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i think alot of us may have underlaying problems with our adrenals / thyroid caused by retinoic acid being stored in our bodies.
We have symptoms that overlap with that, but only rarely do thyroid or adrenal problems show up on tests of any kind. They sure don't for me.
Treating thyroid or adrenals, which I have done, does not correct the symptoms. Any shock to the body will tax adrenals and/or thyroid.
Juice fasting plus something that can bind the retinoic acid and remove it safely i think will help diminish side effects
You stated in the past you believe isotretinoin can be removed via the glucurodation pathway.
So get some D-Glucarate, widely available at supplement stores or online, and get back to us.
Lukez- what treatments have you tried for treating the thyroid/adrenals? Agreed the adrenal/thyroid issue is not the root cause of our issues, but getting these in balance for may help for some. I swear I saw some guy who had a positive response from taking t4 a few pages back. Sure it's just symptom management, but I would take that anyday
I got my blood results back last Friday, and they also say nothing is wrong with my thyroid... it's right in the middle of the range. My white blood cell count is now just within range, whereas before it crept just out of range. My blood sugar and everything else seems OK from this test. I got some printouts of my previous blood tests, where I had B12 tested, and this was also fine, despite it being harder for vegans to find a source for this (I don't take specific supplements for it). But what the test does show is I have a problem with my liver. It is slightly out of range. My last test 2 years ago was back within range after 6 months prior to that being out of range. It just shows that those 4 top quality liver tinctures, which improve bile flow and de-congest the liver, as well as soften stones, religiously every day for 5 months at the second half of last year, did absolutely nothing. Anyway, obviously these tests only do so much and definitely don't show the root cause.
Tree1, I've tried dessicated thyroid extract, T3, guggulipds, 7 keto DHEA, kelp. Currently I am trying iodine enriched dulse, mainly because a recent link suggested iodine can be used to re-activate thyroid receptors.
Studies show thyroid receptor and DNA damage from accutane, so I focus on that where I can. Nothing to report on my current approaches so far though. I'd need at least a week of feeling good before I reported anything.
The damage done is complex and at a level that is more micro than blood tests show. If I just went by blood tests I would be in perfect health.
That's true for many of us here. It's a common pattern.
I don't see that if all your thyroid levels are good that it's a likely place to look, but to each their own.
And for adrenals the list is long: b5, various ginsengs, the herbals treatments would go on and on, I'm not even going to list them. They don't help the body self-regulate. Most don't even process well.
Accutane really is strange.
Tree1, I've tried dessicated thyroid extract, T3, guggulipds, 7 keto DHEA, kelp. Currently I am trying iodine enriched dulse, mainly because a recent link suggested iodine can be used to re-activate thyroid receptors.
Studies show thyroid receptor and DNA damage from accutane, so I focus on that where I can. Nothing to report on my current approaches so far though. I'd need at least a week of feeling good before I reported anything.
The damage done is complex and at a level that is more micro than blood tests show. If I just went by blood tests I would be in perfect health.
That's true for many of us here. It's a common pattern.
I don't see that if all your thyroid levels are good that it's a likely place to look, but to each their own.
And for adrenals the list is long: b5, various ginsengs, the herbals treatments would go on and on, I'm not even going to list them. They don't help the body self-regulate. Most don't even process well.
Accutane really is strange.
Yes, Yes it is does strange things to one health & body......I don't know if we will ever really have an answer.
Tree1, I've tried dessicated thyroid extract, T3, guggulipds, 7 keto DHEA, kelp. Currently I am trying iodine enriched dulse, mainly because a recent link suggested iodine can be used to re-activate thyroid receptors.
Studies show thyroid receptor and DNA damage from accutane, so I focus on that where I can. Nothing to report on my current approaches so far though. I'd need at least a week of feeling good before I reported anything.
The damage done is complex and at a level that is more micro than blood tests show. If I just went by blood tests I would be in perfect health.
That's true for many of us here. It's a common pattern.
I don't see that if all your thyroid levels are good that it's a likely place to look, but to each their own.
And for adrenals the list is long: b5, various ginsengs, the herbals treatments would go on and on, I'm not even going to list them. They don't help the body self-regulate. Most don't even process well.
Accutane really is strange.
Yes, Yes it is does strange things to one health & body......I don't know if we will ever really have an answer.
Has anyone ever thought of contacting Roche?
I know it sounds stupid but who knows...
There maybe one compassionate person there who might be able to give us answers.
I've been thinking about it recently.
There maybe one compassionate person there who might be able to give us answers.
If there was one, he'd have a gun to his head before he knows what is hitting him.
Honestly, reality is wide-ranged, after taking accutane maybe for some time a bit closer to tunnel vision, but even seen only through this tunnel:
Big and influential companies are kinda organised like an FBI and won't allow ideas of a "lone wolf".
Tree1, I've tried dessicated thyroid extract, T3, guggulipds, 7 keto DHEA, kelp. Currently I am trying iodine enriched dulse, mainly because a recent link suggested iodine can be used to re-activate thyroid receptors.
Studies show thyroid receptor and DNA damage from accutane, so I focus on that where I can. Nothing to report on my current approaches so far though. I'd need at least a week of feeling good before I reported anything.
The damage done is complex and at a level that is more micro than blood tests show. If I just went by blood tests I would be in perfect health.
That's true for many of us here. It's a common pattern.
I don't see that if all your thyroid levels are good that it's a likely place to look, but to each their own.
And for adrenals the list is long: b5, various ginsengs, the herbals treatments would go on and on, I'm not even going to list them. They don't help the body self-regulate. Most don't even process well.
Accutane really is strange.
Yes, Yes it is does strange things to one health & body......I don't know if we will ever really have an answer.
Has anyone ever thought of contacting Roche?
I know it sounds stupid but who knows...
There maybe one compassionate person there who might be able to give us answers.
I've been thinking about it recently.
The generic form I took acutally did contact me when I sent my side effects in the FDA and they were useless! Then I got a form that I filled out and sent to them and Got no response back. I think some older suffers have contacted them w/ no sucess.
When Doug Bremner tried to contact them he says they went on full out attack mode on him, lawyers and all.
This is premature - we don't have any people who have been affected and are now well who care enough - but we still need names of who authorized this drug.
It's not just a company who did this. That - the corporation- is what they hide behind. Somewhere along the line there have been researchers, executives, staff, who knew what this drug did and made it go ahead anyway.
We need to know who they are, specifically.
I'll admit the thought of "contacting" Roche has crossed my mind.
Hello guys,
Just wanted to share some good news with you all. There is this girl who I have been talking to on youtube, she was a accutane sufferer for year ( only she didnt know she was lol ) she thought all her problems were caused by standard american diet and other factors, anyway. After years suffering, anxiety, brain fog, depression , IBS, hormone imbalances you name it . she got 100 % better after eatinng a 100 % raw food diet , as u know ( organic fresh veggies , fruits , no cooked foods etc.) . Maybe a lot people here think that diet can`t fix the problem , which is 100 % true, what fix the problem is your body , it has the ability to heal itself if you put the right stuff on it and remove the toxins that are store on your tissues and organs.
Anyway, in this video she talks how she felt before her raw food diet and how she feels now. and also she talks about accutane .
Hope you are doing well ,
this video she talks about her fasting and the beggining of her raw food diet..
Anyway, in this video she talks how she felt before her raw food diet and how she feels now. and also she talks about accutane .
Hope you are doing well ,
take care
The day I give up my God-given right to fire-enhanced apex predation is the day you have permission to put me down.
Better one day as a lion...
I'm kidding. I think.
---
Here's an update. Haven't hit the 7 day milestone due to various errors:
1. Air conditioner problem and onset of summer heat caused poor sleep for several days
2. Learned that consuming too much marine meat causes some kind of toxicity. Have to keep the proportion low. Read about this problem with fish, and I've observed it for scallops too. This was another phantom variable.
3. Tried sleeping on the floor. Day 1 great, because less tossing. Day 2 terrible, because less padding means waking up 1-2 hours earlier. Ditched that idea.
Still enjoying 2 day recovery times after errors. Cutting it from a week to two days is an absolute godsend. Don't know how I survived before.
As my model has progressively refined, I've gone from totally clueless, no control, multi year phases, to multi month phases, to month phases, to week phases, and now two days.
Soul's returning after latest error.
Blood tests don't answer anything in relation to health. A person in terrible health could have perfect blood test results....it simply isn't a marker on overall health at all. It can be helpful if you know what your looking for but broadly speaking it's a waste of time. For instance my liver function tests came back fine, yet my stools are clay coloured and i cannot absorb fat at all. The fact is something is seriously wrong with my gut, as evidenced by my experience not being able to absorb fat for many years. My inability to gain weight also underpins this. The fact that i react very badly to vitamin A in eggs, milk, butter, cheese etc as proven by my skin scabbing up, feeling violently ill after eating retinol containing foods and increased hair shedding.
You judge yourself on your experience. For me i simply cannot eat retinol in any form, i react horrifically to it, i also cannot eat fat...because it doesn't absorb in my body and makes my symptoms worse.
In my experience green juice fasting cleared up my severe skin condition within days, only to return after stopping. The raw food diet at 100% for about 8 months did nothing for my side effects, although you don't feel as groggy during the day. Calcium d glucarate didnt work, biotin / fish oil doesn't work, multi vitamins do not work, eating healthy does not work, sauna on its own (every day) didnt work, buying everything organic didn't work, livotox i liked and it did make my bowel movements regular, but it doesn't remove the side effects at all long term. Modifilan did nothing broadly speaking although it was only a months worth. Dr ohhira and multiple probiotics like custom probiotics did nothing, flax oil did nothing but make me feel ill. Oxypowder was a waste of money and is essentially an expensive laxative. Eating solely rice with chicken or turkey didn't remove my side effects one bit although as maintenence it was a decent protocol. Theres so many more like oils, supplements, formulas over the years..... i've spend thousands upon thousands trying to cure myself of this to no avail.....you think somethings working then later your in a worse position than when you started.
Blood tests don't answer anything in relation to health. A person in terrible health could have perfect blood test results....it simply isn't a marker on overall health at all. It can be helpful if you know what your looking for but broadly speaking it's a waste of time. For instance my liver function tests came back fine, yet my stools are clay coloured and i cannot absorb fat at all. The fact is something is seriously wrong with my gut, as evidenced by my experience not being able to absorb fat for many years. My inability to gain weight also underpins this. The fact that i react very badly to vitamin A in eggs, milk, butter, cheese etc as proven by my skin scabbing up, feeling violently ill after eating retinol containing foods and increased hair shedding.
You judge yourself on your experience. For me i simply cannot eat retinol in any form, i react horrifically to it, i also cannot eat fat...because it doesn't absorb in my body and makes my symptoms worse.
In my experience green juice fasting cleared up my severe skin condition within days, only to return after stopping. The raw food diet at 100% for about 8 months did nothing for my side effects, although you don't feel as groggy during the day. Calcium d glucarate didnt work, biotin / fish oil doesn't work, multi vitamins do not work, eating healthy does not work, sauna on its own (every day) didnt work, buying everything organic didn't work, livotox i liked and it did make my bowel movements regular, but it doesn't remove the side effects at all long term. Modifilan did nothing broadly speaking although it was only a months worth. Dr ohhira and multiple probiotics like custom probiotics did nothing, flax oil did nothing but make me feel ill. Oxypowder was a waste of money and is essentially an expensive laxative. Eating solely rice with chicken or turkey didn't remove my side effects one bit although as maintenence it was a decent protocol. Theres so many more like oils, supplements, formulas over the years..... i've spend thousands upon thousands trying to cure myself of this to no avail.....you think somethings working then later your in a worse position than when you started.
same here man, so far nothing worked. I guess you haven't resolved your skin issues as well?
Alright guys?
I watched the video of the hot vegan girl... that Sergio posted... She doesn't seem to go into specifics about Accutane, but it is somewhat hopeful.
I totally agree anyway - It's not necessarily our food that heals. Our body does the work when given the right environment.
That Andrew guy who had a hissy fit months ago was on the right track, I believe.
I think we all know that we need to work on stress/our lives, but we might not know how to do that.
That's my key focus right now.
I've been eating 'bad' food in moderation.
Loving popcorn, chocolate and all that rubbish at the moment.
I'm still having salad and veggies, but without a job I can't really afford to keep buying it all the time.
A watermelon, for example, is 4 in tesco.
Some people eat so well and are still depressed and prone to illness.
If you think in terms of 'Life isn't an accident and things happen for a reason' the answer points to what's going on in the person's mind.
It's very helpful now that there is a lot of evidence to support the power of thinking.
I read of one guy being diagnosed with cancer...
He decided to break off his (unhappy) marriage and go on a Cruise with his money.
Anyway... He ended up loving it (being relaxed, living his dream, feeding his soul, whatever) and he never died.
Turned out the cancer had disappeared.
My point is, there is no point in following a 100% healthy food ritual if your heart is not in it.
Sure, it's a great way of supporting our bodies and it IS what we should be eating, but who doesn't love going to a restaurant and eating whatever they fancy?
A three course meal... Yum.
My current self-care involves doing things that I enjoy.
I've already mentioned the badminton.
I think pets are a great companion. I go for walks with my dog, bit of jogging too, whenever it's a nice day. They're always happy and uplifting.
I tend to stay indoors during the rain.
If I could, I'd pack my bags and spend some time in Hawaii.
Slowing down is so important, especially when you're working full-time.
As for me, I'm still on the lookout for a job, but I know that I used to come home stressed a lot.
My boss wound me up, things generally hadn't gone well.
When I came home, sometimes I could not relax because I was so hot with anger and frustration.
My advice for that situation is to punch a pillow until you've got 'it' out of your system.
Then, move on. You're not at work (or in 'that' situation) anymore.
Do what you love doing.
Again, I know that can be hard.
Depression can take away your enjoyment of things.
But I still enjoy a lot, so I don't think that's 100% true.
So many people are always going for something 'more' and are never satisfied with what they have.
Nobody is content or grateful for what they have.
(Following a book) I have started writing down things I'm grateful for, first thing in the morning, and then at night I write down the best thing that's happened during the day. This also makes you look at your own life. If the best thing that happened to you was 'Dinner tasted nice', then you start to realise you should be doing better things with your life.
That's all for now.
I start filming some stuff for the documentary this week, and then the interview will be in the next few weeks.
Take care of yourselves,
Stef.
I can't seem to find the nutrition post that a lot of posters here carried over into ... Anyways, thought I'd bring a bit of the nutrition section here then!
So what specific regimens are you guys on? Basically what I'm doing is a ketogenic autoimmune paleo GAPS inspired sorta protocol. Lot's of play, outdoorsy stuff, spending time with quality people, living as stress free as possible (except for high intensity workouts!), exercise, good sleep, being happy and stuff like that are important as well. Ketone aspect is strictly limited carbs to stay in ketosis, plus lots of coconut oil, rich in MCT easily converted to ketones, which help a bunch of things in the body go better, repair faster, etc. autoimmune paleo helps avoid any potentially inflammatory allergenic problematic foods, and GAPS focus on bone broth and probiotic foods, in addition to the other aspects of the regimen, help restore the GI tract. I'm pretty big on mussels and oysters too, since you'll be hitting most of the minerals you need with small servings of them, and in addition to a good chunk of protein from a good serving or other meats like beef, you've got what you need for various precursers in the body (hormones, neurotransmitters, metabolic proccesses, etc). Again, other lifestyle habits are important as well.
Supplement wise, I do cod liver oil, fish oil if I don't have seafood, vitamin d3, and some magnesium (natural calm, or epsom salt baths). I like to keep it simple so the focus remains on diet/lifestyle, though I think there are legit supplements out there, but personally most of them are a dissapointment.
I was one of the rare individuals who had some pretty bad side effects right away on tane (the first night, despite taking 1mg, I woke up 20 plus times, and continued to have bad sleep like this for about 3-4 months, among other things). I was only on it for a month, but ended up with the sleep problems, anxiety/depression (though I think it just sort of made my ability to deal with stressors null), joint/bone aches, insane headaches, and tinnitus. I was actually eating pretty healthy throughout the whole thing to minimize the side effects, but it didn't work out that way! The only lingering thing I have is tinnitus, but it's gotten much better, and I'm not too worried if it will or won't go away.
I emailed Dr. Snow to ask about colostrum. All I wanted to know is what brand he would recommend... He said he couldn't give any advice without knowing my full condition and history.
I told him that I dont have the money right now to go through his treatment but hopefully will in the future and he said he offers a one time appointment for a lower rate.
I don't think Id want to do that tho...
Just thought I'd share this for future or current readers.
Dr Snow is very likely a complete dick who would steal money from his disabled mother.
There are people like that.
Anyway, the filming went well.
So far, I just did a few questions and I was filmed around my city, Norwich, and playing guitar and singing, and going for a walk with my girlfriend. Plus, I was filmed playing Fifa 12 on the xbox, and I lost 4-0, haha.
I should be filming for one more day in a couple of weeks, when the presenter is free.
It won't be on TV until November time though.
For those in the states, I don't think you can watch it, but I'll likely upload my part of the show to YouTube.
Hope you're all doing okay,
Stef.
Hello people,
I haven't visited acne.org for 2 months now that my isotretinoin course has ended. I'm not sure, and hope, that this isn't "check-in" -post to this thread but I'm afraid it might . I remember making a thread 7 or so months ago about accutane and IndigoRush told me not to take it.Maybe I should've listened him
. Since stopping accutane I've had several side-effects, but I can't say for sure if all are induced by the drug.
After stopping I've had hair loss get worse, I've had stomach aches and weight loss which I've gone to GI-doctor about, nothing worrying was found after liver tests/intestine inflammation test(=stool test).I'm also tired all the time and get mouth ulcers on a weekly basis; one heals, another comes. I've also had swollen/infected throat/tonsils for about a month now(have eaten 2 sets of antibiotics and neither cured it).
Also numerous skin problems: some small blisters on hands(dishydrosis) and folliculitis on my inner thighs and shins area. Acne hasn't come back for most part.
I'm mostly worried I've developed some sort of auto-immune disorder since none of my side effects seem to go away. My skin takes ridiculously long to heal and a throat infection should have gone away(as it apparently was viral as antibiotic didn't work)by now. How can I go on ? Like I mentioned before I've had liver enzymes(crp,alt,p-gt and p-fos)tested.
I don't feel like I can do this anymore. Walking around pretending I'm okay. When I look in the mirror I see a decaying old man. My friends are happy, young and carefree! There is so much stress in my life. I'm basically dying everyday (more rapidly than the average person) and I can't do anything about it! I wish I could talk to my family but they don't understand the severity of my situation. Because my mouth has been progressively gotten dryer I have had slight gum recession. Im only 20!!! What will it be like in 5 years?!? What will it be like in 1 year?!
I went to the mall today and it was so depressing. Seeing young attractive people and then there's me. Droopy eyes, saggy skin and thin hair. Wow I love life.
I would be lying if I said I don't think about suicide daily. I wish I could tell someone... But how do you tell someone "I want to die?" I do have days when that's my thinking but that's not my attitude overall. What happens when it does get to that point tho? Why should I look forward to a future where I steadily turn into a monster?
I'm desperate for answers. I'm desperate to be healthy FOR ONCE.
I wish I knew how to talk to my family about this.
I know indigo is usually the only one who expresses his feelings on here but I had no one else to talk to.
No one else understands.
I don't feel like I can do this anymore. Walking around pretending I'm okay. When I look in the mirror I see a decaying old man. My friends are happy, young and carefree! There is so much stress in my life. I'm basically dying everyday (more rapidly than the average person) and I can't do anything about it! I wish I could talk to my family but they don't understand the severity of my situation. Because my mouth has been progressively gotten dryer I have had slight gum recession. Im only 20!!! What will it be like in 5 years?!? What will it be like in 1 year?!
I went to the mall today and it was so depressing. Seeing young attractive people and then there's me. Droopy eyes, saggy skin and thin hair. Wow I love life.
I would be lying if I said I don't think about suicide daily. I wish I could tell someone... But how do you tell someone "I want to die?" I do have days when that's my thinking but that's not my attitude overall. What happens when it does get to that point tho? Why should I look forward to a future where I steadily turn into a monster?
I'm desperate for answers. I'm desperate to be healthy FOR ONCE.
I wish I knew how to talk to my family about this.
I know indigo is usually the only one who expresses his feelings on here but I had no one else to talk to.
No one else understands.
HumanState - I had to reply because you are feeling exactly like me. My hair quality is awful. It's lost colour/shine, it's dry and thinner. My scalp is still flaking. My eyes look red and can have dark cycles underneath due to how sensitive they are now to light. My young skin has been lost to dry, dull, red-tinted, aged skin. Due to all this, like you, I feel so inadequate/out of place by seeing yound attractive people, and a new wave of lowness descends. Living my life like this is emotionally so hard and painful.It's the main reason why I don't go out any more, but still have other problems on top of that.
I don't feel like I can do this anymore. Walking around pretending I'm okay. When I look in the mirror I see a decaying old man. My friends are happy, young and carefree! There is so much stress in my life. I'm basically dying everyday (more rapidly than the average person) and I can't do anything about it! I wish I could talk to my family but they don't understand the severity of my situation. Because my mouth has been progressively gotten dryer I have had slight gum recession. Im only 20!!! What will it be like in 5 years?!? What will it be like in 1 year?!
I went to the mall today and it was so depressing. Seeing young attractive people and then there's me. Droopy eyes, saggy skin and thin hair. Wow I love life.
I would be lying if I said I don't think about suicide daily. I wish I could tell someone... But how do you tell someone "I want to die?" I do have days when that's my thinking but that's not my attitude overall. What happens when it does get to that point tho? Why should I look forward to a future where I steadily turn into a monster?
I'm desperate for answers. I'm desperate to be healthy FOR ONCE.
I wish I knew how to talk to my family about this.
I know indigo is usually the only one who expresses his feelings on here but I had no one else to talk to.
No one else understands.
First of all, I really feel for you.
I want to say, without sounding like a homo, you appear to be a good looking lad in your picture.
I too often feel exactly how you do. I look in the mirror and see a defeated, dying, unhealthy person and everyone else (especially our age) looks vibrant and alive.
One of the hardest things with this is feeling seperated and alone, maybe even feeling like an outsider - Like you're not 'normal' or human anymore.
I'm still not sure if coming on acne.org is a help or hindrance.
Of course, there are loads of people suffering from the same problems as you and me, but whether it helps to know that... I'm not sure.
What I hope to achieve with the documentary, and I've just emailed the guy who's in charge of directing it, is a massive raise in awareness.
Most people who know of Accutane only know about depression and birth defects.
I think that can change after the documentary has aired.
Obviously, it'll be in the UK only, but I'm sure somehow that can affect the US and other parts of the world. If only through word of mouth.
I want to have something after the documentary. I don't want to waste this chance I've been given.
I want to shout for help for all of us, I want to have some kind of organisation...
So far, the only idea I have is to direct people to my YouTube account, but I may suddenly find myself swarmed by too many messages.
I'll try to get myself in the documentary saying 'If anyone out there is interested in setting up an organisation to get some answers about Accutane's side effects, please contact me'. I dunno.
I finally, after a few weeks of waiting, got my iHerb orders. 2 boxes, both bloody caught by customs. Had to pay 30+ to get the packages. Gay!
All it was was sugar-free/aspartame-free gum (which doesn't last very long, flavour-wise). Still, 20 roughly for 600 pieces on iHerb, whereas it's 45 over here. Ripped off in this rubbish country.
Magnesium oil is the main other thing.
I actually spray it on my armpits, and if anything it works very well as a deodrant. I swear, since accutane, my armpits would always smell and no deodrants worked. Even after a bath, I could never get the smell off. I began to think it could be because my body is so toxic, and there is a constant detox going on. Maybe, maybe not.
Haven't used my sauna for a week or two. Kind of lost the enthusiam with it, though I'll still use it from time to time, because it's nice on a cold day. Disappointed it didn't show any noticable results though. I had high hopes for it. I guess we're still unsure of whether Accutane is stored in our fat, or whatever.
But yeah, Magnesium oil should hopefully be absorbed into my body. Supplements aren't meant to be absorbed much at all. If anyone has an odour problem, magnesium should help you. I got the life-flo brand from iherb. Was $7 I think.
I don't have much advice, but I've been having some good days.
Still, the mood always drops, and sometimes that'll be due to late nights.
12am isn't very good.
The 2-3 days I did go to bed early (10pm) seemed to make me feel better in the morning.
I figure, if you start of a day badly, it'll normally end up the same way.
Try to (I know it's hard) go to bed on a good-thought.
What are you guys doing with your lives? What do you want to do, regardless of your health.
I feel like when I have a job, I will spend my money on much better things.
I really don't want any more material objects.
I'd rather have an hour massage, or save for a holiday, than have more video games or clothes.
Another good thing to do - again, you'll have to be willing to try - is be grateful.
I'm following a book and here's some ideas I put down:
1) My Mum - She's always done her best to look after me
2) Maisie (my dog) - She's always effortlessly happy and makes me laugh
3) Hannah (my gf) - She's kind, caring and always there for me
4) Nature - I love that I can go for a walk in the calm/soothing Nature
5) My Home - I'm lucky to have a nice home and my own space
6) Lewis - He's my best friend and we've had some great times together
7) My talents - I'm lucky to be gifted at singing and song-writing
8) Xbox - I love being able to just sit around and play Fifa
9) Badminton - I always look forward to this each week. It's a great way to de-stess.
10) J.K. Rowling - For writing my favourite books of all time
11) The Sun - I love nothing more than a real Summer's day. Shame we don't get many in England.
12) Ricky Gervais' podcasts - Countless times, these have made me laugh. They are full of genius
13) My Guitar - For giving me an outlet for my feelings
14) Acne.org - It gives me the chance to talk to others in my position
15) My health - it's not what I'd like it to be, but I'm very lucky to be able to walk, play sports, see, taste and hear. Many people aren't born with those privaledges.
16) Vaughn (www.youtube.com/spiritofhealthKC) - He makes great, educational health videos and has helped me to learn.
17) My Childhood - I'm lucky to have had such a great childhood. I often think back to how much fun it was being a kid
18) The Air - It feels good to take a long breath in.. Oh, and I'd die without it.
19) My Bed - It's comfy and I look forward to sleeping in it each night.
20) Other people - Life would be very dull and lonely without them
21) Planes - If I save the money, I can go anywhere in the world. Couldn't do that 100 years ago.. Well, maybe, but it'd take a lot longer
22) BBC/Mentorn - For giving me the chance to tell my side of the story about Accutane
23) The World - You never can tell what the future holds, and that's exciting
24) Choice - I can make decisions, and I can choose to do anything I want
25) Food - I'm lucky to have easy access to food, and I've never had to go hungry.
There we go, just some examples.
The book I'm reading is 'The Magic' by Rhonda Byrne, who wrote 'The Secret'. Yeah, it does say that you attract what thoughts you give out, and I sort of believe that.
If anything, it makes you feel better when you realise all the things you normally take for granted.
People always go on about Einstein, and he apparantly always said Thank you.
Gratitude is meant to be the great multiplier, so maybe that's how he learnt so much about the world.
I don't know. But I'm trying to keep in that state of mind.
The worst feeling is a lack of control, so feeling empowered in any way is good.
I hope this helps.
I wish I could save all of us.
Hang in there though.
If anyone wants to talk on the phone, message me for my number.
Stef
On 5/19/2012 at 12:19 PM, humanstate said:I don't feel like I can do this anymore. Walking around pretending I'm okay. When I look in the mirror I see a decaying old man. My friends are happy, young and carefree! There is so much stress in my life. I'm basically dying everyday (more rapidly than the average person) and I can't do anything about it! I wish I could talk to my family but they don't understand the severity of my situation. Because my mouth has been progressively gotten dryer I have had slight gum recession. Im only 20!!! What will it be like in 5 years?!? What will it be like in 1 year?!
I went to the mall today and it was so depressing. Seeing young attractive people and then there's me. Droopy eyes, saggy skin and thin hair. Wow I love life.
I would be lying if I said I don't think about suicide daily. I wish I could tell someone... But how do you tell someone "I want to die?" I do have days when that's my thinking but that's not my attitude overall. What happens when it does get to that point tho? Why should I look forward to a future where I steadily turn into a monster?
I'm desperate for answers. I'm desperate to be healthy FOR ONCE.
I wish I knew how to talk to my family about this.
I know indigo is usually the only one who expresses his feelings on here but I had no one else to talk to.
No one else understands.
Humanstate, I have just learned how to recognize the Amud Neanderthal facial type.
You have the classical bone structure - retreating preorbital sockets, wide peripheral, "haunted ghost" look.
(This is the gracile variant, not the primitive sloped forehead earlier type you're probably familiar with.)
I have the same look. It comes with a certain introvert mental architecture.
You can see the eyes in this skull reconstruction - although the brow and lower face are still somewhat primitive:
I am a member of a small community of people who all have this identical face. We also have identical mental outlooks and capabilities.
I won't lie to you - you are at a high risk for actually committing suicide.
I think we should talk further, privately.
For reference, here is a pic of my face:
[Edited image out]