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Thank you all for the encouragement. The past few days have been hard. My career is basically in a very competitive field, and even though I'm quite accomplished for my age, a stable job cannot be guaranteed because there's always someone better than me! This time, I was a finalist for a good position,but I came in second...story of my life! The rejection letters I receive are basically all compliments. How much does that suck?? I'm considering a career change, but for now I"m hoping I can stay in the US a bit longer to gain some time...
On the positive side, I did a lactic peel a few days ago (last one probably since I can't afford any more), and so far I'm happy with the results...I recommend this to anyone who can't tolerate other peels (salycylic, glycolic, etc), but you should have a professional do it.
As for what exister is saying about cleansers, I agree...the harmful ingredients in cleansers are the soaping agents, especially sulfites (SLS, etc). Once I got rid of cleansers, toothpastes, mouthwash, and everything else with sulfates, the redness on my face subsided. It may not completely clear your acne, but it will make your skin less sensitive to chemicals.
My skin never really gets to me, even if it is terrible- but today I woke up with 5 huge lumps on my chin and i can barely move my mouth without it hurting. Today was the first day I actually cried because my skin looks and hurts so bad.
I'm supposed to be starting accutane soon, I keep holding on to the hope that this might all be over in another 6 months.
My acne temporarily got worse because it was hard to keep up my routine when I had some out of town guests. BUT it cleared up in a day after I was able to resume the Regimen (AHA helped a lot). I am so grateful for the Regimen and am feeling good.
One small gripe. When I see people posting about how they feel as though they can't get dates because of their acne, I don't like it when people reply with "It's not your acne that's holding you back, it's your low self esteem that chases them away". Ouch. Double whammy. How can someone NOT have low self esteem after years of being stared at and ridiculed because of acne? Now basically it's being implied that the OP is unattractive plus has something wrong with their personality. I'm not sure what the correct answer is in those situations, but it's not insulting the personality of someone who is already afflicted by a debilitating skin condition that effects what the world sees first...their face. It's like telling a PTSD victim that they are silly for feeling anxious or depressed. An acne suferer who has been mocked or ridiculed regularly for years has every right to not pretend to be on top of the world as far as self esteem goes. How about putting the blame on the perpetrators (the verbal bullies) instead of the victim (the acne sufferer). The root cause is the fault of the shallow people who not only judge by looks, but verbalize it out loud with the purpose of hurting the other person.
My acne temporarily got worse because it was hard to keep up my routine when I had some out of town guests. BUT it cleared up in a day after I was able to resume the Regimen (AHA helped a lot). I am so grateful for the Regimen and am feeling good.
One small gripe. When I see people posting about how they feel as though they can't get dates because of their acne, I don't like it when people reply with "It's not your acne that's holding you back, it's your low self esteem that chases them away". Ouch. Double whammy. How can someone NOT have low self esteem after years of being stared at and ridiculed because of acne? Now basically it's being implied that the OP is unattractive plus has something wrong with their personality. I'm not sure what the correct answer is in those situations, but it's not insulting the personality of someone who is already afflicted by a debilitating skin condition that effects what the world sees first...their face. It's like telling a PTSD victim that they are silly for feeling anxious or depressed. An acne suferer who has been mocked or ridiculed regularly for years has every right to not pretend to be on top of the world as far as self esteem goes. How about putting the blame on the perpetrators (the verbal bullies) instead of the victim (the acne sufferer). The root cause is the fault of the shallow people who not only judge by looks, but verbalize it out loud with the purpose of hurting the other person.
You hit the nail on the head. We simply live in a very appearance-based society. We can't get away from it.
I'm a Harry Potter geek. Have you seen the Harry Potter musicals? (Youtube A Very Potter Musical) Hermione has a line at the Yule Ball: "I used to think looks didn't matter, but now I think they matter more than anything!" So true.
I do think there's something positive to be gained from accepting ourselves and our acne the way it is in addition to accepting that our society is overly focused on looks. I can't change either of those things as much as I wish I could. I'm not sure that helps really, but it helps me to stop worrying so much.
Today, I'm feeling pretty good! I've stopped obsessing so much about what I'm eating. I'm vegan and I eat really good stuff. I did some experimenting last week and I don't think grains make me break out. Maybe they do when I'm PMSing, but I'm now taking Yaz continuously so my hormones should be at a stable level all month.
I also didn't see a difference in my skin after a bit of an alcohol binge. hehe. I don't and won't do that often. It was in the name of science.
I'll continue to eat my customary fruits and veggies, grains, nuts, and seeds. Also haven't seen a difference when I had peanut butter. If anything, my skin is getting better every day.
All I'm doing is an oil cleanse and alternating BP during the day and AHA at night. After work travels this month, I might experiment with cutting out the BP. I really don't think I have a bacteria problem. I will try just oil cleansing for daytime.
I still wish I could find a good sunblock that didn't give me terrible, underground cysts. But I'm trying to address the resulting sun-phobia with hats. Lots of hats. 
These days, I feel cared for and appreciated in my personal life, despite my skin's flaws.
In my professional life, I'm a mess but thankfully I have a good support system to keep me sane (including you awesome pees on acne.org).
hmm sunscreen suggestions, I could use some too....right now, I'm doing fine with lumene's cc cream which has broad spectrum SPF and it's relatively inexpensive.
On 7/7/2014 at 5:32 AM, WishClean said:These days, I feel cared for and appreciated in my personal life, despite my skin's flaws.
In my professional life, I'm a mess but thankfully I have a good support system to keep me sane (including you awesome pees on acne.org).
hmm sunscreen suggestions, I could use some too....right now, I'm doing fine with lumene's cc cream which has broad spectrum SPF and it's relatively inexpensive.
My personal favorite is a new one by Olay! It's the Olay Age Defying Sensitive Day Lotion Broad Spectrum SPF15: [Edited link out]
Also, I'm feeling good today, but I seriously forgot how bad of a mood acne could put me in until I got a couple of nasty pimples while in London. (I lost my Tazorac and was using 0.05% which is not as strong as the 0.1% cream my skin has gotten used to )
Even though my skin has been improving at a rapid fire pace within the past few weeks since starting the Regimen, I can't help but feel that it's too late. My 20's, the best years for finding a BF/husband, are gone. Those years were spent with many huge red cysts that deterred guys away. I'm 30 now. The prospect of having kids seem bleak now since I'm rapidly reaching the age where it's not ideal to have kids anymore. I'm just feeling depressed about it because I can't help but feel the outcome would've been completely different if I didn't have acne. More guys would've been willing to approach me to get to know me if I didn't look like a monster.
I have resorted to a life of eternal singledom. Being the extreme introvert that I am, I guess that can be a good thing.
I know acne is so good at making us all introverts. I don't believe at ALL that it's too late!! 30 is young and people are starting to get married later and later. I know what it's like to feel that way though. Even at 21, I feel like I'm running out of time, sometimes. Maybe try using a dating service if you're worried? My friends (22 and 25) use one and they love it. Dating is hard -- it's really hard to meet people in real life, especially if you don't date in the workplace. Everyone has their problems and although acne isn't beautiful, a person with acne can be beautiful. Not just despite the acne, but because of it. You are a strong person, because you have the courage to go out and face each day. Just please try to focus on everything that is wonderful about yourself and in your life! It will show. And, a little makeup honestly makes confidence so much easier! There are acne coverage videos on youtube -- like this: I hope you feel better!
I'm doing much better at separating my acne from me as a person. It's not easy but I realize that I am not that important in the bigger scheme of things so.....
As for my acne, i have acquired several new inflamed bumps on my lip line, side of my mouth and my chin (grrrr). This no mirrors thing works well for me because when i do look/fixate on my acne, my mood completely changes. Wish some of the healthier changes I have made would kick in already, namely juicing.
Not caring too much at the moment. My appointment at the beautician is in 2 days, I'm feeling excited because I never did this before (what's it like?). I hope they can remove most of my milia/whiteheads
Goodluck Scco!!! I hope they can help you. Just make sure you ask questions about whatever you're having done, what advice they have, but don't get 'pressured' into anything you don't feel comfortable with.
I have been pressured before by beauticians and aestheticians, all with that same 'promise' of being able to help me, of having seen worse, etc etc etc. All they ended up doing was severely dehydrating my skin; making it look older, lined, with orange peel texture and harder to heal from active breakouts.
I'm not trying to dampen your enthusiasm by any means, just trying offer advice about being careful of what you do besides the milia/whitehead removal. That being said, please report back on if the removal was successful and what procedure they used, because I'm also going to a new (reportedly capable) aesthetician in august for milia/whitehead removal and would love to know how potentially successful it can be.
Best of luck buddy!!!
I'm doing much better at separating my acne from me as a person. It's not easy but I realize that I am not that important in the bigger scheme of things so.....
As for my acne, i have acquired several new inflamed bumps on my lip line, side of my mouth and my chin (grrrr). This no mirrors thing works well for me because when i do look/fixate on my acne, my mood completely changes. Wish some of the healthier changes I have made would kick in already, namely juicing.
Hi Leelowe1,
I'm also trying to separate myself from my acne and not let it define me. However, I would argue that you ARE important, especially to those around you and who love you. I have also read some of your posts on this board and you seem knowledgable and helpful. So I would also argue that you ARE important to this board and fellow sufferers.
As for juicing, my mother went to see a biologist and holistic doctor here once, and he said that juicing is not always that effective because the body finds it harder to break down the outer wall of the plant cell, which puts a strain on the digestive system and body by extension. This is the same for those who eat a mainly raw diet. Perhaps, if you like juicing or find it helpful, you can add a digestive enzyme that has cellulase in it to help break down the cellulose wall of plant food, or something like that?
Perhaps even look at the nutribullet? I'm looking into getting one, it's supposed to do more than just juice, but breakdown plants, seeds and nuts into easier to digest and assimilate form.
Also kudos on your willpower in doing the no mirror challenge. I totally agree with you. I will be feeling better, look at my reflection, and feel my stomach plummet to about the level of my feet. Then I get nauseas and anxious and angry. :/
Anyway, goodluck with it!!!!!
Nice, we will follow each other haha
I don't care, because I'm 2 weeks away from getting on accutane.
I'm due to take accutane then too. Just dreading the ib, my skin is awful right now as it is.
*edit to fix typo*
Hope that both of you find Accutane works for your acne situation!
Last few days have been rough. I've been recovering from surgery to remove my wisdom teeth and experiencing all the joys that come along with that. At least the pain has gone now and the swelling has reduced a lot - but I woke up to some lovely bruises on my face today 
oh well... what can I do
I'm also breaking out a bit because it's been about 5 days at least without using BP or following a proper skincare/acne routine. (Luckily it isn't too bad though and I'm attributing that to the antibiotics I'm on) My face has just been too sore to touch and put on any products. So it's basically been a 'caveman' regimen for the past week. Wondering if I should take this as a kick start to stopping BP completely and to see what else I could use. It does work pretty well for me but I worry that it could be damaging my skin long term... Also not sure what I would start using instead of it... so I don't know what would be the best thing to do. Quit BP or get back on it as soon as I'm able...
I'm not planning on doing anything other than a good cleansing and the extraction. I wish I could but I'm 2 months of accutane so peelings will have to wait. By the way, do these things look like milia to you ?
Goodluck Scco!!! I hope they can help you. Just make sure you ask questions about whatever you're having done, what advice they have, but don't get 'pressured' into anything you don't feel comfortable with.
I have been pressured before by beauticians and aestheticians, all with that same 'promise' of being able to help me, of having seen worse, etc etc etc. All they ended up doing was severely dehydrating my skin; making it look older, lined, with orange peel texture and harder to heal from active breakouts.
I'm not trying to dampen your enthusiasm by any means, just trying offer advice about being careful of what you do besides the milia/whitehead removal. That being said, please report back on if the removal was successful and what procedure they used, because I'm also going to a new (reportedly capable) aesthetician in august for milia/whitehead removal and would love to know how potentially successful it can be.
Best of luck buddy!!!
I discovered something this morning: on some days my dark spots seem worse than on others. I try to avoid close ups in the mirror, but today I broke the rule for once and I noticed that some of these darker spots are just beard hairs. I shaved and everything instantly looked better. I'm feeling like an idiot, but a happy idiot at least 
Acne is probably horrible (haven't looked and probably won't) but i got some great news today! I put in for a grant for 4 tablets for my classroom and it got funded today! Woot! Woot!
Update, so i couldn't help myself and I looked. Much worse than I though. Huge, red, hard pimple (no head) on my left cheek surrounded by smaller ones. I feel like breaking down and crying. It's been a while since I've gotten pimples on my outer cheeks (both sides). I'm having my TOTM in 6 days so hopefully this is just pre period flaring which happened during my last cycle too. I break out everyday though so it's hard to tell what is driving my acne.
Today was the 1st time in a LONG time that i sat and cried about my skin and the effects I allow it to have on my life. I hate it so much. I have tried so much and not 1 thing has helped internally except for my 1st 2 courses of accutane. The Regimen was also a life saver for a few months. Now I am back to square one and it honestly sucks. My body is the most healthy it has been in forever and yet still I can't seem to kick this skin disease. I developed eczema while on the regimen so I can't use topicals so that complicates things. Not looking for advice as I am up to my eyeballs in suggestions, just wanted to vent my frustrations and move on with my day. The day that i FINALLY beat this will be the happiest day in my life.
EDIT:
Don't know what the frack is going on with my skin but today alone I have broken out in 6 inflamed bumps (1 of which is painful to the touch) around my face in addition to the several i had from before. It's never ending. A lot of these bumps have white heads and at least 2 are on my lip line in addition to 2 others that reside there. I don't know why this is happening. I feel so low. And the sad part is that tomorrow i'll feel worse (i felt bad yesterday and today i felt even worse). I am turning 31 on the 22nd of this month and this will be the 4th consecutive birthday that i celebrate with acne. I have been a victim of this shit since i was 15 and i'm still suffering with no end in sight.
Please pray for me.
The day has come to an end..feeling a strange kind of happiness. Think i have reached that point where i am totally messed up, nothing worse can happen...and also the fact that i am still surviving proves that i have been very strong about everything in my life, so i am full of confidence, going to do anything i feel like from now onward...feeling very good.
On 7/8/2014 at 12:25 PM, scco said:I'm not planning on doing anything other than a good cleansing and the extraction. I wish I could but I'm 2 months of accutane so peelings will have to wait. By the way, do these things look like milia to you
?
On 7/8/2014 at 4:36 AM, Sydboi said:Goodluck Scco!!! I hope they can help you. Just make sure you ask questions about whatever you're having done, what advice they have, but don't get 'pressured' into anything you don't feel comfortable with.
I have been pressured before by beauticians and aestheticians, all with that same 'promise' of being able to help me, of having seen worse, etc etc etc. All they ended up doing was severely dehydrating my skin; making it look older, lined, with orange peel texture and harder to heal from active breakouts.
I'm not trying to dampen your enthusiasm by any means, just trying offer advice about being careful of what you do besides the milia/whitehead removal. That being said, please report back on if the removal was successful and what procedure they used, because I'm also going to a new (reportedly capable) aesthetician in august for milia/whitehead removal and would love to know how potentially successful it can be.
Best of luck buddy!!!
I answered in your other thread Scco.
On 7/8/2014 at 6:36 PM, scco said:My third time posting in this topic today (sorry for the spam), but i've found something which kinda helps me when I'm feeling down:
[Edited link out]
It's just a website with close-ups of celebs, it's kinda satisfying to see that they also have blemishes.
Wow I WISH I had skin like those celebrities...sigh 
On 7/8/2014 at 11:36 PM, leelowe1 said:Today was the 1st time in a LONG time that i sat and cried about my skin and the effects I allow it to have on my life. I hate it so much. I have tried so much and not 1 thing has helped internally except for my 1st 2 courses of accutane. The Regimen was also a life saver for a few months. Now I am back to square one and it honestly sucks. My body is the most healthy it has been in forever and yet still I can't seem to kick this skin disease. I developed eczema while on the regimen so I can't use topicals so that complicates things. Not looking for advice as I am up to my eyeballs in suggestions, just wanted to vent my frustrations and move on with my day. The day that i FINALLY beat this will be the happiest day in my life.
EDIT:
Don't know what the frack is going on with my skin but today alone I have broken out in 6 inflamed bumps (1 of which is painful to the touch) around my face in addition to the several i had from before. It's never ending. A lot of these bumps have white heads and at least 2 are on my lip line in addition to 2 others that reside there. I don't know why this is happening. I feel so low. And the sad part is that tomorrow i'll feel worse (i felt bad yesterday and today i felt even worse). I am turning 31 on the 22nd of this month and this will be the 4th consecutive birthday that i celebrate with acne. I have been a victim of this shit since i was 15 and i'm still suffering with no end in sight.
Please pray for me.
I know the feeling. I have some painful inflamed ones around my chin, jaw and lip. My skin has broken out more these past few days probably due to the fact that I am ill with the flu. I hate the fact that I can't even have the flu (which is bad enough) without having to suffer extra breakouts on top of my daily breakouts.
I will pray for you Leelowe1. Perhaps, as you said, it could be linked to your hormonal cycle. It's so easy to say, even as a fellow sufferer, and much harder to do but...just focus on the positives in your life, like the grant you received. Also, think of how much inner strength you had to not look in the mirror for those days- you are far stronger than I am.
In regards to your birthday- please don't let it ruin that day. I have celebrated mine not long ago, and I shut myself in my room the entire day, and refused to eat my birthday cake with my family, as I felt there was nothing to celebrate. I felt worse afterwards for not having celebrated it.
Joseph Campbell- "Find a place inside where there's joy, and that joy will burn out the pain".
On 7/9/2014 at 12:11 AM, Sue7 said:The day has come to an end..feeling a strange kind of happiness. Think i have reached that point where i am totally messed up, nothing worse can happen...and also the fact that i am still surviving proves that i have been very strong about everything in my life, so i am full of confidence, going to do anything i feel like from now onward...feeling very good.
That's great Sue7! Yes that fact we are all still surviving (in various stages of pain and anger, but still surviving) deserves credit and recognition. Glad you feel good
<p>Though the Regimen has been working amazingly well for me, I'm a little bummed over a temporary setback. I work overnight shifts. However, my social life on my days off throws things off big time because everyone else is the complete opposite schedule of me. It throws off my Regimen schedule so badly. I'm going to have to give up socializing temporarily because I don't like these breakouts that occur because of the weekends throwing my Regimen schedule off.</p>