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I thought it was just me w/the quotes!
I wonder what it's like not to worry about your skin! hah but I'll try, keep myself occupied.
There are loads of side effects to BCP - I can't say I don't recommend it, but I also can't say I do. It's one of those things you have to consider for yourself and weigh the possible outcomes =\
Maybe my body will be happy that my blood pressure will [hopefully!] go back to normal and decide to spare me the worsened acne haha!
I had been feeling good lately. Doing well in my new job, meeting new people, gaining some confidence. Really proud of myself. AND THEN, today I went to the Barbers and it had big windows with daylight streaming in. My skin looked horrific. Really freakishly bad. And when the girl was cutting my hair, flakes of dry skin were falling onto the black floor.
I am a monster. Too disgusting to ever find love. Any confidence I had gained is gone for good.
I`m having problems with quotes too!
Quiet Jamie, sorry that the experience at the barbers was so negative for you today. The lighting in barbers is particularly harsh and I`m pretty sure that it distorted your view and perception of yourself and your skin. If you were really a monster and as disgusting as you say you are, the hairdresser would have refused to cut your hair.
It sounds as though you have been doing really well of late with confidence, your job and meeting new people. It`s hard but try to see today for what it is, just a blip and focus on the recent positive experiences that you have had. I`m sure too that none of the new people you have been meeting of late would have thought that you were disgusting and a monster so again, try to remind yourself of that. As for finding love, you can never predict when it will happen but if you continue to do the positive things that you have of late and put the barbers experience behind you, I`m sure that opportunities will arise for you somewhere down the line. Good luck.
As for me, I have a cyst developing below my right eye which is going to be large and painful. I`ve really got to ditch my recently acquired unhealthy diet. As for my mood in general, getting out of bed before midday would be an achievement at the moment so it`s a good job that I`m signed off work for the next month. Not sure if it`s depression or being on the maximum dose of citalopram or even my diet but I feel tired and lethargic all the time lately. Furthermore, I thought that when I was referred to a CMHT and assigned a cpn, I assumed that I would be given quite a lot of support and care. To date none of that has been forthcoming and I`ve by and large been left to my own devices.
I'm looking through this post, mainly to see about my reactions and times of stress.
All I could think was, we are some of the strongest people out there to deal with what we deal with. [emphasis on some, since in reality we're lucky in that most of us only have acne to deal with].
I realized my worst period, was around when I found out my dad died. I made this thread like 5 days after I found out! Plus I was going through other emotional problems. So I think all that stress and depression contributed to my acne worsening to the point it did. If anything it makes me believe my worst acne is over with.
Also, in keeping with the thread, I am doing the same, trying to keep up with my topical at night to reduce any upcoming breakouts.
PS You are all amazing and beautiful people, whether you think so or not.
Quiet Jamie, I'm sorry as hell you had to deal with that. I've experienced moments like that too when getting my hair cut. It seems most hair cuttery places have attractive girls working at them all the time too and I feel like that makes it so much worse because half the time I imagine these girls are thinking to themselves "ew, why do I have to cut this freakish looking guy's hair" whenever I go there. It's why I often let my hair grow long because getting my hair cut is such a huge shot to the ego, I can't stop staring at my scars and I usually can't even make eye contact with the girl cutting my hair so I just stare at the floor in silence hoping it'll be over soon. Just remember the lighting in most of those salons/shops is very harsh and it's not an accurate representation of what your skin looks like on a day to day basis.
I'm wishing you lots of success with the new job and keep on meeting new people and striving to make new friends, don't let this momentary rough patch hold you back.
Well currently *touch wood* I am still clear of active acne and just waiting for hyperpigmentation to fade. In fact, I don't think I've had any new active acne develop since switching my antidepressant from Sertraline (Zoloft/Lustral) to Venlafaxine (Effexor) so if this trend continues for the next two weeks (and please, please, may it do just that!) then I will be officially blaming my horrific nodular-cystic acne breakout this summer on the Sertraline I started taking about a month before. I was also getting all sorts of horrible side effects on Sertraline whilst so far having none whatsoever on Venlafaxine, despite being on a higher dose, so it would appear that my body just really did not agree with that particular drug. If this turns out to be the case I think I will be a mixture of annoyed and happy: annoyed because if I'd never taken Sertraline I could have saved myself 9 months of terrible acne grief, not to mention the permanent psychological scars that one horrific breakout left behind, but happy because if I continue on this trend then it might be that my acne is finally under control for the moment. Don't want to speak too soon though, so lots more touching wood and crossing fingers!!
Moonlit, I just wanted to say that I`m really pleased for you that you feel that your acne may finally be under control. The breakout last summer was indeed a horrible experience but if it was caused by the sertraline as you suspect, the one small crumb of comfort that you can take is that you are almost certainly guaranteed to never break out like that again. I`m sorry that it has left psychological scars. What I would say however is that the negative thoughts that you often have had about your skin and appearance are not true. I used to know you pretty well and I can honestly say that you have never been and never will be those deragatory terms that you sometimes refer to yourself as. Really hope you can believe that for yourself one day because it honestly is true. All the best.
Thanks Bodie and Randall.
I've calmed down a bit since yesterday but I hate the way that months and months of good progress - following CBT and some big achievements and life changes - can be swept away in a single moment.
The worst thing is that it wasn't bad artificial lighting - it was bright daylight - that made my face look so horrible. So now I know what I look like when I'm walking out in the street, in the sunshine. No wonder I get ignored by women.
The Barbers was one of those 'fancy' (and expensive) ones. It was full of attractive hairdressers and good-looking, confident men. I don't belong somewhere like that. I should never have gone there, but I'm in a new city and haven't got to know the best places yet.
I need to try and, somehow, get my self-esteem back up. But it feels like the experience, the image, has burned itself into my memory.
QuietJamie, bright daylight and artificial lighting can magnify any imperfections real or perceived tenfold in your own mind. If anyone was to see you in bright daylight, I`m betting that they wouldn`t study you in the amount of detail that you did yesterday when you were at the barbers.
I know myself how just one bad experience can really set you back. I`ve done CBT in the past and although that has helped, I still get days where the inner voice in my head that tells me that I`m a hideous, repulsive monster seems all too real. It`s during them times that I have to remind myself of the techniques and skills I learned during CBT so that I can "challenge" the thoughts and put them into perspective.
I know the barbers experience was a bad one for you but if you can, try to incorporate some of what you learned during CBT to "challenge" the perception of yourself that the experience has created. Also if you can, remind yourself of all the good progress, life changes and big achievements that have come about in recent times. It sounds as though you have accomplished an awful lot in recent times so don`t let just one negative experience derail all the positive stuff that has happened for you recently. It doesn`t deserve to.
Well it looks like I will have to switch back to Retin-A since im starting to get a small purge from the Tazorac which is weird because I didn't get any IB the first time I used it and I was on Retin-A for 12 years at that point, I assume its because my skin is just at a different stage right now with the Spiro. So starting tomorrow night I will go back to the trentinoin gel 0.01%. I shouldn't of switched I don't know what I was thinking!! So my lesson here is if its working, don't switch things up, keep that routine
Well it looks like I will have to switch back to Retin-A since im starting to get a small purge from the Tazorac which is weird because I didn't get any IB the first time I used it and I was on Retin-A for 12 years at that point, I assume its because my skin is just at a different stage right now with the Spiro. So starting tomorrow night I will go back to the trentinoin gel 0.01%. I shouldn't of switched I don't know what I was thinking!! So my lesson here is if its working, don't switch things up, keep that routine
Totally agree... oh i did everything i could for this papule but it's still there, not very swollen, just a big, vivid, slightly elevated redness but who knows, tomorrow i may wake up and find it twice as big. It's so frustrating to believe that you are almost there and then you realise that you were wrong.. I hope your break out will stop soon..
Wishing it was a month from now. I hate wishing away time, but when you are on a long course/journey treatment and know that it is going to take time, sometimes you just want the final product now. Having acne you learn so much about yourself, you learn what the test of time brings, you learn patience and hate it at the same time. I wish I had the courage to leave my house today without trying to conceal the hell I'm in. I wish I didn't care. I mean people aren't sitting around thinking about my face or my red marks or a pimple I might possibly have. No one really cares. But unfortunately I do right now. I'm 6 weeks on my journey with Spironolactone and despite how I feel today, anxious and wishing time away, I've seen improvement. I know it's around the corner. Before all of this I use to just say live in the moment (hello my username CarpeMomentum), but it's SOOOOOO hard to live in a moment that you want to just pass by. I know I will be stronger in the end, and already am. It can just be a lonely rode when you are going through this on your own in the real world. I hope those of you that are waking up today, or are going about your day are trying to make it a good one. Acne or not!
I`ve really broken out on my right jawline today and I`ve got a cyst under my right eye too. The recent lack of care over my diet and cleansing routine is catching up with me now. I look dreadful and thoroughly dislike everything about myself right now. Not been a good day to say the least.
Acne-wise my skin is doing ok at the moment. Only about 3 tiny whiteheads (pin head sized so no-one but myself would notice) and one larger 'blind' spot on my chin but that seems to be going down. I can feel some under the skin about to come up though. And my skin isn't looking clear as there's a lot of hyperpigmentation that is very noticeable.
I used a bit too much AHA yesterday and it burnt the hell out of my skin so my skin is still looking a bit red from that even today. It's also peeling a bit. I've been too rough with it tonight too - really scrubbed at my face with a wash cloth to try and remove the peeling skin. It helped a bit but it's way too harsh on your skin to scrub at it like that - not a good idea. So I'm skipping BP tonight and loading up with moisturiser and jojoba so hopefully my skin isn't a peeling / dry mess tomorrow. I really hope it isn't as I've got to go renew my licence / get a new licence photo taken (I really hope I can get a new one taken as my current one is terrible!! 
And even though you can't really see your skin in it in detail, I'd feel better about it if my skin is decent looking). I'm also catching up with friends I used to go to uni with and I'm really looking forward to seeing them again - it's been months. So it'd be nice if my skin behaved. Hopefully I haven't caused breakouts that will appear overnight from being so harsh with it this evening.
Hope you're all doing well
My break out I got from switching from Retin-A to Tazorac has finally cleared!! I decided I would no longer use the Tazorac even tho I liked the way it made my skin look smooth before the break out. Now I have no acne and the Spiro is working wonders going into month 5!!! So for now Im happy.
I'm feeling..... on edge.
I've been off the pill for 5 days and I've stopped worrying so much but- it's happening already. I'm getting a large zit by my nose, that spot has been itchy (a typical sign I would get a lot when my skin was bad) the past few days; now more areas are itchy. (I wonder why that happens). I'm trying to ignore it.
Unfortunately, I have seemed to break out a bit today - and only some are probably from me being harsh with my skin yesterday.
I'd say most are hormonal yaaayy ugh
Anyway - so my skin wasn't great today - but I still had a great day. I caught up with my friends who I love and haven't seen in ages which was really nice. We went out for a movie and dinner and talked awhile too.
I also renewed my licence and they let me get a new photo - won't see what that's like until my licence arrives but hopefully it's better than the one I've had to use for the past few years!! It's just a licence photo though so it doesn't really matter anyway.
It has been a long time since I was here. Now that i am clear, the emotional scar is still there and I'm still trying to fight depression everyday. Still, clear skin has made me much happier than before. I just want to share with you my story
I hope it will help girls like me have beautiful skin and confidence.
Skin is doing pretty well right now. Have one large spot on my chin that is starting to diminish. I realized what my Regimen issue was...I was using expired BP! I just got so into the routine of the Regimen that I didn't even think about BP having an expiration date, but after noticing that I was getting more breakouts than usual I checked and I think that's the reason. Got some fresh BP now and seems my skin is starting to get back to a calmer state.
I'm getting so tired of winter though, it's just fuel for depression...I'll be so glad when spring and summer gets here so that I can get out and do things.
Also I've implemented a new body bar into my routine to combat some shoulder acne, it's the Basis body bar and it's super cheap and seems to be doing the trick.
That's what happened to me too - took me some time to realise the BP I was using had expired - and I was thinking that for some reason my skin had stopped responding to BP. But I recently got new BP too and it's been helping things out again
So I'd urge everyone using the regimen, or even just BP in someway, to check the expiration date!
And as for shoulder acne - have you tried using AHA for that? I had a mild breakout on my shoulders a few weeks ago and using AHA on it directly had it disappear in two days. Maybe something to try if the body bar stopped working or something. Great that it does seem to be helping though!
Unimpressed. After getting completely clear of active acne and only having hyperpigmentation to deal with, I'm now reaching the end of my week off Dianette and have broken out all over the place! I really thought I was getting somewhere after changing antidepressants, which I thought might have been the cause, but I guess not. 
Not a chance in hell that my dermatologist is ever going to let me take Accutane in my current mental health state, so it looks like I'm stuck with disgusting skin for the foreseeable future and there's absolutely nothing I can do about it. Oh joy!