In my mind, Accutane was 100 percent going to turn me into a bald, suicidal man with crohn's disease and erectile dysfunction if I was lucky to only escape with that. Of course some people experience some side effects and that is undeniable but other people are too quick to blame Accutane for every single problem in their life. I see stories of guys in their early 20's saying that Accutane has caused them hair loss. I have so many friends in their early to mid 20s that have never taken Accutane and are fully bald or seriously thinning. Is it the Accutane or the fact that many guys are just genetically prone to start losing hair around this age?

Sorry for the rant but good luck with what you decide to do!

You know what, even minute to minute I change my mind about this! I just wish I could make a decision! And you're right, all those hours of makeup application, not a good option. I would LOVE to not have to do that. I think it's important to remember you can always come off it if you start to get intolerable side effects... So now I'm leaning towards accutane again because I AM SO SICK OF ACNE! I want it gone and accutane is the only thing that gives you a chance of that... I'm nearly 26 too, and I went thought the whole food obsession thing as well (I had a full blown eating disorder that took three years of therapy to fix!) Tons of supplements, topicals and pills... And you're right, all these routines, it is like being enslaved! I want to be free! (You should be a motivational speaker )

Its pretty much f*ck life right now. being a grown ass man with zero confidence is the worst.

Still no zits is been probably 2.5 months I'm still.taking b5 3 grams a day by next month I'm going to cut it to 1.5 grams daily .

I'm now working on my uneven rough dry skin

Aveeno seems to be working ok but is only been a week.

Update: My kefir-induced cyst is STILL in the process of healing and I got another new cyst on my forehead, which I think is from ovulation. (even last month when I was totally clear before my period I still got one cyst for ovulation). It's painful and annoying and ugly but it's the only active I have at the moment and the rest of my skin is clear, youthful and smooth, so I'm VERY grateful! Hopefully these two things start to heal before long. Posting some pics to share how I'm doing:

This is the worst of my face ^ The lump on my lower cheek is the kefir-induced cyst. And the dark red splotch on my upper cheek is the worst of my hyper pigmentation. For some reason during the worst of my acne I continually got cysts in that spot so there's a whole cluster of dark marks there. So weird/gross. The AHA is helping but these spots were particularly dark and some were made worse by picking. So it's going to take a while.

But in this pic ^^ You can really see my progress! Remember how red and spotted my chin used to be? The AHA is fading all of that hyperpigmentation down to almost nothing. I'm not wearing BB cream or anything in this pic. Just plain skin. The regimen has really made a huge difference. I just need to stick to it and not touch any probiotic foods ever again.

Also I decided to comb out all but one of my dreadlocks. It's going to take a while but I started last night and my hair is going to be so long! Even with them half combed out it's already to my butt. I'm going to get bright-color hair extensions and mix them in and have silky-smooth sexy hair again. I love my dreads but now that they are mature they're just too damn heavy and they pull at my skull and cause headaches and stuff. I just feel like they are weighing me down and I kind of miss having silky, soft hair. I feel like I need a sleek new look to go with my healing skin. So the next few days are probably going to be spent soaking my hair in deep conditioner and going at it with a comb. Will post pics on my blog when I get it done.

You're skin is looking great - Congrats on the progress!

I think I'm more annoyed at not being able to try Dan's AHA, because of the shipping costs to where I am, than I am about not being able to trying the regimen! One of my biggest concerns with my skin is hyper-pigmentation because I have a lot of it and AHA sounds amazing for most people in helping with it. Hopefully I can find an alternative to that in stores here....

I like your plan for the new hairstyle too with the bright coloured extensions (you could even try hair chalks - though extensions might be easier than using the chalks everyday).

Ughh - idiot me just used sugar to exfoliate... bad idea. Why did I do that when I KNOW from past experience it does not help my skin!?!! I'll probably have new breakouts from it tomorrow...

@deja - sorry to hear the job didn't work out hopefully something better comes your way soon!

@Flaxen - I know what you mean - dealing with acne and all that can come with it is incredibly tiring. But hang in there!! I hope you see improvements and find something that works for you soon.

 

 

My dad walked in on me crying this morning. I hate this disease. I feel ugly and I feel like I've done everything! It just keeps coming back! I have three new pimples on the side that I thought was my clear side. I'm never going to find anyone. I'm never going to be pretty. And this sounds really awful, because I'm pre-med and I've got such a bright future, but the one thing that I've wanted more than anything else since the age of 11 is a boyfriend. I've never been in a relationship. And with this ugly face that looks older than my mom's because of all the scarring, I'm probably never going to be in a relationship. :\ My derm says she's going to put me on accutane if I don't clear this time around. I don't want to be on accutane. With my luck, my hair's going to fall out. Plus, this medication scares the shit out of me. My derm thought my face looked bad. 🙁 :*(

I relate to a lot of what you're saying and to how you're feeling.

I've cried on more than one occasion about my skin - and it's always more than just my skin because acne is more than just a skin issue - it can effect so much of your life... I don't think I've had someone find me crying over it, though my mum's seen me get chocked up or emotional about it if it's come up in conversation.

I often think things like 'I'll never be pretty' too... But I've come to realise that everyone is beautiful in their own way and has something beautiful about them. We are so critical on ourselves it's ridiculous. Others don't see us as harshly as we view ourselves. We should work on being kinder to ourselves! I find that I can be comparing myself to other women and how they look without even realising that's what I'm doing and it will get me upset so easily. I've been making an effort to stop comparing myself with others - especially as far as appearances go - and that helps me. I also relate to what you said about wanting a boyfriend. I turned 20 a few days ago and haven't been in a relationship before. It's something that can upset me if I focus on it and is embarrassing in a way because 'society' seems to think that it's something that should have happened by now. But everyone and their circumstances are different. I think when you say all you've wanted since you were 11 was a boyfriend is probably not the best mind-set to have. Wanting a boyfriend for the sake of having a boyfriend or relationship aren't the right reasons to be starting a relationship in my opinion. Also, in my case at least, I realised that in recent years I've had so much other stuff going on in my life that I just wasn't ready to be involved in a relationship at all, - I wouldn't have been a good girlfriend and it would have hurt me and the guy I'm guessing. I just wasn't 'in the right place' I guess.

Anyway - you still have plenty of time for relationships! And like you said - you have a bright future ahead of you being a pre-med student (the degree I study at uni is often used as a pre-med degree - I'm not planning to go into med but I study with a lot of people who are going that way). You'll have the opportunity to meet a lot of people while studying too. You never know, 'mr. right' could be in one of your classes

What are you doing at the moment for your skin? I hope that whatever it is works for you!! I'd be worried about accutane too and I'd be making sure I'd tried everything else I could first. Even if your derm prescribes accutane, if it scares you too much, you don't have to take it but again - I hope what you're doing now will work for you so you don't have to even think about accutane. So try not to worry about it just now. And there are different treatments you could look into for scarring too.

I don't know if any of that is of help to you at all, (sorry it might have turned into me just talking), but maybe it's at least some comfort to know you're never alone in dealing with acne or in how you're feeling. Hang in there!

Lily, I hope you don't think I'm some boy crazed girl! I don't pin my self worth on guys! Far from it. I would choose my mind over my looks any day! It is highly valuable to me. I'm also a sister and a friend and a role model. That said, every girl watched Disney movies and read love stories and most girls hoped they would find someone for them one day. That's what I mean. I don't want a boyfriend to have a boyfriend. I want someone for companionship. For those hugs and touches you don't get from friends. For me, it's not that I desperately want someone but no one will ask me out; it is that my acne has led me to pull myself away from any possibility of such a thing. I feel disgusted when I think of myself in a relationship, because I'm disgusted by myself. Because my response to romantic interest is "what's wrong with him?!?" I'm thriving in all other aspects of my life, but in a sense, I've committed romantic suicide. A relationship is very much about the physical, even if you're not having sex. ( which is not happening until I'm Ina very committed relationship. Engaged, maybe.) It's googly eyes and handholding and a lot of other stuff I'm sure. It's also. Defining yourself by another person. Who the hell wants to define themselves like that when they are at their worst? It's really hard to explain, but I can't think of MYSELF in a romantic light... If i don't find myself attractive in some sense of the word, I can't imagine being in a relationship which involves someone else attracted to me. That's the scary thing; I can't ever imagine myself in a relationship. I've turned that part of myself off. I can't make eye contact with guys I find attractive. Most of the time, I just mentally whip myself for finding someone attractive because It makes me feel like its useless and pointless to think about it. I can't explain it any better than: I've stopped seeing myself as someone capable of romance. I feel...impotent almost.

Thanks for trying to cheer me up though! I do feel a bit better from a few days ago.

I'm using tazorac, which I've been using for a year now, it worked, but my acne's started coming back. My derm recently prescribed me aczone on top of it. I also think maybe exfoliation is the problem bc my skin started getting worse in the cold weather. I tried vitamin d and that didn't work. So I might start using some SA from neutrogena in the mornings. We'll see.