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ibiza1987

Had Acne For Over 20 Years, Bullied Constantly, Need To Vent :(

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Hi everyone,

Glad I found this site. Never really spoken to other acne suffers about how this makes me feel, ok so my problems run deeper than my skin, not sure where to start as it's a long story but here goes:

I started getting acne when I was just age 11, at first it was a mild case of those tiny red bumps but before long my whole face was completely covered, like a bad rash. This happened in conjunction with suddenly developing very oily skin, by the time I was 12 I couldn't bear to look in the mirror. By age 14 the spots were getting bigger and forming from much deeper. School kids would point out my spots daily and make nasty comments about how disgusting I was, none of the boys ever wanted to go out with me or come anywhere near me because my skin was so revolting. Even school teachers would point my bad skin out and give me unsolicited advice about eating better and washing more :( If I was seen treating myself to something sweet people would tell me to throw it away and stop eating it. By age 14 I couldn't leave the house without plastering foundation on, sometimes teachers would scream at me to remove it, and kids would laugh at how thick I caked it on cos it looked really bad, however at the time I'd rather that than anyone see my bare skin. One time I didn't leave the house for about 3 months due to how it made me feel, therefore had a 3 month break from make up but acne was exactly the same!

My families reaction was terrible and still hurts me to think about it, for years and years I had to put up with cruel treatment from my Grandmother, Mother, Father and sisters over my skin. They never stopped taunting me about how ugly I was and how I must be eating awful food for my skin to look that way. This was so hurtful as even back then, I was very particular about my diet and ate soooooo much fruit and veg, never smoked and never touched alcohol. Had no idea what I was doing wrong. My Dad actually used to beat me, calling me hideously ugly for the acne and also because I wore glasses. There were too many awful incidences to write on here but one that sticks in my mind is when he was sitting opposite me to eat his dinner and said my face was so repulsive that it had turned his stomach and put him off his food, so he left the table in disgust and threw his dinner against the wall then started screaming and shouting that he had been forced to leave his dinner because of me. My Grandmother would say I must be evil to have such bad skin. My sisters would constantly shout abuse and say they were so very obviously prettier than me and my parents/everyone else agreed and used to tell them how beautiful they were compared to me because they didn't have spots. Urgh.

Over the years the acne got to the cystic stage despite trying numerous courses of antibiotics (topical and oral), the Dianette contraceptive pill, and by the time I hit my 20's it was painful, lumpy and distorting my face plus covering my chest and back so I insisted on taking Accutane which cleared the spots on my body but still left me with a problem on my face which has never been as bad as pre-Accutane but still bad enough to cause me grief. I did want to try a second course of Accutane but my dermatologist refused to give it to me again saying it wouldn't work. In recent years I've had work colleagues tell me my face is full of blemishes (still baffles me why the hell others insist on pointing this out when you as the suffer are obviously painfully aware of it) and had people tell me I shouldn't be eating chocolate :( Have had men chat me up with stuff like 'from the neck down, you're perfect'. :(

I became addicted to tanning as this is the only thing in the world that camouflages how bad my skin is, being brown makes me happier to be in my own skin and luckily due to having severely oily skin, I am not really showing signs of ageing yet and I'm 31. The UV light seem to reduce the amount of new spots forming too, so sometimes I wonder if the light therapy might work for me but not sure where I'd have to go to get it.

I am aware also of how uneven my complexion is, considering how severe my acne has been I do have very little in the way of scarring but the existing scars look like extremely large pores and they do upset me also as no make up can cover up holes :(

It is very distressing that people assume acne is your fault due to bad diet or being unclean. I eat very well (oily fish, fruit, veg, nuts) buy organic whenever possible, rarely eat fried food and after trying eliminating sweet foods from my diet and it not working, do treat myself to chocolate and cakes. My acne will be the same if I do, same if I deny myself so why not? I would say my overall diet is excellent. Plus I take supplements such as starflower oil, zinc, b vitamins, cod liver oil - you know, all the ones which are meant to help acne? Plus, have tried homeopathy.

Question I would love to know the answer to: for those who accuse acne suffers of having a poor diet - if acne is caused by eating junk food then how come loads and loads of people eat like this and their skin is fine??? I am baffled why people would believe this. Makes me so angry.

What prompted me to write here is that I have been having a relentless breakout on my cheeks and neck for about 2 months now; big, red and ugly spots. Even a very recent 12 day Caribbean holiday was not enough to improve my skin which was very disheartening as normally the sun helps. Whilst sunbathing during the day over there I hated being near people as I wanted to expose my neck by leaning back but didn't want my husband or his friends and family thinking I was ugly. I fear people looking at my skin thinking how awful I look and also that there's something wrong with me. Makes me sad as during last years holiday photos show me happily putting my head back so I was obviously between outbreaks and feeling happier then. This outbreak is like going through hell, have been trying to hide it from my husband as I'm so ashamed yet keep lashing out at him accusing him of secretly thinking I'm ugly. I won't lean my head back in front of him, have sex with the lights off (which is a pity as my body is great!) or look him in the eye or let him get too close to me, I don't want to have to wear make up all the time even just to sit at home so I hide behind my hair also. How do I tell him what I'm going through, how can I trust that he won't get on his high horse and accuse me of bad diet etc? It's so bad that I can't even watch tv with him in case an ad for OTC acne treatment comes on and he tells me I should try it :(

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Damn, sorry to hear the repulsive things your family has done to you because of your skin. If any group of people should be supportive it´s them, but sadly it´s usually always the family doing these things. I´ve tried many things as others here have, but to no avail.

To answer your question, i think diet plays some part in acne, but in my honest opinion it is a bit overrated. I say that because diet doesn't cause acne, look at the people around you. I think all acne is hormonal and ,of course, genetics play a role. Eating well is something everyone should do, but that alone won't cure acne, or it hasn't for me at least. You have to tackle the problem from different angles(otc meds,diet,stress control,supplements,etc)

Also, he's your husband. I doubt he'll think you're ugly because of your skin. He's with you for a reason

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Damn, sorry to hear the repulsive things your family has done to you because of your skin. If any group of people should be supportive it´s them, but sadly it´s usually always the family doing these things. I´ve tried many things as others here have, but to no avail.

To answer your question, i think diet plays some part in acne, but in my honest opinion it is a bit overrated. I say that because diet doesn't cause acne, look at the people around you. I think all acne is hormonal and ,of course, genetics play a role. Eating well is something everyone should do, but that alone won't cure acne, or it hasn't for me at least. You have to tackle the problem from different angles(otc meds,diet,stress control,supplements,etc)

Also, he's your husband. I doubt he'll think you're ugly because of your skin. He's with you for a reason

Yeah my family are vile towards me about my skin and other things. It has been very upsetting and my self esteem is pretty much zero a lot of the time. I guess that I fear if so many people (family, friends, school kids, general public etc) have found my skin disgusting, then how can my husband possibly still find me attractive with skin like this? :( Thank you for saying that :) he's actually a lovely guy and I feel guilty as well for behaving like this, he must wonder what's up with me.

I agree, everyone should eat well, it makes me cringe when I see some of my friends diets, I think to myself what their insides must be like! Yet their skin is all crystal clear and mine isn't despite eating well and my knowledge of nutrition - I even make sure I include plenty of the so called superfoods in my diet, and I do take or have tried all suggested supplements. Is really embarrassing that people may still stare at my skin and think I'm unhealthy.

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Hey love,

I can relate to your story, and I'm sure many others can.

I ignore most of the rude actions and comments from others. My family's comments are the worst. My mom makes faces of disgust at me, and so do all of her friends. They ask me what cleanser I'm using, or something, as if it was that easy to get rid of - Ignorant.

I am almost 21, and would like to move out so I can be surrounded by more positive and optimistic people.

Please don't give up, but please don't let this disease take over your life either. :)

As for the diet question, I think that diet CAN have an impact, but I also do believe there can be other causes. Another thing is, sometimes it is not the healthy foods, but the foods that YOUR BODY does not like. And I also do not believe diet causes acne, but that there is a deeper cause - whatever that is -, but diet can trigger/make it worse.

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Hey love,

I can relate to your story, and I'm sure many others can.

I ignore most of the rude actions and comments from others. My family's comments are the worst. My mom makes faces of disgust at me, and so do all of her friends. They ask me what cleanser I'm using, or something, as if it was that easy to get rid of - Ignorant.

I am almost 21, and would like to move out so I can be surrounded by more positive and optimistic people.

Please don't give up, but please don't let this disease take over your life either. smile.png

As for the diet question, I think that diet CAN have an impact, but I also do believe there can be other causes. Another thing is, sometimes it is not the healthy foods, but the foods that YOUR BODY does not like. And I also do not believe diet causes acne, but that there is a deeper cause - whatever that is -, but diet can trigger/make it worse.

Hi,

Nice to know there are others who can understand how it feels. When I was your age my skin was at the cystic stage and I went on Accutane. Now 10 years on I find it ridiculous that I'm still battling bad skin, never thought I'd still be suffering in my 30's.

Makes me sad that your family are unsupportive too, that is upsetting to hear, I know how you feel. People are just so rude!

Yes I agree that for some people, there may be an allergy in their diet, or the hormones in milk - definitely a potential contributor. I avoid dairy milk wherever possible, have switched to coconut milk. However for me there's honestly no rhyme or reason as to why or when my skin breaks out, but it feels good to know I am doing the best I can to keep healthy, if anything it will benefit me in other ways :)

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Yes, I made a post asking people what they thought of Accutane, because a few derms want me to go on it. =/

That sucks that you went on Accutane, and then had a relapse!!!! :(

lol Sometimes people ask me, "Umm... you do know that your face looks really bad right?" My response is, "Oh... gee I didn't notice...." Acting like I don't own a mirror or something. haha They need to get real and hop off my d***.

I hope things get better for you! I really liked some of the suggestions around here.

I'm starting to take coconut oil internally, and I do eat a healthy diet (meat, fruit, vegetables, fish). So we will see how this goes. ^_^

Feel free to contact me when you're feeling low. I'll pick you back up.

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I really hate how acne makes people suffer and go through such hard trials especially at a young age like you were. It's come to the point where I always take a moment to think about what I eat and how my skin will suffer. I'd rather have no acne be on junk food all day be overweight, because I would just be able to work it all off like a champ. My parents never really understood what I was going through, and truth be told people that have never suffered from acne problems will never know and I'm not talking about the occassional zit. Majority of the people on these forums are truth be told probably the most honest people I've ever come across, Everyone is self-conscious about how they look, and they think just because we have acne we're not trying hard enough, but we can't really do much can we, besides trying to live our life to the fullest wether it be eating healthy, researching like crazy, trying all your options and treatments but you can only and be true to yourself. So what I'm trying to say is that don't you ever be down because there are many supporters on these forums that know how you feel and it's great we can all share how acne really impacted our lives with each other. So if you ever need someone to support you, you already know that I'm here for ya. I think you should really open up to your husband, and let him know if he read your post I feel like he should understand, and if he doesn't then idk who would.

much love

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I'm glad you joined this site, because you will find lots of support here. We can all relate to each other to some degree.

My heart breaks for you in regards to the way your family has treated you. I also experienced unsolicited advice from family, but never downright cruelty! That is disgraceful.

I would open up to your husband about how you're feeling. You may be surprised at how sensitive and understanding he will be. I am 32 and I met my husband when I was 19. My acne wasn't too bad then, and I hid it from him as much as I could (always wore full makeup, slept with makeup, etc.). When I finally "confessed", it was the biggest relief, and his acceptance was amazing. Over the last 13 years, my skin has had many ups and downs, and he's stuck by me through it all. Even when it's at it's worst, I am comfortable around him even without makeup. Your husband is with you because he loves YOU. He sees beyond the acne. In his eyes, you are beautiful :)

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I really hate how acne makes people suffer and go through such hard trials especially at a young age like you were. It's come to the point where I always take a moment to think about what I eat and how my skin will suffer. I'd rather have no acne be on junk food all day be overweight, because I would just be able to work it all off like a champ. My parents never really understood what I was going through, and truth be told people that have never suffered from acne problems will never know and I'm not talking about the occassional zit. Majority of the people on these forums are truth be told probably the most honest people I've ever come across, Everyone is self-conscious about how they look, and they think just because we have acne we're not trying hard enough, but we can't really do much can we, besides trying to live our life to the fullest wether it be eating healthy, researching like crazy, trying all your options and treatments but you can only and be true to yourself. So what I'm trying to say is that don't you ever be down because there are many supporters on these forums that know how you feel and it's great we can all share how acne really impacted our lives with each other. So if you ever need someone to support you, you already know that I'm here for ya. I think you should really open up to your husband, and let him know if he read your post I feel like he should understand, and if he doesn't then idk who would.

much love

Thanks for that (((hugs))) such lovely things to hear. Yeah I have done loads of research in the past, apart from hormones the cause of acne is just a mystery. It's actually fascinating why one person would have this condition but not another. I do eat healthily to feel good about myself in that way, diet has no effect on how my acne looks but at least eating well makes me feel and look better in other ways! Sometimes I wonder whether I would be so health conscious had I not developed acne and had it for so long. Acne definitely changes the way you live in ways people couldn't imagine.

Just wondering, out of interest, how do you find living in a warm climate affects your skin? It was always my dream to live somewhere that's sunny all year round as having a tan makes me feel better about my skin, also usually clears it up somewhat. I am in the process of immigrating from UK to USA but will be living in the north east! Very long and harsh winters, but at least their summers are sunnier than English ones, haha! :)

I'm glad you joined this site, because you will find lots of support here. We can all relate to each other to some degree.

My heart breaks for you in regards to the way your family has treated you. I also experienced unsolicited advice from family, but never downright cruelty! That is disgraceful.

I would open up to your husband about how you're feeling. You may be surprised at how sensitive and understanding he will be. I am 32 and I met my husband when I was 19. My acne wasn't too bad then, and I hid it from him as much as I could (always wore full makeup, slept with makeup, etc.). When I finally "confessed", it was the biggest relief, and his acceptance was amazing. Over the last 13 years, my skin has had many ups and downs, and he's stuck by me through it all. Even when it's at it's worst, I am comfortable around him even without makeup. Your husband is with you because he loves YOU. He sees beyond the acne. In his eyes, you are beautiful smile.png

Thank you for all the support. Yes it is awful what my family have done to me, well they've always been spiteful and cruel to me about everything, not just my skin, they are bullies so I have had no choice but to gradually cut them out of my life. They even made my life a misery when I got married recently and made up excuses about why they 'couldn't' come to the wedding, so we were forced to elope. This has now created extra bad feeling that I don't think I will ever recover from, hence why I just cannot face seeing them any more.

As for telling my husband, the thought fills me with dread because let's face it, how can he find my skin attractive? Also I'm scared he might be one of those believers of all the myths surrounding acne (diet, hygiene etc) so am worried that he may straight away jump in with something patronising. Something 'remedy' that I probably tried years ago, repeatedly. I have already accused him of finding me hideous and he always says I am wrong and that I'm beautiful but how can I believe him? I challenged him and asked him if there's anything about my appearance he would change and he said no. So I am scared to talk to him outright about the acne problem, yet I am skirting round the issue and kind of asking him indirect questions about it. *sigh*

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Hang in there hun! We live in a very cruel world where some people find satisfaction in bringing others down. This is life! You are a strong woman and you have a husband who loves you! We are here for you!!!!

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