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Picked at my almost perfect skin last night because I was so stressed. I've not been sleeping because I keep getting woken up needlessly early and my healthy diet and exercise are slipping too because there's a really big drain on my time. Even my University work is suffering. I have a throat infection and I'm iller than I've been in a long time, all because my boyfriend is being selfish and inconsiderate. I hardly ever complain about any of my problems and all he can do is complain about how 'ill' he is, even though his illness is basically self inflicted because he can't handle that the world isn't perfect and some people just don't have sunshine and rainbows and his best intentions at heart. I have to micro manage his life just to stop him from hitting rock bottom every day and I hate how controlling that comes across, but if I didn't do it I can guarantee he would wreck his own life through carelessness yet again.
My life was almost stress free, my body was healthy, my mind was focused. I feel like he's literally destroying my body as well as my mind. If only he'd shut up complaining, stop making basic obvious errors, stop letting all the wrong people close to him (and thus they eventually end up hurting him, which he then whines to me about, constantly).
I'm not a selfish person. I'm helpful, kind, I try to be empathetic. But I can't even sit him down and have a rational conversation with him because he can't handle our relationship not being 'perfect'. He basically told me to forget my past abusive relationship and just trust him, just like that, when he's never given me any reason to trust him but plenty to not trust him. He tells me he'll dump me if I don't trust him straight away. Perhaps childishly I told him that that was like telling him to get rid of his depression and OCD straight away or I'd dump him. I have a few trust issues, he has psychological problems, yet he treats me like I'm some abusive idiot to him when I'm the only person that's ever stood by him through anything, and that includes his own family who are either sick of him or trying to use him as a pawn in their own little war that they've got going on between themselves.
I go above and beyond what any other girlfriend would do for him. I *know* we'd both be happier if I didn't have to run his life like some kind of life coach, hell, I don't *want* to have to wake up every day and have to instantly be on the lookout for people trying to mess up his life (there's a lot of people that don't like him right now). He's like a naive child, over friendly to everybody and never notices when people are trying to lure him into traps. I know that comes across paranoid but he's been mixed up in an awful lot of shady situations in the past just because he didn't know what they were. It's like having a two year old that accepts lollipops from strangers, gets into vans with people they don't know and tries to jump off every high surface they see. I just can't deal with it right now, and my own anxiety attacks (which I get in response to stressful relationship situations, it's an automatic reaction from being hit, threatened etc) are getting worse because I just want to be able to trust him to run his own life. I actually worry that he'll get himself beaten up, or worse.
People tell me he speaks to me like dirt on the ground and it's true, he does. He tells me to let him deal with his problems on his own, but he's just not got the reason or patience to do it by himself. I don't like the intefering girlfriend that I've become, screening who he speaks too for people trying to hurt him, but because of his past there's genuinly that threat there that it'll happen. I feel like a mother protecting her clueless child. He'll never turn down that drugged lollipop, so I have to be on watch 24/7 to rip it out of his hand. Then I'm the bad lady that took away his lollipop.
Anyway, the actually relevant summary: I have four new spots right now. Four. I'm so scared they'll spread and it'll take over my face again. Everything was going right and now I feel like it's steadily slipping back into the pathetic, diseased, pitiful person I was before (and I don't mean the acne by the way).
I finally got a haircut like 2-3 days ago and I thought my skin would look horrible. People say I look good, etc.. My acne scars are stiill there and visible. My face has been red 'cause of the dermaroller. I gotta stop using this everyday. I will use it once a week instead. So yeah, I suggest the Dermaroller, this thing is amazing! That's if you don't have active pimples or very little. This will help with redness, marks , scars,etc.
Oh, and I don't have any active pimples.. I get little zits sometimes here and there, but no biggie. I think I did grow out of it... I am 26 years old now.
Eh ! Have a cyst that's been lingering for 2 weeks now on my jawline . Tried popping it and failed ! So now it's angry at me haha ! Eff you cyst . I wish you could just die already haha ! And another pimple on my r/ t jawline by the chin area. It's not that big. But ehh whatever !
Eh ! Have a cyst that's been lingering for 2 weeks now on my jawline . Tried popping it and failed ! So now it's angry at me haha ! Eff you cyst . I wish you could just die already haha ! And another pimple on my r/ t jawline by the chin area. It's not that big. But ehh whatever !
Try icing it using a zip lock bag or something. Increase ur zinc/betacarotene intake and go to a derm to get a topical/retinoid.
Feel like I want to be able to programme my genes differently so I don't have such shatty skin. Sucks I have rich, long shiny hair that i've always been complimented on but now I the skin of a homeless 40 year old heroin addict.
Picked at my almost perfect skin last night because I was so stressed. I've not been sleeping because I keep getting woken up needlessly early and my healthy diet and exercise are slipping too because there's a really big drain on my time. Even my University work is suffering. I have a throat infection and I'm iller than I've been in a long time, all because my boyfriend is being selfish and inconsiderate. I hardly ever complain about any of my problems and all he can do is complain about how 'ill' he is, even though his illness is basically self inflicted because he can't handle that the world isn't perfect and some people just don't have sunshine and rainbows and his best intentions at heart. I have to micro manage his life just to stop him from hitting rock bottom every day and I hate how controlling that comes across, but if I didn't do it I can guarantee he would wreck his own life through carelessness yet again.
My life was almost stress free, my body was healthy, my mind was focused. I feel like he's literally destroying my body as well as my mind. If only he'd shut up complaining, stop making basic obvious errors, stop letting all the wrong people close to him (and thus they eventually end up hurting him, which he then whines to me about, constantly).
I'm not a selfish person. I'm helpful, kind, I try to be empathetic. But I can't even sit him down and have a rational conversation with him because he can't handle our relationship not being 'perfect'. He basically told me to forget my past abusive relationship and just trust him, just like that, when he's never given me any reason to trust him but plenty to not trust him. He tells me he'll dump me if I don't trust him straight away. Perhaps childishly I told him that that was like telling him to get rid of his depression and OCD straight away or I'd dump him. I have a few trust issues, he has psychological problems, yet he treats me like I'm some abusive idiot to him when I'm the only person that's ever stood by him through anything, and that includes his own family who are either sick of him or trying to use him as a pawn in their own little war that they've got going on between themselves.
I go above and beyond what any other girlfriend would do for him. I *know* we'd both be happier if I didn't have to run his life like some kind of life coach, hell, I don't *want* to have to wake up every day and have to instantly be on the lookout for people trying to mess up his life (there's a lot of people that don't like him right now). He's like a naive child, over friendly to everybody and never notices when people are trying to lure him into traps. I know that comes across paranoid but he's been mixed up in an awful lot of shady situations in the past just because he didn't know what they were. It's like having a two year old that accepts lollipops from strangers, gets into vans with people they don't know and tries to jump off every high surface they see. I just can't deal with it right now, and my own anxiety attacks (which I get in response to stressful relationship situations, it's an automatic reaction from being hit, threatened etc) are getting worse because I just want to be able to trust him to run his own life. I actually worry that he'll get himself beaten up, or worse.
People tell me he speaks to me like dirt on the ground and it's true, he does. He tells me to let him deal with his problems on his own, but he's just not got the reason or patience to do it by himself. I don't like the intefering girlfriend that I've become, screening who he speaks too for people trying to hurt him, but because of his past there's genuinly that threat there that it'll happen. I feel like a mother protecting her clueless child. He'll never turn down that drugged lollipop, so I have to be on watch 24/7 to rip it out of his hand. Then I'm the bad lady that took away his lollipop.
Anyway, the actually relevant summary: I have four new spots right now. Four. I'm so scared they'll spread and it'll take over my face again. Everything was going right and now I feel like it's steadily slipping back into the pathetic, diseased, pitiful person I was before (and I don't mean the acne by the way).
It all sounds so familiar... But in my situation I was the one having emotional problems and my boyfriend needed to control my life for it not to break apart. Reading your post made me realize a bit how difficult I must have been (not that I didn't see that before, but it's good to see things from aside).
Hang in there if you have the strength - my bf didn't give up on me even when I was doing crazy things, cutting my hands and had no control over my life and now all this have passed.
Feel like I want to be able to programme my genes differently so I don't have such shatty skin. Sucks I have rich, long shiny hair that i've always been complimented on but now I the skin of a homeless 40 year old heroin addict.
I don't even have such hair 
>Feel like I want to be able to programme my genes differently so I don't have such shatty skin. Sucks I have rich, long shiny hair that i've always been complimented on but now I the skin of a homeless 40 year old heroin addict.
I don't even have such hair
You're beautiful Pianina, you probably just don't see it.
Feel like I want to be able to programme my genes differently so I don't have such shatty skin. Sucks I have rich, long shiny hair that i've always been complimented on but now I the skin of a homeless 40 year old heroin addict.
LOL. You just described me. My dreadlocks are almost down to my butt now. So at least I have me some bad ass hair.
I shouldn't even be complaining about my face. It's really nice right now. I am breaking out after eating dairy yesterday, but at least now I have a clear answer as to one of the things that triggers this condition. I already pretty much knew that but now I know for sure. The good news is, this doesn't necessarily mean that dairy is evil or that I have to stop eating it completely. It also doesn't mean that my body doesn't gain anything from eating the dairy (calcium, nutrients, protein), because I believe that it does. It just means that dairy is inflammatory and mildly allergic for me, so I need to keep it in moderation and balance out the times I do decide to indulge by keeping an anti-inflammatory diet the rest of the time.
I see now that if you work to keep balance (versus working to restrict everything that could possibly be bad) you should be able to eat most things in moderation and still have pretty good skin.
>Feel like I want to be able to programme my genes differently so I don't have such shatty skin. Sucks I have rich, long shiny hair that i've always been complimented on but now I the skin of a homeless 40 year old heroin addict.
I don't even have such hair
You're beautiful Pianina, you probably just don't see it.
That's kind of you to say so, but I am looking really ugly right now... My skin looks inflamed, my hair is short and it stopped growing. I even gained weight and can't get my ass into my favorite jeans, ew. My boyfriend has female friends that are stunning and I feel like a grey mouse compared to them. And I always dreamed of being pretty and getting a modeling job.... At least I could have one pretty feature, eh 
On 1/30/2013 at 9:36 AM, Sum1killme said:I realize my scars will never heal and I will probly never stop breaking out but right now I don't give a damn anymore Ima try my best to fix the unfixable and live carefree. Life is to short to worry about my shit face day in day out. Fuck it.
hell yeah!!!!!
also have zits popping up my forehead...but whatevs... i'm surprisingly ok today...... someday we will all be worry free about our acne!.... someday....
I've been going back to my old obsessive ways about my skin not being perfect. Ive been on break from school for about a month and a half. So ready to go back and get off this whole skin topic. I start next Monday. I'm so glad. I hate having so much free time that I think about my skin way too much.
I've been going back to my old obsessive ways about my skin not being perfect. Ive been on break from school for about a month and a half. So ready to go back and get off this whole skin topic. I start next Monday. I'm so glad. I hate having so much free time that I think about my skin way too much.
I find that when i'm away from school i think about acne way too much. Constant picking and observing every zit. Irony huh? At school acne doesn't really bother me too much, except when i get those damn stares. Hate them bitches
I realize my scars will never heal and I will probly never stop breaking out but right now I don't give a damn anymore Ima try my best to fix the unfixable and live carefree. Life is to short to worry about my shit face day in day out. Fuck it.
That's what I thought when my skin got worse a couple of months ago. I was like "Screw it, I have a lot of scars, so I don't mind new ones." I ended up having way more scars and bad ones .... since I used to not break out on cheeks at all, but I did got a few ugly pimples and now I have a lot of scars on cheek.. grr. They are hard to get rid of... especially on cheeks. So yeah, try ignoring your skin and hopefully it will calm soon. :\
I feel like I want to take my skin off and replace it with a brand new baby skin. 
That would be so nice!
But I also know this won't happen so I work hard in every aspect to eventually get close to baby skin.
I remember when my relatives came over and my little cousin said: "You should tell your mom you have chickenpox! "
It was very rude of me to think he meant it in a bad way but that was couple of year ago, I've matured very much since then.
I'd still be angry today but I'd handle it differently. More cunningly.
On 1/30/2013 at 2:49 PM, margox said:On 1/30/2013 at 9:36 AM, Sum1killme said:I realize my scars will never heal and I will probly never stop breaking out but right now I don't give a damn anymore Ima try my best to fix the unfixable and live carefree. Life is to short to worry about my shit face day in day out. Fuck it.
hell yeah!!!!!
also have zits popping up my forehead...but whatevs... i'm surprisingly ok today......
someday we will all be worry free about our acne!.... someday....
....scratch that..... today i feel terrible....... and it's eating me up.... i hate feeling and being like this........ stupid bpd.....
I feel terrible, shaky, and miserable and not because of my acne . I could care less about my acne at the moment, but because I have the flu. For the past two days I've been aching, muscle, abdominal pain, sore throat, nauseas, headaches you name it. All I am doing currently is trying to recuperate and beat this virus. It's tough especially when I have to work feeling like a complete dead person .
Well I guess b5 is finally working weeks 6 th and 7 th
No pimples.
Just a small scab for picking at a blackhead it will fall off today or tomorrow ... I need to stop picking please I'm gonna destroy all the mirrors in my house.
Does anyone else notice their acne looks worse on car mirrors?
Well, that was nice, feeling good for three seconds.
Horrible acne, back again. I just don't understand it. I had constant acne for almost a year. Literally NO breaks between breakouts. So why was I clear all last week? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT WAS DIFFERENT? All I can think is that I didn't have dairy.
But I was dairy free for SO long and the horrible acne was still there? So what is it? WHAT?
I mean I'm happy I experienced a week of clear skin, but it's almost worse and more frustrating because I don't know what I did right--or how to get back there!
Well, that was nice, feeling good for three seconds.
Horrible acne, back again. I just don't understand it. I had constant acne for almost a year. Literally NO breaks between breakouts. So why was I clear all last week? WHAT HAPPENED? WHAT WAS DIFFERENT? All I can think is that I didn't have dairy.
But I was dairy free for SO long and the horrible acne was still there? So what is it? WHAT?
I mean I'm happy I experienced a week of clear skin, but it's almost worse and more frustrating because I don't know what I did right--or how to get back there!
It can be really frustrating I'm sorry to hear how it comes and goes for you like that. Reading your posts, I think you've said before that BP works for you? Have you considered trying it again? Remember that this state is only temporary, and things are likely to improve! And EFT! I've read stuff about mindfulness and practiced before, but I think EFT really helped me to understand the idea of learning (and I do mean learning -- it's a process!) of letting go of the emotional aspect of acne as best we can. Stay strong Deja!
EFT hasn't been helping any longer. I tap and tap and tap and come out of it as depressed as ever. I don't know what else to tap on. I don't understand why nothing works. It's almost worst to have had the clear skin because now I feel suicidal again. I don't give a fuck if people think that's stupid or if "it could be worse." It couldn't fucking be worse. Not for me. I'd rather die than live like this. Not only with the pain and the acne but the frustration and depression over not having a clue what to do for my body.
I don't understand why nothing works. It's almost worst to have had the clear skin because now I feel suicidal again. I don't give a fuck if people think that's stupid or if "it could be worse." It couldn't fucking be worse. Not for me. I'd rather die than live like this. Not only with the pain and the acne but the frustration and depression over not having a clue what to do for my body.
I don't think it's stupid. However, I'd say more often than not even when things seem hopeless and unchangable they actually aren't.
I don't understand why nothing works. It's almost worst to have had the clear skin because now I feel suicidal again. I don't give a fuck if people think that's stupid or if "it could be worse." It couldn't fucking be worse. Not for me. I'd rather die than live like this. Not only with the pain and the acne but the frustration and depression over not having a clue what to do for my body.
I don't think it's stupid. However, I'd say more often than not even when things seem hopeless and unchangable they actually aren't.
I wish so much that was true. I would do anything. change anything. stop eating anything (already been proven). I would die 40 years earlier. ANYTHING.
On 2/1/2013 at 5:06 AM, dejaclairevoyant said:On 2/1/2013 at 4:22 AM, Lapis lazuli said:On 2/1/2013 at 3:16 AM, dejaclairevoyant said:I don't understand why nothing works. It's almost worst to have had the clear skin because now I feel suicidal again. I don't give a fuck if people think that's stupid or if "it could be worse." It couldn't fucking be worse. Not for me. I'd rather die than live like this. Not only with the pain and the acne but the frustration and depression over not having a clue what to do for my body.
I don't think it's stupid. However, I'd say more often than not even when things seem hopeless and unchangable they actually aren't.
I wish so much that was true. I would do anything. change anything. stop eating anything (already been proven). I would die 40 years earlier. ANYTHING.
It sucks having something in your life that's holding you back from living the life you want to live. Many people are in that situation. It's saddening. But me, personally, I have this attitude where I go "I'd love to make my favorite dish but I don't have the ingredients to make it. So I'll just see what ingredients I do have and make the best dish I can make out of those and enjoy it". It may sound silly but if you think about it, it's a healthy attitude to have in life. It may be the same as "making lemons out of lemonade"? It works for me so far. Anyway, I understand that sometimes people have a hard time to bear their burden(s). I sometimes have a hard time to do so too. But I will say that I'm happy I never did anything "stupid" during those moments.
Ok, I gotta go as I have to get up early in the morning. I hope you feel better soon.