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Lowest point of my life (Please Help)

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Hi guys,

I am probably at the lowest point of my life right now. I'm going through some depression because of acne and this is honestly my last resort. 

So I began getting acne back in 6th grade. I would only get 1 pimple that would be big and red. This would pop up on my nose, forehead, or cheek. Fortunately, it did manage to go away. Everything got worse when I started high school.

My freshman year, I began to develop oily skin. I don't know why this happened. My only guess is because as a kid, I wouldn't moisturize a lot because I hated how shiny it made my face (I don't know I was a weird kid). So on my freshman and sophomore year, I developed a lot of whiteheads and blackheads. I noticed this when I was in my math class and rested my cheek on my hand. I felt a bunch of small little bumps on my cheek and began to freak out. I thought it was like a rash or something that I was allergic to and told my mom what it was. Turns out it was just little pimples (whiteheads). I then began to develop a lot of acne on my sophomore year. This consisted of red acne on my nose, cheek, chin, and forehead. I noticed this and asked my doctor about a treatment for my acne. She prescribed me clindamycin I think it was called and told me to use "Neutrogena Blackhead Eliminator Scrub Daily" for my face every day as it had Salicylic Acid and gets rid of those little whiteheads and blackheads. I felt relief having to know that I got professional help. However, all of this made my skin worse. I took the gel she prescribed me and made my face red. It made my face feel dry and flaky for a while and stopped using it. I kept using the scrub but made my face red as well. So, I went back to the doctor and she sent me to a dermatologist. This was when I was a junior. My acne was bad and I was ashamed of it. I told my dermatologist about my problem and she prescribed me Retin-A 0.025% with a topical lotion to use every morning and minocycline to take as an antibiotic. So, again, I felt relief thinking this was going to work. However, it didn't. I took Retin-A and instantly made my face feel like it was burning. However, I stuck with it and used it every night before I went to bed. But, my derm never told me how to use Retin-A so I used it extremely wrong. I never applied an spf when I went out, I used more than a pea-sized amount sometimes, I kept using products with salicylic acid, and I would be in the sun for a very long time, I mean a lot of time. Heck, I even spent a day in the beach. And, not to mention that the minocycline didn't work because I didn't know that you were not suppose to consume dairy after you have taken the antibiotic. So everything she gave me pretty much went straight to the garbage. I had a follow up appointment with my derm but didn't attend it because of how expensive these sessions were. My mother didn't want to pay 200 dollars for each session. So I was pretty much stuck with not just an acne face but a damaged face. However, my red pimples did go away but came back where they left a scar. My acne scars were so red and I still had a bunch of whiteheads and blackheads all over my face. I kept using Retin-A because I had 3 refills. It was until my 3rd refill that I began to do research and learned that Retin-A is suppose to be used as tolerated and to not go near the sun as it can cause bad sunburns and hyperpigmentations. And I was filled with those. So when I had my 3rd refill I began to use it correctly. I took out all products that had acids and only used all natural cleansers (currently using a Vitamin C Cleanser). But it didn't do much to my skin as I had Retin-A for a month. At the end my skin was still red. So being the stubborn kid that I am. I went on eBay and bought some Retin-A from there and used it myself. I also bought a toner and moisturizer that was all natural with no alcohol and that had spf. So I used Retin-A thinking it was going to fix my problems, but nooooo. My face develop these ugly tan lines on my laugh lines. They are extremely red and also the gel made my complexion bad. At this point, I didn't want to see my face. I told myself "why isn't this working? It has to work. This is prescription not over the counter. WHY IS IT NOT WORKING?". Whenever I went to a bathroom. I would avoid the mirror and not look up because I was ashamed of my acne. I have friends who have perfectly clear skin and feel ashamed of my own. Not only that, but my entire family has clear skin except me. I felt like a misfit and felt that everyone was judging me because of my skin. I looked at my cousins and not one of them had acne, except for one. Whenever we would have a small party, I felt embarrassed. I keep asking myself  "Why am I the one being punished when all I want to do is live my own life"? Honestly, it's been so bad that I felt like I had no purpose in life. Now, I'm no longer on any prescription. I'm just doing research on how to fix the problem but can't find an answer. My face is currently dealing with acne scars, some pimples that come and go, redness, blackheads and whiteheads, and bad complexion. I really don't know what else to do so I'm resorting to this. If anyone can help me out with any information, I would appreciate it. I tried using detox/relief masks with aloe and cucumber but my face is still red. I honestly feel like all of these prescribed products made everything worse. 

My Current Regimen:

AM:
Cleanser : Vitamin C Cleanser
Toner: Aloe, Rose Hips, and Witch Hazel (Alcohol Free) Toner
Moisturizer: Daily Oil-Free Face Moisturizer with SPF 30 (If I plan to go outside) If not I'll use Vitamin C Moisturizer w/ Hyaluronic Acid.

Evening:
(This routine is when I workout or sweated) [Forgot to mention that I workout about 6 days a week][No Whey Protein is consumed (It breaks me out. I tried it)]
Cleanser : Vitamin C Cleanser
Moisturizer: Vitamin C Moisturizer w/ Hyaluronic Acid

Night:
Cleanser : Vitamin C Cleanser
Exfoliator: (Three times a week) Exfoliating Tea Tree Face Scrub (No Acids, all natural)
Face Mask: (Twice a week) Dead Sea Mud Mask . Also use a detox/relief mask for redness every other day : Sea Whip Cucumber Soothing & Hydrating Gel
Toner : Aloe, Rose Hips, and Witch Hazel (Alcohol Free) Toner
Serum : Vitamin C Serum 20% w/ Hyaluronic Acid 
Moisturizer : Bee Nourishing Night Cream (Organic Aloe infused with Honey and Vitamins)

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Hey there, thanks for sharing.

I know from personal experience that acne can be a horrible confidence killer. I was in the same position last year - it even forced me to take some time off from college. I also know that saying that really isn't helpful - but just know you are not alone.

do you have any photos of your skin? it might be helpful for us to give you advice.

One thing I notice is that you are putting an awful lot of products on your skin. One of the biggest things that helped me was actually cutting out a lot of products and focusing more on internal health. there's a wealth of info out there on holistic healing so it might help to spend some time looking at that stuff.

good luck and try to keep your head up :) 

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I agree with Tay, you should try cutting out a lot of your products and keep it simple.  The rose hips witch hazel toner is one of my favorites,(Thayer's). My favorite facial cleanser is Dr. Woods Natural Black Soap. Use it in the morning and at night. (I posted my daughter's routine in a topic thread) It really seems to be helping her greatly. 

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1 hour ago, tay1392 said:

Hey there, thanks for sharing.

I know from personal experience that acne can be a horrible confidence killer. I was in the same position last year - it even forced me to take some time off from college. I also know that saying that really isn't helpful - but just know you are not alone.

do you have any photos of your skin? it might be helpful for us to give you advice.

One thing I notice is that you are putting an awful lot of products on your skin. One of the biggest things that helped me was actually cutting out a lot of products and focusing more on internal health. there's a wealth of info out there on holistic healing so it might help to spend some time looking at that stuff.

good luck and try to keep your head up :) 

I would cut back to a simple routine such as cleansing and toning and moisturizing, but I feel like my blackheads and whiteheads won't go away unless I exfoliate. I guess I'm just traumatized over the fact that if I stop doing a certain thing, it will only get worse. I've only put these products because they contain natural ingredient that won't cause irritation to my skin, so atleast I think they don't

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I had a breakout just a month a ago and it changed my life a lot. I am currently using all my resources and energy to fix it.  I went to a dermatologist where celebrities go and they gave me a plan that would basically squeeze every single penny from me. Here is what I'm doing right now.

- 40gm/day Acnetrex (Isotretinoin)
- IPL Acne - laser treatment
- Acne Facials
- Acne Facial Gel - Salacilic Acid with Benzoil Peroxide 
- Acne Healing Toner - Salacilic acid with Clyndamycine
- Benzoil Peroxide Gel
- Arbutin Serum for the marks

I'm only on my first week and so far I'm still getting breakout, terribly dry skin and depression from acnetrex. I thought the plan my doctor gave me is a bit overkill but I am hopeless coz ive been to 3 dermatologist already. I'm crossing my fingers because I wanted to go back to my normal life already. I missed working out, partying and going to the beach. 

Also, I've been reading alot of insights from real human beings who are going through the same things problem here. It helps alot. Thanks guys!

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