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Feeling low about my scars and myself in general... Might be I'm developing a BDD and yet I'm obsessed with laser procedures and saving money for plastic surgery. I can barely look at beautiful women and avoid mirrors with all costs (my bf thinks it's funny that I pee, brush my teeth and shower in darkness, though sometimes I lit a candle or so). I'm determined to get a nose job in spring, even though I realize I might have a mental disorder. It's getting out of hand and I didn't even notice when it happened, I thought I was happy... :/ wtf?
So, I feel really good. My face is completely clear because of the whole cutting back on the topicals and moisturizing bit. Now I'm using no meds every other night. And rotating Tazorac and BP on the nights I do use meds. I'm washing my face with CeraVe hydrating wash and using a clarisonic every other day. My skin is just as clear as summer! I really wish I'd figured this out earlier. I knew that I needed to control my dryness during the winter, but I guess I never tied that to cutting back on topicals. I always though that meant topicals + extra moisturizer. And I actually used more topicals in the winter. I'd break out more so I'd use more on my skin. In fact, my cheek acne started when I started using the regimen all over my face (even though I really only had acne on my forehead). It started in the winter. And my skin was unbearably dry. But breaking out. I would use more BPO and the acne would get worse. It got better b/c of tazorac but probably because I became meticulous about controlling dryness/moisturizer.
This is CRAZY.
How did it take me this long?
Let's see if it lasts...
In the beginning stages of another purge as I delve into my 5th week on differin. Frustrating, upsetting and so draining. I've been a bit stressed with finding a supplemental job and just trying to sort my life out. Making some progress but still have some ways to go. I wonder if i'll ever get to the point where I can be unshakeable in spite of my circumstances. God has a plan for me, just wish I could be patient and see it through the ups and downs.
BTW: Keep New York and the East Coast in your thoughts and prayers as we go through our first real storm of 2015
My face has not held up well this week at all. Some of the bumps that had gone down came back bigger and badder than before. They hurt and are under the skin, making the entire area red, raised and overall, disgusting. I am also breaking out in random bumps all around my face. Approaching week 6 on differin (On Monday) and not sure what to expect. I see derm Wednesday so all I can do is sit and wait. The inconsistency of differin is really a tough pill to swallow.
My face is little bit better now, which sucks, because tomorrow Im seeing a derm. Its always like when I look horrible I have to meet with people, go to school, do all sorts of stuff and I dont have time to go to derm and when my face looks little bit better I have plenty of time. She will treat me differently than if I was looking worse. I really hate appointments.
Just started my 8th week on differin and despite some clearing, I am purging again. I have to admit I am discouraged and downtrodden. And what's even worse is that i'm disappointed in myself for being disappointed. It's a never ending cycle.
Thank God I chose to work this week as it will keep my mind off my terrible skin.
It's a never ending cycle
I agree. You start to get excited about an improvement and BIM pimples everywhere haha!
It is still Bagdad on my face, I think, especially the right cheek, but I do not let acne make me depressed, even if it still dictate my life and my timetable (a little bit, I have to admit, unfortunately).
I've started Zinc on this morning and bought some new cream yesterday, let's cross our fingers. I hope it will help, cause, God, I miss clear skin.
Just started my 8th week on differin and despite some clearing, I am purging again. I have to admit I am discouraged and downtrodden. And what's even worse is that i'm disappointed in myself for being disappointed. It's a never ending cycle.
Thank God I chose to work this week as it will keep my mind off my terrible skin.
Im with you. Finished my third course of accutane in dec and Im still breaking out. On Differin again now and its not helping. Never ending..
I noticed, that I'm taking less and less pictures of myself each year. Even when I used to have active and thriving acne, I took and participated in more pictures, than now. There is just something final about scars, the realization that your skin will never be fully restored. The first thing they tell you at any skin or laser clinic - your skin will never be like it was before those cysts. It can only be improved to a certain point. I find it disturbing in a way and somehow it makes me to now want to be captured in picture. Whenever I see that the scars are visible on a picture, my only thought is - it will only look slightly better, no matter how much money I spend on lasers. Eh, life :/
WOW: woke up this morning, still Bagdad on my right cheek.
Cope with a school day: done.
But tonight I go to a concert. And I will be, again, the only girl with pimples on the face in the whole room. I know I will have fun, I will make jokes, like always, laugh, a lot, but, still, I'm tired of that. Really.
. Still Bagdad on my face. I'm sick of it. Really.
I will start Epiduo tonight, again. Let's cross the fingers there will not have any purge, like it did two years ago... I cannot forget what a mess my skin was, and how red and dry it was.
I also started zinc 13 days ago.
I've very close to cancel some plans with friends this week. Acne dictates my life, that is so sad, isn't it?
*be warned, this will be long*
It has been a few months since I've been back on the forum.
It has been a huge few months. Firstly, my skin was starting to get a bit better. Daily breakouts of courses but small ones, on the surface, easy to get rid of by the slightest squeeze etc.
Because my skin was getting better, I was able enjoy going out a bit. I had to organise and go to my brothers bucks night, which involved going outside during the day, in the sun. I avoid that at all costs. It involved being in hotel rooms with a group of guys,mea ing to go to bed extra late and get up extra early to wash my face and put some stuff to conceal the red areas.
Of more importance, I started seeing someone. This was a big step for me. I'd been on the occasional date, but never more than once. This was the first time I was able to see someone. Sleepover and not even wash my face (just one time at night). My skin was still scarred, but the tone if it was better from less pimples and thus less Hyperpigmentation.
I had my brothers wedding, I was photographed for hours in the bridal party. This was enough to send me into meltdown/panic mode, but I dealt with it.
My skin improved even more and I was starting to see a possible future. I was excited that perhaps I'd soon be able to start scar treatment with the minimal breakouts.
I had my first heartbreak, and met someone else that seems really nice.
But.....for the last couple of weeks, my skin has been a mess. The last week has been the worst. After not having a cystic/nodule/deep boil in so long (just your regular pimples) I have started getting these cysts again. The last two days have been horrible. I got one on my right cheek, next to some indented scarring and just above a big rolling scar. It went straight or the weakest point on my face. It swelled so large. It was raised so far off my face, and the lump was like someone had put a hard rock under my skin. It is horrible. It has gone down a very tiny bit, but I have spent the last two days broken and all that.
I don't want this one to scar also. I have barely been able to deal with the scars I have. A new indented scar will out me over the edge. I dealt with these huge cysts constantly everyday from 2013- mid last year. I am so afraid it is getting back to that state. I will,not and cannot handle another year like that. I will refuse to be here. It was the worst experience for me. And I have had major illnesses in the past. I can say this has destroyd me far worse, crazy as that sounds.
My parents just bang on the wall when they hear me in my room, and tell me to be quiet. To stop whining. To shut up. That I'm crazy or psycho. They cannot fathom it, because no one in my family has gone through this hell, especially not for nearly 8 years.
My skin is destroyd, a mess. This person that I now like, I can't see them this week and next week, just because of this huge breakout. Because of course they have beautiful skin. Who wants to be with a monster?
I'm so depressed, so down. I can't breathe. I can't.