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No appetite, no strength to go to school or socialize. It's raining a lot these days. I just want to starve myself and get into the hospital so that I can be away from all this and feel too bad physically to think. In two months I have to move out and I'll have nowhere to live, money is over and I can't take the student loan anymore, my boyfriend left me, my face is a mess... I want to sleep. A long dark sleep without any dreams.
Pianna, you are in a dark place right now but don't worry sistah, you are NEVER alone there. You have the org family here for you 100% You will be hurting a while from this break up but i guarantee that in time, you will be able to move on. It's times when we are at our lowest that we need to move forward. Treat yourself love: Make yourself a nice meal using ingredients that you are craving. Write down the things that you HAVE CONTROL OVER and go through each problem 1 step at a time.
You can control where you move to, you can control where you apply to for a job
You are a great woman and you will survive this hun
No appetite, no strength to go to school or socialize. It's raining a lot these days. I just want to starve myself and get into the hospital so that I can be away from all this and feel too bad physically to think. In two months I have to move out and I'll have nowhere to live, money is over and I can't take the student loan anymore, my boyfriend left me, my face is a mess... I want to sleep. A long dark sleep without any dreams.
Sweetie, I have so been there. Every word you say, I totally understand. <3 You will get through this. I know the pain is unbearable. But you will get through this.
No appetite, no strength to go to school or socialize. It's raining a lot these days. I just want to starve myself and get into the hospital so that I can be away from all this and feel too bad physically to think. In two months I have to move out and I'll have nowhere to live, money is over and I can't take the student loan anymore, my boyfriend left me, my face is a mess... I want to sleep. A long dark sleep without any dreams.
Stay strong!
I'm doing better now. Had a really rough week...felt so isolated, like total shit, just wanted to shut every aspect of the world away. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I need to be patient and I'm doing everything I possibly can to treat my skin, no reason getting frustrated with myself and screwing up friendships/budding relationships because of my own nagging insecurities.
No appetite, no strength to go to school or socialize. It's raining a lot these days. I just want to starve myself and get into the hospital so that I can be away from all this and feel too bad physically to think. In two months I have to move out and I'll have nowhere to live, money is over and I can't take the student loan anymore, my boyfriend left me, my face is a mess... I want to sleep. A long dark sleep without any dreams.
I totally understand where you're coming from, Pianina. Relationships are extra tough when you have skin issues, and I think it hurts even more when they end because of how those skin issues have already damaged our self-image/confidence. Stay strong and try to soldier through, the darkness can't last forever and you'll wake up one day and see light shining at the end of the tunnel. I've found a good night's sleep can really help, you wake up feeling refreshed and all those emotions you were feeling the day before are dulled down and easier to deal with.
I feel like I'm coming out of a cloud of the craziness of the last few days. I got really involved in everything going on in Boston. I was liveblogging the events as they occurred last night and it was really exciting. It actually made me consider getting into journalism one day. I never thought I'd take my writing in that direction, but who knows. The whole thing, as scary as it was, was actually a really interesting distraction from my normal life, and now that it's all wound down and seems to be over, I feel kind of odd. Still lots of problems on the homefront. Nothing new, just my man and I knowing that we're both unhappy and the future doesn't look too promising for us. I've been trying to think of where I'll take my life if we separate, and I just don't know.
But my skin is gorgeous! GOD I LOVE THE AHA+ lotion. AMAZING stuff. I had a semi-bad breakout a few days ago, two big red hormonal zits, but I'm thankful that they seem to be healing now. The regimen can beat back the hormones but it can't completely stop the PMS breakouts. I'm okay with it as long as I stay at the level I'm at now. Thanks to the AHA and argan oil, most of my scars and dark marks are fading by the day. Very light scarring only now and my skin looks smooth and healthy. Oh how amazing it feels to run my hands over my face and feel silky-smooth skin instead of painful bumps.
5 stars for the regimen. Love it, love it, love it.
I'm doing better now. Had a really rough week...felt so isolated, like total shit, just wanted to shut every aspect of the world away. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I need to be patient and I'm doing everything I possibly can to treat my skin, no reason getting frustrated with myself and screwing up friendships/budding relationships because of my own nagging insecurities.
I think it's okay to isolate for periods of time versus trying to do more than you're ready for and causing a mental breakdown. Be easy on yourself. You are doing great! <3
I feel like I should be going out to parties doing stupid young people shit, but instead im staying in after school doing homework(barely),eating,sleeping,wasting my youth thanks to this garbage. I would like to hang out with people i know from school, but whenever they make plans I never ask if I can go because I feel like the'll just make some excuse to not include me. It's probably irrational, but that's what I honestly think.
Thinking about it there are a lot of things i've never done in my life like gotten drunk, high, or had sex. I know these aren't exactly great goals to have, like I said stupid shit, but as a teenage guy I feel like i'm missing out on something. I just want to be like all the other carefree dumbasses my age lol. Guess i'm just not that type of person.
It's the weekend have zero friends zero relationships zero plans, zero reasons to be alive.
I don't even know why I bother going to college once I get a fuckin job and start making money what then. I'm still goin to feel as shitty as I do now, a fuckin loner for the rest of my fuckin life. An ugly peice of shit loser is all I am and all I ever will be.
My face is sooooo red and sore! I'm making the mistake of going out in the sun for longer periods than normal, and because I am on doxy PLUS BP it makes things worse! Argh 
It's the weekend have zero friends zero relationships zero plans, zero reasons to be alive.
I don't even know why I bother going to college once I get a fuckin job and start making money what then. I'm still goin to feel as shitty as I do now, a fuckin loner for the rest of my fuckin life. An ugly peice of shit loser is all I am and all I ever will be.
Why would you say that about yourself? Thats pretty harsh, I mean we are all harsh on ourselves but .. yikes.. Theres always someone you can talk to.
I feel like I should be going out to parties doing stupid young people shit, but instead i´m staying in after school doing homework(barely),eating,sleeping,wasting my youth thanks to this garbage. I would like to hang out with people i know from school, but whenever they make plans I never ask if I can go because I feel like the'll just make some excuse to not include me. It's probably irrational, but that's what I honestly think.
Thinking about it there are a lot of things i've never done in my life like gotten drunk, high, or had sex. I know these aren't exactly great goals to have, like I said stupid shit, but as a teenage guy I feel like i'm missing out on something. I just want to be like all the other carefree dumbasses my age lol. Guess i'm just not that type of person.
That was me as a teen and when my acne went away I went through that stupid shit change. It gets old after a while, trust me.
It's the weekend have zero friends zero relationships zero plans, zero reasons to be alive.
I don't even know why I bother going to college once I get a fuckin job and start making money what then. I'm still goin to feel as shitty as I do now, a fuckin loner for the rest of my fuckin life. An ugly peice of shit loser is all I am and all I ever will be.
You're way too harsh on yourself. You start letting those words materialize and then you become that person. Even if you don't believe, start saying positive things about yourself. Remember that words have the power to uplift or tear down.
I feel like I'm coming out of a cloud of the craziness of the last few days. I got really involved in everything going on in Boston. I was liveblogging the events as they occurred last night and it was really exciting. It actually made me consider getting into journalism one day. I never thought I'd take my writing in that direction, but who knows. The whole thing, as scary as it was, was actually a really interesting distraction from my normal life, and now that it's all wound down and seems to be over, I feel kind of odd. Still lots of problems on the homefront. Nothing new, just my man and I knowing that we're both unhappy and the future doesn't look too promising for us. I've been trying to think of where I'll take my life if we separate, and I just don't know.
But my skin is gorgeous! GOD I LOVE THE AHA+ lotion. AMAZING stuff. I had a semi-bad breakout a few days ago, two big red hormonal zits, but I'm thankful that they seem to be healing now. The regimen can beat back the hormones but it can't completely stop the PMS breakouts. I'm okay with it as long as I stay at the level I'm at now. Thanks to the AHA and argan oil, most of my scars and dark marks are fading by the day. Very light scarring only now and my skin looks smooth and healthy. Oh how amazing it feels to run my hands over my face and feel silky-smooth skin instead of painful bumps.
5 stars for the regimen. Love it, love it, love it.
I'm doing better now. Had a really rough week...felt so isolated, like total shit, just wanted to shut every aspect of the world away. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I need to be patient and I'm doing everything I possibly can to treat my skin, no reason getting frustrated with myself and screwing up friendships/budding relationships because of my own nagging insecurities.
I think it's okay to isolate for periods of time versus trying to do more than you're ready for and causing a mental breakdown. Be easy on yourself. You are doing great! <3
Deja, so glad that you're skin is coming along. You are one of my favorite posters on here and your personality is really sweet and genuine. I know you'll beat this thing.
As for the boyfriend, if you're not happy then don't try to rationalize it, just go. In my experiences, waiting for things to sour on their own leads to a very uncomfortable situation. You deserve so much better than that love.
Keep smiling and good luck with everything!!!
I'm feeling hopeful. I just decided that I want to try the regimen, and hopefully my parents will go along with my decision, even though I'm also doing oral antibiotics. Life has been really difficult with acne, and it sucks because I know that I'm really not a bad-looking girl, it's just that no one else can see that.
Hey guys! Things are getting a bit better. Thank you for your support - it's been a tough month. I'm glad there is a place where people have the empathy for each other, you're all great people who deserve the best in life!
after reading good things about green tea from several sources, i decided to give it a try past week.
it turned out to be a fucking disaster. (i did over-use it... yes, i know.... please don't....)
my acne, which i have worked so hard with patience and dedication has once again showed its morbid forces.
in general, i have managed to fuck up my life in many aspects lately, but to be honest it really doesn't bother me that much at the moment.
once again the acne takes all my focus.
so i just sit here and feel disgusted of myself for making such a dumb mistake.
it's time to be patient, again.
I think I'm getting the flu 
Really not a good time (it never is though) - I have an exam this week and multiple other assessments. It's just a busy time and being sick won't help so I hope I'm just having a bad morning and I'm not actually getting sick!
My skin had been looking a little better but then I went and used a clay mask, which felt amazing but I think it has a 'drawing' effect - that or my skin doesn't like it... either way I've broken out a little and I'm guessing it's from that. Thankfully they're small and a lot of the big stuff I had are shrinking. The thing that's getting to me the most are all the red marks I have. They're fairly dark, show up very easily and are obvious as my skin is so pale. It's hard for me to hide them even with makeup but I guess that also has to do with what the lighting is like wherever I am. I don't really know how to fade them or If I should try to fade them while I still have acne... I remember years ago I tried a neutrogena product that was meant to help with fading - I think it was glycolic and salicylic acid - but I don't remember what I thought of it. I might try it again and see.
after reading good things about green tea from several sources, i decided to give it a try past week.
it turned out to be a fucking disaster. (i did over-use it... yes, i know.... please don't....)
my acne, which i have worked so hard with patience and dedication has once again showed its morbid forces.
in general, i have managed to fuck up my life in many aspects lately, but to be honest it really doesn't bother me that much at the moment.
once again the acne takes all my focus.
so i just sit here and feel disgusted of myself for making such a dumb mistake.
it's time to be patient, again.
its not the green tea but the caffeine might be the problem. Try dandelion tea supposedly helps with acne.
I feel like I should be going out to parties doing stupid young people shit, but instead im staying in after school doing homework(barely),eating,sleeping,wasting my youth thanks to this garbage. I would like to hang out with people i know from school, but whenever they make plans I never ask if I can go because I feel like the'll just make some excuse to not include me. It's probably irrational, but that's what I honestly think.
Thinking about it there are a lot of things i've never done in my life like gotten drunk, high, or had sex. I know these aren't exactly great goals to have, like I said stupid shit, but as a teenage guy I feel like i'm missing out on something. I just want to be like all the other carefree dumbasses my age lol. Guess i'm just not that type of person.
You have plenty of time. Your time to party and have fun isn't over as soon as you're out of your teens. I never even smoked pot or drank until the very end of being in high school and I went on to travel and smoke and try psychedelic drugs and go to raves and meet so many new people once I was in my twenties. I'm 30 now and still do that stuff (minus the drinking), so don't worry about missing out on anything. All of that stuff will always be there when and if you ever feel like exploring it.
It's the weekend have zero friends zero relationships zero plans, zero reasons to be alive.
I don't even know why I bother going to college once I get a fuckin job and start making money what then. I'm still goin to feel as shitty as I do now, a fuckin loner for the rest of my fuckin life. An ugly peice of shit loser is all I am and all I ever will be.
I wish I could help make you feel better. Be gentle and kind to yourself. <3
Deja, so glad that you're skin is coming along. You are one of my favorite posters on here and your personality is really sweet and genuine. I know you'll beat this thing.
As for the boyfriend, if you're not happy then don't try to rationalize it, just go. In my experiences, waiting for things to sour on their own leads to a very uncomfortable situation. You deserve so much better than that love.
Keep smiling and good luck with everything!!!
Thanks, but it's definitely not easy to just let it go...aside from the love we share and the bond that we've built over 4 years, I would lose my home if I left... I can't fully support myself and would likely have to go stay with friends/family and not have my own space which could cause an equal level of stress and unhappiness. I just wish I could support myself, because if I could then finances wouldn't come into play and we could make a decision based completely on our relationship. But unfortunately, we both pretty much rely on the other to live a good life...and I don't think either of us wants to give that up, let alone go through the sadness of giving up each other. It's just so complicated and hard and it reminds me why I used to (and am starting to again) believe that humans are not meant for long-term relationships.
I'm feeling hopeful. I just decided that I want to try the regimen, and hopefully my parents will go along with my decision, even though I'm also doing oral antibiotics. Life has been really difficult with acne, and it sucks because I know that I'm really not a bad-looking girl, it's just that no one else can see that.
I highly recommend the regimen! It's amazing what it's done for me.
To everyone else, I tried to quote all of you but it didn't work for whatever reason. Sending you love. <3
Went to the Japanese Cherry Blossom Festival in SF with my BF this afternoon --- FOUNDATION LESS.
I always put foundation only on my nose to cover the blackhead, pores and scars whenever I am hanging out with someone, usually I can hide them by at least 80% with just primer and foundation.
But I am feeling alright lately, trying to avoid using foundation as much as possible, maybe max I would use nowadays is one day per week or even less.
So we hung out in BRIGHT DAY LIGHT, the sun was bright and hot, had tons of fun, took photos etc.
And he didn't even seem to notice I didn't have my foundation on, instead he still complimented me like he always does.
