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Alright Wynne i snagged me one of those bars and i'll use it from now on. I hope it helps, but im not worried because the source is mighty knowledgable 
Short post today I'm dealing with the aftermath of the milk explosion yesterday. The stupid washing machines only accept reloadable "Laundry Cards" which you have to get downstairs, but you can only use $5 bills or above even though i only need $1.50 to wash and dry the load. So i had to drive down to HEB and use the damn coinstar machine to turn all my change into cash.
Quote of the Day
It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best, knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while DARING GREATLY so that his place shall never be with those timid souls who know neither victory or defeat.
How is everybody this morning .... errr afternoon. Just woke up and had to deal with the FOULEST smelling thing of all time. Following my milk explosion i towelled up the milk intending on washing them immediately, but i got sidetracked. The next day I remembered but they already were pretty damn rank. Still i tried to go get money on my laundry card and needed a $5 so i went to HEB coinstared myself a $5 but the damn laundry card refiller was broken until this morning so I finally got it filled and i took those towels to the washer and and tried to get them in the washer AFAP but when the smell hit me i thought i would faint. It was one of those ones that you can taste. So I filled the whole with Oust, but the door was closed and the amount of oxygen was quickly depleting so then I left gave it a second to catch my breath and the room to regain some oxygen. Then I went back in and tried to toss in som detergent, and was hit with a second blast of what i would expect pure evil to smell like. So then I went back to my room wrapped a shirt around my face, braved opening the lid again and i filled the washer with oust. I let it sit for a while then started it up. I hope it clean it in one load bc im out of underwear and I dont have any more fives.
I've been saying that my face has been getting better everyday and it has in a very noticeable manner, but there is a catch. As my beard has fallen out in some places the full horror of that nasty looking jawline cyst is fully revealed and even i didnt know it was so bad. It has either grown or interconnected with other cysts to epic proportions. Its goes from the corner of my jawbone to touching my chin, and is over an inch at its widest. Its mostly shallow, but the bottom most part is wedged right in the crease where my neck bends and is constantly being aggravated and growing. That all being said its not all that painful, but it kinda looks like a angry red tumor.
Alright I'll let you go back to your day and start steeling my reserve for round 2 with the Aroma of Evil.
Quote of the Day (Its a long poem, but well worth the time to read it all
Dreams of Desire
It doesn't interest me what you do for a living
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty
every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after a night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn't interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire
with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
Well I am by no means an expert but here is what i keep in my Acne Attack Drawer:
1) Tub of Cetaphil Cream no fragrance, no color (for during the day moisturizing)
2) Fruit of the Earth 100% Aloe Gel (For going to bed)
3) Bar of Cetaphil Antibacterial Gentle Cleanser (By recomendation of the mighty Wynne)
4) Fish Oil / Green Tea (to deal with inflammation)
5) Vitamin E (for fast skin healing)
6) IB Profen (for dealing with inflammation, aches, and pain)
7) Wooden plaque that says "Veritas Vos Liberabit" that I carved myself (it means the truth will set you free, and it reminds me that the face I see in the mirror isn't who I am)
Thats my acne arsenal. I don't know if its all that great, but it gets me through the day.
So the Horns finally won in conference it feels like its been forever ..... oh yeah it practically has been. Don't get too comfortable you Sooner fans though bc the way this season is shaping up ... the odds are against you.
Acne is trying to go away, and I'm starting to get a good view of the damage. The red spots are bad, but they will fade. The scarring is .... well in most places its non existant, but where it shows it really shows. We'll see how it progresses.
Oh big news i'm starting a song of the week feature. Every Monday I will have a link to a song that has helped me in my acne struggles here. This weeks song is Spoon's "Underdog" . Check it out!
Quote of the Day
If there were ever a time to dare,
to make a difference,
to embark on something worth doing,
it is now.
Not for any grand cause, necessarily-
but for something that tugs at your heart,
something that's your aspiration,
something that's your dream.
You owe it to yourself
to make your days here count.
Have fun.
Dig deep.
Stretch.
Dream big.
Overall yes its very positive. The stuff on my jawline isn't giving up without a fight, and with everyday more and more of my concealing beard falls out to reveal it. I started having to wear a beanie to classes bc of my overgrown bangs are gettin way too annoying. I wont give up on the dirty man challenge just yet though. I really wish my mustache would start growing bc after like 4 months its nothing but wispy. I really want to make a startling impression at that christmas party but right now the beard is disappointing.
I was wondering what yall thought about sleep. Is 8 hours 8 hours no matter when you get it. What I'm trying to say is i have a very erratic sleeping pattern depending if I get into a heated online scrabble match (I'm sorta like a scrabble grandmaster in my community) or I can get lost in a book.
My roommate asked me today if I wanted to go to a party this weekend, and i just chuckled and said no thanks. Even if i didn't have painful severe cystic acne I probably wouldn't have gone. I really just don't want to risk my transfer on being at a party that i wouldn't enjoy. Being in my room watching a good movie, reading a good book, or writing up a story by myself is 10X better than a wild party. I've always been that way, its not that i cant thrive in a social situation people from my freshman and sophmore years will be able to tell you that. I just prefer silence, and being alone.
It took me more than ten weeks of being on 'tane before I felt able to venture out, socially. When I did, I realised that it really helped handling the whole business of taking the drug - it just shakes things up, a bit; it makes me feel like a person, rather than a patient.
Everyone likes to spend some time alone, of course, but the company of others can be good therapy, too.
Actually I'm not really having a hard time with accutane as of yet. I'm abnormally cheery as compared to my post breakout pre accutane self.
As for company, while it fine and all I've never especially needed it to function at my best. In fact my most cherished moments are those when no one was around to see it. When I dream of a perfect life I dream of somewhere out of the way, tucked into a beautiful landscape. Like a bungalow on some unknown beach on the pacific. Some place that I shape with my hands, and put some of myself into it. Where I can write or read all day in a porch rocking chair on Monday, fish off a dock that I built with my own hands on tuesday, and do nothing but daydream until sunday. A place where it doesnt matter what day it is. I dont know if any places like that exist anymore in this world, but I dream of them every night.
Quote of the Day
You have it easily in your power to increase the sum total of this world's happinessnow. How? By giving a few words of sincere appreciation to someone who is lonely or discouraged.
Haha thanks Brandy. If you could get inside my head you would be amazed that im able to put coherent sentences together, because everything whizzes around chaoticly (that cant be the right spelling)
OOH OOH I GOT A Wii! I went to walmart on a whim just to check their stock and they were putting them in the showcase as i was walking up. By the time I left they were sold out, so looks like luck is back on my side. I got Super Mario Strikers Charged as well but i'm holding out on playing it till tomorrow after my Social Psychology test otherwise i wouldnt get any studying done.
Quote of the Day
Here's to the crazy ones. The misfits. The rebels. The trouble-makers. The round heads in the square holes. The ones who see things differently. They're not fond of rules, and they have no respect for the status-quo. You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify, or vilify them. But the only thing you can't do is ignore them. Because they change things. They push the human race forward. And while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius. Because the people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world, are the ones who do.
I'm dedicating this post to a special reader who nobody here, but me knows. She knows who she is, and I hope you have a slight insight into what I'm dealing with.
Remember that super deep cyst on my neck that I thought was going away. Well its back with avengence and it keeps growing. Along with the super huge stuff right above it on my jawline its looking terrible. I'm seriously considering filling that steroid my derm perscribed me. What do yall think will it help, is there really any downside. Most importantly can I take it with my Sotret bc I really dont want to break on the Tane.
Oh this was wonderful. I went to dinner today, and theres this new guy working the pizza oven couldn't be older than 20. I walk over and he has his back turned and I asked for a couple slices of pepperoni. He response went a little something like this ... "Sure can do man .... HOLY CRAP did you have like an allergic reaction man?" I was like "Nope just acne" and he said "Dude thats totally harsh man I've never seen stuff that bad ... you should get something to clear that up." ........ Ok ........ I'm a VERY nice person and I NEVER yell at anyone even when im fuming mad, but with this stuff on my jawline killing me I just turned to him and said very loudly and angrily "YOU THINK SO JACKASS ... YOU THINK I HAVENT CONSIDERED THAT ... YOU THINK I FUCKING ENJOY LOOKING LIKE THIS" set my plate down and left with the whole cafeteria in complete silence. I'm feeling terrible about it right now because thats totally not the kind of person I am.
Ok I'm going to try and go to sleep. Thanks for reading
Quote of the Day *My last one in the tank, yall have drained me dry lol*
The Waking by Theodore Roethke
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
Ive been a lurker for a while and just wanted to share a similar story. Months ago I had been planning a trip to "the river" with my friends for weeks, and a few days before a had a BAD breakout. I went a little overboard with my treatments. Needless to say I woke up the morning of with huge dark rough patches on my skin (When I say huge I mean HUGE dark rough nasty patches of wrinkly skin with deep painful pimples under them). Being the daredevil I am I decided to suck it up and go anyways. Big mistake. When all my friends showed up it seemed like every person asked me "whats wrong with you're face?". Over AND over and over again "whats wrong with you're face?". I thought I was going to lose my mind. Later on I looked in the mirror and noticed the patches were WAY darker than before (from being in the sun) AND they were peeling. The whole day my friends were watching my face fall apart before their very eyes.
Just remember that yeah right now your skin isn't in the best shape, but sooner than you know it you will be clear, but that jerk that just had to point out something you clearly already know, will struggle the rest of his life because of his lack of manners and sensitivity to others. You think that guys going to have luck with women? I know its hard right now because the condition of your skin is changing so rapidly, but there will be a payoff you will see. You are a really good looking guy (no seriously you ARE really cute I have seen all your photos), you are lucky you have amazing bone structure. Things will get better. Just focus on school, relaxing, and being positive.
Have a nice weekend 
thanks kaylannn normally I'm super positive and relaxed 99% of the time. I really dont know what got into me yesterday. Also thanks for the compliments lol. I dont really know anything about bone structure so I'll take your word for it.
My rommate had gone home for the weekend so I slept in, and have been watching football all day. I dont have a shirt on, and I havent even messed with washing or moisturizing my face. 10 mins ago I hear a key in the lock and my roommate comes in followed by 3 guys and 2 girls. So here I am sitting in my bed shirtless with pajama bottoms with skin flaking all over my face with my glasses on. I was just saying to myself WTH I thought this was going to be a day where i just didnt have to care, and he decides to come back early with a freakin posse. I felt like a zoo animal the amount of gawking I got. He's gone now, and i'm debating on whether to go through all the trouble of washing cleansing moisturizing.
Been there as well, that is why we need to stick together. One day we will be clear look back at our pictures and say, Wow how did I ever live through that. You may want to ask your derm if the Tane dosage is appropriate, but an initial breakout is normal from what I hear. Keep your head up high. We are a society that judges too much on the physical appearance of a person, the reality is only we who suffer external issues can appreciate what is inside of a person.
Man Ranger ur changing Lives im 17 as of before i read ur Log man when i had a little blemish i would Rethink of Going out and i would be just mad at the world but u changed everything ur such a amazing person i just live now i dont let my acne effect me and im hopeing u Clear up with the Accutane and best of luck im rooting for u friend stick it out
I have it painted on my wall in my room at home.
I'm glad I could help you abeazy, and I'm no more an amazing person than you are ... I just got in the game a little earlier We're all amazing, some of us just dont know it yet. Just live your life and show people that you are who you are no matter what is on your face.
I agree marietta that by going through this I believe my life will be all the more vibrant. As for my dosage, if I had my way it will alot higher, but I have a derm appointment on the 29th and we'll see how much my derm raises it on his own accord. Of course I hold my head high, otherwise how else could I see the sky. (bonus points for anyone who can tell me what im referencing there)
More stuff has popped up on the underside of my jaw just behind where my beard stops growing. I dont know if my beard is irritating it or what but to much stuff is popping up only there for it to be a co-ink-a-dink. I'll try and get a good shot of the scarring thats showing up when I post my next pictures. Its pretty obvious to me, but I know its there so I know exactly where to look so it might not be as bad as I think ... hopefully yall can set me straight. The new problem is cysts that will just become unstable all by themselves in the middle of the day, and start leaking copious amounts of yellow slightly viscous fluid. This is especially bad if I'm wearing a white shirt like i was yesterday, because while on my face you have to look right at it to see it but when it drips onto the shirt it looks like my face is peeing on me. I'm not against the cysts deflating themselves, but i'd appreciate a memo or something lol.
Quote of the Day (My aunt read this at my grandfathers funeral, and he was very dear to me so it really touch my soul. I hope yall feel it even a tenth of how i feel it, because then you'll be overwhelmed with emotion.)
Success
He has achieved success who has lived well, laughed often and loved much
Who has gained the respect of intelligent men and the love of little children
Who has filled his niche and accomplished his task
Who has left the world better than he found it
Whether by an improved poppy, a perfect poem, or a rescued soul
Who has never lacked appreciation of earth‚„s beauty or failed to express it
Who has always looked for the best in others and given them the best he had
Whose life was an inspiration
Whose memory a benediction.
I'm dedicating this post to a special reader who nobody here, but me knows. She knows who she is, and I hope you have a slight insight into what I'm dealing with.Remember that super deep cyst on my neck that I thought was going away. Well its back with avengence and it keeps growing. Along with the super huge stuff right above it on my jawline its looking terrible. I'm seriously considering filling that steroid my derm perscribed me. What do yall think will it help, is there really any downside. Most importantly can I take it with my Sotret bc I really dont want to break on the Tane.
Oh this was wonderful. I went to dinner today, and theres this new guy working the pizza oven couldn't be older than 20. I walk over and he has his back turned and I asked for a couple slices of pepperoni. He response went a little something like this ... "Sure can do man .... HOLY CRAP did you have like an allergic reaction man?" I was like "Nope just acne" and he said "Dude thats totally harsh man I've never seen stuff that bad ... you should get something to clear that up." ........ Ok ........ I'm a VERY nice person and I NEVER yell at anyone even when im fuming mad, but with this stuff on my jawline killing me I just turned to him and said very loudly and angrily "YOU THINK SO JACKASS ... YOU THINK I HAVENT CONSIDERED THAT ... YOU THINK I FUCKING ENJOY LOOKING LIKE THIS" set my plate down and left with the whole cafeteria in complete silence. I'm feeling terrible about it right now because thats totally not the kind of person I am.
Ok I'm going to try and go to sleep. Thanks for reading
Quote of the Day *My last one in the tank, yall have drained me dry lol*
The Waking by Theodore Roethke
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I feel my fate in what I cannot fear.
I learn by going where I have to go.
We think by feeling. What is there to know?
I hear my being dance from ear to ear.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Of those so close beside me, which are you?
God bless the Ground! I shall walk softly there,
And learn by going where I have to go.
Light takes the Tree; but who can tell us how?
The lowly worm climbs up a winding stair;
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
Great Nature has another thing to do
To you and me; so take the lively air,
And, lovely, learn by going where to go.
This shaking keeps me steady. I should know.
What falls away is always. And is near.
I wake to sleep, and take my waking slow.
I learn by going where I have to go.
You, sir, are an inspiration. Please do not feel guilty about your outburst to that guy. We all have moments like that in our lives. Sometimes one just has to let it out. Do not feel guilty.
I understand greatly your fulfillment from being alone. It's not necessarily being a loner, it is just how you recharge. That's how I am as well. Myers Briggs says I'm an INTP. 😉
I took a quick little fifty question myers brigs 50 question knockoff to see what came up and I got:
Your personality type is INFP.
Introverted (I) 87% Extraverted (E) 13%
Intuitive (N) 91% Sensing (S) 9%
Feeling (F) 75% Thinking (T) 25%
Perceiving (P) 100% Judging (J) 0%
I followed that up with researching exactly what that meant and I have to agree with the analysis. Especially with the suggested career of writing 
.
As for shaving my beard its more than an issue of irritation. Currently my jawline is basically a veritable cornicopia of cysts that are all very volatile. The skin that covers them is paper thing and very tightly stretched. To even use an electric razor i would have to reduce my beard to stubble which means inevitably using a traditional razor. I'm afraid that even being as carefull as possible that one tiny nick will break the integrity of a cyst, and literally tear my skin. I have a cyst that runs from the corner of my jaw to my chin. If that was to tear ... I shudder to even think of then pain, the blood loss, the scarring. No I think I'll let my beard be for now. Plus I wouldn't want to disappoint those hoping ill finish the 8 month dirty man challenge which is only 2 months away. Also my contingency plan for if im in dire need of laundry money is to pander shamelessly for spare change
I was wondering if yall could help me out. I've been using this Aloe vera gel for about a week and a half now, and while I enjoy the results ... I dread the application. Even though it says no alcohol right on the label it burns like isopropyl alcohol. It tapers of into a cool down, but all my life whenever I used aloe vera for sun burns and such it would be instantly cold and cooling. Is this a bad sign? I'm taking a break from it tonight, because I got hit in the face by a door today and it obliterated a cyst on my cheek bone so that its just this gaping hole. I smothered it in neosporin to fight scarring, but I don't want to mess with the burning in that wound.
Also do you think that when God invented ice he had us in mind. Really this stuff is miraculous for inflammation. In seconds a peanut sized cyst was brought down from literally threat level red down to a yellow.
Derm appointment on next monday, but yall will have spanking new photos possibly as soon as Friday!!!
I forgot all about debuting a song yesterday so here is the new song of the week.
Its a great song, but makes song of the week completely based on the lyric "Even the best fall down sometimes." Whenever i hear that I'm like thats totally me he's singing about
Quote of the Day *This is the only chain letter i've ever passed on*
A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large, empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fillit with golf balls.
He then asked the students if the jar was full.
They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls.
He then asked the students again if the jar was full.
They agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.
He asked once more if the jar was full.
The students responded with a unanimous "yes."
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - God, family, children, health, friends, and Favorite passions -- things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, house, and car. The sand is everything else -- the small stuff.
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you.
So...
Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play With your children.
Take time to get medical checkups.
Take your partner out to dinner.
Play another 18.
There will always be time to clean the house
and fix the disposal.
"Take care of the golf balls first -- the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented.
The professor smiled.
"I'm glad you asked".
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."
