When people use the phrase: "Its not all about you.." I think to myself I wish that were true. I wish that it was not all about me, but when you have a disfiguring condition you learn that it is all about you. People are acting the way that they are acting because of you or rather your condition. When I see folks interact with one another and then notice the way they interact with me, there is a huge difference. Wouldnt I love to blame racism, sexism, ageism. Nope. Other women of my age and nationality do not face this type of discrimination. I face it because of my appearance. This morning I noticed on the train that a gentleman sat across from two young ladies, I notice another woman squeeze into a crowded group of seats. Had that been me, the gentleman would not have sat across from me. Guaranteed the seat next to me or across from me would have remained empty. I dont see people rubbing their faces when they talk anyone else but me. I do observe to see if that is just a habit they have or is it a reserved behavior when they are in my presence. Every day, every moment is a lonely reminder of my ugly face.
People dont ask me much about myself anymore. Why ? Do they only want to ask questions about my skin they dont ask because they dont want to be rude. and other than that they have no use for talking to me ?
When people use the phrase: "Its not all about you.." I think to myself I wish that were true. I wish that it was not all about me, but when you have a disfiguring condition you learn that it is all about you. People are acting the way that they are acting because of you or rather your condition. When I see folks interact with one another and then notice the way they interact with me, there is a huge difference. Wouldnt I love to blame racism, sexism, ageism. Nope. Other women of my age and nationality do not face this type of discrimination. I face it because of my appearance. This morning I noticed on the train that a gentleman sat across from two young ladies, I notice another woman squeeze into a crowded group of seats. Had that been me, the gentleman would not have sat across from me. Guaranteed the seat next to me or across from me would have remained empty. I dont see people rubbing their faces when they talk anyone else but me. I do observe to see if that is just a habit they have or is it a reserved behavior when they are in my presence. Every day, every moment is a lonely reminder of my ugly face.
People dont ask me much about myself anymore. Why ? Do they only want to ask questions about my skin they dont ask because they dont want to be rude. and other than that they have no use for talking to me ?
It is still discrimination. That is how insidious it is.
I can relate. Yesterday I sat at the same table where a young guy was sitting (I didnt know he was sitting there, until I saw him return.) We both felt so uncomfortable, you could feel it. I was about to change seats when he beat me to it. I don't know exactly why he moved, but the first thing I thought was that he found me repulsive. Maybe I am exaggerating, but I felt that way for a second. Then I just disregarded it. I have scarring on both cheeks, especially on my right one. Its a real bummer.. I have become so obsessed with my acne that everything revolves around it.
On 11/10/2015 1038, bumpee said:When people use the phrase: "Its not all about you.." I think to myself I wish that were true. I wish that it was not all about me, but when you have a disfiguring condition you learn that it is all about you. People are acting the way that they are acting because of you or rather your condition. When I see folks interact with one another and then notice the way they interact with me, there is a huge difference. Wouldnt I love to blame racism, sexism, ageism. Nope. Other women of my age and nationality do not face this type of discrimination. I face it because of my appearance. This morning I noticed on the train that a gentleman sat across from two young ladies, I notice another woman squeeze into a crowded group of seats. Had that been me, the gentleman would not have sat across from me. Guaranteed the seat next to me or across from me would have remained empty. I dont see people rubbing their faces when they talk anyone else but me. I do observe to see if that is just a habit they have or is it a reserved behavior when they are in my presence. Every day, every moment is a lonely reminder of my ugly face.
People dont ask me much about myself anymore. Why ? Do they only want to ask questions about my skin they dont ask because they dont want to be rude. and other than that they have no use for talking to me ?
I understand how you feel, and I can definitely relate. When my skin was at its worst (and I'm talking about pus-filled cysts all over my face except the eye area), I received a lot of stares and just overall rudeness from complete strangers. This one time, I was walking on the street and this guy who was stopped on the red light just screamed,"Get a doctor for your face!!" at me.
I felt hurt, but I laughed it off because he was a douchebag and honestly didn't deserve my attention. I thought it was funny after the fact andeven used it as a hilarious story to tell to other people. I still get stared at and sometimes people don't sit next to me on the bus unless there's literally no other space. But I've chosen to ignore it. People whoknow melove me in spite of all my skin's flaws, and I think at the end of the day, that's what's most important.
15 hours ago, bumpee said:Thank you for your words getschwifty. I hate going to work every day. It doesn't help that I work around 20 something's We Dont have much in common as it is but for me to be older with much worse skin than theirs is very embarrassing.
I'm sorry you're going through that. It sounds like you're having a horrible time at work. I'm the youngest of my coworkers (I'm half their age) and on top of that, the language barrier was a difficult thing to surpass as well (they were mostly Russians/Ukrainians).
However, I made it a point to greet people a good morning every day no matter what, and to find some common denominator with them in spite of the difference -- most of them has kids while I literally don't want kids. No matter how different you are from someone, you will always have at least one thing in common with them.
When my skin got really bad (if you're wondering "how bad", I have photos on my blog you can peruse), they have been nothing but nice and supportive. Then again, I have always been honest about what I was feeling. I shared feeling insecure and horrible about my skin when they asked me the "how are you?" question, and they reassured me that I was beautiful inside and out still (most of my coworkers anyway).
I know how hard it must be to get out of the "my skin is gross" thinking. I should know. My boyfriend literally complained to me twice about how I talk about nothing BUT acne so I had to promise I won't complain as much about acne. lol. But you have to think about what you have to offer your coworkers, which I'm a 100% sure you do.
Cheer up and smile. You're beautiful and amazing. If your coworkers don't see that, it's their loss.
GetSchwifty. I always enjoy your posts and replies. I try so hard to be friendly at work. I say good morning half of the people act like they dont see or hear me yet when someone more popular says hello they respond and make conversation. They make it clear that they dont want me to even try to be their friend. I dont go around complaining about my skin in fact I dont discuss it all with anyone..ever.
12 hours ago, bumpee said:GetSchwifty. I always enjoy your posts and replies. I try so hard to be friendly at work. I say good morning half of the people act like they dont see or hear me yet when someone more popular says hello they respond and make conversation. They make it clear that they dont want me to even try to be their friend. I dont go around complaining about my skin in fact I dont discuss it all with anyone..ever.
I am trying a different strategy when I interact with strangers for more than 5 minutes or so (be they in a hobby group, meetup group, at the stores, etc.): I will mention my severe acne scarring on my face... I will do this sort of as a way of getting a reaction out of them - not begging them for pity. I want to preemptively mention it and how I have felt about it for the past 4-5 years - especially how it prevents me from interacting normally with normal looking people.... Then if I get closer to some people such as people in my hobby group, I will mention how having such severe scarring has limited me in so many ways - even finding a job in my career field (M.Sc. in Mechanical Engineering).... I simply want to do this to maybe burst their bubble and tell them how it truly affects people such as myself! Maybe open their eyes a bit to other people's daily suffering...
Wow..just wow such courage. I never speak about my skin. Ever. Its not that I pretend it doesnt exist. I dont want to talk about it in person. The closest I ever came was recently I said my skin is so sensitive. I feel that people make a big deal out of it without actually mentioning it but by their actions. (avoiding me etc) so I dont even want to engage them in conversation about it. But hmmm maybe I will try that approach....
is progress. 6 hours ago, IchhasseAkne said:I am trying a different strategy when I interact with strangers for more than 5 minutes or so (be they in a hobby group, meetup group, at the stores, etc.): I will mention my severe acne scarring on my face... I will do this sort of as a way of getting a reaction out of them - not begging them for pity. I want to preemptively mention it and how I have felt about it for the past 4-5 years - especially how it prevents me from interacting normally with normal looking people.... Then if I get closer to some people such as people in my hobby group, I will mention how having such severe scarring has limited me in so many ways - even finding a job in my career field (M.Sc. in Mechanical Engineering).... I simply want to do this to maybe burst their bubble and tell them how it truly affects people such as myself! Maybe open their eyes a bit to other people's daily suffering...
Me too - it's definitely not to invoke pity! I talk about my skin mostly to vent (depending on my relationship with you - if it's casual, I talk about my skin jokingly but if we're close, I talk about it in a more matter of fact way) and to get the elephant out of the room. Plus, just bringing up something personal fosters a sense of trust and the people I share my feelings with tend to do the same because a bond is formed.
38 minutes ago, bumpee said:Wow..just wow such courage. I never speak about my skin. Ever. Its not that I pretend it doesnt exist. I dont want to talk about it in person. The closest I ever came was recently I said my skin is so sensitive. I feel that people make a big deal out of it without actually mentioning it but by their actions. (avoiding me etc) so I dont even want to engage them in conversation about it. But hmmm maybe I will try that approach....
I feel like for most of us acne sufferers, our skin has eaten up a big part of our lives and our mental energy. So you're merely showing people a more vulnerable part of who you are. Not only does it raise awareness in people, it also helps form a bond with them. I'm sure they have their insecurities too! 
31 minutes ago, bumpee said:I cant bring myself to do this...I dont know why. I admire all of you that can. .Now that Im under a doctor's care for my skin maybe I can be more open. I just dont like to make a part of my conversation with people . Maybe Im a phony. Im going to try to talk about it.
You're not a phony. You're probably just not comfortable or well accustomed to the idea of talking about your skin at all, and that's okay.
Start by being comfortable of talking about it with someone you trust first. Then slowly open up to your coworkers. Use "How are yous" to start conversations about your skin.
The kind of conversations I have when my skin was at its worst run along this vein (usually in the rest room):
Me: Good morning!
Coworker: Good morning! How are you?
Me: I'm doing well! I saw my dermatologist a couple of days back and she says my skin is *insert whatever* so I'm excited/bummed about that. How about you?
Depending on the coworker's response, I just ride with wherever the conversation is headed.
Usually, if they don't comment on anything about the skin topic and goes on to talk about their life, I listen and empathize. If they do comment on the skin topic, I'm more than happy to furnish more details.
Try it and if it doesn't work out the first time, don't be too hard on yourself. It takes two to have a good conversation so your coworker may just be busy or dealing with their own issues and are just distracted. Try again the next time a similar opportunity arises.
It's so easy for me to think someone's actions are about me, but I do a "thought record" journal when this arises and my boyfriend does a good job of helping me distinguish between my opinion and facts. If you do end up being right and they're judging you based on what you look like, shrug it off. You DO NOT need superficial people in your life anyway. Good luck! 
33 minutes ago, bumpee said:I cant bring myself to do this...I dont know why. I admire all of you that can. .Now that Im under a doctor's care for my skin maybe I can be more open. I just dont like to make a part of my conversation with people . Maybe Im a phony. Im going to try to talk about it.
That's awesome! I'm happy for you!
I only recently have been able to open up to my "husband" (we aren't married) and I have been with him for almost 11 years. I cannot bring myself to just talk about my skin with coworkers or whatever because I feel like then I am bringing attention to my skin and they will notice it more and start to look at it more closely and that is the last thing I want. I usually just try to cover my problem areas and hope I can get through my work day without anybody getting too close and being able to tell how bad my skin is or that I tried to cover my zits. The whole thing to me is just humiliating. I do have a coworker who has worse skin than me though (I feel like a jerk saying this) she's so cool though and doesn't seem to even care, and she doesn't bother covering anything with makeup. She is older than me, I think in her 40's. She still gets some acne but mostly has scarring. She sort of inspires me, I never look at her and think she's gross or ugly, I just think wow, I wish I had the courage and confidence to show up to work bare faced and still be myself and have a good time. I can hardly manage to act naturally even when I cover up with makeup, let alone no makeup. Sometimes, I truly think my attitude towards my awful skin is what makes me unlikable to some people. I am always so down about it and it changes me as a person.
I've developed some mental issues due to the long history with my skin. I like to look good and always taken care of myself. Go the gym and eat healthy. But people will look at me and think he doesn't get a wash or hasn't taken care of himself. My working life is ruined. I work in a place were the lighting is like spoT lights so everyone sees my skin at its worst
DarkHeart you sound like me and I wish I was like your co worker. I used to be that way when I was younger. I could not care less about my skin. Granted, I used a ton of makeup (made it look worse) but I thought I was the hottest thing on earth on High School. By college that is when people started treating me like a leper. At this point I just feel pathetic. I never discuss my skin at this point and its probably because thats all my mother ever talked about. In fact people used to bring up my skin all of the freaking time and I just wanted to be a normal person. Even now I have a friend who always comments when she sees me. I guess she feels its a compliment to say your skin is clearing up when she does seem me, but I dont want to talk about it.
I dont like having acne and being older and working around young people. I know thats why they dont like me.
@Andy, I feel the same way. I dress nicely, try to take care of myself, always clean etc but Im sure Im viewed as unclean or gross because of my skin.