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Lore91

Well done acne, you've won

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So today I decided that enough is enough.

I was trying to get on with my day at work when I look down and notice a huge pimple on the back of my hands. I'm currently in the toilets at work in tears. 

That's acne literally all over my face, my back, my neck, my arms, my legs, my belly and now a spot on my hand. I'm covered.

I just mentally can't take it anymore. Acne has destroyed me. I often come to the toilets to eat my lunch like in some bad teen movie because my social anxiety is so high that I can't bear to be seen by others. I haven't had my hair cut in weeks because of the acne around my ears and on my neck. It's boiling hot here but I have to wear long sleeved shirts and jeans to cover all of my acne-covered skin.

I used to be happy and look forward to every day. Now I know for a fact that one day I will end up killing myself. I know how and when it will happen.

my depression is so severe from this. I have no friends and my family hate me because i'm always so negative, but it's impossible to be happy when you're in so much mental pain. I don't want to live.

i've been suffering for roughly ten years now, and at the age of 24 my skin is the worst it's ever been. My face is constantly red and irritated as it's covered in seb derm and scarring as well. I'm 25 next month and my only birthday wish is to just die. I detest myself. Hate isnt a strong enough word for what I see in the mirror. I've had therapy before but it doesn't help. Nothing can help you feel good when others look at you in disgust and comment on it. A japanese person came up to me last week and pointed to my cheeks going "ah-ka, ah-ka", the japanese word for red.

fuck this shit. I'm done with this. I'm done with having anxiety attacks every morning because i'm scared to look in the mirror. I'm done with being a shitty negative son and ruining my family's lives. Im done with not even being able to even look at my fucking hands without seeing a spot. I'm done with trying to stay positive when looking for new treatments (oh maybe this will work!). 

Today I give up. Acne you've won. Congratufuckinglations. 

Edited by Lore91

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I have acne since 13, I'm 21 now. So for 8 years I just sit on my bed everyday, and think... why me? All of the guys in my school had clear skin. Being 1 out of 300 with severe acne hurts, guh, it's life destroying. All of the people I pass by on the streets have clear skin. People don't understand how blessed they are when they have acne free skin. 

Yes, I can relate to everything you wrote, especially the "but it's impossible to be happy when you're in so much mental pain. I don't want to live" part.  Girls don't even look at you, even though you are probably the best person ever, and you are the best person ever.. because of acne. But who the fuck cares about you being good, if it's so unfair? I often ask myself, why don't "bad" people get acne, like those one who bully people WITH acne. 

No to parties because there are people with clear skin that are more attractive, no social events because you feel bad, knowing that you are the only person with such sking, no spending time with you friends, because you just don't want people too see you, and finally no girlfriends, because who the fuck wants a person with acne when they can choose from 2913419919 with clear skin.

All I can say to people that ask me "WHY ARE YOU SO NEGATIVE" is "let's swap faces for 1 year, you will understand"

And to fucking sum it up, acne made me an atheist. Why? Because when all topicals/antibiotics failed, I just prayed. Like everyday, for a long time. And things got even worse. And that's when i lost all my courage and didin't even want to be "good anymore".

I stopped feeling sad like 3 years ago. From there, I feel nothing. No hapiness, hatred, 0 emotions. Those 3 years passed super fast for me, because I'm not living my life, it's like an auto-pilot for me: wake up, go to uni, eat, play some games, read some books, sleep, repeat 365x a year

Totally fair. High five God, well done. Born more Stalins and Hitlers instead. And thanks for good genes mum and dad.

On my birthday I just count in how many years i will die, no for how long I've been living.

But in the end, it will be better, so stay strong. And thanks for your post, I kinda feel relieved

 

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what a post! u've summed up the rollercoaster ride I've been on from the age of 15 to 31. When will I get to get off I ask myself everyday.

Fuck acne seriously. But it helps to know that there are so many people who are in this together despite walking endlessly down a road and seeing everyone with clear skin. And when I do see that one person who has acne like me I just want to give them a hi five!

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Please get help, despite the fact that acne does suck, you can take meds to help you not feel totally  over this. You're probably clinically depressed .
Are you sure its acne on your hands? Is it possible its fungal or something? Can you get a skin biopsy done?

I really want to help because a few years ago, that was me. I even attempted suicide...more than once. It really hurt my family and even though my skin isn't great I still enjoy life and am glad I'm here. Please think about how much your family would miss you and maybe blame themselves.

I say, never give up keep on fighting with all you've got and keep looking forward to the small things. Maybe you need to be on disability or check yourself in where they can really help you. I'll pray that ypu get better somehow. Meanwhile I really hope ypu get some help.

On 6/20/2016 at 6:22 PM, Kunus999 said:

I have acne since 13, I'm 21 now. So for 8 years I just sit on my bed everyday, and think... why me? All of the guys in my school had clear skin. Being 1 out of 300 with severe acne hurts, guh, it's life destroying. All of the people I pass by on the streets have clear skin. People don't understand how blessed they are when they have acne free skin. 

Yes, I can relate to everything you wrote, especially the "but it's impossible to be happy when you're in so much mental pain. I don't want to live" part.  Girls don't even look at you, even though you are probably the best person ever, and you are the best person ever.. because of acne. But who the fuck cares about you being good, if it's so unfair? I often ask myself, why don't "bad" people get acne, like those one who bully people WITH acne. 

No to parties because there are people with clear skin that are more attractive, no social events because you feel bad, knowing that you are the only person with such sking, no spending time with you friends, because you just don't want people too see you, and finally no girlfriends, because who the fuck wants a person with acne when they can choose from 2913419919 with clear skin.

All I can say to people that ask me "WHY ARE YOU SO NEGATIVE" is "let's swap faces for 1 year, you will understand"

And to fucking sum it up, acne made me an atheist. Why? Because when all topicals/antibiotics failed, I just prayed. Like everyday, for a long time. And things got even worse. And that's when i lost all my courage and didin't even want to be "good anymore".

I stopped feeling sad like 3 years ago. From there, I feel nothing. No hapiness, hatred, 0 emotions. Those 3 years passed super fast for me, because I'm not living my life, it's like an auto-pilot for me: wake up, go to uni, eat, play some games, read some books, sleep, repeat 365x a year

Totally fair. High five God, well done. Born more Stalins and Hitlers instead. And thanks for good genes mum and dad.

On my birthday I just count in how many years i will die, no for how long I've been living.

But in the end, it will be better, so stay strong. And thanks for your post, I kinda feel relieved

 

I have thought all of those things also. But it is possible to find someone who will care for you its just the fact of hating yourself makes it hard to meet people.
I say, when I die if I meet God the first thing I'm gonna ask is " why do you allow such terrible suffering in the world, especially to decent people?"

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2 hours ago, Kunus999 said:

What if after you die God asks you - "So how was heaven?"

?

that would be so Matrix

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Well, you don't get an award for surviving a lifetime with acne.  Maybe pretend you're an attractive person with clear skin and friends, and a sex life.  That's what I do all the time.  Maladaptive daydreaming my friend.

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On 10/8/2017 at 7:08 AM, Chloe123 said:

Does anyone know if Lore is still okay?

Lore91 and I briefly exchanged PMs in December 2015.

I sent him a PM on Jan 31st 2017, asking how he was doing (having read this thread), but received no reply, and the message is marked as 'not read'.

:| Edited by Measuring Tool

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