I really feel for you and can relate a bit because I have scarring as well. Its not severe but its enough to make me depressed from time to time. I work full time so that forces me out of the house everyday which helps but I went through a stretch when my acne was bad where I wouldnt see anybody (well except for my hubby) but that just made me feel more alone. I had to force myself to hang out with my friends and see my family and do things I am not comfortable with because I have a life to live and I need to make it worthwhile ya know? Its been a few years now since I got my scarring and I have done lots of treatments with no sucesss but I keep trying new things just to see if I can get some sort of results. I feel like with scarring its hard to get past it because you see it every single day when you look at yourself and when you are a woman its so much harder but thank god for makeup. It has helped me be able to go out and not feel like such a freak. I would say your first step should be to get a therapist and work on your ptsd and then from there you can maybe think about starting a part time job at least for now to get some money coming in. Did you go to college? Is there something you can do in your field? I think with your friends they probably picked up on your self-consciousness and weren't quite sure what to say to you. I noticed if I brought up my acne or scarring to my friends it lightened the mood and then I could share how I was feeling about certain situations. They were very receptive to listen I think they werent just sure what to say to me.

For now your best bet is to avoid mirrors at all costs and try to get out of the house. Even if its just to go see a movie its better than being cooped up all the time. If you have too much time to think it can really screw with your mind. I am sending you many hugs and if you ever need to talk you can pm on this site.

Hello peachesnflowers.

After reading what you are going through, I totally feel you. The only thing I can tell you is that time heals everything. You have to patient, and your great time will come. I know it's hard but you CAN go through this. I feel like talking to you in person but I reside in LA and you are in NY. If you need someone to talk to, I am here and I am here to help. Don't be afraid to message me because I would love to talk to you.

-Chris

Hi everyone,

I've never posted on a forum before let alone one which deals with something very personal to me, but I think it's time to share my story and to ask for insight from this community. I've been dealing with this by myself for some time now and I think it's been very detrimental to my recovery by keeping it a secret.

I'm 23 years old living in new york city. I've had chronic acne all my life but nothing ever terribly severe. I've done everything under the sun. It's been really clear for the past year before 7 months ago when I changed my diet to a high carb low fat vegan diet (in attempts to erratic the acne 100%). I listened to some bad advice and followed the diet incorrectly and my skin has plummeted to its all time low.

So severe that when I googled "severe acne," a search engine phrase that shows the most horrific types of acne.. I had worse. That was my all time low.. when my acne was worse than the severe acne found on the internet.

Through modifying my high carb low fat vegan diet and seeing an MD certified holistic doctor.. I have clear skin now. I still have breakouts but they are very small. What pains me are the acne scars that I've sustained from the severe acne that tortured my whole entire face (all over face, even under eyebrows, near my eyes, under my jaw, down my neck). My acne was so bad there was not one inch of skin that you can see. You can only imagine what my skin texture looks like now.

I haven't worked for 7 months, I live off money my parents give me, I have no money, I spent well over $10,000 trying to cure this, I haven't gone out at all, I stay home all day, I used to be a fitness fanatic but I haven't gone for months, I sit all day, some days I go 3 days without even once going out, I dress like a bum, I'm always in my pajamas, I'm depressed, I'm easily agitated, I have social anxiety, I haven't seen my friends in months, I talk to no one. It's been very hard. This has been the hardest experience that I've ever gone through. I cry almost every day.

Yes, I'm post-acne despite still dealing with scars but my severe acne has been going on for so many months that I have PTSD.

Similar to girls who are anorexic and who see a different girl in the mirror, I have the same thing with my face. I can't look people in the eye. I can't hold a conversation. People see me as extrovert but I have very intense introvert tendencies and I'm too in my head now. I'm too far deep.

I'm writing this is because recently when I tried to rekindle my social skills (trying to be proactive)... I've tried hanging out with a few "good friends" of mine and... things change if you haven't seen them for half a year. I felt like they didn't like me, they thought I was weird, I felt self-conscious. I just felt so alone. Dealing with acne is so personal and so shameful, how could I talk about it? They wouldn't understand. It's been really damaging to my self-confidence and ego. I'm someone who is considered good looking, positive, happy, flirty, charming.. I worked so hard to build up these qualities after having such a tramautizing childhood and growing up with low self-confidence. And now I feel like I'm back to square one. I don't know what to do. I'm crying right now as I type this.

Can you guys give me some advice? Or at least words of encouragement? How have you guys dealt with lingering depression? How do you get out of your head and into proactive behaviors?

I need this more than anything because my money is dried up.. I need confidence to go back to work, to get my life back. I'm only 23 and I feel like I've wasted my best years.

Peace and love,

Peaches

Did people become hostile to you because of your skin?

I went through something similar about a year and a half ago. Your skin takes time to heal after a bad outbreak, sure some scars will always be there but their appearance does get better with time and a good skincare regimen. I think you should approach a dermatologist (with a good reputation) and get onto a regimen that will help you stay clear and also help with scarring at the same time. I use a low strength retinoid and some aha's in my routine and they have done wonders for my scarring.

With regards to your mental health, have you ever spoken to a doctor or psychologist, I'm sure there are people trained to help with how you are feeling, maybe even some therapy groups to meet people who feel the same, I know I spoke to a councillor and it helped a lot. I have also been on a low dose of anti depressants for about a year, and honestly at first I had trouble adjusting to them but after about 4-6 weeks the darkness started to lift and my mental state has got better and better ever since, they saved my life. Maybe something like that could help you too? The don't need to be for life and the ones that I take don't make me sleepy or out of it, they just take away that dark feeling and anxiousness, they are not addictive like valium and I'm hoping to come off them in the spring, but glad I know they are there if I ever need them again.

Please speak to a professional and let them help, life is too short and acne/scarring ruins your outlook but you can get better xxx

There is something called body dysmorphia, which is what you describe when you look in the mirror and see a different person than what is reality.

As others have said, I think seeking out professional help would be a huge first step and help you feel like you are gaining control. A licensed counselor or therapist for your psychological health, and a dermatologist who will listen to you and work with you to help your skin condition. These may feel like baby steps at first but I think it will be well-worth it at the end.

Lastly, I think reaching out to some friends in whom you trust would be another good first step. I know you may feel like you burned bridges, but the friends who are true will still be there.

Wow. Thank you all so much for responding. I seriously didn't think anyone would say anything. I've never written anything about my personal acne story before and hearing all your words of encouragement and support is seriously.... I have no words. At a time in my life when I feel so alone about this because no one in my life can relate (though they say they feel me they don't know how it truly feels).. thank you so much for your words. I'm sorry if what I'm saying makes so sense and sounds repetitive. I'm just so so happy to hear all your words of encouragement, it gives me strength and reminds me that I'm not alone.

I thought maybe I should share this in case it helps anyone:

Acne scarring routine:

Monthly facial + microdermabrasion + smoothbeam laser lightens scars & hyperpigmentation & boosts collagen

3x weekly turmeric/honey/garbanzo flour/lemon mask lightens hyperpigmentation

SK-ll toner & emulsion for collagen boosting

SilkPeel Microdermabrasion it's a micro but it's less invasive, penetrates deeper and it pumps salicylic acid deep into your skin (1 treatment thus far)

Banish Acne Scars Dermaroller in the mail currently, planning on using it for weekly rolling to save $

QUESTION: Does anyone know of any free/low cost/online therapy sites/resources? This is mainly the reason I wrote my post because I've never had to deal with depression and triggers and anxiety before so I don't know what to do. Thank you in advance.

Much love and support your way as well,

Peaches

Its horrible being stuck in your own head, the cruelest judge is alway ourselves! My first wave of acne was devastating I cut off all ties with my friends and stayed indoors on weekends...it was a cage. It was only in my recovery that I realised I isolated myself above and beyond with all these negative thoughts. I've just started a horrendous 2nd wave and i've promised myself this time it will be different. This time i'm going to power through, i'm not going to get obsessive about it, i'm going to channel my energy into something more productive and maybe at the end of this nightmare (if there is an end!) I will be a stronger person from it.

just typed this up as a pick me up! going to read this whenever I hid rock bottom

remember this and read this when your feeling down:

*This is not permanent. You went through this once and recovered, you can do it again, scars be damned!

*Put your energy into something productive: a graphic design course¦your photography?

*You™re a funny, fashionable and intelligent woman with ideas that will go places DO NOT let this be a stop sign

*Vanity makes you weak, You are not weak. Your value is not in your looks

*The opinion of others will only count if you let it

*The first ever film director was a woman. She didn™t suffer fools or cry over her skin.

*Do your hair put 20 layers of foundation on and explore. live your life don™t let acne be a cage like last time

*Do NOT pick your spots thats what caused the scarring

*stop obsessing with cures and remedies take the meds and eat healthy shit

*smile and laugh, be around positive people.

*last time this lasted 4 months so all you have to do is survive February, march, april and may¦all shit months in my opinion.

*start writing. start drawing. start painting!

*this could be a great chance to focus on your future not your friends and work.

*Contact others that are going through the same thing

ABOVE ALL THIS IS A BLIP. A SMALL SECTION OF TIME IN YOUR LONG LIFE YOU CAN PULL THROUGH.

ha I actually feel like an idiot reading this back but whatever i'm going to read it at a bad point and it will reset my thinking process!

nothing beats a metaphorical slap in the face

you live in NY?! Well thats brilliant

anyway good on you! talking about it instead of bottling it up is a great start in your recovery process

Georgia x

I feel you, I have been having a couple of rough months with my skin. I cry, stay in my pj's, and don't want to go out. I keep telling myself this won't last forever. But I seriously want to peel my face off sometimes (like right now). I have a few xanax in the medicine cabinet that I can take when it's bad. Thinking about seeing a shrink. I was given lexapro by my gp but took one dose and didn't sleep for two nights so I knew that wasn't going to work for me. Usually I just avoid the mirror, and distract myself with a game, a show, or some music. I am a stay at home mom so I don't have to go to a job, but I do all the grocery shopping, etc and I can't make the kids stay home all day so I do go out and do things. I had great skin a few months ago, this shit turned my life upside down. It seriously needs to be over with already. I am 26, why am I still dealing with this shit? It's like a cruel joke that I was clear for a few years and got to enjoy life, and now this. When does it end? I feel like I could deal better as a kid because a lot of kids get acne. I am an adult now, like seriously acne, fuck off. I don't have severe acne, but just the fact that I have any acne at all at this age pisses me off, and I got a few scars now that just happened in these last few months. I didn't have scars before. I swear if it weren't for my shit skin my life would be just fine. Not perfect but I'd be happy. But no, these are the cards I was dealt. I'm feeling like my skin has betrayed me. Sorry I'm ranting all over your post. I originally meant to let you know that you aren't alone, and instead went into rage mode over my face. If you ever want to bitch moan and complain with me, feel free to shoot me a message. My perfect skinned family doesn't get it and they are over hearing about it and I have no friends so I know how you feel not having anyone to relate to.

What was the regimen that your holistic doctor put you on that got rid of the active acne?

EVERYONE LISTEN TO ME!

I've been battling with the worst and i mean the WORST acne anyone could ever have ever since I turned 14. I'm now 21 years old and I have most of it in control. You honestly need to know your own skin. You must not rely on doctors or acne medicated products to help you! That's a $$$ bad mistake! Please trust me! The medicine they will try to throw you on is harmful to your body and most likely won't help you. All products that say acne on them throw them out NOW! If you own something and read the back and can't pronounce the names of the ingredients get rid of them. Stay as natural as possible and take my words as golden. The more pure and simplistic the ingredients the better it is for your skin to deal with! I'll start by mentioning what I use now. Okay I only shop at whole foods. I take vitamin D3 2000IU, zinc 30mg, and evening primrose oil 500 mg. I can't use ordinary soaps on my body anymore the same goes for toothpaste and detergent too. I wash everything that touches my body and face with thousandth generations detergent unscented wash. Make sure those pillow cases are CLEAN ALWAYS!! I wash my body with unscented Dr. Browners soap. They come in other scents but I chose the unscented. It's the best choice POSSIBLE. Marula oil I swear on this!!!!! It has been sent from the heavens to help us! Yes! Get some now it's antiaging it does everything do your own research the nut oil is magic! Put it on after you wash with the soap. Don't forget to wash the inners of your ears and behind them also the neck those areas get dirty and people forget about them. Perfume and scented products even the ones that are so called natural that say flower based are only irritating to your skin. If you want perfect skin you have to be always looking out for it. The Marula oil is a good protector against the elements. Your face is always being exposed and you must cover it. If toothpaste is your problem no worries switch to a non fluoride based toothpaste. You can even make your own it's really simple the recipes are online. Eat oatmeal and honey in the morning! Every morning ! Learn to love the oatmeal. I personally can't stand it but I do it for my body not for the taste. Get a good night's rest. DRINK LOTS OF WATER. Download an app there are apps you can get on your phone or computer to help you know how much you really should be drinking throughout the day. I highly suggest getting an app that works best with you. I use plant nanny. I also suggest buying a natural exfoliator. Bareminerals sells a good one it's made of oatmeal and more. I use it day and night. They will tell you not to but I do because if I don't my face gets clammy and gross. Be careful of what make up you wear. Bareminerals is nice but some products have flowery material in it. Any make up shouldn't be on your face for over 10 hours at most. Wash your wash in the morning and at most 10 hours after. Use the oil after each cleansing. You will feel better instantly. Take your vitamin d and primrose with a meal. They are fat soluble and must be taken with meals in order to work properly. Zinc doesn't need to be but can be. I take one pill of vitamin d in the morning and then one again at night time with a little snack. I take my primrose and zinc at dinner time. I'm just giving you guys my routine basically. My body requires a lot of work. Pills, cleaning everything and patience lots of it. Staying away from perfume constantly. Idky perfume makes me itchy!! I can't stand when people wear it in public and i happen to be next to them dying. They don't understand.. okay I have to accept it right? I just try avoiding people now. It has helped with my skin so I'm okay with it. Your body is your temple after all. Tying your hair back for most of the day helps. I'm trying to figure out some tips I do for myself right now.... I don't touch my face at all after I cleans and moisturize it and put on my bb cream from bareminerals. I don't rest my head on anything I basically refrain from touching it even the slightest bit.