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@missmooshoo: ooh a I'm going to have to look into that online journal thing. Although next year I'm going off to be a carpenter/joiner. I just want a job mainly for the socializing aspect now.
@sunnicali: yes, being away from Stalin is heavenly. I don't have to tip-toe around anymore. The only thing that can kill your self-esteem more than acne is living with him
@blueasyou: I guess I'm going to have to give you an online medal.
DAY SIXTY-FOUR:
So, it's been, what a less than a week since I came home and already I'm going stir-crazy. Need... job... to... get... out... of... house....
But there are no jobs. So instead, I started volunteering at the animal shelter. It was either that, or the old folks home, and I like animals better than people. I start on Saturday. Allergies, here I come.
Also, I've decided to dye part of my hair pink with kool-aid for cancer awareness month. It's currently sitting in my hair right now. We'll see how that turns out...
And then I found this website to re-vamp old clothes that don't fit but you can't throw out. God help us all. I can't stop. And then I noticed how many clothes I had. THAT rant is saved for my other blog.
Plus, I've been painting, baking, writing, blogging, knitting, videomaking and songwriting like crazy. Not sure if this is an accutane-related burst of creativity or I just haven't been able to do these things for eight months. I swear, when I saw my piano when I came home, I wanted to embrace it.
But enough of that shit. Onwards to my skin: There's a bunch of dry skin in my ears. Like, in the top two folds I can pick a bunch of skin out of there. It's pretty gross.
CONTINUATION:
Yes, I forgot to put a zit update (duh!)
There's a sexy cyst on my left temple. And one under me left eye that I can sort of see. There's a cluster-fuck of little ones around my mouth that used to be wee little whiteheads but now have all gotten heads to them. My nose/cheeks are blackhead purge galore.
DAY SIXTY-FIVE:
ARUGH a I'M SO BORED!!!!!
I need a job. So. Bored. And I'm all alone all day because my parents are at work (duh) and my siblings are in school/preschool. And my friends aren't here yet. And going downtown (which, is only a five minute walk away) is quite useless because there's nothing to do in town.
Seriously, I've developed a routine for my days now:
9 a Get up
9:15 a Check classifieds for jobs, get slightly depressed when there's still nothing there
9:30 a Eat, take accutane, surf the web
10 a If feeling ambitious, start a painting or sewing project
11 a Go for a run
11:40 a Shower/wash face, obsess over skin for a good ten minutes
12:30 a Eat lunch at my Grandma's (because she lives next door and offers to make me lunch everyday.)
1 a Finally get around to doing something other than idling like a stalled car
2 a Do dishes/ironing/laundry
3 a Have all my siblings come home and have the place turn into a monkey house
From that point on, it's slightly less boring.
I attempted to mix up my routine the other day by biking to town. With my eleven-year-old brother's bike that had a flat tire. It reminded me of one time when I was on a bike ride with my friend and it was really hot out, so I was going delusional, and there was a biker behind us and she told me to go to the side so she could pass, but I heard, aoeThere's a hornet behind you! Get to the side!a to which I promptly yelled, aoeI'm gonna out run it! ARUGH!!!a then started biking like a manic, looked behind me, saw the guy, then fell off my bike in a fit of laughter.
Oh dear a I've definitely deviated from the subject that I was talking about. So, I'm in town. There's not much to do in town, apart from go to the thrift store to find some old clothes to pimp out or the liquor store. Since the thrift store was closed that day and I can't drink on accutane, I went to the grocery store for a bottle of water because I was thirsty from biking downhill (yes, I know, this was a well thought out plan.) And then, when I'm in the grocery store, I got the biggest craving for pull-apart twizzlers and went to ask someone where they were. I approached the grocery clerk from behind to ask where they were, assuming that they were an old man from his white hair, but when he turned around, I saw that he was actually some guy that I went to high school with and he just bleached his hair white. And then I wasn't sure whether or not to continue staring at his hair or not, because it was kind of blinding me and I was being quite obvious about it, and finally it was just like, aoeErugh a hi Kyle. Where's the bleach a I mean, twizzlers?a
The best part (apart from the fact that I have now seen an anime character in the flesh, except he's not Japanese, he's white as can be) is that apparently he had a huge, five-year crush on me throughout all of high school. I learned that fact from my friend's boyfriend when we were all drunk after graduation. Good times. So, on top of the hair and me pretending that I don't know that he knows that I know that he's warm to my form, I'm trying to act all cool while he sized up my jugs. And then he just walked off without even telling me where the twizzlers are! And then, as I walked through the grocery store in search of twizzlers, I kept seeing him (well, his hair) following me out of the corner of my eye and then every time I'd turn around, he would sort of aoehidea behind whatever display was nearby. Not weird at all. I felt like I was in the twilight zone or something (and feel like I'm in the twilight zone again while typing this).
Anyways, I think the point to this rambling, disjointed story was that I tried to shake up my routine and it sucked.
And now, I'm harassing my dad to get me a job because he does work (construction, not the prostitute kind) with some businesses in town, and he told me he might be able to get me a job at the grocery store. With anime-Kyle. I see a fun summer on the horizon.
At least since my obsession has turned to finding a job, my obsession with my skin has subsided slightly. Slightly. Apart from the fact that a cysts developed between my eyes sometime in the past three hours and I can feel it pulsating like a third eye.
keep on writing and good luck!
Kernel, your schedule sounds great! ALthough I'd probably sleep at least 3 hours later myself. I hope you find a job where you don't have to work with bleached Kyle.. hahaha. Although maybe that would lead to a great summer romance.. 
kidding. There's always babysitting, right? I may have to do that this summer. or tutor little kids or something.
Oh My Goodness.
Don't you hate job hunting? I am currently walking that path. Its all overgrown and full of burs..in other words impossible. I need one so I can move out. As soon as possible.
Yeahh...so I know how that is so I will be hoping you get a job! (and a nice one at that!)
@everyone: thanks for the job hunt luck. I'll try not to bitch about it anymore.
@missmooshoo: I actually don't mind anime-Kyle. I've just never in a million years thought of him THAT way. The only times we talked in high school is when we had to dissect a cow's eye and I distinctly remember slicing into the eye and then having the juices inside shoot up at me and hit my goggles.
DAY SIXTY-EIGHT:
MY EYES are so dry! It has to be this dry, mountain climate. I want to claw my eyes out of my head right now. My contacts felt like they were adhered to my eyeballs with rubber cement and when I went to take them out, they were stuck and my eyeball kept moving unpleasantly and then I pinched my eyeball. The itchiness may also be because I just came back from cleaning at the animal shelter and I'm allergic to cats (although, I can look past this when they're all cute, fuzzy and not scratching me.) At least animals don't care what the fuck you look like. You could have leprosy and they would still like you if you paid attention to them.
For those of you who own a mac: Do you ever go to open iTunes, then accidentally hit the photobooth instead and as you're impatiently waiting for iTunes to pop up, instead you see a gross, unflattering live-motion capture of yourself? Yuck. Disgusting. I never thought I looked THAT bad.
Also AVATAR comes out on Thursday. My life will then be complete. In the meantime, I've just been listening to the soundtrack, because I'm cool like that.
Also, I decided to clean out my closet recently and found a plain black hoodie in there that was just... too plain. So, I decided to turn it into a District 9 hoodie and slap a prawn on the back of it, but now it's gotten way out of hand and there's a bunch of letters and numbers I have to hand stitch onto said hoodie. It's made me kind of stressed and shaky, but on the plus side, I haven't looked at my skin once today.
Also, I have now realized that you bruise much easier on accutane. My brother decided to chase me around the house today with a stool, and I scampered up the stairs, tripped on the top step, went flying, got up, went to run into my bedroom, miscalculated and smacked my hip on the doorknob instead, ricocheted off my sister's bed and went sprawling on the floor. Needless to say, I now have a bruise on my shin, the top of my foot, my ribs and my hip. And I also got my wrist smacked while playing badminton (me and my brother both went for the birdie at the same time and I got assaulted; I also got smacked in the ass with the same birdie) and then while playing street hockey, I got my finger slashed by another hockey stick, resulting in a bruise and lump on my middle digit. Not to mention that I fell off a chair today as well. But that was my fault.
You have 6 brothers? And you haven't killed any of them? 
No, but seriously, it sounds like you've had a rather painful week so far. I've noticed the bruising thing with me too. Just stupid stuff that would never cause bruises before is causing bruises that last days now.
Anyhow, good luck with your job hunt! 
@missmooshoo: Ahaha . Great story. Poor optician. Thanks for the eye tips, I don't really take care of my contacts/eyes on general. I bought some eyedrops and applied them religiously until I lost them.
I was looking through my yearbooks earlier today. I loved my skin back then. I don't even remember it being so good. All my grad photo's ‚œ flawless ‚œ apart from my fact that I wanted to be anywhere but there at the time and have the same weird, square smile on my face in every picture. Also, I may have fallen asleep at my grad ceremony (or, at least, reached a heightened stage of tune-out) and then they made you write down what you wanted to do with your life so they could announce it and I thought, ‚Å“I don't want these fuckers and their families knowing what I'm doing after this‚ so I simply wrote that I hoped to start a business that assembled various deli meats into the likeness of Morgan Freeman. Somehow, this actually generated laughs. More so than the people who were trying to be funny. I wasn't. I was trying to be a jerk. And I'm probably the only person in the world who took five minutes to get ready for prom. Seriously, slap on some mascara, the stupid fucking dress, and out the door. Didn't even do my hair. Just straightened it as per usual. Grunge me. (Actually, don't grunge people have something against labelling themselves as ‚Å“grunge‚? Because they seem to always have a problem with everything.)
Also, flipping through the pages of all the grades, I noticed that I have nicknamed approximately one-third of these people with little titles under their names (incidentally, my grad partner was a guy that I called ‚Å“The Mushroom‚ because he looks like one and has no personality. He also happens to be part of a larger super-group of nicknamed hooligans that I called ‚Å“Schlomo.‚ I got the pleasure of having Social Studies with two of these guys from Schlomo that I called The Sway ((becasue he swayed when he played the bass in band class)) and The Rabbit ((I don't know why I nicknamed him this, since he doesn't look like a rabbit at all)). I was convinced that they were gay lovers just from their conversations and would usually just watch/listen to them instead of paying any attention in that class.)
The accutane tiredness is back with a vengeance. It wasn't so bad, and now it's back. The best part is, the longer I sleep, the bigger the bags under my eyes seem to get, which is sort of like a paradox effect (?) Although, this might not be accutane tiredness, it might just be the stuck-in-a-rut sleepiness. Or it could be PMS, now that I think of it, because last night I ate an entire cadbury hazelnut chocolate bar and didn't feel gross about it at all (plus a hot fudge sundae). Yesterday, I biked downtown, bought AVATAR, then proceeded to watch it, then watched some TV soap (terrible shit), then some Japanese game show, then some Office, then AVATAR once more. (That's right James Cameron, one-quarter of my day went towards watching your movie.) I've found that making lists of stuff to do (no matter how trivial) is better than turning on the TV. The TV is like a death-trap. I'm am really taking unemployment by the horns, or however that saying goes. At least on Monday, I get to go into the city to see my head doctor, which means SHOPPING (for fabric paint) and then on Tuesday, my friends come home, hopefully breaking this rut up a bit. And it finally got warm out, it was like plus twenty-eight or something ridiculous like that the other day, so in my down time (which is approximately 99% of my time) I wear a pair of bloomers that I made. I'm hot shit.
And right now, at this very second, I'm working the reception down here at my uncle's business. Not permanently, for one shift. But a shift is a shift. Aside from typing this, I got to copy some truck driver's driver licence today. The shot was unflattering, to say the least. He looked like the Lizard Man/some strange alien/a rapist. I took a look at it, tried hard not to burst out laughing, then turned my back to him while I was copying it, shaking with laughter because I kept thinking of the picture. I didn't know whether it would be appropriate to laugh at it to his face, because maybe he thought it was a great picture. I shouldn't judge, really, because I look ‚œ in general ‚œ like hot, sick ass in a dead carcass, and my driver's license looks I'm smelling a plate of shit.
And then, some called named Harry O'Handelin, but I really wasn't paying attention and put his name down on the message as ‚Å“Hario Handelin.‚ WTF? Who would name their child Hario, and why did I think that was a legit name? Accutane tiredness, accutane tiredness.
I need a coffee.
Before I go, I'm supposed to go to this art club with my friend. Any suggestions on what I should draw/paint? What medium to use? Do I attempt charcoals? Any input would be great.
ahahaha, Hario? I think I've finally found the name for my first born son. Don't you just love the way things are the funniest when you're not supposed to laugh? Like when you're in class. Its the worst when you really want to laugh at someone, but can't because they actually take themselves seriously. So if Hario thought he looked hot in his drivers license pic, then laughing at him would NOT be a good idea. and if he thought he looked like crap, it would also not be a good idea because some men react violently when they feel insecure (dunno about Hario's tendencies, but you never know.)
\
I just wanted to let you know that I literally sat here and laughed till I had tears in my eyes reading your last posts. If I ever find myself in Mooseland--er--Canada... we are FER SURE hanging out.
Thanks! I'm glad I can make someone laugh.
Definitely, DEFINITELY hanging out. Although I hate mooses (meece?) They'e kind of freaky and peanut-shaped.
DAY SEVENTY-FIVE:
Woke up this morning with... a third eye. And it was five in the morning, so I got the ingenious idea to pop it. Yeah, bad idea. Don't make zit-popping decisions on two hours of sleep. HERE he is. Sir Psycho Sexy, I must say.
So, as my skin clears, I see that I have the dreaded... SCARRING. Dun, dun dun... There's definite red marks/little indents in my right cheek. But whatever. I can deal with that. Maybe they'll look like freckles. I CAN'T deal with zits. I was going to take a picture of it, then decided to wait until AFTER I was clear for an accurate view of it.
My eyes are also extremely dry, giving me the illusion of being high as a kite, 24/7. Coupled with the fact that I'm naturally a spaz of nature, people probably think that I've been hitting up every time I go to the bathroom This is especially good, considering that I'm trying to get a job, actually going up to managers and asking for a job, like a crack addict jonesing for some of the good stuff. Oh yeah a and accutane has made me kind of foggy in conversations, so what little skills I had social-wise are now otherwise non-existent. I'm kind of like an empty lobster shell now with zero personality when I conveo with people. Of course, I think of witty things to say approximately five minutes after the conversation has closed.
I also have attempted to do the whole aoejob hunta thing where you go to a business, give them your resume and hope that one of them calls when they're desperate. ATTEMPT is the operative word here. Apart from having a few, nice cysts (albeit, smaller ones than the monsters that popped-up pre-tane) which is enough to give anyone's self-esteem and confidence a nice boost, I'm also the least assertive person you'll ever meet, especially when I have to deal with strangers. Family and friends I can be a bitch around, but in public, I'm sort of that person that goes invisible and hope that no-one notices them. So, asking people straight -up if they're hiring is a daunting, nerve-wracking, tense experience fraught with flat-out rejection. I think I now know how men feel when they approach a hot chick and immediately get slammed down. It's a great feeling.
Then my friend is coming home tomorrow. She emailed me something detailing this, and, for lack of response, I wrote, aoeHave a safe trip on the road. Don't drive too fast!a then realized that as hit aoeSENDa, I sounded like her mother if you didn't read that with sarcasm.
I started reading aoeInvisible Monstersa by Chuck Palahnuik (Fight Club dude). It's about a model who was in a car wreck and is now ugly and deformed with no jaw and wears a veil all the time. Kind of makes me want to wear a veil all the time in public. But on the other hand, it makes me grateful that I'm only plagued with acne and not some other terrible deformity. But then, on the other, OTHER (third??) hand, it's disgusting how twisted society has become in terms of beauty and looks. Not that I'm so great about it. I hate feeling ugly 24/7 with all these spots on my face. But we could have it a lot worse.
Something else that I can't blame on accutane, but is bothersome, nevertheless: my wisdom teeth are coming through on the bottom. And they're taking their sweet time. Although, when my fist top one cut through, I thought it was a kernel of popcorn stuck in my gums and spent the better part of the day trying to pry it out.
Another accutane side-effect: anger. Or irritability. The kind that makes you fly off the handle in an irrational way. See, my word program is a piece of shit, some mock-Word that I got for free, and the spell-check is subpar. And I'm a shitty speller. So I almost always spell immediately aoeimmidetlya or aoeimmideatelya or aoeimmeideaitelelya. And, of course, my spell checker never gives me the proper correction, it just corrects it to aoeimminentlya which makes me shove more letters into aoeimmediatelya to make it look more right, but then I get suggestions such as aoeimmaculatelya or aoeimmoderatelya and I never get the right fucking word. Lately, this has been making me so angry that I simply dread typing that word, and then when it doesn't correct, I fly off in a fit of rage, slam my laptop shut, kick something, throw a spool of thread across the room and scream and curse. Overreaction? Yes. Don't even get me started on the word aoedefinitely.a BLAME THE ACCUTANE!
Also, that new Billy Talent song on the radio? That St. Veronica? HATE IT! I really shouldn't be talking smack about BLT, I did in fact see them in concert couple of years ago, but I just really, really hate that new CD.
Onto my actual face: looking better, I must say. I didn't really notice it right away, but after several days, realized aoeHey a I only have three zits on my facea followed closely by aoeHey a I haven't had a new zit todaya (cue hallelujah chorus.) Seriously, before accutane, there was never a morning when I woke up and there wouldn't be a new zit there. As of now, two zits beside my mouth (which are the remainder of a bunch that exploded there) and the third eye. So, I can see it pulsating out of the corner of my vision, but it's much, MUCH, smaller than the cysts I got, say, a month ago.
DAY SEVENTY-EIGHT:
I was curious about this iplege business that you fellow accutane-users must oblige in south of the border, because, you see, we don't have iplegde in Canada. So, I went on the website and read the downloadable brochure. They must think all females taking accutane are morons, for this was the first line of the brochure: aoeAre you thinking about taking isotretinoin (eye-soh-tret-in-OH-in)?a
I don't know. It just cracked me up, the large aoeOHa in the pronunciation. And then this gem of a line: aoeIt comes in a capsule you take by your mouth.a Well, that's good to know. I thought it came in a capsule you shoved up your ass.
And then there's these other gems:
aoeThis includes all female patients who have menstrual periods.a Hmm... I didn't know you could have a period that wasn't menstrual.
aoeYou have had both your ovaries or uterus taken out by surgerya but it doesn't count if they were taken out by wild monkey's or perhaps the Zodiac Killer.
aoeAn eating problem called anorexia nervosa (where people eat too little)a DUH.
aoeSwallow your isotretinoin capsules whole with a full glass of liquid. Do not chew or suck on the capsulea because I was tempted to suck on them like Altoids, anyways.
aoeThese organs include the liver, pancreas, bowel (intestines), and esophagus (connection between mouth and stomach)a Thank you for that. Really. Because I didn't learn that in Grade 5.
I just learned that when you burped after consuming poprocks, it makes a delightful crackling noise.
I went to a friend's house today. We've been friends since Grade 10, and yet I've never had the pleasure of meeting her parents. Before I begin this story, I should explain the set-up of the inside of her house. Front door, then to your left a flight of stairs and to your right, the living room. Everything's carpeted with that really slippery carpet. So, I walk in. Her dad's right there. I take off my shoes, go over to say hello, slip on the carpet and go sliding all the way down the stairs. In three seconds flat, I had entered the house and went into the basement. Good first impression.
I think accutane is fucking with my sleep (more than usual.) For the past two nights, I slept the whole night through. The last time that happened, I was roughly eight-months-old. And when I awoke and saw it was nine in the morning, I could have slept some more.
And then last night, that all changed. I had some weird dream with all these blue lights, very Marilyn Manson a la Beautiful People and then woke up all freaked out. I finally got back to sleep, I dreamt I had to clean out my Oma's house, only there was a were-gorilla there, which was actually my cousin (because he looks like a gorilla), and I had to put up a barrier to keep him at the front entrance and spent the whole dream trying to get him into a closet. I was well-rested after that night.
My skin's getting better. The third eye is nothing but a scab now. Accutane is not a forced to be reckoned with, these cysts should know that.
I hung out with my friend yesterday, and the sad thing was, I couldn't wait to get home to watch Avatar. Yet again. It's like when you do heroin, and then you keep doing it to try and get that feeling you got when you initially got high, but you never hit that high again, but it's still good. Not that I've ever done heroin. I just read that in an Anthony Kedis biography. But a good analogy, nevertheless.
I don't know if I've told you this, but I really love your log!
I've been laughing as I read your last post. My roommate probably thinks I've gone crazy.
I'm glad you can find joy in Ipledge. I actually haven't had any problems with it. The only thing that really annoys me is that you have to pick up your prescription within 7 days of your pregnancy test. Some months, I've had a one-day period in which to pick up my pills. Thank goodness the pharmacy had them in stock!
I guess they just try to spell everything out so that no one can sue them???
Yeah, they do take us yanks to be complete idiots. like do I really need the "safe sex" talk from my Dermatologist? ugh! IPLEDGE is so annoying. the tests every month, ha, you should get a hold of one of those. Like, hmmmmm, should i give my eye-soooo-tren-in-OH-in to f friend who doesn't have a prescription? Like what? isnt that illegal anyways? UGH, stupid, stupid Ipledge.
love your blog, its a pleasure to read
Thanks everyone for the compliments on this blog. 
Makes me feel special.
@missmooshoo: Ahaha. I love tripping in public, as well.
DAY EIGHTY-ONE:
Hmm... so I decided to go to this house party last night with my friend. I don't go to a lot of house parties. It was... interesting. There was a dance floor and many hula hoops and strobe lights, so that was fun, only dancing on accutane leaves you wanting to spend the next week of your life in a neck brace and full-body cast. And then there was some strange guy who kept trying to sort of dance with my, only he would stay a foot away from me and just look at me while doing the same dance move over and over. I can only describe this move as the ‚Å“white man shuffle.‚ And then that leads me on to the refreshments... mainly booze. Because dancing makes you thirsty, and there wasn't any water readily available and the house looked like it should be condemned so I was terrified of drinking the water there, so I had a beer. I was expecting to be loaded off of it, since tequila didn't sit so well with me, but it was some cheap-ass beer, so it was all cool. Although I think I pissed off the guy whose beer it was, because I heard him yelling, ‚Å“Who stole the rest of my fucking beer!?‚ and as I tried to make a quick runaway, I smacked right into this shirtless guy. Nice, considering I was eye-level with his nipples. Apparently, this was his house. And then he started poking me and telling me repeatedly how beautiful I was and then dared me to pinch his nipple. And then I had the pleasure of seeing this creepy dude who I swear has stalked me obsessively since elementary school (I'm not being dramatic here, I've had several people point this out to me) so then I begged my friend not to make me go into any bushes alone in fear that we would rape me. So I stood around this campfire, in the light, to get away from Mr. Creepola, when some other weird guy began to tell me how strong his toes was because he did yoga, then proceeded to pinch me with his toes and then dare me to knock him over. Of course, there were other highlights to this night as well, such as meeting several people from my high school that I hoped to never meet again and finding out that what seems like one-third of the chicks in my grade are now knocked up, but apart from that, I think we're a very classy grade.
Umm... well, that was a large tangent to go off on. Anywho, there's no active cysts on my face right now and I can't feel any lurking underneath (knock on wood), there's just some crusty scabs and a nice scattering of zits on my hairline, but that may be from not washing it because the accutane keeps it rather dry. There is also a sexy beast of a rash on my inner arms. When I type, my cheap tablecloth irritates the rash, so I have to wear long sleeves or else I get all itchy.