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does anybody here think,
"he's probably wondering what the hell is wrong with my face?"
when people look at you?
...coz this seems to be the only thing i think of...and nothing, i mean nothing else.
You know, acne is not so uncommon nowadays and nobody's so damn surprised to see someone with this condition. People always look at each other, that's their nature and it doesn't mean that they are so preoccupied with thoughts about you. Some of them will look at you, then forget a short moment after. And those impolite pricks who dare to stare more obviously - is it really worth obsessing over their fucking opinion? Crying over some no-lifer's stare? Just mind your business, do you thing and fuck the rest. It's not hard to isolate your mind from it when you realize how insignificant those people are. They're just strangers, they know nothing and looking at each other is what they do.
I have a lot of actives right now, but it's really close to my period. The regimen is definitely helping, but SO many flakes, ugh.
Also, a dog that was nice to everyone else growled at me and acted like it was going to rip my throat out today. I can't even count how many times otherwise sweet dogs acted like this to me and no one else. The owner even told me that she's "never like that with anyone." She was looking at me like I was a rapist about to murder her entire family. WTF. I don't get what it is about me that makes me so damn threatening to dogs, but this has happened a lot. And it always hurts my feelings. 
Dogs are supposed to be these sweet and cuddly friends to humans, so when they hate you it's really sad.
I have a lot of actives right now, but it's really close to my period. The regimen is definitely helping, but SO many flakes, ugh.
Also, a dog that was nice to everyone else growled at me and acted like it was going to rip my throat out today. I can't even count how many times otherwise sweet dogs acted like this to me and no one else. The owner even told me that she's "never like that with anyone." She was looking at me like I was a rapist about to murder her entire family. WTF. I don't get what it is about me that makes me so damn threatening to dogs, but this has happened a lot. And it always hurts my feelings.
Dogs are supposed to be these sweet and cuddly friends to humans, so when they hate you it's really sad.
Hehe, dogs used to dislike me either, until I happened to rent a room from a lady who had a little bussiness taking of people's dogs during the day. Those dogs grew to adore me quite fast and from that time all other dogs I met started liking me more 
Maybe after being around dogs we get some "friendly smell"?
Some people are geniuses...
I was minding my bussiness packing the grosseries in a local food store, when some woman whispered to me in Russian "Hey, young lady, over here". I'm not Russian, but I have some Polish roots and quite slavic looking face, so she assumed I speak Russian, which I do. "Yes?" I said, suprised but curious. "I you have quite bad skin, but I can tell you what could make it better. Just take a pill of aspirin, melt in a glass of water and apply to your face. All this (showing to my right cheek) will go away! Many don't know this simple trick". My reaction was "Mmm, ok, thanks". Great, all I needed was a stranger stopping me in a store and giving me an advice.
So here I am, sitting with my cheek covered in aspirin... NOT.
Doing alright today. I think my sinus infection is clearing up finally, been taking some meds and drinking tons of hot green tea (might become a daily guilty pleasure for me now, I usually drink it cold, but it's so tasty when hot lol)
My skin hasn't been doing too bad, cleanser still seems to be improving things. My biggest active right now is on my top lip, weird ass spot for blemishes, but I get them there pretty often. Random fact: one great thing about letting my stubble grow for a few days and rocking the five o'clock shadow is the fact that it covers the old scars on my cheeks almost PERFECTLY. Facial hair camouflage lol.
Tired.....literally. Work has been busy as always and i've been having a hard time sleeping as usual. Add to that its that time of the month and i am ready to scream at the top of my lungs. Acne wise, i don't know what to think of my face. I have these weird red/dry spots on my face that i'm sure is not eczema but still. I also have been itching like a mutha on my jaw and voila - i got 2 cysts. I have small bumps on my forehead, some on both sides of my cheeks, a few undergrounders on my chin (i was clear there for a while) and cysts on my jaw. So much for accutane being my miracle.
Random fact: one great thing about letting my stubble grow for a few days and rocking the five o'clock shadow is the fact that it covers the old scars on my cheeks almost PERFECTLY. Facial hair camouflage lol.
Lucky you. I have no marks where my beard grows. I've never really gotten pimples there. They're all right above my beard...line.
Feeling pretty horrible, to be honest.
I did not want to leave the house today - and I might have stayed at home if it weren't for people at uni relying on me being there today to work on assessment. My skin is looking terrible, definitely the worst it's been in a long time - maybe the worst it's been ever? Not sure though - I can't really remember... But I didn't want to be seen by anyone today - still acted normal and friendly and smiled etc with the people I was working with but my skin was constantly in my mind today. It's not usually my focus - on other days it will cross my mind at different times but it's not usually like it was today.
Anyway- So I left home this morning looking bad and came home looking even worse - I could feel a bunch of spots actually developing further today - I could feel them becoming big, ugly, obvious whiteheads. I hate the look of whiteheads more than other types of acne I get I think... but at least it means they're healing a bit I think
On the bus home though I saw a girl I went to school with and we were pretty good friends then but haven't seen each other since we left school. I don't think she saw me - thank goodness - I didn't want to have to face her looking how I did today - she's always been gorgeous - always had completely clear beautiful skin - guys throw themselves at her, she's 'model skinny' etc... At some stages of high school I ended up comparing myself to her and it made me feel quite upset and horrible about myself. I didn't want to be her or anything - I just wanted to have clear skin more than anything else. I realised it's not a good thing to be doing (comparing yourself to others) and I ended up stopping and working on feeling better about myself... funny how easily this old pattern of thinking returned instantly when I saw her - all because I started my day feeling so bad...
So yeah... I want to just hide. I'm actually feeling so embarrassed/ashamed about my skin today I don't even want to be seen by my parents or brother... I'm just feeling pretty rubbish in general.
Feeling pretty self conscious about these 2 bumps on my foreheard. Comepletely clear on the rest of my face but its almost that time of the month and I heard that even the regimen can't fully combat women's issues. Tsk.
I'm also kind of annoyed that there still is a bit of flaking I'm experiencing. I know that I should count my blessings though. This is far better to what my face used to look like before I started the regimen.
Feeling pretty horrible, to be honest.
I did not want to leave the house today - and I might have stayed at home if it weren't for people at uni relying on me being there today to work on assessment. My skin is looking terrible, definitely the worst it's been in a long time - maybe the worst it's been ever? Not sure though - I can't really remember... But I didn't want to be seen by anyone today - still acted normal and friendly and smiled etc with the people I was working with but my skin was constantly in my mind today. It's not usually my focus - on other days it will cross my mind at different times but it's not usually like it was today.
Anyway- So I left home this morning looking bad and came home looking even worse - I could feel a bunch of spots actually developing further today - I could feel them becoming big, ugly, obvious whiteheads. I hate the look of whiteheads more than other types of acne I get I think... but at least it means they're healing a bit I think
On the bus home though I saw a girl I went to school with and we were pretty good friends then but haven't seen each other since we left school. I don't think she saw me - thank goodness - I didn't want to have to face her looking how I did today - she's always been gorgeous - always had completely clear beautiful skin - guys throw themselves at her, she's 'model skinny' etc... At some stages of high school I ended up comparing myself to her and it made me feel quite upset and horrible about myself. I didn't want to be her or anything - I just wanted to have clear skin more than anything else. I realised it's not a good thing to be doing (comparing yourself to others) and I ended up stopping and working on feeling better about myself... funny how easily this old pattern of thinking returned instantly when I saw her - all because I started my day feeling so bad...
So yeah... I want to just hide. I'm actually feeling so embarrassed/ashamed about my skin today I don't even want to be seen by my parents or brother... I'm just feeling pretty rubbish in general.
Sorry to hear you had a rough day, Lily. Hope you feel better soon.
Some people are geniuses...
I was minding my bussiness packing the grosseries in a local food store, when some woman whispered to me in Russian "Hey, young lady, over here". I'm not Russian, but I have some Polish roots and quite slavic looking face, so she assumed I speak Russian, which I do. "Yes?" I said, suprised but curious. "I you have quite bad skin, but I can tell you what could make it better. Just take a pill of aspirin, melt in a glass of water and apply to your face. All this (showing to my right cheek) will go away! Many don't know this simple trick". My reaction was "Mmm, ok, thanks". Great, all I needed was a stranger stopping me in a store and giving me an advice.
So here I am, sitting with my cheek covered in aspirin... NOT.
Wow, how incredibly rude. I'm glad something like that never happened to me because there are certain times where I was so low I'm pretty sure it would have triggered a nervous breakdown. Btw, I've done that stupid aspirin mask in the past and it had no effect whatsoever.
Tired.....literally. Work has been busy as always and i've been having a hard time sleeping as usual. Add to that its that time of the month and i am ready to scream at the top of my lungs. Acne wise, i don't know what to think of my face. I have these weird red/dry spots on my face that i'm sure is not eczema but still. I also have been itching like a mutha on my jaw and voila - i got 2 cysts. I have small bumps on my forehead, some on both sides of my cheeks, a few undergrounders on my chin (i was clear there for a while) and cysts on my jaw. So much for accutane being my miracle.
Sorry. I know how it is. It's almost that time of the month for me too and I'm broke out AND insanely irritable.
Feeling pretty horrible, to be honest.
I did not want to leave the house today - and I might have stayed at home if it weren't for people at uni relying on me being there today to work on assessment. My skin is looking terrible, definitely the worst it's been in a long time - maybe the worst it's been ever? Not sure though - I can't really remember... But I didn't want to be seen by anyone today - still acted normal and friendly and smiled etc with the people I was working with but my skin was constantly in my mind today. It's not usually my focus - on other days it will cross my mind at different times but it's not usually like it was today.
Anyway- So I left home this morning looking bad and came home looking even worse - I could feel a bunch of spots actually developing further today - I could feel them becoming big, ugly, obvious whiteheads. I hate the look of whiteheads more than other types of acne I get I think... but at least it means they're healing a bit I think
On the bus home though I saw a girl I went to school with and we were pretty good friends then but haven't seen each other since we left school. I don't think she saw me - thank goodness - I didn't want to have to face her looking how I did today - she's always been gorgeous - always had completely clear beautiful skin - guys throw themselves at her, she's 'model skinny' etc... At some stages of high school I ended up comparing myself to her and it made me feel quite upset and horrible about myself. I didn't want to be her or anything - I just wanted to have clear skin more than anything else. I realised it's not a good thing to be doing (comparing yourself to others) and I ended up stopping and working on feeling better about myself... funny how easily this old pattern of thinking returned instantly when I saw her - all because I started my day feeling so bad...
So yeah... I want to just hide. I'm actually feeling so embarrassed/ashamed about my skin today I don't even want to be seen by my parents or brother... I'm just feeling pretty rubbish in general.
That's such a good example of the law of attraction. You were feeling really insecure about yourself and you attracted a near-encounter with a girl from high school who made you feel not good about yourself by comparison. There are no coincidences!
I'm sorry it was such a rough day. Your day could have been any given work-day of my life for a long time, and I totally understand how that feels.
Me: I'm really happy I went back on the regimen. It's been over a week of doing it the legit way (with proper cleansers and stuff) and a few weeks of using BP again in general. I still have acne, but the improvements are, at this point enough to stop triggering my body dysmorphic disorder and major freakouts. I don't feel good about my skin, but I don't feel AS bad. Still have a lot of painful underground cysts, but they don't look as violent or inflamed now thanks to the regimen. It has also cleared almost all my smaller acne.
The bad news? I notice the regimen slows them down a lot. As in, a cyst that would come to a head and pop within a few days before now takes like two weeks. Maybe this is part of the process that makes them stop coming at all, but it sure is annoying when you have one you want to get rid of, especially since on the regimen you can't steam your skin or pop anything.
Patience, patience....
Sorry to hear you had a rough day, Lily.
Thank you - I appreciate it. I am feeling much better today, so that's good 
That's such a good example of the law of attraction. You were feeling really insecure about yourself and you attracted a near-encounter with a girl from high school who made you feel not good about yourself by comparison. There are no coincidences!
I'm sorry it was such a rough day. Your day could have been any given work-day of my life for a long time, and I totally understand how that feels.
Me: I'm really happy I went back on the regimen. It's been over a week of doing it the legit way (with proper cleansers and stuff) and a few weeks of using BP again in general. I still have acne, but the improvements are, at this point enough to stop triggering my body dysmorphic disorder and major freakouts. I don't feel good about my skin, but I don't feel AS bad. Still have a lot of painful underground cysts, but they don't look as violent or inflamed now thanks to the regimen. It has also cleared almost all my smaller acne.
The bad news? I notice the regimen slows them down a lot. As in, a cyst that would come to a head and pop within a few days before now takes like two weeks. Maybe this is part of the process that makes them stop coming at all, but it sure is annoying when you have one you want to get rid of, especially since on the regimen you can't steam your skin or pop anything.
Patience, patience....
I didn't think of it exactly that way (the law of attraction) but I think your right. On days where I leave the house feeling somewhat good about myself (not usually because of my skin being good - just something is making me feel better) those days always seem to go more smoothly and something good might occasionally happen. The mind is a pretty powerful thing!
Thank you also and thanks for understanding.. I'm sorry you can relate - it's a bad feeling/situation to be able to relate to - but I guess a lot of people on this site would be able to unfortunately...
Also - good to hear your happy with using the regimen!
I think patience is probably key for doing anything relating to acne, so it's a good thing to be reminded of
I think that we, acne people, do the same mistake others do while judging us - looking only at the surface of the problem, when it comes to people with clear skin. It's very easy to imagine that they have a better life just because they don't have acne, or if they look good. Sure, not having this exhausting, time-taking and depressing skin desease is probably the most wonderful thing, but think that they don't even see or appreciate it the way we would anyway. They might have other difficulties and maybe are even unhappier. That's how I try to think, when I'm facing someone with gorgoes skin and feel almost hateful towards that person just because of that. It's unfair; it's the same unfair as to hear "wash your face more" or "why don't you try proactive" from an acne-free person.
We suffered way too much to be shallow and judge by the looks... We who need to smile and pretend everything's fine, while our hearts are bleeding and our faces hurt should know, that the happy surface can hide deep problems. Even if it's a clear surface
Very true. It's like you said, a lot of people don't appreciate their clear skin because they've never had an issue like ours their whole life. I know so many beautiful clear-skinned girls who are miserable about their weight. Someone may hate themselves even with clear skin. It's true that they don't know how lucky they are, but they would probably say I have been lucky to be skinny my whole life, which is true.
I have come to terms with my acne. My therapist has been helping me a lot. I am a talented, smart person, and I can be beautiful in many other ways. As long as I am confident, I am beautiful. And there are many other things I have learned to like about myself....I have beautiful long hair and a nice body, and I sing beautifully and play horn well, and I am kind and I am an intelligent woman, and I love to teach and help people. When i was in nicaragua last summer, I became very close to the family we were sponsoring, especially the mother. My acne was horrible, because of all the sunscreen and sweat and dirt, but on the last day while we were walking hand in hand back to the bus, Xiomara said to me, with her hands and the few english words she knew and spanish words I knew, that I was her sister, and that I was beautiful like the moon. And I think that is the sort of beauty that really matters to me.
I don't know... I kinda lost any hope. It's so unjust. I know my friends drink a lot alc, smoke, eat junk food, don't do sports and still have perfect clear skin... How is that? Where is your god now... ha. That's complete nightmare
I've just said the exact same thing My friends life involves drinking, smoking, drugs, minimal exercise, eating starchy sugary crap. Result? Perfect skin.
Me...the complete opposite = acne and shit skin.
But what can ya do! We gotta get on with it, and enjoy your life as best you can
I was wearing tons of make-up these days... Just got involved with AIESEC student organization and now I'm responsible for recruiting and talent management. Have to interview people and check if they're suitable for internships. With this kind of job I need to look presentable, so makeup is my best friend/worst enemy now, eh... Washed my face after the whole day now, and found two cysts forming, and of course, it has to be on that unlucky spot on the right cheek. I use a very heavy red-spot neutralising concealer, it's fat, my skin probably doesn't breath through it, but it conceals so well - i look kinda clear with it. Later I put on mineral foundation, ant it looks fairly flawless. Until I wash everything off and find out the hidden "treasure"...
Or, it could be Diane working it's "wonders" and causing the initial breakout, as I'm on the day 10 only.
I am breaking out BAD but i am not too upset ATM. I figure there is nothing i can do until the end of my accutane course which is very soon. Went online and purchased the regimen so that will be my next step unless the derm suggests spiro or something in which case i may do both. I may just have to learn to live with this.