Here is my story, it all began at the age of 12 that's when for the first time in my life I woke up one morning with huge zits on my face ever since then my life has been shit. High school was a messed up experience for me and has been the biggest reason why I haven't continued my studies due to having absolutely no self confidence. As a result I'm currently working some shit factory job as a temp, where I get treated like an incompetent fool by some female bitch that's my manager and I get made fun of by every low life wet back, old hag or dumb fuck in the factory. I can't stand living this way anymore, I never get any respect as a human being or as an adult. Nor did I in high school, the only time I ever banged a girl was when I paid for sex with some nasty whores. Females never show any attraction to me, because my face is fucked.
It's a combination of issues that all add up to me looking literally retarded, as you'll see in the pictures below my eyes are crooked as fuck and so is my nose, on top of that my bottom row teeth are crooked and I have of course the scars left over from my teen years. I burned my left eye a little in my late teens doing some stupid shit and broke my nose doing something dumb too. Now people take me for an idiot even though I know im smarter then all of those fucks, but as of late I've been feeling less sharp due to picking up a drinking habit just to deal with the daily bull shit I go through.
I'm 23 now and it's been five years since hs, since then I've gotten fired from every job because I just couldn't handle the daily bull shit people gave me because of my appearance. As a result I haven't been able to get the money to address these expensive issues. My stupid mom wonders why I'm such a failure at life, but when I Tell her it's because I'm ugly. She thinks it's all in my head, bull shit not according to just about everyone I've ever meet in the past 10 fucking years. My father completely failed my too divorcing my mother when I was 11 and never living up to his financial responsibility as a father to give me child support money. Money that as an adult I would have used to fix my face, for this reason I don't talk to that cheep fuck anymore. The only good thing about my mom is that she's let me live with here for some years as an adult but what good is it when my life fucking sucks ass.
Believe it or not, due to being threatened on being kicked out I joined the army when I was 21, of course I failed basic combat training and honestly I knew I'd never succeed because I was totally unprepared for such a thing. My point is thought that even in bct I was treated like an outsider lol the drill Sargent all hated me and I knew they didn't want people like me to join. So you see in life it's not what you do, its what you look like that allows you to become who you are. Good looking people get nothing but positive reinforcement from society in general, which is the only reason why they think of themselves so highly. When in reality they are no different from anyone else, but all the dumb fucks make them think otherwise.
Ok let's recap and highlight why my life currently sucks and has sucked for 11 years now.
-have had acne since I was 12, resulting in acne scars
-3rd world parents did a shit job for preparing me on becoming an adult
-never had the money to fix my aesthetic issues, resulting in little to no sex for Years (that's hell for a young man)
-everyone treats me like a freak because I look this way, and I do mean everyone.
-never started college because high school was so bad for me, so now I work a physically demanding blue collar shit job, that pays shit.
-my life experience has been fucked up all because of how I look.
Sigh.. so what's the plan to turn this around? Well since I'm an atheist miracles are out of the question. But I have come up with something so drastic, so crazy, so extordinarry that it just might work. Are you ready to hear my grand plan to getting my life back? OK here it is and that is that in order to improve my life I'm going to have to change my identity by undergoing numerous plastic surgery procedures, going to the dentist to fix my teeth and finally visiting the dermatologist to see what can be done about the scars. That's it, that's all I need to do to become an Alpha male and start fucking these dumb shallow cock sucking whores like the boss I know I am. Sounds pretty strait forward right? That's because it fucking is, it's common since that in order to make an awesome life for myself the way I want it to be, I'm going to have to take certain measures, that being the above. So great, I can finally move on with my life and start living the dream! Wrong, you schmuck did you forget the part when I said, I'm a poor first generation american that has parents that came from God Dame central America? So I have no money to begin what I have dubbed "project new beginning" if I succeed it will be the greatest achievement of my life, seeing as how from this one step alone I will change my life forever. I know as kids they teach us to be nice but as adults people are frighteningly stupid, cruel and down right cynical to each other. I've already done the resurch as to how much money and what operations I'll have to do.
-I'm going to need a 15 to 25 thousand dollar loan to improve my face to a level that satisfies me.
-I want to change my nose, raising my eye and get a chin implant possibly a full jaw implant.
Based off of what is considered attractive in today's society these steps should vastly improve my looks and in turn help me regain my self confidence, something that I lost over a decade ago. I'm currently trying to increase my credit history so that the bank will be willing to loan me the amount I'm asking for. My credit score is currently 718 I have 4 credit cards all from reputable companies such as, Capitol one, American express, discover and chase. In total I have around a 6k$ credit limit for them combined. But we know that's not enough to do the things I want to due Which again is change my identity aka buy a new face.
So in conclusion after years of failure I'm going to devote myself to this singular purpose in order to try and change my life forever, in the mean time I'll be the fool people take me to be at my shit job all for the sake of my ultimate goal, my dream, my new beginning. For those religious folk, I guess you can say I'll be born again lol. Not of spirit, but of nip and tuck haha. Right now I'm in a prime position to accomplish my goal because my mom and step dad are allowing to live with them for a few more years, giving me the time needed to scrounge up the funds for my project. Also, seeing as I consider my self a mghow that is a (man going his own way) I don't ever want to get married or have children so that pressure is off. Instead I'm going to become an Alpha male and fuck all these cunts after my vesictamy of course...
So that's it guys after 11 years of acne, having an unattractive face and no confidence. I've come to the conclusion that this is what I want to do with my life and I won't stop until I make it true or die trying I'm done giving a fuck. I'm done caring about what people say, the smirks I get, the laughs at my face, the ridicule and humiliation I have experienced for 11 mother fucking years. I managed to not end up in prison or the graveyard for this long after all this bull shit, that I believe would have ended many other weak minding fools outhere. But not me, not this warrior, not this bad ass two timing, greedy, obnoxious, load mouth, asshole from hell compliments of the good old USA haha. But seriously, at this point there's nothing left to do but chase my dream. I'll get there guys, it's only a matter of time now........ thanks for reading, good luck to all you guys on your own Journey. Wish me luck to
Since I couldn't decide what pictures to post I chose 30 random selfies that I have been taking throughoutmy days all from this year. Some are from a recent hair cut others I've grown some facial hair and a few are from the side and bottom angleft. Feel free to leave be as brutally honest of an opinion as you feel. In fact I kind of want that guys lol.
I've been a member of the org for some time now since I was in high school, so this place has been a sanctuary for me over the years. Any inputs or advice would be appreciated thanks for reading.... later!
5 hours ago, AlexanderJ86 said:I am going to be very honest with you here. I think you are a very normal looking guy and I also think that you have BDD.
Thanks friend, I'll admit that after my traumatic experience with acne during my teen years. I may have developed a former of bdd, nonetheless I still feel I have a few trouble areas that I'd like to address. Just to give me the extra push from average to above average.
...That's it, that's all I need to do to become an Alpha male and start fucking these dumb shallow cock sucking whores like the boss I know I am. Sounds pretty strait forward right?...
LOL. Nice.
So this thread is where the action is huh? I'll be sure to follow.
Really though dude... for real. I mean, being stuck in a factory or some shit and cowing down to corporate masters. Fuk that bullsheet. And they wonder why depression runs rampant these days. Between the vending machines and your widely accepted 9-5, it's all a bit like the hamster wheel and pellet dispenser.
But in a way you're right. In today's society if you're looks are average or below you're pretty much fighting an uphill battle against that perfect persona that's advertised everywhere. First impressions do mean a lot. Our problem is that our "expectations" have been elevated so highly that they're no longer realistic. And I think that that is largely the root of the problem in terms of people seeking perfection.
So it's not surprising people go nuts and shoot up places. The way we live just isn't the way it's supposed to be.
It can be said that marketing and what not has a real effect on people psychologically. Because the core of marketing is essentially to create an anxiety - the motivator to drive a pruchase - and then offer up some convenient solution to be sold. That you won't be "sexy" enough, or "fit" enough or whatever the hell unless you buy this, that the other. We have major problems with anxiety, depression and the like. It's because we're always made to feel like we're missing something or that we're somehow not adequate "enough" in some aspect no matter what we do or where we go.
It can drive people nuts, literally.
No matter where you are, there's always another ad to bombard you waiting to cash in on one of your insecurities.
The paradox of choice is a really good book where the author spells this out in detail about how abundant choice and modern living really leads to depression. About how our choices - even those you're not aware you're making - can become liabilities and weigh on us psychologically. It's all a sort of psychological noise that distracts us from what's really important and ultimately detracts from any satisfaction we might get out of life.
With a wealth of choices, we have to make a tradeoff and turn down the option we didn't choose. But making a tradeoff is inherently a process that humans don't like to make, because it represents a "loss" in some way. And the more choices we make, the more "losses" we accumulate in our minds, which lowers the satisfaction we derive from the one we actually do choose. Each option has attractive features that the others don't but by the time you've sampled them all, it makes your final choice seem less than stellar and thus, less satisfaction in the end.
When you factor in adaptation - where we become accustomed to the things we own and no longer appreciate them - you can see why people often go on shopping sprees where they constantly buy new things. It's to maintain a state of "novelty" or things that are new to try and maintain happiness even though in time those choices will no longer be as valuable as they were at the time of purchase and the satisfaction from them is short-lived. We end up in a state of trying to buy our way to happiness. And it usually doesn't work.
It helps to understand why some people who have only a little are often very happy while those who have a lot sometimes are not. The constant bombardment of information can lead to overload and in time becomes a burden on us rather than help us.
It's very interesting in that the roots of depression may have a lot to do with the world that's out there and separate from us. And if it's true, then it's not something that an antidepressant pill will fix.
I hear everything you're saying. I do however think your issues are more internal than external. You'd be surprised as the thoughts that we have about ourselves can become reality, especially if they've been left to fester for years and years and years. If you are open to wanting to change those patterns, i highly recommend you find a therapist who will work with you and not just throw meds at you. You look like any regular person that i would see on the street but you seem sad. Trust me when i say, we all have resentment towards something but at the end of the day, is it worth being angry at your dad, your mom, your peers, your coworkers when they don't even know about it? It seems like such wasted energy. They are living life and not thinking about you so why waste your time focusing on them. I personally do not think you need surgery or acne treatment of any kind but if you insist, i'd recommend you do the whole counseling thing for a few months and then revaluate. It didn't take you a few weeks to get to this point emotionally and it won't take you a few weeks to get out of it.
Start small.
Maybe take some online classes so you won't have to interact with people until you're ready to
Get a job where people are nice (barnes and noble for instance)
get a pet (they love unconditionally)
Work with your therapist on goals that get you socializing again.
I'm sorry that you are going through this but it will not go away on it's own until you take the steps needed to address it.
All i can really say is that you are not alone.
8 hours ago, leelowe1 said:I hear everything you're saying. I do however think your issues are more internal than external. You'd be surprised as the thoughts that we have about ourselves can become reality, especially if they've been left to fester for years and years and years. If you are open to wanting to change those patterns, i highly recommend you find a therapist who will work with you and not just throw meds at you. You look like any regular person that i would see on the street but you seem sad. Trust me when i say, we all have resentment towards something but at the end of the day, is it worth being angry at your dad, your mom, your peers, your coworkers when they don't even know about it? It seems like such wasted energy. They are living life and not thinking about you so why waste your time focusing on them. I personally do not think you need surgery or acne treatment of any kind but if you insist, i'd recommend you do the whole counseling thing for a few months and then revaluate. It didn't take you a few weeks to get to this point emotionally and it won't take you a few weeks to get out of it.
Start small.
Maybe take some online classes so you won't have to interact with people until you're ready to
Get a job where people are nice (barnes and noble for instance)
get a pet (they love unconditionally)
Work with your therapist on goals that get you socializing again.
I'm sorry that you are going through this but it will not go away on it's own until you take the steps needed to address it.
All i can really say is that you are not alone.
Great advice here!
hey man i read everything....i'll totally honest
for your skin.....you have nothing ....no acne ....not even scars....people will kill to have your skin right now
i think you should accept ur self as nothing is wrong with u in my eyes and eyes most people in the world
i really think you should use that money to do something in your life ....maybe go back and actually study university ...ur still young or maybe find a better job....i know its easier said than done.....but trust me mate.....even if you follow your plan and get everything you want .....that's not a satsifying life .....you own to your self to live the life you want ...not the life society wants for you
and for the romantic part ......personally i have a gf who loves for who i am...;despite i told her many times that i prefer she would be with someone more perfect than me....she refused each time she even get agry at me for talking about this subject
that's true love for you and no number of superficiel sex can match that
so i urge to look deep down in ur soul for the thing u trully want ...not what ur society wants
peace bro
life is so unfair. ever since I got this fucking decease is to be normal like everyone else.. sigh
