Hey I just wanted to say I can completely relate to your post. When I started dating my current boyfriend I was very insecure about my skin. I was terrified for him to see me without makeup. I didn't want to spend the night with him because of it. I didn't want to go swimming or even stand in direct sunlight. His previous girlfriend was stunning in the pictures I had seen of her. I didn't think he would want to be with me anymore when he could get girls like her. I don't mean to sound like I think looks matter that much...I really value the heart and soul of a person...but when it comes to myself I am very insecure. Well...I finally couldn't take it anymore...I decided to talk to him about it...and his response was amazing. He was so sweet and understanding. I actually invited him over and I had no makeup on...I was very nervous and ended up crying...he just held me and comforted me. He told me I was beautiful without makeup. He said he loves me inside and out. He said that he loves me for my heart more than anything. He said my skin isn't as bad as I make it out to be (ha, I know it is), but he said that if someone can be happy and carefree even when they have some sort of flaw...that they are more attractive than anybody else. I was really blown away by how accepted and comfortable he made me feel. He later revealed to me that his previous girlfriend, the one I said who was so stunning, had the same problem! He said she had a really bad skin problem at one point and then was left with serious scars all over her face. She would never take her make up off and was very insecure too. I couldn't believe it! I still am struggling through my acne..but I am not anywhere near as depressed about it now that I have his support. There are people out there that are shallow..but there are also people out there that know what is truly to be valued in a person.
this is the most beautiful thing i've read on this site!!! congrats to you & your new found comfort. and cheers to finding a keeper 
Sad to see how shallow people are- but it comes as no surprise. People focus way too much on the outside and have all but completely lost the beauty of the "spirit." Of course acne is not "attractive" in any way shape or form, no disagreements there, but all these comments about it being a deal breaker are just upsetting. The individual is just the same-hearted person regardless of acne or not. Guess that may be why there's so much divorce aye? Too many people marrying based on outer appearance and not enough focus on the soul beneath? 
you're all beautiful to me if your personality can prove it! Don't let anyone tell you differently, and don't let this shallow world get to you.
Sad to see how shallow people are- but it comes as no surprise. People focus way too much on the outside and have all but completely lost the beauty of the "spirit." Of course acne is not "attractive" in any way shape or form, no disagreements there, but all these comments about it being a deal breaker are just upsetting. The individual is just the same-hearted person regardless of acne or not. Guess that may be why there's so much divorce aye? Too many people marrying based on outer appearance and not enough focus on the soul beneath?
you're all beautiful to me if your personality can prove it! Don't let anyone tell you differently, and don't let this shallow world get to you.
i completely agree with your post... but I'm sure you understand how it can be really tough to feel good about yourself in a world like this with our specific condition or flaw. I find myself really evaluating many values every since my skin got really bad on & off two years ago. It's crazy how if an attractive person meets another attractive person, they're automatically intrigued to "get to know" them and find out their quirks, fears, favorites, hobbies, etc. But if its a person with acne or any other visible "flaw", they're just irrelevant (in most cases today). No one in the shallow or self-absorbed state of mind would want to get to know a girl like me strictly based off of my appearance, basically my skin, that person doesn't care what my major is in school, what my ideal date is, or even what I'm allergic to. Being shunned due to something beyond ones control is really stomach turning.
In my experience acne seems to be a complete dealbreaker for both sexes. Based on the comments I've heard over the years, a lot of people seem to be more tolerant of other diseases/disorders and acne isn't one of them. Again, this is just what i've experienced. When I was brave enough to date guys I ALWAYS had a few comments relating to the state of my skin (when they saw me with breakouts). What I used to do was date men when I was at my "clearest" point and low and behold my skin would start to breakout and along came the shallow comments. I do remember being in a relationship with this one guy and he would make comments about his perfect skin and desiring girls with flawless skin and "no marks" were his exact words. I was actually "clear" when I met him, but I could tell he had issues with my imperfections. The whole experience has haunted me and despite the odd guy showing an interest in me, I'm too afraid to get close the opposite sex (I still have acne)......
Sad to see how shallow people are- but it comes as no surprise. People focus way too much on the outside and have all but completely lost the beauty of the "spirit." Of course acne is not "attractive" in any way shape or form, no disagreements there, but all these comments about it being a deal breaker are just upsetting. The individual is just the same-hearted person regardless of acne or not. Guess that may be why there's so much divorce aye? Too many people marrying based on outer appearance and not enough focus on the soul beneath?
i completely agree with your post... but I'm sure you understand how it can be really tough to feel good about yourself in a world like this with our specific condition or flaw. I find myself really evaluating many values every since my skin got really bad on & off two years ago. It's crazy how if an attractive person meets another attractive person, they're automatically intrigued to "get to know" them and find out their quirks, fears, favorites, hobbies, etc. But if its a person with acne or any other visible "flaw", they're just irrelevant (in most cases today). No one in the shallow or self-absorbed state of mind would want to get to know a girl like me strictly based off of my appearance, basically my skin, that person doesn't care what my major is in school, what my ideal date is, or even what I'm allergic to. Being shunned due to something beyond ones control is really stomach turning.
Well, you are beauuuuutiful. And for these reasons you stated, exactly- acne is a blessing in disguise. It forces us to turn inward, to see what our inner self/values are. Also, with our flaws, we are better able to see who is shallow and who is not. Those who don't focus on physical appearance DO give us the time of day. It is stomach turning, but there are those out there who don't judge--and with our 'mask' on we are able to decipher who is who 
Well, there's one good thing about having acne severe as I've had in my life: Makeup really doesn't hide it anyway. In fact, most of the times I've worn makeup I've felt more insecure, because instead of just being a girl with acne, I become a girl with acne, and a nasty mask of caked on foundation that clearly can't hide the huge cystic lumps on her skin. Plus the worry about the makeup making the acne worse just makes this nervous energy, and I spend the whole day praying for the time to pass so I can be able to wash it off. It hasn't been worth it, in my experience.
Because of that, I've usually just gone without makeup. And in my experience, guys don't care. If they care about physical things, they value your boobs and butt a hell of a lot more than they value perfect skin. But no guy who loves you is going to care anyway.
Guys care about a girl laughing a lot and being fun. If you can manage to get yourself in a good enough mood to act happy and carefree despite your skin, guys will be attracted to you.
Well, there's one good thing about having acne severe as I've had in my life: Makeup really doesn't hide it anyway. In fact, most of the times I've worn makeup I've felt more insecure, because instead of just being a girl with acne, I become a girl with acne, and a nasty mask of caked on foundation that clearly can't hide the huge cystic lumps on her skin. Plus the worry about the makeup making the acne worse just makes this nervous energy, and I spend the whole day praying for the time to pass so I can be able to wash it off. It hasn't been worth it, in my experience.
Because of that, I've usually just gone without makeup. And in my experience, guys don't care. If they care about physical things, they value your boobs and butt a hell of a lot more than they value perfect skin. But no guy who loves you is going to care anyway.
Guys care about a girl laughing a lot and being fun. If you can manage to get yourself in a good enough mood to act happy and carefree despite your skin, guys will be attracted to you.
I so wish i got this advice a month ago lol. I blew it!!! (read my last blog entry to see what i'm referring to)
SIGH
I
In my experience acne seems to be a complete dealbreaker for both sexes. Based on the comments I've heard over the years, a lot of people seem to be more tolerant of other diseases/disorders and acne isn't one of them. Again, this is just what i've experienced. When I was brave enough to date guys I ALWAYS had a few comments relating to the state of my skin (when they saw me with breakouts). What I used to do was date men when I was at my "clearest" point and low and behold my skin would start to breakout and along came the shallow comments. I do remember being in a relationship with this one guy and he would make comments about his perfect skin and desiring girls with flawless skin and "no marks" were his exact words. I was actually "clear" when I met him, but I could tell he had issues with my imperfections. The whole experience has haunted me and despite the odd guy showing an interest in me, I'm too afraid to get close the opposite sex (I still have acne)......
Not sure if this is the right thread to post this as there are several other threads that broadly cover the whole "being in a relationship with acne" subject, but I thought I would post it here.
Just over ten years ago, I met a girl who was absolutely smitten with me despite the fact that I had quite bad cystic acne at the time. At the time, I was very insecure and underconfident but decided to go with the flow and enter into a relationship. She was pretty, had a great figure and was just about as sweet-natured a person as you could meet. The problem was that due to my insecurities, even though she constantly told me that she loved me for me, I never felt good enough for her. I would constantly go on about my skin, tell her that she could do better than me and even question her about ex-boyfriends` and their skin. Somehow she put up with me for 18 months but eventually, she decided that enough was enough and split up with me. Looking back, I can now see what an absolute fool I was to have pushed away someone who was very special - all because I had spots.
The moral of this tale I suppose would be that even though you may have acne, if someone loves you enough, they will see past the acne. However even more importantly, for any relationship to be a success, you have to learn to love and accept yourself to a certain degree first of all. Insecurity is a far more ugly trait than acne!
Hi everyone, sorry I'm late to the party!
I just wanted to say that while there are some guys out there who will be put off my how someone looks (whether that be acne, weight, the size of your nose...), there are also guys out there looking for a best friend in a girlfriend and have far more criteria than 'perfect looks'... I don't think it would be fair to say this is how ALL men view acne because everyone is different.
I always feel really sad when I hear girls saying they go to bed wearing make up when they're with their boyfriends... I've heard it from friends and I've seen it on here. Gosh girls you are so stunning! It's not acne that dictates how beautiful you are, beauty occurs inside and out. And your boyfriends; do you really think they'd not like you if they saw your real face?! If so, they clearly don't deserve you!
I say all of this but I felt so insecure about my skin when I met my partner... My skin was at its worst. The first day we met was at a festival and I actually took my make up off in front of him when we got back (I felt so scared that the longer I left my make up on the worse it would break me out), nothing happened and I assumed it was because he didn't like what he'd seen RE my spots.
However we did get together eventually and I was so self conscious that I'd decide on a date who would drive according to which side of my face was worst and therefore which side of my face I wanted to have far away from him. Likewise I have never had a side of the bed, it would be decided on the same basis.
What is worse is that I didn't talk to him about it for such a long time... I felt like if I actually talked about it, it would draw attention to my skin AND that he'd realise I wasn't as confident as I'd been making out.
When I finally did talk to him it felt like a real relief, it's so good to be honest and he felt grateful that I trusted him enough to confide in him about it.
The funny thing is is that I wear make up a lot more frequently now I've become clear - when I had bad skin I always felt like a liar when I wore make up as well as being frightened of the break out repercussions, he's always maintained that he thinks I'm beautiful no matter what products I put on my face, he doesn't think my skin is what makes me pretty. He thinks its my smile that makes me beautiful.
So just remember to love yourself as much as you can muster and keep smiling.
There's much more of this on this thread if anyone wants to read acne related love stories! http://www.acne.org/messageboard/index.php/topic/299228-boyfriendsgirlfriendspartners-and-your-acne/
(PS we've been together nearly 2.5 years now and he's seen my skin through its absolute worse so I actually feel a bit more confident that he's with me for my personality and wont run a mile when I get old and look like a thumb that's been in the bath too long)
^^^ Great post
For guys looking for perfect looks such a thing don't exist so they will forever be unhappy seeking the impossible.
My girlfriend is my best friend and yeah we both look terrible in the mornings lol
She doesn't have acne but i do and right now my right side of my face is the middle of the worse breakout ive had in 3 years. That is only because i have been lazy with my meds.
But you know what? It dont matter to me and it dont matter to her and that is how it should be.
Hey I just wanted to say I can completely relate to your post. When I started dating my current boyfriend I was very insecure about my skin. I was terrified for him to see me without makeup. I didn't want to spend the night with him because of it. I didn't want to go swimming or even stand in direct sunlight. His previous girlfriend was stunning in the pictures I had seen of her. I didn't think he would want to be with me anymore when he could get girls like her. I don't mean to sound like I think looks matter that much...I really value the heart and soul of a person...but when it comes to myself I am very insecure. Well...I finally couldn't take it anymore...I decided to talk to him about it...and his response was amazing. He was so sweet and understanding. I actually invited him over and I had no makeup on...I was very nervous and ended up crying...he just held me and comforted me. He told me I was beautiful without makeup. He said he loves me inside and out. He said that he loves me for my heart more than anything. He said my skin isn't as bad as I make it out to be (ha, I know it is), but he said that if someone can be happy and carefree even when they have some sort of flaw...that they are more attractive than anybody else. I was really blown away by how accepted and comfortable he made me feel. He later revealed to me that his previous girlfriend, the one I said who was so stunning, had the same problem! He said she had a really bad skin problem at one point and then was left with serious scars all over her face. She would never take her make up off and was very insecure too. I couldn't believe it! I still am struggling through my acne..but I am not anywhere near as depressed about it now that I have his support. There are people out there that are shallow..but there are also people out there that know what is truly to be valued in a person.
Oh my gosh, I'm crying! I've had such a horrible day and I'm feeling so badly about my skin. I don't have acne anymore, but my skin was just destroyed from the years of dealing with it. I can only hope that one day I can let someone see me without my makeup on and have such an incredible and supportive response. You are a very, very lucky girl. I wish all the best to you.
There is a girl in one of my classes that I'm attracted to, and she had moderate to severe acne (it's hard to gauge how bad it really is due to make up). Maybe it doesn't bother me because I too suffer from acne, but I will say that sometimes that personality outweighs looks.
Pretty sure my guy doesn't give a crap whether I have a breakout or not, and we are engaged...
The fact remains that everyone has imperfections of some sort and may be contrived to say but they are the reasons we fall in love with someone. What makes them unique and beautiful.
Pretty sure my guy doesn't give a crap whether I have a breakout or not, and we are engaged...
The fact remains that everyone has imperfections of some sort and may be contrived to say but they are the reasons we fall in love with someone. What makes them unique and beautiful.
I absolutely adore your love story. You two are diamonds of the org. Congratulations on your engagement!!!
Pretty sure my guy doesn't give a crap whether I have a breakout or not, and we are engaged...
The fact remains that everyone has imperfections of some sort and may be contrived to say but they are the reasons we fall in love with someone. What makes them unique and beautiful.
I absolutely adore your love story. You two are diamonds of the org. Congratulations on your engagement!!!
Aw, thank you that brought a smile to my face! 
An ex-girlfriend of mine used to break out when it was her "time of the month". Never used to bother me as it did not change any of her other physical attributes or more importantly, who she was as a person. Ironically, it was probably my own insecurity with myself that eventually led to us breaking up.
It's nice to know a lot of guys don't mind girls with acne. Because usually the people who have said the meanest thing about my acne were guys :/
It's nice to know a lot of guys don't mind girls with acne. Because usually the people who have said the meanest thing about my acne were guys :/
Pro tip: Guys like that actually really find you attractive, but they feel like they're inferior to you and are intimidated by your beauty. They know that you're out of their league so they try to bring you down to their level. It'll never work of course, but that's why.
Orrrrrrrrrr.
Their girlfriends go 'isn't she pretty? She's prettier than me!' and they feel like they have to put you down to show off to their snivveling other halves.
Rest assured that these are pathetic individuals in either case, and either unlikely to be with anyone of any real worth or in doomed insecure relationships.
Knowledge level up 
I
In my experience acne seems to be a complete dealbreaker for both sexes. Based on the comments I've heard over the years, a lot of people seem to be more tolerant of other diseases/disorders and acne isn't one of them. Again, this is just what i've experienced. When I was brave enough to date guys I ALWAYS had a few comments relating to the state of my skin (when they saw me with breakouts). What I used to do was date men when I was at my "clearest" point and low and behold my skin would start to breakout and along came the shallow comments. I do remember being in a relationship with this one guy and he would make comments about his perfect skin and desiring girls with flawless skin and "no marks" were his exact words. I was actually "clear" when I met him, but I could tell he had issues with my imperfections. The whole experience has haunted me and despite the odd guy showing an interest in me, I'm too afraid to get close the opposite sex (I still have acne)......
You've met A LOT of idiots. An uncommon amount of idiots in fact. Acne isn't a deal breaker for everybody - it wasn't even close to a deal breaker for me when I was clear, and it hasn't been to any of the guys that I've dated/had relationships with.
You need to get out there and find some decent men. They do still exist. As for that ex of yours, he clearly was insecure in himself, and projected those insecurities on to you. Next time a guy shows an interest, see if he's worth it then just go for it. Don't even think about your skin.
Thank you! I am aware that nice guys exist, I'm not one to generalise ALL men based on my own experience. I just had some negative encounters with those guys. The thing is, I haven't been dating or in a relationship since my previous experience (2-3 years) which I guess leads me to constantly reflect on those idiots when it comes to dating guys. I would like to get back out there and meet a decent guy, but I have tendency to be social akward around men and tailor my life around acne, although I am trying to break out of this terrible habit.....*sigh*.
Basically if a guy doesnt have or hasnt had acne he will most likely judge. If your in a relationship and get acne the guy wont really care but other than that....guys are reaaally judgmental, end of. There are decent guys out there tho who would look beyond it...most have or have had acne tho.... Ce'st la vie! xx
I'm sorry Spotthedifference but I disagree. Men are much more straightforward than women and are unlikely to have that kind of reverse psychology thought process.
BlackStar85 is right, men can be judgemental! Just like women can be judgemental. There are open minded 'decent' guys who will take you for what you are and give zero shits about the condition of your skin seeing beauty beyond it. And there are men who lack experience of acne and therefore empathy who may not be so accepting.
My partner has enjoyed clear skin throughout his life but has a sister who suffered quite severe acne for ten years: He was far more understanding and empathetic about my situation as a result.
Again, everyone's attitudes towards acne depend on their experiences of it. Prior to getting acne myself I probably wouldn't have thought kind things about the aesthetics of a person with cystic acne, I hold my hands up and admit it! Generally people will make a first impression based on looks but the decent guys (and girls) will look deeper and create second third and many more impressions based on much much more. They are the people you'll want in your life anyway!
I met a girl yesterday who had acne scars and it didn't bother me one bit. She was lovely and I actually thought the scars were cute, as others have said it made her unique. I liked the fact that she didn't feel the need to plaster them with thick make up to hide it either