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Nothing to report today, which I think is pretty awesome. I do have an awful ouchy thing on my chin, but it is clearly not ready to go, so I WILL BE STRONG and leave it the heck alone.
And Heitea, those pics are AMAZING! What awesome progress. Also you have an adorable nose.
I really think that picking does something to your skin - creates some sort of shock response or something - that makes everything else angry and inflamed, even if it's no where near the spot you picked. It sure seems to have an effect on everything.
Guys, I'm slipping! Oh no! Three bumps in a week! I popped them all! What the heck am I thinking?!
Add on: So, I've spent all day trying to doctor up a big ol' scabby painful zit under my jaw. This HAS to be because I'm on my non-hormone Beyaz pills this week. I think on these days, I'll take an extra Spironolactone. Sheesh. What IS my face right now.
In other news: I got my Glycolic Acid/Lactic Acid peel in the mail today. Thinking I should use it tonight. Maybe. Not sure. I'll let you all know how it works.
UH-NUH-THUH EDIT: K, no. I won't be doing the peel today. Gotta wait till I have mostly no actives on muh face-- so probably next week. I'm in a weird mood today.
I had a shit day too. I had so much hope from not getting any new cysts for a couple days there. Then the horrible thing on my chin came to a head and I thought 'yay'! I didn't even go after it this morning when I noticed it - I tried to be good and wait until it was ready to go on its own.
When I got home from work it looked 'ready', so I gently pressed around it and it did open up and all that joy, but it didn't pop and now it is worse.
Meanwhile, this causes me to look around the rest of my face - hoping for reassurance that it is okay I guess.
Not so much - I can see at least 2 new cysts forming in my mass of scars from these last couple months. Should have not looked.
I was so frustrated, I picked at a few clogged pores just for that sense of relief that actually results in a sense of guilt and horror.
I hate this. Four months ago I had almost perfect skin. Now I look like a monster. Last time the Accutane worked like a charm. This time things are just getting worse and worse and I feel like I am broken now and it will never stop.
I'm sorry to hear it's not going well for you both! And I hope your skin feels much better soon.
I squeezed a small blackhead on my forehead yesterday. It was ready to come out so it didn't aggravate my skin any. I did a dry brushing on my face too and loads of dead skin came off where I get breakouts - looks like I've not been harsh enough with my exfoliating.
What is a dry brushing? Now I'm curious.
Strange day. Determined to not pick at anything, I just left a big whitehead on my smile line last night despite the fact that it was calling my name and begging me to pop it. This morning I went to inspect how much worse it was, and it had popped itself over night. Gross, but somehow relieving? Accutane is so weird. My face is a flaky mess now.
Blackheads are a mystery to me. I get cysts and whiteheads, but, other than one or two on my nose now and then I have never had a blackhead. Knock on wood.
Glad things are going well for you, spotthedifference! Glad to have this support, and somehow having to write what I have done really does keep me from doing anything stupid. So, thanks to you both and everyone else on this thread.
Thanks, spotthedifference...everything is looking better today, thankfully 
I'm also curious about the dry brushing...is it just what it sounds like? Just a soft bristled brush on the dry skin?
Kim, that's interesting that you don't get blackheads! I'm a little envious and those are what make me need to pick! A couple years ago, I literally felt that every single pore was clogged with a blackhead. Good job on not popping the whitehead on your own! Ugh, it's so hard not to when it's literally ready to pop.
Because I put so much product on my spots over the past couple of days to help heal them, the skin around each spot is peeling pretty intensely. I peeled a bit of it to put makeup on, and it completely peeled off the scab over one of them. It bled a lot. Otherwise, I haven't squeezed anything new. This last breakout did set me back A LOT. And it's funny because just the day before, I was so happy about the quality of my skin. But lots more red marks to deal with now! Good thing I have AHA and Differin to help fade them... -_-
Well done for not squeezing you two! Ah, AHA, the friend of every acne sufferer. Dry brushing is indeed just what it sounds like. Personally I use quite a hard brush, but my skin's used to rough treatment. I've not gotten any new spots since I started it. These actives are taking a while to go away though - the giant white head has no head any more, so it's not tempting me every time I look in a mirror now.
Well, my super friend that I thought was going away on its own got WAY worse, and I ended up messing with it more than I probably would have if I hadn't left it there in the first place. So yesterday was a fail. Badly, too, because I was definitely getting out some rage on that one.
Strangely, it didn't leave as nasty a mark as I thought it would (expecting to wake up with half my face swollen), but I feel like I got lucky there.
Today hasn't been too bad considering the wrath of this Accutane IB. There is a tiny whitehead right under my nose in the middle that itches and is calling out to me "wouldn't it be such a relief to pop me! You know you want to!", but I am ignoring it. YOU SUCK, WHITEHEAD! I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO YOU! Or at least I will try to hold out as long as I can.
If I tried dry brushing with my skin like it is now on Accutane, I think I might rip my face right off. I have a clarisonic, but I am scared of that too right now.
hey guys, so ive been breaking out too from a holiday of drinking alcohol ! yes i popped a few. yes i have loads of red marks.. argghghgh
anyway, a tip, or something i do at least for those white heads that are ready or you want to speed up to be ready. Get a face towel/flanel and pour warm to hot water on it, not too hot of course... and then just use it as a warm compress. it will do two things, either bring all the gunk further to the surface of the skin or 2) release the spot without you squeezing it at all.
pretty neat.
either way i feel my skin is permanently damaged from the years of picking and wonder if the redness will ever go..
also had that microdermabrasion done on a small area on my forehead. Honestly can say it seemed to make that area smoother for sure, when i was in the shower patting water over my forehead it just felt nice not uneven like the rest of it.
so contemplating getting that done all over. or a mini facial..
was also using a moisturiser as the winter here in the UK is so cold and dry.. once again it seemed to work wonders for a week and then after that it got clogged up and then you know what happens there..
so back to using no products, just water..
hi,
i use to have such terrible acne wheni was younger, on my back so bad that it has scared me and people always ask what happened. and on my face some parts also have scars. many have healed. but i just wanted to say. i have never had a problem with acne on girls and it find it attractive sometimes.
take care
Jack I totally agree with your hot towel method, and it is what I usually do if I really feel something is ready to go - it makes them come out so much cleaner and easier. I also find that an added bonus of this method is that it takes a second to go and get a face towel and get your water running really hot. Sometimes this is the time I need to realize what I am doing and stop myself if I am jumping the gun on it really being ready. Just that extra few seconds helps me to calm down, think about it, and make a good choice, even if that choice is to go ahead and try to extract it - at least I'm not doing it in the heat of the moment.
Today was much better. The last few were a friendly reminder of how much emotional devastation picking at things causes me - that feeling of looking for the rewind button so you can go back and NOT pick at it. I hate that feeling more than the zits, and feeling it made me remember why I need to stay vigilant with myself and never give in to the sad helpless moments.
Ah yes, alcohol...drinking always makes me break out-- even if it's just a little. It's probably a combo of the toxins, the late nights, touching my face when I'm drunk and (for me) sleeping in makeup.
The redness will go away if you keep looking for things to help it. I know you said AHAs bother your face, but lactic acid can be good for redness. I used a glycolic acid/lactic acid peel the other day, and my face has been less red since. I'll probably have to do another treatment or two to see the results I want, but I can tell it's effective. The good part about it was that there was no "down time" and peeling was incredibly minimal. My face seems to be a little more oily (in a good, healthy way! My skin was dry as a bone) since I've done it, but no new spots are emerging.
I'm glad the microdermabrasion showed good results! If you think it would help, go for another small spot on your face. It seems it might exacerbate your redness problem, though.
hi,
i use to have such terrible acne wheni was younger, on my back so bad that it has scared me and people always ask what happened. and on my face some parts also have scars. many have healed. but i just wanted to say. i have never had a problem with acne on girls and it find it attractive sometimes.
take care
Thanks Keith, what a sweet thing to add to this forum! I'm glad that your acne has healed! And it is true-- acne can make a person seem more human and approachable!
The guilty feelings are so haunting, aren't they? They are one of my top motivators to not pick. When I relapsed the other day and picked about 5 spots on my face, I filled up the tub and just cried...and it was one of those pitiful, grievous cries-- because I had promised myself that I wouldn't pick like that again. And I picked because I took the tape off of the light switch and stared at my face too closely. It was pure disappointment in myself-- definitely worse than zits. I'm glad you had a better day 
General update on my skin: Since my picking spree (about 5-6 days ago), my skin is looking dramatically better. I did add some more red marks unfortunately. I tried the peel, but I want to do it a couple more times. I think it helped my redness and red marks! It brought one spot to a head which popped easily (I allow myself to pop big whiteheads). I haven't compulsively or uncontrollably picked since the picking spree! Everything is healing nicely and makeup goes on smoothly again. 
Also, I picked out my "mini wedding ceremony" dress yesterday! We're getting married before I go to basic training and then having a larger ceremony sometime in 2015. So, I'm in a good mood because of that.
Getting married! How exciting!
We were thinking of tying the knot this summer. It's not that exciting for us having been together for 14 years and having a 4 year old kid. We have just always been too busy to get married, and time just went by like it does. It's ironic that when we finally get around to really discussing it, my acne comes back. Maybe I'm just not meant to get married? Lol.
What is the dress like? Do you have a big fancy ceremony planned for 2015?
Today has been okay. I haven't picked but I have a nasty thing brewing on my cheek and I'm so afraid of what will happen. These zits I have been getting on Accutane often look like they are ready to go sooner than they are, but if you leave them too long they burst and the infection gets worse. I seriously do not know what to do and I live in fear of them.
So right now I am avoiding mirrors and doing most things in the dark. I open up the medicine cabinet when I wash my face so I can't see the mirrored part.
So, struggling today, but it hasn't been a devastating failure . . . yet.
Thanks Kim! Yeah, my fiance and I have been together 8 years now, so not much will change being married. But I'm still excited! My dress for the mini-ceremony is a knee-length white dress with subtle sequins. It has a mock sweetheart neckline, and has continued sheer lace up to my neck and has cap sleeves. Super pretty! I have no idea what my main ceremony dress will look like-- but the ceremony in 2015 won't be super fancy by any means-- it'll just be held in my parents' backyard, but all my family will be there so it'll be special anyway. haha...I'm not one of those people who desire (or can afford!) a huge fancy wedding. I'm sure Accutane will help you get your skin back on track so that you can have a wedding (if it's something you want--weddings aren't a huge necessity) ! 
I hope the rest of the day went well for you. Good tactics opening the mirror and taking away what makes you pick!
Skin update: Just wearing a tiny bit of concealer over my red marks today. Zero active breakouts I'm going to do another peel tomorrow! I think I may have accidentally taken two of my birth control pills the other day because yesterday I took my "Friday" pill, but....it wasn't Friday yet. Hm. Either that, or I labeled them wrong. haha Oh well. I haven't exercised intensely for about 4 days now and it's starting to stress me out. I have a bit of a knee discomfort while running right now (ugh!!) and I decided I should give it a break so that I don't ruin it before basic training. It's just hard because I love running and it eases my anxiety!
Today, while talking to my mother, I kind of casually brought up that my anxiety manifests itself in the form of compulsive skin-picking. I told her that whenever I whined and cried about "breaking out," that I had really ripped and picked my own skin to shreds.
She was like "oh, wow, but your skin is looking so nice now!" And I told her that the reason I taped over the switch in the bathroom was to stop myself from picking (yes...I'm 23 and live in my parent's basement apartment...it's rent free, dangit!). She told me that she was glad something was helping me. She also said that she picks at her own face (or used to), and also compulsively bit and picked her cuticles when she was my age and for years afterwards. These tendencies probably come from watching her and inheriting her anxiety.
Today, while talking to my mother, I kind of casually brought up that my anxiety manifests itself in the form of compulsive skin-picking. I told her that whenever I whined and cried about "breaking out," that I had really ripped and picked my own skin to shreds.
She was like "oh, wow, but your skin is looking so nice now!" And I told her that the reason I taped over the switch in the bathroom was to stop myself from picking (yes...I'm 23 and live in my parent's basement apartment...it's rent free, dangit!). She told me that she was glad something was helping me. She also said that she picks at her own face (or used to), and also compulsively bit and picked her cuticles when she was my age and for years afterwards. These tendencies probably come from watching her and inheriting her anxiety.
great for telling her. I told my parents to. I am 25 and live at home also..
habits unfortunately are passed on - even ocd etc which can be bad.. manifest in different ways. What was the convo after this? did your mum say what helped her overcome it? what caused it? \
side note- i picked 10 black heads in around 2 days... fml. the JOY of getting the 'shit' out of my skin though is unreal. so satisfying. but of course... you know the rest.
I am trying a cream called biafine to cure up my skin, so far i think its working very well..
Nice that you talked to your mom. My mom knows about my struggles, but she gets very stressed out about it, so I try not to bring it up too much. I have had a decent couple days because nothing hurts. Things that hurt are my trigger - strangely they cause me to pick at other things that don't because it's such a control issue. No hurting = no looking = no picking.
The paranoia around when the next big cyst will happen is pretty severe, though.
On another note, the dress sounds superb. I feel like I am too old for a fancy dress, and it doesn't suit my personality that well, either. I would like something really simple and light and pretty. Also hoping for a backyard wedding. My neighbours had one and they put all these little candles hanging in a big tree in their backyard and it was really beautiful. Not sure how it didn't start a fire, but it didn't.
Congratulations on getting married, I'm sure you'll look beautiful! Well done to those that haven't picked, lotsa internet hugs for the people that have.
I've been able to not pick since I started dry brushing, with the exception of peeling some dead skin off yesterday. I seriously had no idea how irregularly my skin sheds. Had to slap my own hand away from my face a few times though
Hey check this out. Dr Phil actually talked about this on Thurday's show. It's the first time I've seen anyone talk about this on TV.
Hey check this out. Dr Phil actually talked about this on Thurday's show. It's the first time I've seen anyone talk about this on TV.
holy f**king shit! that is bad. I thought i was bad, but that really is sad 
her before and after is insane.
this has scared me to death.. I think i'm going to watch this video again and again when I feel an urge to pick.
but I also realise help is a must.
dr phil said
"The good news is that neither of you have disfigured yourself to the point that you can't return to completely normal in terms of your skin. You haven't gone too far, but you're getting close,
really? i would have thought that sort of damage is irreversible?
further more dr phil says "What you need to do is be able to identify your anxiety, alleviate your anxiety and take away the need for the ritual," he insists. Both girls accept the help.
so ok my anxiety is the redness/spots.. and hating them and pretty much exactly what that girl said, getting what ever is under there 'out', so surely i cant be healed because we all get spots and i seem to break out a lot even at 26 .... so what do I do? argh
tbh that video has been an EYE opener for me.. its weird how seeing someone else can impact me personally so much. Like when its your own face you don't really think.. seeing this really has spun a whole new perspective on it for me.
I looked at the Dr. Phil clips and I was a little bit sad about it. First of all, they introduce it as a 'bizarre obsession', like I'm somebody who eats toilet paper or carries around a doll like it's a real baby. I am not some sort of sideshow freak, and I am certain that the many other people who deal with this also are not freaks. There is no mention of acne or any other underlying skin disorder - so the impression is that this picking is totally irrational and abnormal - whereas I think for most people it is a coping issue they have developed in relation to a real skin disorder that they have.
Anyway. That made me kind of irate. When you choose someone that suffers that severely, you put the focus on how gross it is instead of how real it is. I felt like it was not shedding light on the issue, but making the issue something for others to stare at in horror.
But on a happy note I have not picked in several days. I have two cysts that came out some time ago, but seem to be re-emerging as little hard things - this is not that uncommon for me, and usually it just dries up and goes away if I leave it alone. The temptation to go and pick them right out is huge. It wouldn't be hard to do, but for sure would leave a big pit of a scar.
I can wait it out! They don't hurt, so that gets me through it.
Hopefully this will keep me from ending up on Dr. Phil's next 'look at this weirdo, it will make you feel better about yourself' show.
OK, calming down now . . .
And appreciating the video post - it really made me think, even if it also made me angry!
What does everyone else think?