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BLAH! Today is super blah.
The thing under my nose was painful for a reason. When I woke up this morning it ranked right up there with the grossest looking zits I've ever seen. I looked at it funny (i.e. just attempted to wash my face like a normal human), and it yucked all over in that ill-defined gross yuck way. Fuck that asshole. SUCH a jerk.
Then, out of the corner of my eye I notice this little tiny whitehead forming WHERE I JUST HAD ONE. Just saying 'hey there! Look how the tragedy continues!'. So I attacked its snarky face, which was, of course, a very poorly conceived plan. Now it hurts and I feel like a dork-face.
So. Day 58 again because I skipped a day. Figure I'll space out my missing ones a bit. Derm on Thurs.
Two events to report. See above for details.
Sucks to this acne.
How are your hands doing, Kim? What do you use on them?
I discovered that my left hand had this very find little rash on it this morning. It was very rough to the touch. Now, a few hours later, my right hand is doing the same thing. I put lotion on which helped a little. I am guessing the temperatures have something to do with it (Not as cold as where you are, but definitely chilly, at 3 F. high today).
Jess, this hand rash is bizarre. I never had it with my first round, but lots of other people mention it, so I know it is not an uncommon side effect. Some days my hands look like dry, red, scaly lizards, and other days they aren't that bad. Moisturizer seems to make little difference. The only thing I noticed was that it did let up a bit when I was off of work, and I think that is because I use hand sanitizer at work (children are so germy!), and it is very drying. But then the rash came back a few days ago before I went back to work, so my theory is not totally sound.
Day 59: A few things that are healing as slow as they possibly can (i.e. BIG red marks), and the one I picked at is STILL mad at me. Otherwise, doing pretty good. Kind of felt like myself today, which was nice for a change. I even VISITED THE STAFF ROOM.
So - my car didn't start this morning (it was -47 C), and my university registration is all messed up (library's fault), but I AM HAPPY!
Ah, the emotional rollercoaster of this disease.
Think warm thoughts for me!
Glad you had a better day. I had a kinda rash the first week of being on tane but it disappeared after a couple of days and hasn't come back. It was red and felt like sunburn (wasn't sunburn though). My left wrist ached a bit last week but again that only lasted a day. Tane is weird stuff.
SO glad that you are feeling good! And Way To Go on visiting the staff room. 
Thank you for telling me about the rash. I have a kind of cold induced rash that comes on every once in a while. I thought that maybe this was related to it, but this isn't responding when my hands warm, so I'm guessing it is related to the tane. Right now it is completely invisible, but my hands feel ... scaly. I've also noticed that the skin on my hands seems very fragile. Any little thing can leave a scratch. I look like I've fought my way out of a brier patch.
It was -7 when I went out to attempt to start my car. It coughed, but would not turn over. So... grocery shopping will have to be delayed. Good thing there are some canned soups in the pantry, and some frozen veg in the freezer.
Hello All! Day 61 Report!
Even though I had a couple pimples today, I was not that disturbed by them. Firstly, I knew they were coming and did not dwell on them, so I was proud. Secondly, neither of them got very big or ugly, and came out with no complaints. For some reason, I just wasn't as worried - like there was a sense that the worst is over, and there's just bits of little shit left to go. Maybe (and that's a real maybe), I don't have to worry that any day I'll wake up looking like I did for all of October and November again. Anyway.
Went to the derm, and decided on a whim to ask for the brand-name because there is only a ten dollar difference (had been taking a generic). She chastised me for giving money to big drug companies for no reason, but said she was happy to do it. So far I have not exploded from making this switch, but it has only been one day.
The visit was both good and a little frustrating. We talked about antibiotics, she said best not to try that now since things are getting better on their own. She continues to assert that month four will be the golden month of joy, and not to worry.
I have book club tomorrow. I went in October, it was when things were just starting to get bad, and I wore A LOT of makeup. I looked horrible and was embarrassed. Last I saw them (a month before), I had maybe 1 zit.
The next month my skin was much, much worse, so I called and said I had car trouble and could not make it. Sadness. I love book club.
This month I think I can do it! It is tomorrow night, and if everything stays the course of the week, I think I can do it! I read the book and I am ready to go. I think that is huge.
Progress ahoy!
I have book club tomorrow. I went in October, it was when things were just starting to get bad, and I wore A LOT of makeup. I looked horrible and was embarrassed. Last I saw them (a month before), I had maybe 1 zit.
The next month my skin was much, much worse, so I called and said I had car trouble and could not make it. Sadness. I love book club.
This month I think I can do it! It is tomorrow night, and if everything stays the course of the week, I think I can do it! I read the book and I am ready to go. I think that is huge.
Progress ahoy!
Hey he Kim how's it going; did you make it to book club?!
I have just read your comments on the 4th month being the golden month ..I think am on (roughly) day 45 and have just had my dose pushed up to 40mg.. I too am going to aim for day 100 and *hopefully* wake up some day in month 4 and be seeing improvements!
Hope you're not too cold X
I have kept my dosage the same, actually, I just switched brands. So - still doing 40 mg and planning to stick with it the whole time, but I am now taking Epuris instead of the Generic Clarus. These are the Canadian names - in the US I think Epuris is called Absorica and Clarus is called Clarivis? Something like that. The Epuris is supposed to be absorbed better (doesn't require as much fat to get into your system). I read all the studies on it that I could find in dermatology journals, and they all said the same thing - Epuris is absorbed better if you take it without a meal than regular Isotretinoin, but there is NO DIFFERENCE in the two if you take them with a meal. My derm said she thinks it is just a way to get people to keep buying the brand name now that generics are available. So she let me make the switch, but insisted it had no real point.
I just felt like - second time around - I want to get as much of this in my system as I can so I can (hopefully) avoid a third course. It probably won't help to switch, but it won't hurt and only costs $10 more a month, so what the heck, why not?
What I didn't realize is that these new pills are HUGE! I have never seen a pill so huge! I was surprised that I was able to swallow it!
I'm too afraid of another IB to up my dosage - mine was BAD. Things are better now, but still getting a couple things a week, and SO MANY read marks and old bumps, I still look like shit without makeup.
BUT - I did make it to book club, and I didn't feel like they were looking at me weird, or even knew what was happening under all that Estee Lauder. It was such a relief. Next book club is in a month, and I am hoping to feel EVEN BETTER! Katie! Onward to DAY 100! We will get there!
Hope everyone else is doing well too!
I am on Absorica, and yep, the pills are big. The derm told me that 80mg was the dosage she wanted me to take, but said that is really difficult, so to start out taking 40 for a while. So... not sure if I am going to be stepping up, or what.
Glad to hear that you enjoyed the book club! What book are you reading?
Jess, we were reading "The Girl", which is the story of the 13 year old girl who was raped by Roman Polanski back in the seventies. The case was never resolved (he fled to Europe), so it is her writing about what it is like to live your life in the wake of an unresolved celebrity rape case. Terrible writing, but an intriguing story and a quick read. The next book we're looking at is called "The Luminaries". I don't know much about it, other than it is REALLY long and I should get started on it ASAP because I WILL BE AT NEXT BOOK CLUB! I hope.
Logging alert!
It is day 64. Things were nice over the weekend, but woke up to an oucher under my lip on the right today. Doesn't look like it has plans to leave quickly, either. Disappointing, but not soul crushing. Things are still greatly improved from a few weeks ago, so I am trying to remind myself of this. I haven't had a zit on the left side of my face in over a week, and it looks so much less red over there now.
Now if only the right side of my face would get the 'no more zits' memo, I would be doing great.
I love to read, but i don't get to do enough of it for fun. And really, it is kind of hard to find really good writing these days, it seems. The most popular books seem to be written at about a Jr. High level.
Hope your Ouchy heals soon. 
And that the right side of your face gets its act together. So far I haven't had an IB, and I am really nervous that I am going to have some sort of zit-splosion out of nowhere.
Day 66: Right side of face has STILL not received memo. The one I thought would be around for a while exploded later that night because that is just how Accutane rolls. Not to worry, though, it was replaced by another one within minutes. Ha. It's this one spot, the right side of my chin around my mouth, that is just being a BITCH. It needs to fall in line!
The rest of my face is doing quite well. There is some healing (reduction of redness), but it's slow. I look fab with makeup, but when I take it off I feel like crap. Still feeling like things are slowly improving, though.
Day 100, here I come.
Thanks for the support Mike, Meg, and Jess! It's always so nice to have other people to chat with about this.
Day 68! Time is going by faster now that I am back at work and that is nice.
Still having a minor battle with the right side of my chin, but otherwise doing pretty good I think!
Feels like everything is taking forever to heal, though, I guess that is partly the Accutane, and partly me being so much older than I was the first time I battled acne this severe. I wish all the redness and crap from my IB would just disappear so I could truly appreciate the fact that I have 1 zit, because it still looks like I have 50. Well, maybe not 50, but y'all get the idea.
Still thinking I might be able to have my day-100-super-clear-dance-party. Everyone is invited.
I hear you so much on the makeup thing! I put on my makeup in the morning and walk out of the house feeling pretty good about myself and life and as soon as I hit my face with the first splash of water while taking it off at night, there goes my confidence. And as soon as I put moisturizer on, not only do the PIH marks look red as shit, so does the rest of my face. I'll keep my fingers crossed for you that that one part of your face will fall in line soon, but maybe there was just a ton of shit in there to begin with that is just making its way out once and for all? Let's go with that. That's what I'm experiencing with my face, soooo I'm right there with you
LL, it's nice to have a fellow current Accutane user who can appreciate a good love/hate relationship with makeup! I even looked into that cream you raved about (will use any excuse to go explore the Sephora website), but they don't sell it in Canada. Some day I will find a moisturizer that doesn't break me out, doesn't leave me dry, and that I actually like the feel of. Well, probably not, but I can dream.
Yunchang! I don't know how you find the time to be so supportive to everyone! I'm glad you're on this site to cheer us on, and give us multiple-coursers some hope that there are options out there.
Sorry in advance for this long post. I'm having a weird emotional moment with a zit right now. Seriously. How f-ed up is that?
Today is a good day so far. I say so far because I have one active that is being sketchy.
I actually have NO actives in my problem spot (right chin), although the recent ones that are healing are still quite red. Also I find that the skin around the zits that have died continues to be really flaky for many days after. The zit that died on Monday is still producing a flaky layer every morning, even though it no longer hurts or has a bump there. Very odd and annoying for makeup application!
Day 70: The day my worst nemesis showed up.
So I have had this clogged pore on my cheek going on two months now. I first noticed it shortly after starting the Accutane. The clog is higher up than most of my acne, which tends to be around my chin and mouth area. I used to have more on my jawline, but that area never got as bad this time (my chin made up for it by being worse). Anyway - I have been fearing this thing FOREVER. It is right in the middle of my cheek, and so far as clogs go, it was a pretty good size. I dreaded the day it would turn into a HUGE cyst. How else would something like that get out of one's face? Clogs like this always turn into cysts for me.
I left it alone and it just sat there, mocking me for weeks. Waiting for the moment that I felt happy so it could RUIN my face. I was certain of this, and I worried about it every day and every time my cheek had the slightest itch.
It stayed there during my entire IB, and never changed at all. I started wondering if it might just dry up and go away (like THAT ever happens anymore). Then, with perfect timing, basically on the first day I haven't had any trouble in my trouble spot, BANG, it starts to hurt.
Mother f-er! Life is a cruel joke.
I left it alone and over the day today it formed a head. I thought this was very odd, as I expected it to get all swollen first like my cysts normally do. It just had a little top when I smothered it with makeup and went to see the movie 'The Nut Job' with my fam. I do not recommend this film to anyone who does not have a four year old. In fact, I don't think my four year old was even that impressed.
When I got home, I could see that it had grown under my makeup. Left it alone for another few hours and then got washed up. BIG whitehead. But NOT ITCHY. And it didn't even hurt that much. It was like the Accutane was pushing the clog out, but my face hadn't realized it was supposed to get infected there yet. I find that when things want to come out of my face, they always get itchy first. I was peeved. Is it just going to get bigger and bigger? What to do?
I resolved to leave it alone until the morning. Forgetting, apparently, that Accutane rarely lets you make choices about how your acne is going to go. I sort of washed around it, trying to be careful and all seemed fine.
Then I rinsed off my face, looked at it, where the hell did it go? All of a sudden, most of it is mysteriously gone. I realize the head of it has come off from the extreme force of rinsing my face (sarcasm). And you can see the little clog just sitting there. I HATE picking at my skin unless I am absolutely certain the thing is going to pop and be done, but I wasn't sure WHAT to do. I gave it a tiny press just to see if it would pop out. Instead, a GIANT clog sort of unraveled. It seemed like it went on forever. I guess that's what happens when it builds up for months. AND, just to ruin my day, it didn't really 'pop', but at the same time it seemed like everything came out. So is that it? It feels so unclimaxy. WTF.
Now I am back to the fear state of being. Will it start to go away now? Or, is this horror just beginning and NOW it's going to get all infected and yucky? Please let it be over. If it is, it will be one of the biggest reliefs of my life. If not, it will be TERRIBLE. It is such a bad spot to have a huge, potentially scarring cyst. Plus my new-found hope will be crushed AGAIN.
Anyway, I just had to get that out (in a few ways, lol!). I suffer more from the fear of my acne than the acne itself. I am SO close to clear, and my skin feels SO different (in a good way) than it did when I started. Please let this not ruin all my fun.
Kim, I sat here with tears and giggles and read your post, because it feels like you are right where I have been SO many times with my cysts.... except mine ALWAYS get extremely inflamed and painful. Only once has one ever done that "un-climaxy" (love that word) thing that yours did, and I wasn't sure whether to be glad, or irritated, or flat angry over it. I kept having to remind myself that at least it was done, for the time being... but that still didn't make me feel better.
Really hopeful that now that that clog has "Done its thing", you will start to see more improvement, and have more clear days! Keeping everything crossed for you.
hey Kim! Hang in there. Do not pick at it or try to pop it (even if is a big old whitehead and it looks disgusting, let it be disgusting for a day or two. I'd rather you have that than a big redmark for two weeks!). Accutane will make it go away. Trust me. It WILL heal, but if you try to pop it yourself, you can do more damage and your face will become a big red spot that will take even longer to fade.
Yeah, I understand the feeling when you get a big red inflamed spot and you want to get rid of it yourself and you feel like it will leave an everlasting mark. Been there. But you know what? Even those will fade sooner than the ones you bloodily pick out. So no touching madam 
Picking is hit or miss, and usually we miss!
Kim- thank you for posting this, I swear while I was reading it I could see myself doing and feeling exactly the same! I swear I get a little bit of the feeling of "pre-acne" (or post-acne) fear every time I start to clear up and get hope. It's like acne PTSD! I'm so glad your scary monster-baby (that's what I call those skin clog pre-cyst things) might be gone for good!
Kim!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I totally identify with the "unravelling" sebaceous projectile. Some of mine are like party poppers that go on for miles. WHAT are they celebrating? Instead of using breadcrumbs,if Hansel and Gretel would have been on Accutane and popped a big one they'd have made their way through the forest and had enough to corden off the trees in terms of genus and species, and make a new set of curtains for the house. I hope it clears really soon for you!!! Mine are healing well in terms of flattening very quickly post extraction (haha that sounds like I know what I'm doing) but the redness stays for very long time and the flattened scab takes a while to get its act together. Under makeup it's all good. Keep going!!!!!! Forward march to day 100