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Thank you, my friend. <3 I love this thread because I can just say whatever I'm feeling. It really helps.
My acne got out of control...There's only a way to the bottom now. Eh. Today I'm going to sleep angry and tired of pretending that this doesn't affect me. I'm preaching ideas that I can't apply to myself just to satisfy other people. They want to think that I'm so over my acne and that I don't see it as a problem in my life. I became less outgoing and scared to talk to people and blamed it on my bad language skills (I'm a foreigner) and shyness. I stopped taking care of myself that much and I said "I want to be natural". I stopped pursuing my dreams and told them I've got other. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? It's my acne. It's this freaking face that I'm too embarrassed of that holds me back. And my closest people cannot accept it, so they make me put on a mask of "acne shouldn't prevent you from living your life, yay!". F*ck it.
I just want to be honest with myself at least...
The picking-induced spots have scabbed over now. A lot of clogged pores sprung up around them, as predicted. Looking at old pictures has reminded me how much worse I make things for myself when I pick. Thankfully the clogged pores are almost gone now.
I used Dan's AHA for the first time today. Got angry at life in general (not even my own life) and put it everywhere without patch testing first. Thankfully there was no stinging or redness, or immediate breakouts. We'll see in the morning, but I think my skin looks more even toned already. I'm still using BP six nights a week. I've been a bit slack in my skincare recently due to troubling circumstances and I'm really very grateful that my skin hasn't regressed any.
My acne got out of control...There's only a way to the bottom now. Eh. Today I'm going to sleep angry and tired of pretending that this doesn't affect me. I'm preaching ideas that I can't apply to myself just to satisfy other people. They want to think that I'm so over my acne and that I don't see it as a problem in my life. I became less outgoing and scared to talk to people and blamed it on my bad language skills (I'm a foreigner) and shyness. I stopped taking care of myself that much and I said "I want to be natural". I stopped pursuing my dreams and told them I've got other. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? It's my acne. It's this freaking face that I'm too embarrassed of that holds me back. And my closest people cannot accept it, so they make me put on a mask of "acne shouldn't prevent you from living your life, yay!". F*ck it.
I just want to be honest with myself at least...
Totally, completely understand. <33333 I feel that way when I work on my blog. Like I'm all positive and giving advice that I wish I could fully apply to myself. It's so hard. *sigh*
The picking-induced spots have scabbed over now. A lot of clogged pores sprung up around them, as predicted. Looking at old pictures has reminded me how much worse I make things for myself when I pick. Thankfully the clogged pores are almost gone now.
I used Dan's AHA for the first time today. Got angry at life in general (not even my own life) and put it everywhere without patch testing first. Thankfully there was no stinging or redness, or immediate breakouts. We'll see in the morning, but I think my skin looks more even toned already. I'm still using BP six nights a week. I've been a bit slack in my skincare recently due to troubling circumstances and I'm really very grateful that my skin hasn't regressed any.
I hope you're troubling circumstances get better soon!
*hugs* for both you guys. <33 
Dejaclairvoyant - thanks for understanding... I have commented on few posts of yours before, talking about how it can be worse and stuff, sorry for that. I don't even think that way. Don't know what I wanted to achieve writing such posts on this forum, probably just to convince myself that I'm strong. But this forum really helped me understand that it's ok to feel bad about it and that others are just as vulnerable as me. It's liberating to finally accept it...
On 2/1/2013 at 8:55 AM, dejaclairevoyant said:Pianina, on 01 Feb 2013 - 07:38, said:
On 2/1/2013 at 5:38 AM, Pianina said:My acne got out of control...There's only a way to the bottom now. Eh. Today I'm going to sleep angry and tired of pretending that this doesn't affect me. I'm preaching ideas that I can't apply to myself just to satisfy other people. They want to think that I'm so over my acne and that I don't see it as a problem in my life. I became less outgoing and scared to talk to people and blamed it on my bad language skills (I'm a foreigner) and shyness. I stopped taking care of myself that much and I said "I want to be natural". I stopped pursuing my dreams and told them I've got other. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? It's my acne. It's this freaking face that I'm too embarrassed of that holds me back. And my closest people cannot accept it, so they make me put on a mask of "acne shouldn't prevent you from living your life, yay!". F*ck it.
I just want to be honest with myself at least...
Totally, completely understand. <33333 I feel that way when I work on my blog. Like I'm all positive and giving advice that I wish I could fully apply to myself. It's so hard. *sigh*
...yep...totally agree with you guys..... my family always say to me, "just think positive", well guess what? how can i even think that, and clearly, if everytime i look in the mirror i don't even see myself? .... my brother would tell me why don't you go buy some new dress, some make-up...... like seriously? how many times have i told you that i will never put make-up on again coz it might aggravate my acne, and i don't want to go shopping for new clothes coz i don't feel like i deserve it.... and i don't want to draw any attention on myself.....
it's like everytime they open their mouths i feel like being stabbed in the chest, up front....
i am already broken, my heart is shattered into pieces, and i feel like there's a million holes in my soul.......... they have no idea what i'm going through, they don't know the constant battles going on inside my head, they don't know how i feel and i feel like i can never tell them coz i'm afraid they'll judge me for all the wrong reasons...... am i crazy to think that i can't even trust my own family?....maybe i am..or maybe i'm just being hard on myself... but that's the truth.
sorry about the rant people.... i am an emotional wreck right now....
Lately I've been drinking like there's a message in a bottle..
Dejaclairvoyant - thanks for understanding... I have commented on few posts of yours before, talking about how it can be worse and stuff, sorry for that. I don't even think that way. Don't know what I wanted to achieve writing such posts on this forum, probably just to convince myself that I'm strong. But this forum really helped me understand that it's ok to feel bad about it and that others are just as vulnerable as me. It's liberating to finally accept it...
I totally understand where you're coming from now. No need to be sorry! <3 You can definitely vent as much as you need to here.
Pianina, on 01 Feb 2013 - 07:38, said:
My acne got out of control...There's only a way to the bottom now. Eh. Today I'm going to sleep angry and tired of pretending that this doesn't affect me. I'm preaching ideas that I can't apply to myself just to satisfy other people. They want to think that I'm so over my acne and that I don't see it as a problem in my life. I became less outgoing and scared to talk to people and blamed it on my bad language skills (I'm a foreigner) and shyness. I stopped taking care of myself that much and I said "I want to be natural". I stopped pursuing my dreams and told them I've got other. BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? It's my acne. It's this freaking face that I'm too embarrassed of that holds me back. And my closest people cannot accept it, so they make me put on a mask of "acne shouldn't prevent you from living your life, yay!". F*ck it.
I just want to be honest with myself at least...
Totally, completely understand. <33333 I feel that way when I work on my blog. Like I'm all positive and giving advice that I wish I could fully apply to myself. It's so hard. *sigh*
...yep...totally agree with you guys..... my family always say to me, "just think positive", well guess what? how can i even think that, and clearly, if everytime i look in the mirror i don't even see myself? .... my brother would tell me why don't you go buy some new dress, some make-up...... like seriously? how many times have i told you that i will never put make-up on again coz it might aggravate my acne, and i don't want to go shopping for new clothes coz i don't feel like i deserve it.... and i don't want to draw any attention on myself.....
it's like everytime they open their mouths i feel like being stabbed in the chest, up front....
i am already broken, my heart is shattered into pieces, and i feel like there's a million holes in my soul.......... they have no idea what i'm going through, they don't know the constant battles going on inside my head, they don't know how i feel and i feel like i can never tell them coz i'm afraid they'll judge me for all the wrong reasons...... am i crazy to think that i can't even trust my own family?....maybe i am..or maybe i'm just being hard on myself... but that's the truth.
sorry about the rant people.... i am an emotional wreck right now....
Uggg. I know the feeling about not wanting nice clothes. It's the same for me. Not even that I don't feel I deserve them. I just don't want people to look at me. I feel like if I wear a cute outfit, I'll turn people's heads more and then they'll see my skin. Whereas if they just see some lady slumping along in sweatpants and a hoodie out of the corner of their eye, they won't care to look. It makes me really sad but I don't want to be seen by anyone unless my skin is beautiful. Or at least moderately normal looking. 
I'm feeling pretty shit today, just like yesterday. Still dealing with the same bad breakout. I'm even more pissed because I have a chemical peel scheduled tonight and I was wanting to layer it on pretty thick and get a nice deep peel to help with my scars. But because I have so many active breakouts, I'm thinking a deep peel will be far too painful and irritating. So I'll probably just do another light one.
I've been doing EFT but I still don't feel like I'm getting to the bottom of my emotions. That's the one hard thing about EFT: I find that if you don't know exactly what's bothering you, it's difficult to clear it. Obviously my acne is bothering me. But it's not enough just to say I HATE MY ACNE... I find I have to target specific feelings, like "I feel frustrated over my acne" or "I'm sad about my acne." I've been trying to do that but lately it hasn't been working.
Try some NGT. Write 'acne' in the middle of a target board, get a Nerf gun and shoot the hell out of that thing. Makes me feel better.
Forget acne . I still have moderate acne but I rather get rid of this dreadful flu . I feel horrible, it hit me hard . I've been in bed for 3 days crying my eyeballs out 
. That sad part is I don't have Insurance. Every time I take medicine it comes back stronger after 3 hours . Gahhh !!! Let the suffering end.
It's all just ups and downs - but with a lot of downs. Been feeling so upset about so many things these last few days... I've been in tears all day. One event can upset me and it's like it opens the door to every other thing that's ever had me feel like this...I just feel so worthless. It's hard to see a point in anything right now... But I guess I'll manage - I've done it before so I'll get through it again.
Feeling bad. Not about acne but life in general. I had been self-harm free for 3 years before last night, and then the razors came out. I'm telling you guys because I don't believe you will judge me.
(deleted the rest because it's just a MESS and embarrasing)
Oh no...
Went through that shit too... I've been free from it since April 2012, but this bad breakout makes me want to do it again... Thinking, that it hurts my closest people even more than me myself, made me want to stop cutting my hands back then, but it's a quick relief and will always try to manipulate me into picking it up again.
Don't give in!!! I know it will not solve the main problem, but try to do something that makes you forget about it for a moment (I go to swim and in the moving fast water I'm careless and free) You're not guilty for feeling bad, so don't punish yourself. Just look out for less destructive way of release that anger and disappointment, surround yourself with all the things you like the most. Or just run until you're out of breath. If you want to help yourself, don't do destructive things please... Being healthy is fighting on the same side with your body.... Isn't it?
I wish I was better in English to write something that makes sense and gives comfort, but my English is quite poor and I can't express myself. Just want to say that I can sympathize with the things you're going through and really wish you to find something, that would make you feel better. I wish all the things I wrote above were so easy to apply, but they're just not. So... just keep hanging in there...
I feel crap. Firstly I do not have bad acne these days so maybe I shouldn`t even be on here - apologies if I offend anyone but trust me, I had really bad cystic acne for many years so I do empathise. However, I have a mini outbreak of spots on my chest and under my left jawline at present (see below images). These are not acne spots and look more like folliculitis spots but for the life of me, I have no idea where they have come from! My diet is perfect (apart from the odd cappuccino), I`m in good physical shape for a guy in his late 30`s and I don`t drink, smoke or do anything bad to my body so I just don`t get it. Pathetic as it sounds, because of my poor self-image this minor problem still has the ability to make me feel like a disgusting, hideous monster. In addition, I`ve had a bit of a setback in my personal life that has made me feel worthless and not good enough. Sorry for the self-pity but this is as good a place as any to vent my feelings.
Thanks for your support. I didn't do it because of my acne. I had a terrible fight with my boyfriend. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. He was just in one of those nasty moods and he took something I said the wrong way and went off on me. He told me over and over how horrible I am. We screamed and screamed at each other. I begged him to stop because I couldn't take it but he wouldn't. Eventually I knew I had to do something to make the pain stop. It was either cut, or kill myself.
We are still together but our relationship has always been really rough. We've almost broke up multiple times and had many scary fights. It's been the main source of stress in my life for a long time and has probably contributed a lot to my breakouts.... but I don't know how to live without him.
He has really bad emotional problems too, obviously. This is basically what happens when you put two fucked up people together.
Feeling damn good and it feels so damn nice!
That cat dance is awesome! I'm glad you're feeling good. I'm also feeling good! I just wish these acne scars would fade faster. 
Thanks for your support. I didn't do it because of my acne. I had a terrible fight with my boyfriend. Probably the worst fight we've ever had. He was just in one of those nasty moods and he took something I said the wrong way and went off on me. He told me over and over how horrible I am. We screamed and screamed at each other. I begged him to stop because I couldn't take it but he wouldn't. Eventually I knew I had to do something to make the pain stop. It was either cut, or kill myself.
We are still together but our relationship has always been really rough. We've almost broke up multiple times and had many scary fights. It's been the main source of stress in my life for a long time and has probably contributed a lot to my breakouts.... but I don't know how to live without him.
He has really bad emotional problems too, obviously. This is basically what happens when you put two fucked up people together.
So you begged him to stop and he wouldn't? He's not a good bf. Because of him, you're gonna hurt yourself bad some day..
He's the only boyfriend I got. Anyway, any "emotionally healthy" person wouldn't be able to handle how crazy I am. So I can't exactly judge him.
Skin update: I would be doing okay except I have one giant, painful cyst. It's one of the hard ones that behaves really weird (deep under the skin and non-changing). So that's pretty upsetting. The rest are all smaller/normal breakouts. They respond somewhat to my chemical peel treatment but this one does not. I'm thinking it's a completely different type of breakout.
At this point I'm 100% sure that there are three different causes of my skin problem: Hormones, stress and food intolerances/gut issues. That's why it's so confusing and nothing seems to work. As soon as I get one in order, one of the other two is out of balance and then I think I messed up getting the first in order and change something, then that falls out of balance, and so on and so on. It's madness.
When will this end.
Wtf, it started to clear up?! Just woke up and the bumps under my skin doesn't feel painful anymore, they seem to have shrinked as well. My forehead - clear as never. Some of pimples that were starting to break out yesterday, didn't break out. How unexpected 
Of course I'm still red and ugly, but at least it got under control!
I have no idea what helped - sweating everyday in the gym and sauna, probiotics or lemon water.
Gym tan sauna is my daily routine. Also light probio like danone. Careful on the tanning tho, cuz my nan had melanoma and allegedly that gives me sensitive skin. Overtanning could affect your kids.
My battle with supermarket staff is ongoing. One of the girls was maybe too enthusiastic to serve me at the - self-checkout - tills the other day, i politely said thank you, then an older nicer lady came and basically told the young one where to go. I feel my discomfort with that supermarket is somewhat justified however, since I learned of hydrogenated oils. Apparently the UK supermarket Sainsburies is the only one to include no hydrogenated oils in their own brand products. Hydrogenated oils are basically unnatural fat, and commonly used in a lot of food, so I have been enjoying shopping more at Sainsburies recently.
Among other things my dad never really gives me diet advice. However my dad has always gone on about particular types of melted cheese and how he doesnt like them. Ive always heard good things about Sainsburies particularly from my brother and a medical student. Ive glanced at negative articles about trans-fats/hydrogenated oils, and finally someone with an ED recommended no hydro-oils. After all of that, and my own research, Ive cut hydrogenated oils from my diet and I feel better for it so far. Tentative as ever because I want to be clear for a while before I make any judgement of success, but Im hopeful for now that cutting hydrogenated oils is my last major step in beating bad skin. Im living quite a normal life for now and am really looking forward to going full speed again. I had (sainsburies) breakfast cereal this morning for the first time in 4 months, my fingers are crossed.
I have a huge one between my eyes. It's affecting my vision. It sucks.
Things are worse with my boyfriend. He is so fucking mean to me. I don't have anywhere else to go but I can't live like this. I don't know what to do.
One time my previous neighbours were fighting. They were screaming and screaming and their kid was crying... It was really upsetting. When one of them slammed the door it almost sounded like a small explosion or something. 
Anyway, at one point the POLICE actually showed up. 
The other neighbours probably complained. That really got out of hand there. Glad to hear it hasn't gotten to that quite yet in your case but it's still upsetting to hear how far it has gone already.
I'd go to a relationship counselor with your boyfriend if you still think he can change. Otherwise call it day. Break up. There's such as thing as trying to understand someone's behavior but there's also such a thing as making excuses for someone; at one point you've just got draw the line and say "This has gone too far for too long".
So you begged him to stop and he wouldn't? He's not a good bf. Because of him, you're gonna hurt yourself bad some day..
+1