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Lookforhope

Perfect to live ?

Hello everyone !! 

I have been looking to this forum A LOT these last weeks and I was so happy to share my story because I never did before with my family/friend.

Today I am thinking about something for those who are depressed on their acne/scars.

These day, I am thinking a lot of my life before acne and scars. 

I am like : « why did I have a depression before this disease, why wasn’t I happy? » 

When I am thinking about it, i wasn’t very happy before I had acne. I mean by my look/self confidence. When I had just one pimple, I didn’t leave the house ahah today it seems kind of funny

I was concentrated on the only “problem” I had (my teeth, eyes, weight, stretchmarks..) and never felt very good with myself.

I am just wondering if once in our life we can be grateful on what we HAVE and don’t always see our flaws? 

Seriously when I think about these times when I didn’t have these problems i want to go back but in fact, when I was there (in my 18yo girl’s body) I wasn’t happy.

I am thinking right now that maybe when we have something (perfect skin, perfect legs I don’t know) we can not be grateful and when we lose it we would do everything to get it back. I have my two legs for example and maybe if I lose them one day I would say to myself : « I should have been happier when I had my leg »

When I feel very depressed about my scars I am thinking that I should be grateful about all things I HAVE, before they go and never return. 

Moreover imagine you could get rid of scars 90% .. will you try to achieve perfection or accept it ? And even if one day you achieve 100% flawless skin .. Will you be happy the rest of your life and very thankful about your skin ? I think we get used to it, happy for sure during several mounth and then forget it and focus on another “flaw”

Sometimes I think i will Iive my life when I will get rid of my skin problems but seriously is it worth ? We don’t have to be PERFECT to start living well.. What can we say about people with disfigured face or big physical problem ?

Of course I am not confident with my flaws but I HOPE to be one day.
And at the same time I hope everyone could get rid of their scars because it can destroy self esteem.
But I think the main problem is in our mind and linked to society which tells us how to look like.  

What do you think guys about all of this ? 

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Fixing your skin will not make you happy but it will allow you to turn your attention elsewhere.

My skin was actually nice after my fat transfer, and although it didn't last, I had about five years where I rarely thought about my skin. I would not say that I was happy during that time (happiness is something that eludes me) but I concentrated on work.

Something similar is happening now. This term I had a light load and not much to do, and I started obsessing over my flaws again. But yesterday I received outstanding news regarding work and an upcoming accelerated workload and so I will be obsessing over my new job instead of my skin. It's much healthier for me to think about work than my skin.

I hope that we all find somewhere else to move our obsessions. I think we will always have this subtype of ruminating on unpleasant things. The trick is to displace these repetitive thoughts to a healthier topic!

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I understand your point of view. 
Yes focusing on other stuff is healthier than being completly obsessive about our skin. 
However, one day we look at our face and it starts again with obsession. 
When i had my body obsessions the 5 past years, I wasn’t thinking at all about it during winter because I didn’t have to show it. So it wasn’t an obsession I was focusing on work, social life..
But when summer came, each time I was very depressed about it.
The point is to ACCEPT our flaws I think and not only to focus on other things because it is not a long term solution.. 

One day, I saw a post on that forum of a guy called Cameron I think I couldn’t find it anymore. He said that he managed to accept his scars because he did meditation during 6 years. He was also saying that now he liked his scars and was happy with them. 

I think this is the ultimate goal.

EDIT

I just found the post of Cameron 5 years ago .. very inspiring ! 
 

 

Edited by Lookforhope

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Treating acne scars or facial scars is 50% psychological and 50% physical. A good specialist can get you to the point of improving scars so that other people can not notice them in normal situations. This should give one more confidence. If you are 'looking for scars' you are on the path of self destruction. 
The other situation applies whereby people are secure with their scarring, and hence nothing needs to be done, the other extreme is body dysmorphic disorder, in that case seeing a psychologist is important. Getting into the head of the person who suffers from scarring is the MOST IMPORTANT aspect of revising scars. Understanding BOTH the psychological impact AND the physical scar type is what 99% of doctors do not understand. The ones that do, stand out. 

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You present a false dichotomy. Obi Wan's 50/50 balanced approach is more in line with my view. You can improve scarring, and still step back and have perspective of what's important. There are a minority of cases where scarring is so disfiguring, that i can see it overwhelming one's life.

Edited by Vidrar

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Lookforhope, if you ever find the secret to not obsessing over flaws, please let me know. :) It would be so nice to just live and not feel like everyone is disgusted by our flaws, whatever they may be. What is confidence, anyway? What is self-esteem? Why do we care what others may think? Why do we care what we look like? At the end of the day, what does it all matter? I ask myself these questions a lot, and yet I still seem to care way too much...

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Of course you can improve your scars AND improve your self confidence/acceptation of them. Hopefully today there are plenty of treatments to improve scars with 50%, 70% and 90% improvements for some people. 
I am trying to do both too. But sometimes I think about my scars 24/24 of the day and at the end, I just missed lots of occasions to be happy.
And yes foxygoddess what is the fucking point to be self conscious everyday of your life ? At the end of your life, all of that is useless. I could die tomorrow and thinking I would have spent my last years crying about my appearance is unbearable.

So yes, the inside problem is very important  

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So see a psychologist. I did with my problem, and I am better. A dermatologist or plastic surgeon can only help you with the physical aspects of scarring. You are evoking self pity and negativity on this forum, and everyone here is present to help YOU. We understand what you are going through  - get your life sorted, and you will be happier. All the best, if you are lookingforhope, we are dishing it out to you in shovel loads. 

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Thank you Obi wan I am actually considering a psychotherapy which would be very helpful. This is very hard to deal with, because of the « permanence » of the situation, thinking that maybe you will never get rid of these scars.. for life.. it is hard
And thinking we can transform a person to become a man/woman but cannot regrow skin today... it’s not fair
But there are worse things in life and I have to stop obsessing about this, I hope I will not to o late 

Edited by Lookforhope

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Don’t lose hope!!

You are not defined by your scars, it doesn’t make you a different person than before
I am considering having an hypnosis soon to accept myself more and treat the stress and anxiety. 
I lost 2 years of my life because of my acne/scars and now I am going to act : psychologist/therapy can help a lot ! People with no skin problems are focusing on their nose, wrinkles, hair... there is always something 
We have to treat the inside before and everything will be fine 

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