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Thank you. Just don't feel like I can fight this anymore. acne, my skin, it's taken away so much. I feel so deeply depressed. I despise my body for what it has done to me. I don't even feel human anymore. Feels like something really weird is happening inside me, seems to go even beyond the acne.
I don't even know why i'm saying all this. I guess because no-one will judge me here. I keep thinking i'm in some kind of nightmare and every night i go to bed hoping i might wake up and that this isn't actually happening.
I've isolated myself. I can't even remember the last time i felt happy.
Even if the acne goes the carnage it has left on my face...well it's craters. Looks like parts of my skin are missing. How can this happen so fast. I'm so tired of it now. For everything it has done to me and for all the suffering i have endured with medication after medication. How much more must I suffer for this? Next it's Roaccutane. I'm severely depressed so god knows what that'll do, part of me doesn't even care. acne has taken so much now, why not let it take everything.
It really cuts deep, last year i was happy, in love, playing music, going out now I'm sitting here in front of laptop night after night trying to figure out how to get this shit off my face and how to actually reconstruct my face - i'm not even kidding. Friggin crazy to think i'm actually looking into ways to rebuild my skin. Ridiculous, no one should have to go through this.
I thought I'd say something to your post but now that I'm typing I can't really think of anything to say other that it truly saddens
me to hear of your current situation.
I'm sure better days lie ahead!
Sending love to everyone who is hurting right now. <33
Love received. 
Yes, I too am feeling terrible. 
But that's OK. After the rain comes the sun. 
lol
Fuck man y cant i quit bp? Tried stopping before and i broke the fuck out. Trying again slowly another breakout. Saw Palmetto stopped working. Paleo doesnt do a thing. IDK what to try now
I cried so much I feel almost blind now. My boyfriend got admitted to an exchange studies where he'll stay a whole academic year. In Brazil, more than 10 000 km away, where's sunny and warm, beautiful girls with gorgeous tanned skins ... I am happy for him and congratulated him warmly, but then I went to my room and quietly cried for like hours. I don't even want to eat nor sleep, I feel I miss him already now.
Had some friends coming over earlier in the evening and we took pictures of ourselves. I don't know what was it with the light, but my face came out horribly... In every single pictures I seem to have fucking holes on my right cheek as if someone chewed on it, and my forehead, which recently cleared up and made me so happy, looked like it belongs to a 50 years old woman - small pits, uneven texture, wrinkled skin... After seeing the pictures (I was alone of course) I went to the mirror and felt so disgusted by this disgusting face and especially the right cheek, that I punched myself very hard and very painful. Now I have a dark punchmark there. And the photos got deleted straight away.
Not so great. My acne scars is looking worse now.. not sure if it is because of the Dermarolling... or something. They are so noticeable...
I hate this.. so first I suffer with acne.. then with scars? Grr... I know acne scars is better than having a lot of acne or redness
Have you tried chem peels? My scars are getting more shallow every week. There were some pitted/crater/cavern type scars (not sure what else to call them, basically when multiple pitted scars join together and make a grand canyon looking indention in your face) on both sides of my mouth because I break out there sooo much over the years. I've done a month's worth of chemical peels and they are almost gone on one side and way less on the other.
>>I been dealing with one of the worst cystic outbreaks in about a year. My supplements stopped working or I don't know what the deal is. I wonder if there is anything deeper than rock bottom cause that's were I'm headed. This will be my 9th year dealing with this. I feel numb,confused,drained,lifeless,depressed,miserabl
e,sad.lockquote>
I'm sorry. I know the feeling, believe me. I've talked before here and in the diet forum about how it seems to me that everything stops working after a short period of time. My only solution to this is to get a few things that kind of work and rotate them so your body doesn't get used to anything. And always be trying new things. It seems that whenever I try new things, I get periods of clearing but only for a few days.
I bought 40% Glycolic acid peel and I am testing it first on one part of my skin before applying on problem areas. I don't want to use alcohol nor baking soda. So far, so good. Which chemical peels do you use?
The new way the quotes are drive me INSANE... UGH!
/end bitching.
I'm using the lactic acid 50% strength peel. It's a lot more gentle than glycolic acid. With a peel that strength you will really want to be extra careful because it can burn the crap out of your face. That said, some people have had really good results with glycolic acid and acne. Let me know how it goes for you!
I will surely let you know! I think it is time to apply this on my problem areas. It seems like I don't have any allergic to it. Also, my skin didn't go red at all.
Anyways, I have one painful pimple on my ear.... it hurts so bad and looks a bit swollen. grrr. I did apply the chemical peel near that area.. not sure if..
aww
I went through a period where I was nice and clear, was so happy with my skin I even took a new profile picture. Now a week has gone by, and it was too good to be true. It seems like as soon as my old stuff heals, new stuff surfaces. Now I have a deep nodule on my cheek next to my nose (next to equally deep scars from previous nodules) I have a big mini-cyst on my forehead near my eyebrow.
Fuck, I hate this. Just when you think you're catching a break....here comes a fresh breakout.
I hope everyone else is doing okay, haven't checked in for awhile.
Acne got so much worse overnight 
I'm trying to keep reminding myself that even though it's not great, it's still a lot better than what it was for majority of last year. I've been slacking off in some things that I think were helping - they certainly weren't making it worse so I'll try them out again and see if anything improves.
I went through a period where I was nice and clear, was so happy with my skin I even took a new profile picture. Now a week has gone by, and it was too good to be true. It seems like as soon as my old stuff heals, new stuff surfaces. Now I have a deep nodule on my cheek next to my nose (next to equally deep scars from previous nodules) I have a big mini-cyst on my forehead near my eyebrow.
Fuck, I hate this. Just when you think you're catching a break....here comes a fresh breakout.
I hope everyone else is doing okay, haven't checked in for awhile.
Your skin looks great in your profile picture! Sorry to hear it didn't last What had you been doing? Do you think you did anything differently that brought on the breakout?
Acne is so frustrating!
Guess I spoke too soon. Got a kind of small pimple right in the middle of my cheek, aka the worst place to get one :/ It doesn't even feel big or look big in certain lighting, at all---but then in other lighting (such as sunlight) it looks SO much more noticeable! Ugh...why does that happen?
I missed class today in part because of it. :/ I can't let one pimple bring me down like this. I mean, my skin has been doing a lot better lately and one small pimple isn't going to ruin my life. I've seen so many people on campus with worse skin than mine, looking like they're joyfully living life. I don't know why I let it get to me so much when I have just one pimple. I should be counting my blessings....I have great friends, a good class schedule, just made a good amount of money, great family. I don't judge other people for having some pimples, so why do I think everyone's judging me?
I guess I also get worried people look at me and go 'oh, she'd be so much more attractive if it weren't for her skin'. Which is, mostly, just a fabrication in my head. I've been attracted to bunches of people with acne before, ranging from mild to moderate to who knows. For me, how they carry themselves/their personality/their facial structure etc is more important than some pimples. So why don't I think the same about me?
I've got a lot of life ahead of me and I can't let a pimple or two bring me down. I could be so much more worse off, in so many ways. A week from now this pimple will be gone anyway. I need to focus on what's important...maintaining my friendships, loving my family and pursuing my education. 
Everything that was coming to a head popped and drained this morning. (yuck). I put hydrogen peroxide in all the wounds.
The massive one between my eyes hasn't changed at all. It's about the size of a dime and sticking out far enough to interfere with my vision. It arrived the day I ate dairy again after that week of being clear. That really scares me and makes me afraid to try dairy again in the future. Continuing normal breakouts is one thing. Developing massive, hard, scary-looking cysts that last a very long time and don't respond to treatment is another.
Seriously, I'm scared I have cancer with this thing. It's like wtf!
I think a lot of the smaller, inflamed breakouts are from stress. And the ones on my chin are hormones. But this one between my eyes, it isn't like my normal zits and the fact that it arrived within hours of eating dairy seems suspicious. I have to be smart about this. I want to get over my eating disorder, but I don't want to just start dumping foods that I'm allergic to into my body either. I guess I'll just continue to move forward, expanding my diet without fear, but if I notice a strong reaction to something in particular, I'll stop eating that food again for a while and then test it later.
Maybe there just hasn't been enough healing time to digest dairy again, I dunno. Maybe I never will be able to.
I fed ducks today and it was cool! There were also these birds that wanted the bread I was feeding the ducks. So I made sure they had some too. I had three slices of bread for them and when I was tearing apart the last slice I accidentally dropped it. And one of the birds took that whole part of the slice which was quite big in its beak and flew away. It was cool too see this bird flying around elegantly...with my bread in its beak.
This has nothing to do with acne, I know but I can recommend duck and/or bird feeding when you're a bit down. Because it's cool. Plus you're out of the house which is good; the ducks and the birds won't care about your acne. lol
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse it does, 3 days straight with massive breakouts, how is this even possible 2 weeks ago I was clear now I'm starting to break out everyday again. Part of me has given up on life a long time ago but there is that 2% of me that feels there is hope and a future of being clear it has now reduced to 1%.
I fed ducks today and it was cool! There were also these birds that wanted the bread I was feeding the ducks. So I made sure they had some too. I had three slices of bread for them and when I was tearing apart the last slice I accidentally dropped it. And one of the birds took that whole part of the slice which was quite big in its beak and flew away. It was cool too see this bird flying around elegantly...with my bread in its beak.
This has nothing to do with acne, I know but I can recommend duck and/or bird feeding when you're a bit down. Because it's cool. Plus you're out of the house which is good; the ducks and the birds won't care about your acne. lol
Lmao. Good one, bird! for taking the bigger piece!
Just when I thought it couldn't get worse it does, 3 days straight with massive breakouts, how is this even possible 2 weeks ago I was clear now I'm starting to break out everyday again. Part of me has given up on life a long time ago but there is that 2% of me that feels there is hope and a future of being clear it has now reduced to 1%.
Go to a derm asap. If accutane/laser is not an option look into vitamin B5 both topically and internally. Skinceuticals makes a high end b5 serum you can find cheap ones on ebay. Use it with a moisturizer containing green tea/thyme/b3 etc. They also have phyto+ to get rid of red marks. Stress will make ur acne worse. Increase ur zinc/beta carotene intake from foods, cut down fat and dairy, drink vegetable juice and do yoga.
Also ice ur acne fr 2 mins every 2 hrs if possible using a paper towel/zip lock bag to reduce swelling.
I fed ducks today and it was cool! There were also these birds that wanted the bread I was feeding the ducks. So I made sure they had some too. I had three slices of bread for them and when I was tearing apart the last slice I accidentally dropped it. And one of the birds took that whole part of the slice which was quite big in its beak and flew away. It was cool too see this bird flying around elegantly...with my bread in its beak.
This has nothing to do with acne, I know but I can recommend duck and/or bird feeding when you're a bit down. Because it's cool. Plus you're out of the house which is good; the ducks and the birds won't care about your acne. lol
I second the bird / duck feeding idea 
I actually went and did this a few weeks ago as a way to entertain my little cousins - I think I enjoyed it more than they did! I took a few photos too but my camera isn't that great. The pond / creek is around the corner from my house so I should do that, or at least hang out in that area more often. I always enjoy it when I do go.
This also reminded me of the ducks at uni that climbed onto a girl trying to get the food she was eating - they are waaay too used to people. (I think I mentioned that before but why not again seeing as we're talking about ducks )
Also tell us what that bird is! I don't think I've seen one like that before...
There it is. Check out its cool feet. lol Anyway, what do you call one of these?
I've never seen those! I love its feet! Is that their wings.. What the heck is going on.
In terms of my skin, I would say I am about 98% clear. I keep getting this small tiny zits. I'm not sure if it the Derma rolling thing.
The scars are bothering me. I am going to apply the chemical peel on entire face for the first time on Friday.
Acne got so much worse overnight
I went through a period where I was nice and clear, was so happy with my skin I even took a new profile picture. Now a week has gone by, and it was too good to be true. It seems like as soon as my old stuff heals, new stuff surfaces. Now I have a deep nodule on my cheek next to my nose (next to equally deep scars from previous nodules) I have a big mini-cyst on my forehead near my eyebrow.
Fuck, I hate this. Just when you think you're catching a break....here comes a fresh breakout.
I hope everyone else is doing okay, haven't checked in for awhile.
Your skin looks great in your profile picture! Sorry to hear it didn't last
Acne is so frustrating!
Hey Lily! I hope you're doing well! Thanks for the comment. To be honest I'm not doing much different...my diet hasn't changed, my workout regimen hasn't changed. My skin just went from decent to ugly like it always does...it's a never-ending phase lol. Frustrating is the perfect word for it!
I've got a chemical peel scheduled for tonight. I have work until 3pm and then one writing assignment to do and then I can rest! I try to treat chemical peel day (usually thurs or fri night) as a spa day, spending the day doing relaxation exercises and resting in bed with a book.
Wish there were a private island where all of us who are suffering from acne could Tavel too and stay as long as we wanted. Where would could walk around with no makeup on without the fear of being judged.