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Ahavah

The Accursed Ones. - Long Read, Bathroom Read :)

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This is a long.. Long.. read..

In the mirror, I don't see my reflection, that's not me.//

In a world of species that have forgotten what, in the end, "is" - has created a fear in beauty.//

Hello, I'm a sad soul that cannot stand seeing the vessel I am one with.. Why am I cursed with these marks on my face? This "acne"?

Check this out - - - I've skated since I was 8 years old, did karate, soccer, basketball in middle school and part of high school, wrestling part of high school and also swam that same portion - - I am active!! C'mon, don't tell me being active is unhealthy?

I got my first zit in 5th grade and the pain that I felt at the immediate sight of the unpleasant bulge has forever became apart of my personality. That minute, I popped it. It progressed in to a huge scab that I did everything - even make up - to cover. After that I remember the constant struggle as one disappeared and another bubbled up.

I grew my hair out, it covered the zits. I hid from the cameras as, though I loved my hair, it was apart of a disguise. I developed a sort of anxiety when it comes to imagining someone giving any sort of attention to the bumps. Everything I did back then to get rid of the acne did not work.. it became an inconvenience to clean my face.. but then I did it too much. --

-- I'll continue another day, maybe on a blog.. I'm going to summarize the rest

I'm 18 and as of roughly 3 months ago I have become infested with acne ! I need some serious assistance! So, my acne was focused mainly next to my in between my nose and cheekbone on both sides and a little bit on my forehead, but they were ugly pimples. I didn't suffer from any weird redness, but I did have those ugly pimples.

I went to a dermatologist and was prescribed Minocycline and Adapalene Cream, 0.1%. I took it as prescribed daily and I felt as if it was doing nothing to me at all.. When I ran out of the pills I kept using the cream and I still saw no results. So I stopped the cream and continued my benzoyl peroxide wash, and started seeing drastic improvements.

I became beautiful. I have nice colored eyes that are shaped in a foreign looking way and I have a very sharp jaw line. My hair is beautiful and I love my smile. Excuse me for sounding so... damn.. vain, but I am always looking for myself in my reflection...

I'm a monster and I feel depressed.. I know other people have it a million times worse but listen, I'm one of those people that are super nice to everyone in the world and try to spread happiness to every person I meet.. I'm very passionate when it comes to looking at things with an open mind but I cannot live this world under this mask of ugliness. A beautiful person deserves a beautiful appearance..

3 Months ago.. the beginning, I broke out with a patch of skin that contained little bumps that had no color and would never go away. It was located right underneath my side burn and next to my ear. Hard to explain.

It was weird, but it was fine with me because I basically had CLEAR skin... the patch just bothered.. but it was tiny in the beginning.

It progressed into the place where my side burn was supposed to continue if I could grow facial hair and more developed on the other side of my face! Week later, it spread towards the center of my face and nothing I did slowed it down or stopped it..

I thought I was allergic to something but I have not changed my habits my whole life... I've just been a skater.

I mean, since I've broken up with my girlfriend, I've been going to sleep at like 5 AM almost daily.. but let me continue describing what it turned into.

Next thing I know.. I see a little redness and I'm thinking pimples are coming out, but they're just red pimple looking dots "??" ... I take a nap another day and my mum looks at me astonished and asks "What happened to your face???" I looked at myself and my heart dropped!!

I had this crazy amount of red little bumps that looked hideous... I hope you're still reading.

Now it's been a month since I woke up feeling the ugliest in the world.. and it's so bad... I'm losing myself..

I'm avoiding hanging out with people because I really really feel ugly and conscious about it.

It's ruining my life..

The first week I gave up eating chocolate and began drinking strictly water. The second week I gave up eating bread. Around then, I gave up cheese and then it became dairy. Last week, I gave up COFFEE.

Now I look in the mirror and think I see results, but see myself in a different mirror, hideous as ever, with extreme inflammation and a crazy amount of "Bumps??" Why is this happening? I cleanse every now and then with honey, I use benzoyl peroxide every now and then too.. I even tried using coconut oil to moisturize.

I eat nothing but healthy and have eliminated a lot of things that people believe cause acne.. No results What do I do? I'm at my breaking point.. I feel ugly..

What do I have on my face? What can I do?

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I've been in your shoes. this past year my face has been completely covered with acne.. I avoided mirrors, partys, anything that had to do with people, broke up with my girl, quit my job.. seriously I know how you feel.

as of right now I've cleared up and dont have any acne just little marks that within the weeks are slowly fading..

you should try to stay active... so keep skating..

this might sound werid but you should try to sweat and be in the sun for alittle everyday.

Im using aczone cream.. sololyn pills ( spelling is off but its an extended release verison of midocycline) and tazorac with an oatmeal mask whenever my skin is feeling super oily.

and within 2 months my face doesnt have any zits on it.

if I was you I'd go back to a derm and try to get the strongest of everything on the market. Aczone is great! seriously I've gone thru horrible acne about 2/3 times in my life for a couple years or months a time. and aczone does the trick.. mix it with tazorac at night and those little zits are gone by the morning.

keep your head up and dont give up.. !

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