I feel you. It takes a lot to put your vulnerability out there. I could remember when I did not have acne when I was 14-15 ish and life was just right people liked me I was popular. Whenever People complemented me I had a stupid smile on my face all the time. I know it sounds superficial but I loved it more than anything. College was a nightmare for me I cannot even explain. I felt that there were the kids with beautiful skin and awesome lives who were loved by everyone and then there were Loners and losers with messed up skin like me. Now Im 22 years old and my acne is history I took acutance at 18 and the red marks did not really go away till 21 and now I feel a lot more better I eat right and lift weights and I took care of the scars with silicone injections and the red marks are history. Now here is why it worked out for me it is because I decided to take what was happening to me as a positive and allow myself to be on this mission to realize how messed up society is. That positivity has led me to be a clear skin individual who is not a superficial subhuman robot like all those inhuman robots you see on campus.

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I too struggle severely with depression and anxiety from my acne. I honestly don't know if I'm depressed from the acne or the depression is feeding the acne anymore. My skin in high school and through most of college was ok, I've always had zits but for some reason this year my skin has taken a severe turn for the worst (I'm 23). I 100% agree that I would stay home every day if I could too. It's so difficult to go out and face the world. I wake up and cannot even look in the mirror. I can't remember the last time I turned the bathroom light on. I know if I were to see my skin in the light I would start crying and never get myself to leave the house. I avoid mirrors the best I can when I'm out. I don't even like seeing my reflection in my phone screen because all I see are the bumps. I also struggle with picking and popping at my zits. I'm an extreme perfectionist and I feel like if I could just pop this zit, get rid of this scab, everything would be better. It's not even the appearance of my acne that makes me pick sometimes but the fact that it is so painful. My face constantly hurts. Even though I know this is never true and I end up making it worse every time. I also went through a horrible break up with my boyfriend of 6 years this year, which I feel has worsened my anxiety this worsened my acne. I worry that I never will find someone else, and that is probably true if I continue to avoid social situations and people like I have been.

Although I am extremely depressed about my situation, I do have a few things that I do to try and get through the days. I am in my last year of college and on clinical rotations. As hard as it is, I try my best to have a positive attitude. Say hi to people. Smile and laugh a lot. Even if you do feel like they're looking at your acne, people aren't going to care if you're a positive and happy person. They're going to be more likely to judge if you're not friendly and keep to yourself. Even if your in turmoil on the inside, try your hardest to be happy. I'm really trying to force myself to just stop caring about my acne so much. I know that is a large part of my problem because I obsess over it to the point of it consuming my every thought. I also wear make up every day. Although I think it probably isn't good for my acne, it's the only way I can muster a small bit of confidence. Also my family is a huge support. I'm away at college, but I call my mom frequently and my cousin is my best friend. Although she has perfect skin I text her when I'm feeling really down about myself and she always makes me feel better. I have a derm appointment in May and although my hopes aren't high I am praying I get some answers and relief then. I don't know why acne has to exist, but at least we have stuff like this where we can talk to people who are going through the same thing. I wish you luck and hope you find some answers and start to enjoy life again too.

I really appreciate your response. I'm 19 and I will be turning 20 this year. We are pretty much in the same boat though on how we feel about ourselves! I also had fairly clear skin throughout high school but just last year my skin started to get worse. It started towards the end of my first year in college. It's hard for me to look in the mirror as well. I try to stand as far back as possible. Thank God my bathroom has a 'dim light' setting, so I use that when I'm doing my skincare routine. But sometimes I still catch myself cringing and almost crying when I look closely. I look in my phone reflection as well, trying to see all the bumps, etc. I have always been a perfectionist, which only feeds my obsession more too, but I trained myself to stop picking and touching my face. It was hard to do, but I still break out anyways and those red marks are still there, even if I don't pick. Honestly, I believe I have always been somewhat acne prone, but the stress that I have encountered in my life recently has made it more pronounced. It is so darn hard to get the stress under control and I think it's because it isn't caused by my acne. It's basically everything in my life that causes me to be anxious.

I'm sorry about your break up. I know one day you will find someone who loves you for all of your flaws, no matter how much you hate them. There are people out there. I've never really been in a relationship.. I sometimes blame it on my appearance. But I try not to dwell there too much. I feel like I could never be with someone who has nice skin though... is that weird? I would always feel self conscious, like they're judging me... I don't know why I feel that way.

But I'm trying to be happier. I've been seeing my therapist and she has helped me with my thoughts and some other techniques to help me be more positive. I do try to smile at others and be friendly. I think sometimes I look very depressed so I try not to act that way in public. I've lost a lot of my friendships because of my anxiety. I always turn down requests to go out and do things. Even to my friend who had acne as well. I've tried to express my emotions to her though and she hasn't been supportive. I guess we aren't on the same page anymore as friends go and it's hard since we had been best friends for so long.

I'm really glad you have support and that's always important. I hope your dermatology appointment goes well and whatever treatment you get helps cure your acne for good!! I'm thinking about going as well, but I'm still not sure. I want to get my hormones tested first and if they're all normal, then it's 100% my stress is the cause of my acne. I've basically ruled out most other factors. I'm also glad you took the time to send your lovely response. It's really reassured me I'm not alone and there are others who feel the same as me. I also hope you can find peace and happiness, even in spite of this acne!