Im new to this so sorry if i make some grammar mistakes or my words don't make sense *apology in advanced*

Acne is definitely ruining my life. Im a teenage girl almost finishing high school and acne drives me nuts! 

 I wake up in the morning thinking about ACNE and go to sleep at night thinking about FREAKING ACNE! Im sick of it! 4 years and it won't. go. away.!!!!! Whenever i look in the mirror i get so sad and angry, which would ruin my mood the whole day and my friends are like why are u so quiet why don't u talk anymore why won't u get out of ur house why don't u meet people why are u like this WHYYYYY????????? It makes me soooooooooo mad that im the only one suffering from like 10 pimples appearing each day and they like OH MY GOSH LOOK AT THIS A TEENY TINY PIMPLE THAT DOESN'T EVEN SHOW APPEARED ON MY FOREHEAD MY LIFE IS OVER GUYS! How can people be so oblivious? Ughhhhhhhh so annoying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My personality changed completely. I can't even talk properly now. I stutter and my mind goes blank like nothing is on my head. Small talk is hell to me. I kill myself thinking up jokes or anything but people don't even notice. Today my friend told me " How would you sing if u don't even talk" Ugh. And its not the first time. Acne made me a loser. A social inept. Taking photos are a nightmare. So of course i don't have snapchat. 

I know this sounds terrible but i wish my friends would have as much acne as i have and then i would be glad to see if they can be as social and confident as they claim to be. I wonder, if i didn't have acne 4 years ago and now i didn't have all these dark marks plus acne, would i be any different? Would i be the same bubbly funny careless girl from 4 years ago? I wish i knew. 

Ughh i just hate my life so much now. I spend so much time alone now, and i feel so lonely. But at the same time i don't feel the confidence to make friends. "Friends" seems like an obligation now. I feel like i have to have friends bc if not people would think im weird for being a loner. Not bc i feel the need of having them. Maybe its the acne talking, idk. 

Right now im on week 6 accutane and only my forehead is kind of clear. My cheeks are still...bad. Not as bad as before but u know, i still breakout. Yay. 6 months to go. I just wish this nighmare was over. It's been 4 years God, don't u think it's enough? It's tiring and i don't want to spend my life alone, hiding. Enough wasted time doing nothing. I want to live!!!!! 

And it doesn't help that everyone around me( well everyone means my mom, and one friend from school, ha, im pathetic) tells me stuff like "when will u meet new people, and stop hiding in your room? When ur a grandma?" iam 16 years old for God's sake! I mean, really, do u think i like living like this? Please! Put yourself in my place for once, iand let's see if those words come out from ur mouth!

When they say this stuff once in a while it makes me think. Am i making it look like a big deal, like the worst thing ever, when its not? Maybe i am. but right now, ACNE IS THE BANE OF MY EXISTANCE and someone tell me why it exits in the first place? EVERYONE HATES YOU, go away you disgusting thing! Ugh i hate you so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry, i needed to rant. I feel much better now. And don't feel obliged to leave a comment, i just needed to take it off my chest even though i have tons of more things i want to rant about. For now this is enough