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orlando158

I Haven't Been To The Beach Or Pool In Years

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I'm latino and 30 years old. I have always been shy since I was little. I've always cared a lot about what others think of me, especially about my appearance, so developing moderate back acne on puberty, really affected my self image, and to make matters worse, at age 15, I didn't have the greatest physique. I was skinny fat, with love handles and a gut, due to probably a combination of bag genes, crappy diet, and inactivity.
I would avoid the beach and pool like the plague, I wouldn't even take my shirt off in front if my family. I would tell friends that I have a condition that prevented me from being on the sun lol. The good thing, was that I'm sort of good looking, and never really developed acne on the face, I would get looks and attention from girls quite often, which actually helped to balance my self image.
The good thing about body acne, is that you can cover it with clothes, so only you are able to see it, but when you have face acne, is different, you cannot hide. I was lucky I never got it on the face.It was only after many years, that my back acne started to reduce, and my physique improved a little, I felt less self conscious, but I still wouldn't dare to go to pools and beach. I still have some body acne.
Last year ago, I decided to confront my fears, and go to the pool alone, thinking it was empty, but there was some dude (who had a ripped physique), and some girls, who were really cute. This immediately made my feel self concious, and I just laid there, pretending to be listening to my ipod. I wanted to take off my shit and get into the pool, but I couldn't. I felt too inhibited. There I was, 30 years old and still feeling this way. I cannot deny that I felt envious of that guy.
Then, after a while, I noticed that some dude arrived, with some girls. This dude looked even worse than I did, he was pale, skinny fat, hairy, yet he was not self conscious at all, like he didn't care, and I thought, damn, poor guy, but still, he has balls, I could never do that, then I noticed that some middle age lady, was looking at this kid, with a weird look, like negatively judging his physique, this actually made me mad, and kinda sad. It only made me not want to do that again.
Even up to this day, I'm hesitant to going to the pool or beach, and show my body. I'm too much of a perfectionist. I really believe I have developed body dysmorphic disorder. Since that pool incident, I decided to lift weights seriously, and I have improved my physique, the love handles are gone, I have a little more muscle, but I still have some abdominal fat, my acne has reduced compared to many years ago, even though, I have improved, when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see.
I like my face a lot, and all my mixed features, I also like my height around 6 feet, but I don't like my body, my shape. I feel like, once I achieve a ripped physique, with clear skin. I will finally be comfortable taking off my shirt off in public.
Since I'm latino, I actually tan easily, but my body is pale due to never exposing it to the sun, not because of fear of skin cancer, but because of embarrasment
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I was there too... and I had a pool in my own backyard. I didn't even want my family to see the back acne that I had. One day I sucked it up and went outside to enjoy the sun. Granted, it was just me and my mother... but I still felt embarrassed. Thankfully she was always very supportive, so I eased myself into going outside more and more. I actually found (for me) that the sun helped to clear my acne too (this is quite the opposite for many people, so be careful). Eventually I took an even bigger step and went to the beach. I just focused on having a good time and ignored the way my back looked. The truth is that most people aren't actually paying attention to the small details of how you look. They're probably more worried about how they look. And I assure you that we all make our acne out to be much worse than it is.

But I completely understand how hard it is to take that first step and to not feel self-conscious and embarrassed. Perhaps you could start by getting sun in your backyard or somewhere more private? Then ease yourself into going into more public places?

Good luck to you. I know that you'll find your confidence! :)

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yep, it messes with our heads for sure....but don't let it win...go somewhere you won't run into anyone you know and just do it- what is the downside to that? none...get out and get some sun (I know it's bad in large doses but a little goes a long way)

start slow, but get out there and convince yourself little by little to keep moving out....we are rooting for you, get out there!

I'm latino and 30 years old. I have always been shy since I was little. I've always cared a lot about what others think of me, especially about my appearance, so developing moderate back acne on puberty, really affected my self image, and to make matters worse, at age 15, I didn't have the greatest physique. I was skinny fat, with love handles and a gut, due to probably a combination of bag genes, crappy diet, and inactivity.
I would avoid the beach and pool like the plague, I wouldn't even take my shirt off in front if my family. I would tell friends that I have a condition that prevented me from being on the sun lol. The good thing, was that I'm sort of good looking, and never really developed acne on the face, I would get looks and attention from girls quite often, which actually helped to balance my self image.
The good thing about body acne, is that you can cover it with clothes, so only you are able to see it, but when you have face acne, is different, you cannot hide. I was lucky I never got it on the face.It was only after many years, that my back acne started to reduce, and my physique improved a little, I felt less self conscious, but I still wouldn't dare to go to pools and beach. I still have some body acne.
Last year ago, I decided to confront my fears, and go to the pool alone, thinking it was empty, but there was some dude (who had a ripped physique), and some girls, who were really cute. This immediately made my feel self concious, and I just laid there, pretending to be listening to my ipod. I wanted to take off my shit and get into the pool, but I couldn't. I felt too inhibited. There I was, 30 years old and still feeling this way. I cannot deny that I felt envious of that guy.
Then, after a while, I noticed that some dude arrived, with some girls. This dude looked even worse than I did, he was pale, skinny fat, hairy, yet he was not self conscious at all, like he didn't care, and I thought, damn, poor guy, but still, he has balls, I could never do that, then I noticed that some middle age lady, was looking at this kid, with a weird look, like negatively judging his physique, this actually made me mad, and kinda sad. It only made me not want to do that again.
Even up to this day, I'm hesitant to going to the pool or beach, and show my body. I'm too much of a perfectionist. I really believe I have developed body dysmorphic disorder. Since that pool incident, I decided to lift weights seriously, and I have improved my physique, the love handles are gone, I have a little more muscle, but I still have some abdominal fat, my acne has reduced compared to many years ago, even though, I have improved, when I look in the mirror, I don't like what I see.
I like my face a lot, and all my mixed features, I also like my height around 6 feet, but I don't like my body, my shape. I feel like, once I achieve a ripped physique, with clear skin. I will finally be comfortable taking off my shirt off in public.
Since I'm latino, I actually tan easily, but my body is pale due to never exposing it to the sun, not because of fear of skin cancer, but because of embarrasment
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