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So I really realized something today. You know how we all get really up close to the mirror and scrutinize everything on our skin? Well, I realized while doing this that NO ONE ever gets that close to our skin. Unless they're kissing you or something....in which case, their eyes are closed anyway.
But yeah. I'm making a vow not to go really up close to my mirror anymore. I'm standing a normal distance away, like the distance of someone who would be looking at me. And I'm actively trying to not constantly look in mirrors anymore for reassurance. This is definitely ritualistic like behavior (OCD) and if I want to try and conquer my anxieties I need to stop. No one is scrutinizing my skin like I do because no one is ever up that close! And I hope you guys realize that too.
Yeah....I just dont know anymore. I really dont. I just dont know what to do anymore. Its so mentally exhausting. My skin is not bad, or close to bad, I know that. I just hate how its constantly red. Like, Im constantly flushed. My red marks are just not going away. My skin is no longer dry like it was a week or so ago, which is good, but I just cant seem to get rid of these fucking red marks and just overall redness of my skin. I exfoliate twice a week, sometimes only once a week, moisturize every night, and im rarely in the sun. I try to stay in the shade as much as possible.
After doing 3 days of research, ive decided to try Sea buckthorn oil. Ive been told to try it from another forum. There is the sea buckthorn SEED oil, and then there is the sea buckthorn BERRY oil. They are from the same plant, but have different good qualities to them, and are used for different purposes. Ive read on multiple sites that the BERRY oil is supposedly better for red marks and what, but leaves a temporary stain on your skin, which isnt an issue for me because Ill use it at night, and I wash my face in the AM. But the SEED oil I ordered from on Amazon had 73 reviews, and EVERY single one (minus the 1 or 2 that people had allergic reactions to or something very rare, that happens to 1-100 people) say that the SEED oil has reduced their facial redness completely, along with red marks. So i just said F it and I ordered both. It was $30 for the seed and berry oil. Separate bottles of the oil. I wanted to start one of them tonight, but the seed oil didnt get delivered yet, even though i should have gotten it today.
Ive had such high hopes for these "miracle oils" and all them just dont do much of anything. This is really the last one I can think of that I can try that is labeled a "miracle oil". I go in for my second job interview on Tuesday, and I wanted to start one of the oils tonight, but looks like Ill have to wait till Monday. It is what it is. Im just so fucking sick of constantly worrying about what my skin looks like. Every time I look in the mirror, I get down on myself and I cant look away. I just stand there, and stare at my skin. Sometimes im in there for 10 minutes just staring at my skin. Its ridiculous! I cant pull myself away at that moment until I see a good quality on my face. All I see are the negatives, and thats all I focus on. And until I see that good quality, I cant look away. And if I cant see that good quality on my face, and I end up leaving the bathroom, Im left in a negative state until I look in the mirror in. Fuck.....fuckfuckfuck
my skin is definitely sleep-dependent, a few nights ago i went to bed at four (psh i thought THAT was bad) and then two days later i pulled and allnighter (omg death) and my skin was SO BAD. the worst ive seen it in like forever, everything was angry and inflamed and ew. and then the night after my allnighter i fell asleep at 4pm and when i woke up it was 6am LOL. i slept in my regular clothes, contacts, everything. and MAKEUP. and when i woke up my skin was so smooth. i should try sleeping more often 
....AS IF. stupid senior year.
Yeah....I just dont know anymore. I really dont. I just dont know what to do anymore. Its so mentally exhausting. My skin is not bad, or close to bad, I know that. I just hate how its constantly red. Like, Im constantly flushed. My red marks are just not going away. My skin is no longer dry like it was a week or so ago, which is good, but I just cant seem to get rid of these fucking red marks and just overall redness of my skin. I exfoliate twice a week, sometimes only once a week, moisturize every night, and im rarely in the sun. I try to stay in the shade as much as possible.
After doing 3 days of research, ive decided to try Sea buckthorn oil. Ive been told to try it from another forum. There is the sea buckthorn SEED oil, and then there is the sea buckthorn BERRY oil. They are from the same plant, but have different good qualities to them, and are used for different purposes. Ive read on multiple sites that the BERRY oil is supposedly better for red marks and what, but leaves a temporary stain on your skin, which isnt an issue for me because Ill use it at night, and I wash my face in the AM. But the SEED oil I ordered from on Amazon had 73 reviews, and EVERY single one (minus the 1 or 2 that people had allergic reactions to or something very rare, that happens to 1-100 people) say that the SEED oil has reduced their facial redness completely, along with red marks. So i just said F it and I ordered both. It was $30 for the seed and berry oil. Separate bottles of the oil. I wanted to start one of them tonight, but the seed oil didnt get delivered yet, even though i should have gotten it today.
Ive had such high hopes for these "miracle oils" and all them just dont do much of anything. This is really the last one I can think of that I can try that is labeled a "miracle oil". I go in for my second job interview on Tuesday, and I wanted to start one of the oils tonight, but looks like Ill have to wait till Monday. It is what it is. Im just so fucking sick of constantly worrying about what my skin looks like. Every time I look in the mirror, I get down on myself and I cant look away. I just stand there, and stare at my skin. Sometimes im in there for 10 minutes just staring at my skin. Its ridiculous! I cant pull myself away at that moment until I see a good quality on my face. All I see are the negatives, and thats all I focus on. And until I see that good quality, I cant look away. And if I cant see that good quality on my face, and I end up leaving the bathroom, Im left in a negative state until I look in the mirror in. Fuck.....fuckfuckfuck
...yep i hear ya...... me.... i honestly don't know what to think of my skin anymore.....
...whatevs
....and it's my brother's bday today and we're having dinner out later.... i feel like faking a flu or a fever or any sickness so i won't be able to go...aaarrgghhh
.....that's probably not gonna happen.... i hate my face!!!
Its crazy how a person could have everything they want. Nice skin, good looks, smart, good personality . But still feel lonely as hell. I used to think if I had perfect skin and ppl told me I was pretty I would be happy. For some reason I feel more lonely then ever before. I hate this feeling. Starting to think I'm lowkey depressed feeling a lot like this lately.
it also confuses the heck out of me..... my family and relatives have been saying how my face looks good and clearing up lately, and i'm still depressed as heck..... thanks a lot freakin' BIPOLAR.... i still hate my face!!!!
anybody on accutane around week 7 or anywhere in course who can talk??
...yo..... been done with the 6months round..... i'm ok i guess.. still haven't gone back to my derm for evaluation and also to discuss the possibility of extending the pill.......
just stick with Accutane...it'll help a lot..... don't think too much about the side effects.... personally i've just experienced dry lips.....still have dry lips 2 weeks post ending my 6th month dose so i always have lip balm in my pocket....
wish you all the best!!!!
Depressed .....its hard to do homework when you're depressed
Doing better with everything regarding my skin but still struggling somewhat with my insecurities. Literally, every day there is something else on my face that takes up my time and makes me upset. This weekend, it was this excessively dry patch below my lower lip, which went away today. Today, it's been the scar on my chin, which I keep swearing tingles/itches but I honestly think I'm freaking myself out. I guess I'm just scared of it developing into a hypertrophic scar. I don't think that's likely because when I developed one on my shoulder it appeared within a week, and it's been almost 3 weeks since this injury. Plus it wasn't a cut that required stitches or anything so it wasn't a deep one like the one on my shoulder.
I have a few small, shallow pimples right on my jawline - kinda confused where they came from....I have been noticing I'm 'breaking out' a bit more lately and I'm just wondering if my body has become immune to the doxycycline or something. I've been taking it for about 8 months now. I don't know if I should plan to go to a derm or something because it's not like the pimples are bad....they definitely classify as mild acne if anything. Not like the bigger pustules I used to get. I guess I'm just scared that it's going to develop into worse acne, and I'm scared I'll have to go through this whole process again. But deep down I don't think that'll happen again.
The good thing is though is that my hyperpigmentation is looking better....overall my skin is looking better, I think with the help of my Clarisonic!
My skin looks good today. The bumps on my forehead are clearing up, and my red marks are fading. I have a couple clogged pores on my forehead, and a tiny one on my chin, but other than that, my skin looks good. Im using a new African black soap. Its raw african black soap in block form, the way it should be. It has nothing added to it. Its really good stuff. My skin has been a lot smoother and brighter since ive been using it. Its cool because I can use it in my hair too, so its great. Been mixing Evening Primrose oil with my jojoba oil at night to moisturize and I dont have any dryness anymore, which is great.
I just received my sea buckthorn seed and berry oil, but now im thinking I may wait a bit to use it. Or maybe I could mix it in with the EPO and jojoba. Either way, im happy with the way things have gone since ive started the other african black soap. I have my second job interview tomorrow, and Im hoping I get it and I can start this week. Make some money, save up, then move. Also hoping ill meet some new people.
Have a great rest of the day everyone. Stay strong and remain positive.
Today is actually a good/decent kind of day. Been away for a while as I have been very busy with some new things in life. But anyhow, it's always there but some days, like today, I feel positive and don't wince when I look in the mirrior. 
I started doing smoothies for something new and I like them. Yesterday, I thought I would try a pumpkin one since it's beginning to turn fall. I don't know if coincidence or what, but when I woke up this morning, my face was not oily as usual. *shrug* I also use almond milk which i found to have a nice dose of Vit E. Still using the olay but not nearly as often as I found out it is a bit too heavy for summer. lol The first time I tried to wear it throughout the day, it gave me little red, white topped spots. BP took care of those quickly, though. Learned to only use it if I am wearing makeup (I use an oil controller type) and sometimes at night when I feel the need to help repair. What else have I changed in the past few months..oh I installed a water filter to our sink and we drink filtered water now. Nothing fancy, just a pur basic (considering a higher stage system in the future), but it has to be better than pure tap I guess. Nope, haven't seen any miaculous transformations, but at least it can't hurt. Also ut a filter on the shower--mostly for my hair--but figure it might help all around. lol
Been using retinol (no insurance here) for 10 months now. That is Skinceuticals .3% and while I do still have spots that are sometimes cystic, I DO notice a big difference in the pore appearance so I know it's doing something. They do not look as big or as blocked (dirty/whatever). Going to start applying it nightly because I was pretty sporadic before. My skin seems to be pretty responsive even to this low % so I'd like to see how it responds to a higher %. I had been trudging through the breakouts thinking it was a very long purging--as I know you get it with prescripts so with a slower acting medium, I figured it would take even longer to get the pores purged. *shrug* I don't know, just doing what I can and hoping something clicks! lol Definitely had my days where I have felt so down and depressed...neglecting to peer into mirrors because all I wanted to do was cry. Not wanting to go out. I still even have bouts now--even when my skin is totally better than it had been. A small spot and it immediately puts me right back there in that darkness. I have to constantly remind myself, hey it could be worse, you know it--you saw it a few months ago. It's a struggle, but I force myself on with the hope that one day I might just be able to focus on anything other than skin related (what I am eating, what to apply, supplements, yadda yadda lol). I had a glimpse when I was on prednisone last year for a posion ivy episode and my skin was so clear. I thought, wow, is this how other people with great skin feel all the time? But, they are prob used to it and take it for granted. lol
Anyhow, I am trying to radiate my beauty from the inside out..rather than letting outside appearances regulate my internal emotions. It's hard, but at least it keeps me humble I guess.
I got a moderately sized pimple on the inside of my nose--formed yesterday morning, by this morning it had formed a pretty big whitehead. Sooo yeah I got impatient and popped it. At first it looked pretty angry which immediately made me feel depressed and just want to hide. I called my mom in tears and she did make me feel better, although also sad at the same time. After a few hrs though and some ice on top, it has calmed down and looks less angry. I figure in a few days it should be fine, and makeup will cover this easily. I'm gonna go to bed early tonight though and let tomorrow be a new, better day where I don't hide in my room all day.
Like many others, I guess having clear skin for about seven months "spoiled" me. It was so nice not having to worry about pimples. Now that I'm starting to get pimples again, it's disheartening and brings me back to the feelings I had when I had a bad breakout last year. My skin is SO much better than it was last year--and the pimples I do get now are usually small and come to a head quickly. But still, I have become OCD about my skin no doubt, and now having even a small red spot on my skin makes me feel embarrassed and self conscious, when it really shouldn't. It's not a normal reaction. On the phone with my mom today I just felt so bad because she was telling me how much it hurts for her to know that I'm in pain because of this, and that I can't get past it. But just talking to her makes me want to be a stronger person and to keep thriving in life, if not for me, then for her and my family.
The good thing is, this one small pimple is the only active one on my face right now. 1 pimple is nothing compared to what I've had on my face before (many pimples, cystic pimples too!). If I got through that, I can get through this. And I'm also 90% sure that Doxy just isn't working as well for me anymore. It's unfortunate because it did give me such clear skin for a while but I figured it would stop working someday. I'll probably switch over to Mino next, not sure. In the mean time I'm thinking of going the more natural route and buying some probiotics/multivitamins etc in the hopes that it'll help clear my skin up even more. I'm also going to avoid dairy and sugars more often--I had a huge milkshake the other day which might've been what contributed to this mini breakout!
Is anyone else's skin sensitive to the sun? My face will quickly get irritated and red when the sun is very strong. I use sunscreen but maybe it's too weak
I'm the same way. I took a drive today and I noticed when I got home I had a little redness from the sun on my nose...I didn't even get out of the car all that much! It's pretty bad when you can get sunburnt right through a car window.
Is anyone else's skin sensitive to the sun? My face will quickly get irritated and red when the sun is very strong. I use sunscreen but maybe it's too weak
Yeah I don't need to be in the sun long to start to burn.
Are you using any topicals or taking any meds that increase sun sensitivity? If you are (or even if you're not) make sure that the sunscreen you use is a good quality one.
It's funny how somebody gets called on in class and they answer the question and it's like nothing but I get called on to answer and the whole damn class turns around to look at me. What goes thru peoples heads " oh that freak at the back of the class here is my chance to look at him without feeling akward." that shit pisses me off for some reason maby I'm just crazy.
So I've been researching a bit and have read a lot about Vitamin D pills clearing people's skin up. I have noticed that most of my breakouts occur when I'm getting less sun. I wear sunscreen everyday too.
Has anyone tried this method and how high of a dosage should I take?
It's funny how somebody gets called on in class and they answer the question and it's like nothing but I get called on to answer and the whole damn class turns around to look at me. What goes thru peoples heads " oh that freak at the back of the class here is my chance to look at him without feeling akward." that shit pisses me off for some reason maby I'm just crazy.
Same kinda shit has happened to me. I just try my best to act confident, answer the question, (while avoiding eye contact with peers) and then just look at my phone
slam bam in a can..... it's like this one zit in my cheek threw a party and invited a couple more of it's zit-friends!!!!
aarrrgghhh... just made my day...
i feel like punching someone....... sooo i'll stay out of people's way...and avoid mirrors..........
jump and run around the house...maybe that ought to take my fist away from someone's face....
I'm thinking of calling in sick today from work... I have like 3 zits on my inner cheeks and they look all red.. Then I have another one on my chin ugh. And like 2 on my neck. Shit sucks. They're almost to a head and I don't want to be at work with like 4 whiteheads. At least I came to school right? What ever... I swear acne is such a bitch.
I HATE CYSTS !!!!!!!!!!!! THEY TAKE DAYS TO HEAL AND THE BLEMISHES THEY LEAVE TAKE MONTHS TO FADE !!!!! ARGH !
HAVE A FEW ACTIVES, NO WHITEHEADS, JUST RED PIMPLES AND A FEW CYSTS LIKE 2 . WHEN WILL THEY GO AWAY !!!!!SOON I HOPE.
When you feel as if your acne is finally diminishing a couple more appear ...i don't get it ... its like there giving us false hopes.
Well, other than that, today i will have a good day regardless....Study time.....Movies(DARK KNIGHT RISES).....and a miniature jog like 2 miles perhaps.
Remember my .org peeps, " be strong because things will get better, it may be stormy now, but it can't rain forever."
I'm feeling like complete crap. Every time my face finally clears up, I get this huge breakout that lasts for weeks, and leaves an indefinite amount of scars.
Just two days ago I had a baby's skin, now I have like 8 pimples on my forehead, not to mention a huge one - not even sure if that's a cyst or no - RIGHT BETWEEN MY EYEBROWS.
What a day. I saw a little girl, probably around 10-12 (maybe less) with lots of zits on her face and some were kinda big. I feel bad for that little girl. I didn't look, I was standing in line at wal-mart while her mother paid. Wonder if her mother is taking her to the derm or something. When I walked to my car, I was like... she's just a little girl with lots of zits and I complain about 2-3 pimples and some red marks and scars? ;\
Not feeling too great but I think the Prozac is kicking in because I feel less anxious as a whole right now. I got a moderately sized pimple on my cheek that had a hugeeee whitehead....so I popped it 
But I mean, it was VERY ready to pop, it took like no effort whatsoever. I'm hoping that by the morning it will be less inflamed and that by Thursday it will be mostly healed.
I guess I am just frustrated because my acne is coming back. I had a glorious 6 months or so of clear skin from Doxycycline/Epiduo. But now I have no doubts that the Doxycycline has lost its effects. I'm so scared of my acne coming back full force and affecting my school, my social life, etc. I NEVER want to feel how I felt last year again. I'm planning on buying Zinc and Vitamin D supplements this weekend to start taking. Can't hurt to try it, and it'll boost my overall health too. I'll also most likely be getting new antibiotics soon which I know aren't a long term answer but... :/
Acne is just such a freaking b. Sometimes I look at my friends who ALWAYS have perfectly clear skin and I just wish I could tell them how lucky they are. I know that everyone has their own problems, but looking in the mirror and seeing red bumps and whiteheads on your face--the thing you show to the world constantly, that people identify you by--is disheartening.
But, I have to keep my spirits up. Sooo many people deal with acne, it's not an uncommon problem by any means. I just need to be strong. All my breakouts have calmed down before, it'll happen again. And I'll be doing new things to combat my acne soon. I feel confident that I will have clear skin again. It'll just take time.