Since a young age i was always so self conscious, full of anxiety, and experienced horrible episodes of depression. My acne is considered less than moderate by my derm. But it doesnt matter the severity of it on a scale, just having it makes me a crazy nut. I notice this because i always sneak into the bathroom to glance at the mirror before going into another room, i carry a pocket mirror in my left coat pocket and will sneak it into my purse to glance at it if im around people and dont want them to know im checking myself. I walk by car doors and cant help but turn my head to see my reflection in the mirror like glass. Anything that is glass and reflective i just have a tendency to always look at to check myself. Im not self absorbed or narcissistic- just so self conscious about myself that drives me to have all these problems.
This week i didnt go to class two days to take day off because i was *ill- which is what i told everyone- i wasn't the ill that people typically associate with the word- i was emotionally sick- sick of a couple spots on my face. For two days i cried- i dragged myself to our hall bathroom to use the private bathroom we have instead of the open one. Just so i could sit there and cry. And really i dont use the separate bathroom evver because its so depressing (i think it didnt help my situation) 4 walls, no windows, 80's yellow commercial college tile, commercial taupe floor tile, prison sink and toliet, and a cracked bathtub- i guess this wasn't exactly necessary in this post but whatever. I cried for an hour, to the point where my breathing was more like gasping. Im happy that i always wake up two hours before class or i would have been in even worse shape. After i calmed down i went back to my room, to my desk facing away from my roommate- who i didn't want to show my red, swollen, veined eyes. I sat in front my computer, so emotionally wrecked, and texted my mother that i was not going to class today and explained to her. (if you are wondering why a 20 year old is telling her mother about not going to class because this 20 year old is an adult, its because shes been wonderful with helping me pay for school and i tell my parents everything.) and she said it was fine and that i should maybe take a walk. Which i wouldnt do because i didnt want to show everyone my face. All day i just sat in my room- only running out once so i could make pasta. I felt like a creature hiding in a cave the whole day. Near the end of the day my grandma called me, and we spoke about what was wrong with me- except i didnt expose that the issue was because i couple spots on my face. I felt good after that- but then broke down again by nighttime. Good thing at the time no one else was in the room because i cried really badly, and i had to sleep with a towel so i wouldnt have water all over my face. After that i dont remember because i cried myself to sleep. When i woke the next morning it was a repeat basically from the day before- and ending up not going to classes again. i was still emotional and not quiet myself because i teared up on the beauty of a gopro surfing video (yeah i know im an idiot)
Im such a strong person- even my parents and peers say so. I love helping others with their issues. I stay close to my grandma because i love her so much and also to keep her away from alcoholism and depression. Its just this stupid problem that breaks me in half. This story can go on and on, but im just going to end it.
From today im going to try to say "fuqk it" and just love myself.
Good for you- we are our own worse enemy....yes many of us have active acne and scars, but we magnify everything, everything
So hard not to do it, so hard....but we need to work on what we can control, diet, supplements, the right topicals, and then just get out there (I forgot to mention, concealer!!)- get outside, get some son, find good friends that you love and love you the way you are, you don't need a lot, just one or two makes all the difference
But good for you- chin up, keep going!!
Since a young age i was always so self conscious, full of anxiety, and experienced horrible episodes of depression. My acne is considered less than moderate by my derm. But it doesnt matter the severity of it on a scale, just having it makes me a crazy nut. I notice this because i always sneak into the bathroom to glance at the mirror before going into another room, i carry a pocket mirror in my left coat pocket and will sneak it into my purse to glance at it if im around people and dont want them to know im checking myself. I walk by car doors and cant help but turn my head to see my reflection in the mirror like glass. Anything that is glass and reflective i just have a tendency to always look at to check myself. Im not self absorbed or narcissistic- just so self conscious about myself that drives me to have all these problems.
This week i didnt go to class two days to take day off because i was *ill- which is what i told everyone- i wasn't the ill that people typically associate with the word- i was emotionally sick- sick of a couple spots on my face. For two days i cried- i dragged myself to our hall bathroom to use the private bathroom we have instead of the open one. Just so i could sit there and cry. And really i dont use the separate bathroom evver because its so depressing (i think it didnt help my situation) 4 walls, no windows, 80's yellow commercial college tile, commercial taupe floor tile, prison sink and toliet, and a cracked bathtub- i guess this wasn't exactly necessary in this post but whatever. I cried for an hour, to the point where my breathing was more like gasping. Im happy that i always wake up two hours before class or i would have been in even worse shape. After i calmed down i went back to my room, to my desk facing away from my roommate- who i didn't want to show my red, swollen, veined eyes. I sat in front my computer, so emotionally wrecked, and texted my mother that i was not going to class today and explained to her. (if you are wondering why a 20 year old is telling her mother about not going to class because this 20 year old is an adult, its because shes been wonderful with helping me pay for school and i tell my parents everything.) and she said it was fine and that i should maybe take a walk. Which i wouldnt do because i didnt want to show everyone my face. All day i just sat in my room- only running out once so i could make pasta. I felt like a creature hiding in a cave the whole day. Near the end of the day my grandma called me, and we spoke about what was wrong with me- except i didnt expose that the issue was because i couple spots on my face. I felt good after that- but then broke down again by nighttime. Good thing at the time no one else was in the room because i cried really badly, and i had to sleep with a towel so i wouldnt have water all over my face. After that i dont remember because i cried myself to sleep. When i woke the next morning it was a repeat basically from the day before- and ending up not going to classes again. i was still emotional and not quiet myself because i teared up on the beauty of a gopro surfing video (yeah i know im an idiot)
Im such a strong person- even my parents and peers say so. I love helping others with their issues. I stay close to my grandma because i love her so much and also to keep her away from alcoholism and depression. Its just this stupid problem that breaks me in half. This story can go on and on, but im just going to end it.
From today im going to try to say "fuqk it" and just love myself.
*Gives you a hug*
You know, sometimes acne, no matter how severe it is, spontaneously resolves. Just like how it appears. Depending how old you are, you still have time for it to "magically disappear".
sounds to me like you need a hug ((((()))))
If I am not mistaken, you are missing your family¦ doesn't sound like they are near?
It must be hard dealing with the pressures of study and feeling down just magnifies all the other things that aren't perfect..
For starters, I suggest to stay clear of that bathroom, it sounds hideous .. enough to send anyone into a blubbering mess!
I am glad your trying to be positive.. keep your chin up my friend¦ loving your self is the PERFECT place to start.
Take some deep breaths & stay STRONG 
sounds to me like you need a hug ((((()))))
If I am not mistaken, you are missing your family doesn't sound like they are near?
It must be hard dealing with the pressures of study and feeling down just magnifies all the other things that aren't perfect..
For starters, I suggest to stay clear of that bathroom, it sounds hideous .. enough to send anyone into a blubbering mess!
I am glad your trying to be positive.. keep your chin up my friend loving your self is the PERFECT place to start.
Take some deep breaths & stay STRONG
Thank you! I am very far away from my family. Im not homesick*.. its just i miss having my family around because in times where i become an emotional wreck, i never have to hide away because im so comfortable around them and also my dog is home who is basically my best friend. Its odd that a dog is considered someone so special to me, sometimes words aren't needed, just their presence alone can comfort my soul.
But anyways, i agree- im not going anywhere near that bathroom. I wish i could show you a picture but i hope my description was adequate enough so it isn't needed.
The spots on my face was a mixture of pre men breakout and above my mouth, which im diagnosing it myself, was folliculities. Which ive had before too and its going away pretty fast making me suspect that its not actually acne related. And im certain its because i used moisturizer for the first time in months(cerave hydrating lotion). I know its almost a staple to use moisturizer in skincare... but i just cant. I have rosacea, 2 or 3 acne spots, and sensitive skin. And everything that touches my face just negatively affects it. Using nothing is usually my best bet and also where i take pride in my skin- when i go overboard thats when my life usually goes sour. This is also the case with my brothers and my parents who also cant use creams on their face! So weird!! Obviously i dont want wrinkles- so i hydrate from the inside out- i drink around 4000ML per day which helps loads.
Anyways Thank you!
I remember the first zit I got after my first round of Accutane. It was under my nose on the left side and it was OUCHY! This zit happened ten years ago, and I remember it like yesterday.
I was like "NO NO NOONONONONONONO!!!!!!!". I was so afraid it would all come back.
So - the moral of the story is that the zit under my nose went away by itself in a couple days, and I went on to have nine years of clear skin. Sure, about once every six months I'd get one little spot and I'd get all worked up and scared, but then inevitably it would go away without much fuss and I was fine.
I know the fear that you are feeling. It is normal to feel this way when you get a spot or two post-Accutane. Take a deep breath, and remind yourself how far you have gone already.
My acne did come back nine years later (I require hormonal regulation to keep it under control permanently, and going off the pill to try for a baby kicked my ass)), but you know what - it didn't kill me. I know what works for me from experience, and I did go back on Accutane and Diane, and now things are fine. My issues started to become real issues around October of last year and now I am okay again, so only a few months of crap. It never has to be like it was. You will be okay.
Best of luck.