Hi everyone!

If the post seems too long you don't have to read it - just jump to the end of it where I summarized the things that I reflected upon and think had a positive influence on my picking habits. About the long part - I just wanted to get it off of my chest because I don't know ANY pickers and I feel that talking about it to a "normal" person would make me sound crazy. I've heard it a thousand times already - "Well, just stop picking, its that easy!".

I've been reading this forum from time to time, normally after a binge picking session or right when I feel that I'm about to start picking. Similarly to many of you I usually pick when under a lot of pressure - when I have deadlines for university or some administrative stuff that I have been postponing for a long time. Recently there have been some changes in my life and despite the fact that I am still getting out of a depression things are looking good and I have a flow of improving myself and making my life better.

One major thing that changed recently is that I finally stopped picking. It didn't happen overnight but I didn't quit cold turkey either. Since my boyfriend moved out for a few months so that we can both get ourselves back on track (we have both been pathologic procrastinators for the last 4 years) I decided to take a proactive role and create the life that I would like to live.

I have been trying to stop picking for over 10 years (I'm 25) but nothing seemed to work quite well. Since my bf moved out I decided to rearrange the furniture in the bedroom, get rid of some things and buy some new stuff. This included moving my study desk from the window to the dark side of the room. While trying to move things around on my own I accidentally broke my very expensive bankers lamp that I used when I was sitting at my desk. Ironically, after moving the furniture around I noticed that I had a few days in a row without any picking. Surprised by the way my skin looks without all the scabs, bumps, red spots and dry flaky patches from overtreating it with salicylic acid, I decided to reflect on what has changed and brought this positive and unexpected development. I realized that it is all because I moved the desk to the darkest part of the room and the lamp that I used is now broken! I would usually sit at my desk at the end of the day, turn on the lamp and get my A4-sized mirror to the desk and start picking without end. I would feel terrible the next day and would miss lectures and other appointments because I didn't want the world to see me. I didn't want to show what I did to myself. This led to more picking and due to the desire to be perfect which made me feel even more ashamed and stay at home even more. That and the fact that my boyfriend was around all the time and we both were not in very good places made me feel miserable. Btw, I remember telling him "Take this mirror and put it away and no matter how badly i want it DON'T give it to me, because that's my picking mirror!". So yeah - creating a new environment definitely contributed to the feeling of starting fresh with my life and made me less likely to start picking at the end of the day. Also changing the function of the desk as this time really a studying desk presents a challenge for me to sit there and pick.

Another factor is the fact that my boyfriend moved out, let's not forget that. Not having another person around me all day that has almost identical problems as mine makes it easier to concentrate on solving my own problems. I also believe to still be young enough to be in the "saviour phase" where I believe that I have to fix other people's problems and deal with my own stuff after that. Well, this is silly. I couldn't have taken a good look at my own situation had he not moved out. It's just always easier to blame someone else for your own misery. His moving out meant one less stress factor for me.

I started going to therapy to work on other problems, haven't talked about the picking yet, but this also makes me more relaxed because I know there is a person out there whose job is to help me find solutions to my problems.

And now comes the gross part. I always used my tweezers to pick because I would sometimes squeeze that hard at pimples that my nails would get disformed from all the pressure. A few weeks ago I used my tweezers to take some gunk out from under my toenails and I remembered someone told me about all the bacteria that hides down there. I've been planning on desinfecting my tweezers since then but ' just havent gotten to it yet. And you know what? I am afraid to use my tweezers on my face now that I have clear skin because I know it most probably will make me break out. So tool number one has been disqualified (talking about the benefits of procrastinating).

Because of the stress at university I destroyed my fingernails and bit them so deep that all my fingers hurt. I still havent stopped biting them but the bright side is that having no fingernails makes it IMPOSSIBLE for me to pick, scan or scratch my skin. I know this is basically the same - a destructive and painful way to deal with pressure, BUT it is more common and I don't fear someone will judge me for not having normal fingernails. Also I prefer having clear skin to having long fingernails so it's a drawback I can live with until I find a more holistic way to channel stress.

To sum it up. I don't want to sound patronizing or anything, but I think someone might find my advice from experience useful:
- Change your picking environment and assign new functions to the objects you used for picking. Chair, desk, table, mirror, tweezers, etc.
- Look for stress factors in your closest environment and find ways to reduce them. Move out, get couples therapy, change daily routine, etc.
- Get support and start dealing with your (other) issues one by one. There is someone who is willing to help you and support you in this situation, you might just not know it.
- Make your picking tools gross by dipping them in cow shit or something. (not very serious but you might think of an alternative)
- Last: I wouldn't recommend you starting to bite your nails but rather find some other stress release way. A thing I would do when watching tv or reading a paper would be to take some bottle caps (the metal ones) and start folding and breaking them in many small pieces. I know you could cut yourself but it is really entertaining to watch this thing break after having been folded 5 times or so.
- Ignore last two because I am just crazy.