Hey!

I've already posted about it some time ago but I didn't get any answers and I cannot find the post right now.

This week I have an appointment with my derm and I know that I could ask her about low dose isotretinoin treatment. She already offered me this before but I was too afraid of the side effects + my skin was better + I still had hope in antibiotics.

I don't have full blown acne. Just a really mild case - several spots on the cheeks (sometimes with very small whiteheads, to small to be popped), some bigger pimples on the forehead, a lot of blackheads an occasional red spots on the nose. sometimes I also get spots on my chin. No cysts or nodules. From time to time I get painful "blind" peoples (probably connected to my menstrual cycle but not sure). My skin is oily in the T zone (not crazy-oily) and very pale so redness is incredibly visible. It's nothing severe but it's persistent - in the past year I almost never had totally clear skin, except for a short time when I was first using a topical antibiotic (erythromycin). I know that many people here have much bigger problems and I feel ashamed that I make such a big deal of my skin problems, especially that I'm 17 which means that it's probably just a teenage thing and that it will clear up by itself. The problem is I suffer from Body Dysmorphic Disorder and acne totally ruins my life and self-esteem. I became depressed, overly emotional, anxious and tired of everything. I hate myself and cannot stop crying while looking at my reflection in the mirror. Still, I don't want to talk about my emotional problems. I'm on therapy and I'm trying the best I can. I just thought that it would be easier for me if my skin got better. Especially that I'm graduating from high school next year and I really need to be focused.

With all that, my derm said that for people who have mild acne but severe emotional problems because of it she suggests very low doses of Accutane. For me it would be 15 mg per week (I weigh 48 kg/105 lb). She said that side effects are almost none with this dose (only dryness of skin and lips) and that even if it doesn't clear up my acne totally and forever it will make it better. She also said that her suggestion is that I take this 15 mg per week for a year (maybe after a few months try only 10 mg per week) and then try to stop and see what happens. There's a possibility that by this time my acne will get better or that I will just be more accepting of myself. If no, then I could take Accutane in very small doses for some time, but no more than five years.

I'm still very afraid of the side effects and hazards but on the other hand I'm really depressed and sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore. When my skin is so-so (I mean, not perfect but not full of big red spots either) I can work on my attitude and I feel like I'm stronger and more self-assured. But when it gets worse, I turn into this anxious, crying, shameful mess. I'm tired of living like this. I don't want to hurt people who love me anymore. I would be grateful if someone told me everything there is to know about low dose Accutane - how long does it take before acne gets better, what are the side effects you've experienced, did you have any special diet (idk, no alcohol, no products with vitamine A?), after how many years did you stop taking Accutane and how did your skin look after coming off the medication, what skincare products have you use... It's an important decision for me and I would appreciate your help.

xx

PS. If it does make any difference, I can post pictures of my skin tomorrow.