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acneflippinsucks

Acne Has Controlled My Life Over The Past Two Years. Please Help

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I've never done anything like this before. this will probably the only time i will do something like this. I just need to get this off my chest....

I always had super clear skin throughout my middle school years and even my first year of high school. Throughout those times, even with CLEAR skin I would say i had low self esteem. I always knew i was handsome deep down, but would obsess over the dumbest flaws about myself. Like how my hair looked, or if my jeans were too skinny. Stupid insignificant things like that. I never was a super social person, but i always thought i was a pretty charismatic guy. I had a lot of friends at school and enjoyed being in people's company.

All that went down hill during my sophomore year. The summer before I noticed my skin getting worse and worse. I would use face wash now everyday and would get pissed off at any new pimples. I wish i had pics to share of myself then. It started out with just small spots scattered across my cheeks and nose. Slowly throughout the year, I developed in my opinion pretty severe acne. I remember in the begining of the year, this junior girl was trying to talk to me. Half way through the year, my face had fully broken out. She no longer talked to me or tried to make any advances to me. It got to the point where I wanted to skip school and would even ditch classes and make up lies to my parents so I didn't have to go to class. I was so ashamed of my skin I no longer liked being in people's company. I would use any excuse to be by myself, as far away as people as I could. I began to fear being in people's presence. My forehead, jawline, cheeks, temples, you name it. My face was riddled with acne.

Then there was junior year. My sophomore year was a wreck. I remember going into that summer thinking this was gonna be it. My skin was terrible, but I was optimistic. I thought, I have two years of high school left, this is just the beginning for me. Next year I'm going to be back to my somewhat social self, and once my skin clears up I'm not going to have any self esteem issues at all. Little did i know, severe acne doesnt heal that quickly. As summer rolled to an end I began to feel desperate. I started thinking about those sopohomore year days, the days I dreaded even talking to my friends because of my bad skin. I broke down, seriously. I even went to my school orientation for my junior year which was a week before school started. Even then I still held out hope that maybe my skin will improve before school starts! I was wrong. THe day before school started I pleaded with my mom to put me on homeschool. And she did. this was probably one of the worst decisions of my life.

Yeah my skin was horrible. Yeah I was incredibly self conscious about it. Yeah I began to be quiet instead of loud and charismatic. But I was still in school interacting with people and living a normal life for the most part. It's not normal to isolate yourself and hide away from people. we're supposed to live together. I never left the house, if I did, it was a huge deal for me. It became a scary situation to just go to the store. I dreaded going on errands with my family or going on a trip. My fear of being around people escalated about 10x. I developed severe anxiety. I could be sitting at home, and the mere thought of being in a social situation would drive me to a panic attack. I was living in absolute hell. I had tried just about every single acne product under the sun. Face scrubs, washes, masks, Retin a, Antiobiotics, other prescription meds. Nothing worked for me. I was so desperate to get clear for my Senior year that I went on accutane. That........ was a crazy experience. I will say this, accutane was the one and ONLY product that every actually helped stop my skin from developing more and more acne. I would say it definitely cleared my skin quite a bit. But it was definitely at a cost. It made my body ache. I tried lowering the dose and it didnt go away. I had these bad headaches that had me thinking i had some kind of brain hemmorage. it was that bad. I could not work out anymore, i could not go on runs. My head was in constant pain and so was my body. My face was dry as a desert. what looked like eczema broke out all over my arms. I looked like a zombie. But, it was the one thing that calmed my acne down. yes, my body was extremely out of whack, but it did help my acne. I was only on accutane for a little over 2 months, before my parents forced me off of it. While I was in bad pain the whole time, looking back it wasnt that bad. For the main reason, that i didnt have to wake up in the morning and face the acne that formed on my face.

Junior year was gone in a flash. I spent the entire year in isolation. That summer i spent trying to work on my anxiety and fear. I went on long walks again. I even called my old friends and asked to hang out a little. I began to smile more and act more like my old self. i was preparing my self to return back to school for my final year of high school. My senior year, which I am going through right now as I type this. My fear of social situations has dissipated to a degree. I am able to now just say "F it" and go out there and do what i need to do. Sometimes, I can say I even feel good about myself. But it makes the "crashes" that much harder. THose times were you revert back to that old mindset and terrible thoughts, of feeling ugly, inadequate, and down right terrible. That's where I am right now. Acne has completely controlled my life for the past two years. Sometimes I ask myself how can god have such a trivial disease exist and what its purpose is. If you told me two years ago when my face was completely broken out that two years later acne would still have control over you, I don't know what i would've done. I won't lie, i've definitely had suicidal thoughts because of my face. I've reached low points, where im literally on my knees in the bathroom in tears because i feel like i will never love myself ever again. I'm tired of those feelings. I'm tired of feeling like trash and not good enough for anyone. I want to be that person I used to be. It's almost like I don't even care about the physical scars, the emotional scars seem deeper then anything. Acne alone has forced so many dark and twisted feelings into my mind that would seem unfathomable by someone who lived with clear skin for there life. The pictures I attached, are pics that I took today. I still have that feeling that deep down i am handsome. But for some reason, i cannot shake the feelings of feeling like nothing. like a piece of trash.

My senior year I would say has actually been Ok. There is a girl that i am absolutely in love with. and here's the crazy thing, i think she likes me too. I spend most of my damn waking hours thinking about her and being with her. One of the main things that gets me so upset is that, if i just had clear skin I would already be with her. We would already be together and going out and doing what kids are supposed to be doing. Having fun. But i cant do any of that. Acne has completely teared away these past two years of my life. I'm at another low point here and trying something i've never done. posting on an acne forum, lol. Attached are 4 pics of myself. I used my iphone back cam so i apologize if htey are out of wack. I also apologize if you have a big screen because you may be scared of my face/skin. That's two years of harsh, harsh, harsh acne and all that hyperpigmentation and scarring that you cant even see in those pictures. In the right lighting, it's almost like you can see remains of every damn acne mark ive ever had. it's like braile. it makes me feel like trash, again. Most of my active acne has subsided. I deal with few "breakouts" nowadays. But the hyperpigmentation, scarring, it seems like wont go away for a long time. It's riddled my entire face. My forehead especially is what pisses me off. Most people dont even get acne on there forehead. Let alone severe acne like me. I was out driving today and for the first time I got a good look of what my face really looks like in the car mirror. Man, those mirrors are brutal. They are so unforgiving, its like a slap in the face, LOL!

I need to wrap this up. I'm just looking for help. if anyone reads this, im sorry you had to read my pitiful story. It's just that i feel like i have nothing left. i have nowhere left to go. This disease has plagued my life for so long and i feel like theres no way up for me. My active acne has subsided. But the marks remain. and it doesnt seem like they're fading anytime soon. It makes me feel so ugly man, it really does. My senior year is half over, and i want to seal the deal with this girl. But i cant stop feeling like im not good enough for her, that she should rather be off with a guy with clear skin. Sure im a handsome guy, but wouldnt she rather be with a handsome guy WITH clear skin? that tears me apart inside. Thing is, im sure she doesnt even care. The only person surely that cares as much about my skin is ME. I know this, yet it still breaks me down. I don't know, i'm looking for advice. any kind of advice.

Thanks in advance guys. I hope someone atleast responds.

Edited by acneflippinsucks

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Your testimony is a clear reminder of how powerful the impact of acne can have on us. My apologies for the brash and rude comments above. In one sense they are correct, it does not appear that you have severe acne but instead a level that most teenagers endure. HOWEVER, what matters is what the acne is doing to you and your self-image. It is clear that it is having a terrible impact on you. For that I am very sorry.

Usually, over-counter treatments or doctor prescribed treatments can take care of the issue. However, it sound like you have tried all of that with non-satisfactory results.

Consequently, you may want to try holistic approaches. These approaches can be somewhat challenging to use, but the benefits for acne and beyond can be very significant. Some claim that such approaches are the only way to cure acne as everything else only treats the symptoms of acne. Mod Edit

Whatever you choose, I wish you the best.

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I wouldn't even class this as acne never mind severe acne, you have a extremely small amount of normal teenage spots and you have zero scars....I really can't take this post seriously after seeing your pics.

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If our faces are only there for the purpose of attracting a partner (in your case- a girl) you will have a long journey to learn that it is not…. We get in life challenges of different types- illnesses, money lack, body issues, bad habits, addictions etc… and the reason we have them is to find a way to overcome them and get better in the process. We get better when we change attitudes, life styles, scale of values etc…. your world should not evolve around your acne issues and you can change it. What did you try for treatments by the way? Have you tried BP? Another reply here says your pictures are not as bad as you say so maybe psychiatrist is the person you need to see.

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