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Hello there. I could use a no picking buddy right now.
I'm 35, and this is my second major bout with acne. I had cystic acne from age 20-25 and my picking got worse and worse during that time. Reading this post reminded me of all the things I thought and felt - especially when someone mentioned that crappy feeling you get after. I eventually went on Accutane with great results up until recently. I still got the occasional zit here or there, but I didn't pick because I remembered where it had gotten me the last time.
I had gone off the pill a year ago, which I knew would eventually lead to acne issues again but I was trying to get pregnant. When the cysts started returning, I went to the derm for a topical to try and buy myself some time before resorting to going back on the pill. It had the opposite effect and caused all sort of horrendous bumps under the surface. My acne went from a couple nasty things to about thirty nasty things within a few weeks.
I decided to go back on the Accutane because it worked so well before and I am too old for this bulls**t.
So, this is where the picking problem arises. I have way more willpower now, and I am pretty good at not picking EXCEPT this round of Accutane is coming with a nasty initial breakout. All the yuck underneath is coming up at amazing rates. I go to bed with a tiny bump and wake up with a huge whitehead. They literally burst open when I wash my face which makes it SO HARD not to look at them, and then get tempted to try and squeeze them. AAARGH! I AM TRYING SO HARD NOT TO PICK AT THIS! But one or two new ones show up every day, and they are always ready to explode. Just today one opened up while I was washing my face (one I was trying NOT to touch). It was so itchy I gave it a squeeze thinking it would pop. It didn't, so of course I squeezed harder and now I regret it. It feels so shitty to be back in this place after ten years of thinking I was over the psychological picking response.
So that is my rant. I am trying not to pick, and my skin is practically picking at itself. Life is a bit sucky right now.
Hey everyone!
Hi ashley! You mentioned switching birth control-- I think that could be a great idea. I had the Mirena IUD in for 3 years and it was a progesterone-only birth control...which means it pretty much created cystic acne on my face. I switched to Beyaz about 4 months ago and my skin has only improved. For "good for you" birth controls, check out Beyaz, Yaz, or Yasmine. Also-- look at this thread. GreenGables has listed all the good and bad birth controls. 
http://www.acne.org/messageboard/topic/330166-good-bad-birth-control-pills-and-implants-for-acne/
Good luck and keep posting your progress with no picking! You can do it!
Hi Kim! It sounds like you've been through a lot with your skin. I can completely relate-- 9 or so years with acne has not been a fun ride. So sorry you're having such a hard time with your initial breakout! But! At least you know that your blemishes/clogged pores are getting emptied out! I know it's really difficult to deal with, though. Hang in there!
I'm 23 and I feel like I'm too old for this, too....Picking will only make everything worse-- as in, you'll be left with more red marks and probably more acne to deal with in the present. Keep us updated on your picking/acne status! It's a challenge, but we're here to support you!
Heitea I think this is such an awesome thread. Back when I dealt with this in my 20s I felt SO alone, and there was nothing like this out there that I could find. It's so interesting to me that there are others like me (compulsive pickers), and that their stories have so many similarities to what I have been through. So, just wanted to say thanks. It takes some guts to share these stories, but I for one am glad you did.
How do you know if you have damaged the Dermis as apposed to the Epidermis?
I have slight 'pock' marks but i wouldn't regard them as deep as such.. was thus wondering if anyone knew how to tell if the damaged caused from popping/picking at skin would heal over time or if a treatment such as microdermabrasion would be a good route for the superficial/shallow marks..
I am getting professional help (CBT) very soon, and am also looking at a way to reverse the damage
Good Morning.
Does anyone get anxiety because of all this? I'm visiting my in-laws this weekend in FL and, like usual, my face is a mess. My anxiety level is through the roof because i have to be around people that arent use to seeming me without make up on and Ill have to wear makeup all day in order to hide the zits. I hate wearing makeup, but it's a necessary evil.
Im trying so hard not to pick but the anxiety and the picking go hand and hand. Lately Ive been getting deep blackheads that take weeks to come to the surface and eventually work their way out gently but Im worried i will pick at them prematurely. i'm glad i have here to vent and to keep me from doing it.
all the topicals i have take care of my white heads but not the blackheads. I just bought some glycolic 10-2 pads again. i use to use them but they irritated me so i stopped. But now i found a great moisturizer and a better routine so Im going to slowly work the pads back into my regime. They were the only things that seemed to dissolve the blackheads, slowly but it worked over time.
forgive my vent...thanks again for listening
Day 6? or 7? haha i don't know. I popped a zit that *FINALLY* came to a head this morning after like, a week of brewing under the skin on my cheek. I literally barely touched it and out came the plug, so I don't feel sad about "picking" it. Also, I've been doing a pretty intense push-up regimen in order to increase the number of push-ups I can do (going to basic training in February!!)...I wear a necklace that hits my chin when I do push-ups and I think it created a tiny zit. Well, I put some mask on it before bed and it came to a head this morning. Because I had the lights off in the bathroom last night, I didn't OVERLY pick the first one and I didn't pick the other one at all. This morning, I extracted the chin one in a very sanitary manner and it's already gone down and is practically gone (besides a red mark). I know that I said "NO PICKING NO MATTER WHAT" to myself...but...the guilt that I usually get comes from instances where I sit on my sink, picking all my blackheads and clogged pores for an extended period of time. Heh.
i too have the problem with the black heads.
yes heitea i know they are more noticable to me, but even stepping back from the mirror a few meters, you can see the uneven redness and crappy skin texture due to having soo many tiny pick marks. So although the marks are not big, the shear amount adds up. 
its depressing.
I have diamond microdermabrasion on sat. going to see how that goes. Thinking patch test first on an area before diving into going for the whole face/cheeks .. ?
but yeah black heads, how do you get rid of those then without squeezing?
Is lactic acid an AHA?
Day 6? or 7? haha i don't know. I popped a zit that *FINALLY* came to a head this morning after like, a week of brewing under the skin on my cheek. I literally barely touched it and out came the plug, so I don't feel sad about "picking" it. Also, I've been doing a pretty intense push-up regimen in order to increase the number of push-ups I can do (going to basic training in February!!)...I wear a necklace that hits my chin when I do push-ups and I think it created a tiny zit. Well, I put some mask on it before bed and it came to a head this morning. Because I had the lights off in the bathroom last night, I didn't OVERLY pick the first one and I didn't pick the other one at all. This morning, I extracted the chin one in a very sanitary manner and it's already gone down and is practically gone (besides a red mark). I know that I said "NO PICKING NO MATTER WHAT" to myself...but...the guilt that I usually get comes from instances where I sit on my sink, picking all my blackheads and clogged pores for an extended period of time. Heh.
Jack, you may want to look into acid peels-- lactic acid, possibly. I've never used one, but I think they can work. Or! You could work on not worrying so much about the marks. From your description, it sounds like they're probably not noticeable to anyone but you. I know it's hard to deal with the effects of picking, though...so if you want to treat your marks, try some of the stuff that you've been suggesting! I have no idea how to tell if something is permanent damage or not. Haha, i pretty much just assume none of it is permanent and get along with that glimmer of hope.
This is actually one of the biggest triggers for my anxiety. Picking makes my face feel so sore and then ugh! putting makeup over that soreness just makes you think about it all day. I totally understand how you feel! Blackheads are the reason I pick, too...because I think to myself "If I don't pick this, how the heck will it come out otherwise!?" I'm glad you've found a product that helps, though. That's really important.
Back to the anxiety thing, though...Anxiety can cause you to pick, and then in turn, of course...picking leads to more anxiety...and then you pick more...AHH! How to end the cycle?! It feels so good to get through a couple days of no picking. You feel accomplished. This leads to less anxiety, less picking, and eventually, before you know it, you're no longer a picker.
The best thing is to figure out WHY and WHERE you pick. For me, I pick because I'm afraid the stuff won't come out on it's own and I want to make myself look better (I realize that blackheads really do come out if you treat them and that I'll look better without a bloody mess on my face!!), and I pick in my bathroom when it's brightly lit. I taped over the bright light and things have been so much better for me.
I™m hoping these pads do the trick. I™ve also read that apple cider vinegar or lemon juice help with blackheads too. One thing at a time or I™ll really get irritated skin. We™ll see. That latter are much cheaper. Thanks for listening. I™ll keep you posted. Today sucked. Sorry in advance, but I so need to rant.
It started off with a huge whitehead out of nowhere in the middle of my chin, which of course opened up when I washed my face. The accutane makes everything so dry and fragile and these are such weird zits.
Then I had my one-month-o-accutane derm appt. I washed my makeup off first so she could see the real deal. She took one look at me and asked if I wanted to try an additional topical to help clear it up. Confirming every fear that I have that it looks TERRIBLE. She even ASKED me if I had been picking at it. "It is picking at itself!" I proclaimed. This is mostly true. She offered me several things - a topical antibiotic? a retinoid cream? I kept saying no and she kept asking, which was making me very concerned. I told her I thought it would only make things worse and she said something to the effect of 'well, you can't go out like that - I guess you can use some concealer'.
This has been my derm for years and she is usually really nice. I don't think she even realized what she said, but I did. I assured her that I own the thickest foundation known to man. Sheesh.
I asked if she thought it was odd that it was still so bad, and she said no, that it usually takes 3-4 months to see significant improvement. That was the only positive part. I felt assured that I don't need to give up all hope just yet. Then I hurried out to my car and cried. I have only cried a couple times over this bout of acne. Worst part of my day.
Blah!
If I could just get one day without something leaking, exploding, or oozing out of my face I would be such a happy girl.
Hope y'all are having a nicer time!
Day 8: So, today I woke up with a pretty painful zit riiiiight on my cheek. And it's on like, the part that gets big when I smile, so whenever I smile, it's like "LOOK AT MY ZIT EVEN CLOSER!! LOOK AT IT."
But, it popped as I was washing my face, Weeeee. and now it doesn't hurt anymore. I don't know if it's from picking the OTHER spot on my cheek (probably). Or if it's from my new concealer (Boi-ing concealer). Or if it's from my new blush (Nyx "Pinched" Blush). I probably shouldn't have done all three at once. OOPS! Oh well, live and learn! At least I can use concealer. lol Also, I have an ingrown hair on the back of my neck, which isn't acne, but it stil hurts. Oh the woes of short hair.
So, I've been using Differin every other night, and then Paula's Choice 5% AHA on the other nights, and my skin is starting to get itchy. I think I'm gonna start just doing Differin every night and AHA as a spot treatment in the morning...idk. I just want the red marks gone by February, dangit!!!
hey! im pretty late but id like to join the party!
kind of bringing back an old topic, but for that "i dont give a shit attitude" ... fuck it!
I woke up with a 'hurts to smile' zit too! Funny. Luckily this one doesn't seem to want to explode on its own. I never thought I'd be so happy to have a spot that doesn't want to come out, lol.
Today I skipped book club because the ladies in it are all perfect, and I didn't want them to see me like this. I said I had car trouble. I am praying (literally) that things might be at least a little better by next book club (in a month) because I would feel too guilty skipping again. I love book club. This sucks. Blah!
I tried washing and foundation in the dark this morning (inspired by your lighting), and it actually did make me feel better (than I do when I examine every pore). I think I will keep it up as long as I can. Now to check out the video . . .
as hard as it is, you need to just expose yourself in situations. although that is the hardest thing to do..
Oh! Jack, I think I forgot to answer your other post. Lactic acid is an AHA. I forgot that they bother your skin....
Skin update: Day 9: I have 0 active pimples on my face right now! Just some healing red marks. Since my skin is so fair, it takes a while for any red marks to disappear. -_- It makes having acne very aggravating. 'Cause it's like "oh, look! my zit went away. Except I still have to look at it for 2-5 more weeks."
Skin update: Day 9: I have 0 active pimples on my face right now! Just some healing red marks. Since my skin is so fair, it takes a while for any red marks to disappear. -_- It makes having acne very aggravating. 'Cause it's like "oh, look! my zit went away. Except I still have to look at it for 2-5 more weeks."
Thats great though! Its always a good feeling when you dont feel any giant sore zits when you wash your face, I hope I can get to that point asap so my skin isnt too crazy when i go home from college for break.
Whats helping me right now is to just be around people; obviously im not going to pop any pimples if there are other people around, and since acnes the one and only thing thats been keeping me from socializing, this is win-win
This thread is amazing! No picking for over four days! My skin has cleared up so fast. I've never been able to control my picking, but I dedicate my determination 100% to this thread. It has given me the realization that I'm not the only one struggling, and before, that was all I thought. That I was alone through this.
Mostly, I never turn on my main overhead light. I just turn the one on over my shower because it is much lighter, so it does not bring me close to the mirror to pick. Your advice Heidi, and others, have helped me to become strong again and feel myself. Thank you to all. I will post pictures soon hopefully! But,now time to get to work. Ugh. Tooo early. Haha bye guys!
Today sucked. Sorry in advance, but I so need to rant.
It started off with a huge whitehead out of nowhere in the middle of my chin, which of course opened up when I washed my face. The accutane makes everything so dry and fragile and these are such weird zits.
Then I had my one-month-o-accutane derm appt. I washed my makeup off first so she could see the real deal. She took one look at me and asked if I wanted to try an additional topical to help clear it up. Confirming every fear that I have that it looks TERRIBLE. She even ASKED me if I had been picking at it. "It is picking at itself!" I proclaimed. This is mostly true. She offered me several things - a topical antibiotic? a retinoid cream? I kept saying no and she kept asking, which was making me very concerned. I told her I thought it would only make things worse and she said something to the effect of 'well, you can't go out like that - I guess you can use some concealer'.
This has been my derm for years and she is usually really nice. I don't think she even realized what she said, but I did. I assured her that I own the thickest foundation known to man. Sheesh.
I asked if she thought it was odd that it was still so bad, and she said no, that it usually takes 3-4 months to see significant improvement. That was the only positive part. I felt assured that I don't need to give up all hope just yet. Then I hurried out to my car and cried. I have only cried a couple times over this bout of acne. Worst part of my day.
Blah!
If I could just get one day without something leaking, exploding, or oozing out of my face I would be such a happy girl.
Hope y'all are having a nicer time!
Thanks Ashley! I am trying really hard to think about where I will be in a few months.
Woke up this morning to two things that opened themselves up during my morning face wash despite my best efforts. Accutane skin is so thin. So I guess today is a fail. SO glad that everyone else is doing better, though, it gives me lots of hope and keeps me focused on not irritating things, even if they do start to come out themselves. Alas. What a battle this is.
Day 10: I had a clogged pore by my nose and ended up sort of scratching at it in the shower. Well, I thought that I scratched the plug out, but instead I scratched the skin off. I know, that sounds terrible....and it sort of was. So, it got irritated and then filled up with infection despite my efforts of keeping it clean and sanitary. I touched it in the bathroom a few minutes ago because I had a drying mask on it that I was washing off and it popped...Oops. Oh well. It doesn't hurt anymore, which is good...and I didn't pop it on purpose. So, I don't consider this a huge setback. There's a spot near my jawline that's a tiny, raised red bump. I went out drinking last night and didn't wash my makeup off before bed (no no). I think that's why I got this spot. Live and learn and move on!
Day 11: The tiny raised spot near my jawline ended up being a sort-of blackhead and it fell out as I was washing my face last night. There's still a red mark, but I'm okay with that. I used my new blush again, and I got a spot on my cheek... darn. It's such a beautiful color, too. I guess I'll have to stop using it. It's most likely the mica that's included in the ingredients.
My family and I were dancing and eating cookies with Christmas music last night and I had lots of hot cocoa. I had to use the bathroom, so I went into the upstairs bathroom which has bright lights. It sort of highlighted my dryness, but I was overall happy with the texture and color of my skin (I had makeup on, but usually I can still see some redness from pimples/PIH). However, there was a blackhead on my cheek that was literally super black. I kind of squeezed it a little and it all came out...I'm sad. Now I know that I'm not totally cured of my compulsive picking...because as soon as I get under bright light, I start to scrutinize. But! I didn't feel the need to pick at anything else...so that's a good thing. I AM getting better..but not as much as I thought I was.
So far nothing has emerged from my face yet today. Knock on wood. Feeling pretty good because there are a few things I want to mess with and I am not.
Lights are terrible! Why is it that some make me look so nice, and those are NOT the ones they have at my work. Lol.
Don't sweat the little ones. To me it's the not being able to stop that is really a problem. If it just happened and you walked away, I think that is not so bad!
Success all around today!
Well I did pop something today, and I actually feel good about it! Ha ha ha! I have had this cyst on my cheek for a week, and I DID NOT TOUCH IT the whole time. Then today I noticed it had a big dry patch on top of it that flaked off. I barely touched it, and out it came. Like they're supposed to if you wait until they're ready. Good job me! No squeezing, prodding, anything. It always feels good when you feel like you actually let something run its course. Although I am STILL waiting on a day of nothing coming out of my face, today was much less gross. Yay for that.
Well I did pop something today, and I actually feel good about it! Ha ha ha! I have had this cyst on my cheek for a week, and I DID NOT TOUCH IT the whole time. Then today I noticed it had a big dry patch on top of it that flaked off. I barely touched it, and out it came. Like they're supposed to if you wait until they're ready. Good job me! No squeezing, prodding, anything. It always feels good when you feel like you actually let something run its course. Although I am STILL waiting on a day of nothing coming out of my face, today was much less gross. Yay for that.
whooooooo good job!!!! 
i dont know for sure that my skins clearing up, but its definitely changing a lot. all of my medium/small sized pimples are gone, i would be basically clear if it werent for a bunch of big cyst-like bumps that are coming to take their place. at least theyre not poppable zits?
i also have red marks. a looooooot of red marks
Keep it up, everyone! 
Just wanted you to know-- I've posted new photos in my gallery. 19 Days into my regimen and being QUITE diligent about not picking. The red marks on my left cheek are the ones that ended up popping on their own & that one that I pinched out of my face.