Throughout these last 12 years of having my acne/scars. I've learned one undeniable fact, people fucking suck. They've always sucked and they will always suck. Because people are nothing more then primitive animals that fancy themselves intellectuals.
Normal people are dumb as shit and here I am forced to interact with these fools for the sake of living within this society. No I don't care about for fucking kids, where your from or what school you went to... please stop boring me to death with your meaningless bull shit about how your having relationship troubles again. No I don't want to participate in any stupid small talk even though I'm essentially forced to since I would otherwise lose my mind being here at work having to do the same shit over and over and over and over and over...
I just hate the fact that it seems like my life has been filled with so much adversity, while everyone else's has been so carefree in comparison. They'll simply never understand just how trivial and insignificance their so called problems really are. What the vast majority of the world takes for granted, I am denied even that. Forced to play catch up at something ill probably never achieve, that being normalcy. For you see even if their was someway to completely erase any physical trace of my past battles with acne. The physiologic trauma would still all be there and that imo is the worst thing that this fucking disease can do to you.
I have been singled out, shunned, ousted by my own God dame species. I have without doubt become an outsider a drifter, a loner, a misanthropic individual who no longer has any desire to reintegrate myself into this ego driven society. So here I am 24 year old me without a fucking clue as to what I want my life to be or how I want to live it. Do I play it safe and just follow the heard or do I stray from the pack in hopes of stumbling upon an adventure.
Why does life feel so fucking scripted to me, why are we forced to strive for economic and social status. School, work death, that's basically everyone's life. With only the small details being any different from one another. Why can't I just play my video games and be left the hell alone. People are full of it, always talking up a good pile of manure. Sad thing is, I feel like for the last 12 years I've been lost and I'm now trying to find way way back, but I don't know what I'm going back to and even if I found myself again.. too much has happened for me to ever be that once carefree person full of wonder and imagination.
I know when life has been hard it is very easy to slip into a cynical and self-centered viewpoint. I don't mean to say you are being selfish or that how you feel is wrong at all, by the way. It is simply how you feel and it is neither right nor wrong. From what I understand, you want to feel positive again, like you used to, right? And right now you feel like the world is terrible and you don't want to involve yourself in it. But what I think could be an underlying issue you MAY have (and no I'm not a doctor, I just have decades of experience with it myself) .. is a possible case of severe clinical depression. Everything you said might as well have giant red arrows all over it. Believe me, having had it nearly my whole life, I've learned to notice the signs in other people.
So depression is a big, complicated issue, made even worse when you have physical disabilities and illnesses (this includes chronic severe acne in my book.) It is extremely hard to feel positive about life when you have injuries on your face that cause physical and mental trauma! But I don't want you to feel like getting better is impossible. If it is at all possible for you, I think you should look into counseling or therapy. I don't know how you feel about those things but they can be really helpful. The other things that helped me were improving my diet, opening up spiritually (this does not mean you have to be religious), and practicing empathy. It takes time but I hope you have success if you go this route.