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nicole1313

Acne Dysmorphia and Anorexia

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I am diagnosed with OCD, body dysmorphia and anorexia because I am obsessed with acne. As a teenage girl with cystic acne & scars in a world that glamorizes perfection through the media I needed to have clear skin!! I needed to have clear skin like other girls my age. Acne ruined my physiological well being. I became obsessed with preventing my acne by washing hands, cleaning anything that touches my face & restricting my diet to be as clean as possible. I did fasting, cleansing & over excersing to NOT HAVE ACNE. My skin cleared up but I was under wieght, depressed & my life was consumed by OCD & rituals. I tried everything from going vegan, carb free, more probiotics & omega 3s,  dairy free & yes it helped but I developed an eating disorder of binging and purging because I was malnourished. I went on antibiotics which are a temporary fix... but I have to accept it’s my genetics. Yes im on all the fancy topicals prescribed by my dermatologist but that is not enough for getting clear skin. I’m trying to eat a balanced diet with everything in moderation for the sake of my health but I still get acne. Yes restricting will clear my skin but that sets myself up for an eating disorder. So what do I do? ... well I went to therapy which introduced me to meditation, and to stop checking mirrors and ingredients in food. And I guess I have to accept my non-flawless skin that looks monsterous compared to my peers. 

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Taking that first step in going to therapy is HUGE - so way to go!! Going vegan totally cleared my skin, and it sounds like that works for you too, you just have to balance your mind to be able to eat vegan in a way that is mentally healthy too. I'm sure therapy is going to be amazing for you, but what also helped me is remembering that every 'mistake' you make isn't a mistake, it's just gathering data! So what if you eat the wrong thing, it's just a new piece of data in this whole experiment of clearing your skin! It helped me take the guilt and shame off of 'messing up'.
Is your family supporting your diet changes? Maybe if your family bought vegan food specifically for you, you'd be able to eat what's in your house without looking at labels all the time. Don't try to go through this alone! 
Also meditation is AMAZING!!! I hope you find peace in all this :)

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