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I just wish I could care less about my explosive breakout. My skin hasn't been this bad in more than a year. I'm really actively trying to manipulate my brain into forgetting about it and just go on with my life. I have been successful at this in the past, but I seem to care more and more about my acne. It really feels like a barrier in front of my happiness. Then when I feel some acne is going down, my mood improves drastically, only to collapse entirely after discovering a new active upcoming spot. This has been going on for a few weeks now and I can't seem to slip out of the circle. I have an appointment with a derm in 3 weeks and I'm committed to ask for Accutane. I'm holding on to that appointment as a beacon of hope, but in the meanwhile I'm unsure how to get through these 3 weeks.
This is exactly how I am too. I feel jolly whenever my skin seems to be getting better and if I get a new spot, it's like my happiness bubble was just popped and all the bad comes to the surface. It's so sad. No one really understand the struggle that is acne. And I don't mean to sound dramatic but for those of us with persistent acne that just never seems to end...it's so detrimental to our mental health. I wish that health insurance companies didn't consider acne such a cosmetic issue. It really does effect our overall beings.
It's all true, but then again when I think of it there are still worse things that can happen to you. Sometimes this seems impossible and it doesn't even help a single bit to realize it, but all in all I just want to condition myself to go through this thought process. To be able to glance in the mirror, say to myself "wow my skin is bad today" and go on with my day.
Do you mind sharing a bit more of that experience?
I have a rare skin condition called rosacea fulminans which is generally only responsive to isotrentinoin, so I went on Accutane. I'd been warned by my derma that Accutane triggered depression, but I figured that since I was already depressed from my RF outbreak, this potential side effect would be of little consequence. What I very, very stupidly didn't count on was the Accutane exacerbating my depression to an unmanageable degree - I'm naturally quite a cheerful person, but just two weeks ago (when I was still on the Accutane) I was crying literally 4-5 times every single day. I experienced a lot of thoughts that didn't even feel like my own, like fantasizing about injuring myself just so I wouldn't have to go to work. Once I stopped taking the Accutane, it was like a cloud had lifted over my head - I'm still depressed mind you, but I can control it now.
For the record, the Accutane did work for my skin, though I was only on it for less than two months in total (I'm actually going to my derma today to discuss alternative treatments). However, even excluding the depression, the side effects were just really severe for me - I experienced severe dry skin/lips/hair, eczema all over my hands, rashes all over my body, dandruff (since the Accutane was drying my scalp so badly), constipation (which stopped almost immediately after I stopped taking the pills), my teeth/tongue both went a bit yellower (this isn't a listed Accutane side effect but I'm almost sure Accutane was the culprit here), awful skin texture, exacerbated scarring/red/dark marks (I'd never had indented scars before Accutane), increased sunlight/bright light, swollen jaw/eyelids (I still look like I have a lazy eye right now, it's very distracting), sore eyes, and mild joint/back pain.
...as you can see, I was pretty unlucky, but then I think I'm just really susceptible to drug side effects in general (I tried minocycline for less than a week and couldn't walk or see straight for almost two weeks; they actually sent me home from work after about ten minutes). Other people who've been on Accutane (especially on this board) seem to have had much, much better luck.
Feeling desperate sad alone....realised today I have pores all over my face, small ones...HUGE ones like cratters on my nose from squeezing blackheads and gunk from my nose....just wonder when this will all just f off n leave me alone. I am 30 and turning 31 next month....this is hard. I hate acne, I hate blackheads, I hate pores and I hate whiteheads....
Okay, I guess. I've been breaking out less.
I'm more kind of annoyed at what was discussed before when I tried talking to my parents about the comments my little brother had been making about my face. I can't get their comments out of my head. After I told my parents what my little brother had said, they completely and totally bashed him. My mom said to him," That was mean of you to say that to her. You know, you don't have any right to say that to her, your skin is not all that good. I'm beginning to see acne on your forehead." My dad's comments to him were even worse. So naturally, I had to defend him. My god, he's 12. No matter what he says to me, I'd rather him say those comments to me than for him to have a distorted, warped view of his skin like me. When they make those comments to him, even if they think they are helping me, it makes it worse. It's ruining his self esteem. It makes me feel guilty for even telling them or thinking they'd be understanding of it. It did way more harm than it did good.
my acne is getting worse and worse as the days go on. I have been eating unhealthy and now I'm seeing new zits pop up on my face everyday.
However, tommorrow is my last day of school and i have like a 3 week vacation..so im soooooooooo happyyyyyyyy. i dont have to go anywhereeeeee. im gonna stay home the whole time and try and only focus on clearing my skin. I have all the time in the world to research about acne, and cook healthy meals and drink water every hour. and its almost christmass...and i am asking for a grass fed chicken, so i can eat meat w/o breaking out.
I feel angry. I just realized how much damage did acne to me.
1. I lost 10-12 lbs becoz of those crazy diets
2. i have to stay on meds, in order to manage this crap somehow
3. I have no self-esteem and confidene and bunch of other psychological probs becoz of acne
4. acne makes me ugly and shy
Die already!
I was doing great a few days after I got off my....time....and I was drinking much more water which helped alot! My skin was nice, clear, and sooo hydrated. Still drinking water...but my god...MIDTERMS. Midterm stress has caused me to break out with two small cysts (cyst-like pimples anyway...they hurt!) and plenty of white heads. I also gained weight from all this stress/did poorly on the tests. It's all over now though... drinking my water and envoking the tea tree gods whose oil shall work its magic on my face as I write this... ~lesigh~
Also;; see profile pic for dark circles and dull skin as proof blah skin. But it was still pretty clear when taken earlier this week.
I'm feeling a little down. Its my boyfriend's birthday and all I want to be able to do is have fun with him and feel confident going out in public. I have a new cyst on my cheek which just keeps adding to all of the scars I have there. I'm just trying to avoid mirrors and keep my mind busy!
today im really down. i dont even want to think about christmas visits and seeing the whole family and they will ask me "whats wrong with ur face?" i just..........UGH...i want a clear skin
That is one of the main reasons I hate breaking out...oddly enough, if there was no one around, I would be ok with having acne, but my family...first there's my 12 y/o little cousin who has 99.999% clear skin and who talks about how bad her skin is every hour, talks about ProActiv, talks about her "body acne" aka one whitehead, same with her brother...complaining about spots, less than 1 mm in size. LOL! Then there's my 2 cousins who I haven't seen in a year, I don't want the first thing they notice about me is how bad my skin is...
im sorry about the the family guys, i felt the same way about when some of my little cousins came in, LUCKILY enough they did not say anything about my face..
on a good note im starting to feel a little better cause my acne looks like it might be starting to clear up.. i cant wait for the day where i can have a cupcake again!
im sorry about the the family guys, i felt the same way about when some of my little cousins came in, LUCKILY enough they did not say anything about my face..
on a good note im starting to feel a little better cause my acne looks like it might be starting to clear up.. i cant wait for the day where i can have a cupcake again!
tell me about it! I have a whole list of things I want to do..get some color in my face, wear makeup, eat a hamburger lol