Dear all,
My partner has a skin disorder and I don't know how to help her. We have been dating for over a year now and i have just realised that she has this problem. When i asked her about it, she told me that she had been battling this skin disorder since her teens. The problem is that this skin disorder is all in her head. She is beautiful and has good skin (with the occasional break out). I know she had bad acne when she was younger and this has had an emotional and psychological effect on her. When she breaks out, it debilitates her... she does not want to go out with family and friends and does not leave her room. I guess my question is... how do i help her to deal with this?
thank you.
Dear all,
My partner has a skin disorder and I don't know how to help her. We have been dating for over a year now and i have just realised that she has this problem. When i asked her about it, she told me that she had been battling this skin disorder since her teens. The problem is that this skin disorder is all in her head. She is beautiful and has good skin (with the occasional break out). I know she had bad acne when she was younger and this has had an emotional and psychological effect on her. When she breaks out, it debilitates her... she does not want to go out with family and friends and does not leave her room. I guess my question is... how do i help her to deal with this?
thank you.
There is nothing you can really do other than be supportive and understanding. Acne can make anyone self conscious so try to understand when she doesn't feel like going out. But also remind her that their are solutions to her skin issue. Everybody on this site is basically going or has gone through what she is going through and a lot of people have found different methods to control/eliminate their acne. For some people it is a lifetime struggle to see what works for them, tell her not to be discouraged though, with persistence and a bit of time and effort, she could be able to find the right thing that works for her. There are a lot of suggestions on this site of what works, so maybe you can help her start here. 
Good luck.
This skin disorder you're talking about is acne.....?
Have you ever seen your girlfriend without make up? Girls can cover acne with make up, and tell people they have it bad, but no one believes them because of the make up. lol Go on youtube.... you will see.
But if you have seen her without make up,.... and you know she has it bad,
I think the only thing you can do is SHOW her that it does not bother you. Kiss her on her spots (cheeks, forehead, whatever...), take her out in public...
If she's still self-conscious, maybe try to hang out with her at night...
Another thing is, don't constantly comment her on her looks. I know it sounds weird.... Instead, comment on how much you enjoy being around her... that you miss her...
In the end though, if she is avoiding to spend time with you, because of skin disorder, this will only negatively impact the relationship. How can you guys grow together if she does not see you?
She just has to realize that it's life, and until she can figure out her problems,... she's just going to have to move on and not let it stop her from living.
I have had this disorder and others, and if I let it consume me,.... I lose all the people I love. There's people out there who are starving, or who are being abused, or have no legs,... or are in a wheelchair 24/7,... or who are fighting cancer... She needs to open her eyes.
I know this may sound harsh, but I would never consider dating someone who is so caught up in something like this.... I see it as a weak thing. It is one thing to be have your down moments, or have a good cry, but it is another thing to let it bother someone to this extent.
And like someone else said, maybe get some counseling...
This skin disorder you're talking about is acne.....?
Have you ever seen your girlfriend without make up? Girls can cover acne with make up, and tell people they have it bad, but no one believes them because of the make up. lol Go on youtube.... you will see.
But if you have seen her without make up,.... and you know she has it bad,
I think the only thing you can do is SHOW her that it does not bother you. Kiss her on her spots (cheeks, forehead, whatever...), take her out in public...
If she's still self-conscious, maybe try to hang out with her at night...
Another thing is, don't constantly comment her on her looks. I know it sounds weird.... Instead, comment on how much you enjoy being around her... that you miss her...
In the end though, if she is avoiding to spend time with you, because of skin disorder, this will only negatively impact the relationship. How can you guys grow together if she does not see you?
She just has to realize that it's life, and until she can figure out her problems,... she's just going to have to move on and not let it stop her from living.
I have had this disorder and others, and if I let it consume me,.... I lose all the people I love. There's people out there who are starving, or who are being abused, or have no legs,... or are in a wheelchair 24/7,... or who are fighting cancer... She needs to open her eyes.
I know this may sound harsh, but I would never consider dating someone who is so caught up in something like this.... I see it as a weak thing. It is one thing to be have your down moments, or have a good cry, but it is another thing to let it bother someone to this extent.
And like someone else said, maybe get some counseling...
I agree with everything here.
This skin disorder you're talking about is acne.....?
Have you ever seen your girlfriend without make up? Girls can cover acne with make up, and tell people they have it bad, but no one believes them because of the make up. lol Go on youtube.... you will see.
But if you have seen her without make up,.... and you know she has it bad,
I think the only thing you can do is SHOW her that it does not bother you. Kiss her on her spots (cheeks, forehead, whatever...), take her out in public...
If she's still self-conscious, maybe try to hang out with her at night...
Another thing is, don't constantly comment her on her looks. I know it sounds weird.... Instead, comment on how much you enjoy being around her... that you miss her...
In the end though, if she is avoiding to spend time with you, because of skin disorder, this will only negatively impact the relationship. How can you guys grow together if she does not see you?
She just has to realize that it's life, and until she can figure out her problems,... she's just going to have to move on and not let it stop her from living.
I have had this disorder and others, and if I let it consume me,.... I lose all the people I love. There's people out there who are starving, or who are being abused, or have no legs,... or are in a wheelchair 24/7,... or who are fighting cancer... She needs to open her eyes.
I know this may sound harsh, but I would never consider dating someone who is so caught up in something like this.... I see it as a weak thing. It is one thing to be have your down moments, or have a good cry, but it is another thing to let it bother someone to this extent.
And like someone else said, maybe get some counseling...
I agree with everything here.
I tried to "like" this, but acne.org won't let me because it said i reached my maximum... haha
Anywaysss.... thanks for support! I didn't want to sound like an A-hole,... but I love it when people give me tough love like this. Maybe I'm just weird?.....
I'd say be very careful with this.
Tough love on a sensitive person can utterly destroy them. It happened to me. I'd be happy to give you any advice if you PM me. Please god though whatever you do don't say things like "oh, it could be a lot worse you could have cancer etc etc" whilst I appreciate it can work for some people for others it comes across as both patronising and is lacking in sensitivity.
No, I don't mean having cancer is worse than acne.
Any disease/disorder/problem sucks. They're all equal.
Just saying that despite that people go through things like this all the time,.... they're still strong and make the most out of their life. Point is, it just sounds like she thinks it's the end of the world if she has a break out... which it's not. How can she go to school and work and have friends? It's hard, but she still has to do it. Perhaps she could make an account, and put her story on here, and get some advice? Meet other people going through the same things?....???? It's good to know that she has supportive people like you in her life. I, like some people here, don't. You would think parents would be really supportive but mine are.... well... -__-
Andddddd... you're right, I am not a very sensitive person. More of a realist... Maybe someone more sensitive will come along and give you better advice.
byeeee!
I agree with idk111. my ex gf always obsessed about her skin, and even though i told her many times she was beautiful, she never believed me that i cared a lot about her. in the end, it didn't work out because she couldn't just get over herself. there is more to life than just this awful skin problem. i broke up with my gf not because she had acne (because i did at the time too), but because she let it take over her life! it was so freakin annoying. being around her was always bringing ME down - so i left after 5 years of being together.
This skin disorder you're talking about is acne.....?
Have you ever seen your girlfriend without make up? Girls can cover acne with make up, and tell people they have it bad, but no one believes them because of the make up. lol Go on youtube.... you will see.
But if you have seen her without make up,.... and you know she has it bad,
I think the only thing you can do is SHOW her that it does not bother you. Kiss her on her spots (cheeks, forehead, whatever...), take her out in public...
If she's still self-conscious, maybe try to hang out with her at night...
Another thing is, don't constantly comment her on her looks. I know it sounds weird.... Instead, comment on how much you enjoy being around her... that you miss her...
In the end though, if she is avoiding to spend time with you, because of skin disorder, this will only negatively impact the relationship. How can you guys grow together if she does not see you?
She just has to realize that it's life, and until she can figure out her problems,... she's just going to have to move on and not let it stop her from living.
I have had this disorder and others, and if I let it consume me,.... I lose all the people I love. There's people out there who are starving, or who are being abused, or have no legs,... or are in a wheelchair 24/7,... or who are fighting cancer... She needs to open her eyes.
I know this may sound harsh, but I would never consider dating someone who is so caught up in something like this.... I see it as a weak thing. It is one thing to be have your down moments, or have a good cry, but it is another thing to let it bother someone to this extent.
And like someone else said, maybe get some counseling...
I agree with everything here.
I tried to "like" this, but acne.org won't let me because it said i reached my maximum... haha
Anywaysss.... thanks for support! I didn't want to sound like an A-hole,... but I love it when people give me tough love like this. Maybe I'm just weird?.....
Its a little different in they were dating for awhile prior to this becoming a problem. Because that gives more of a reason to stick By their side & fight harder but yeah in the end its just going to ruin the relationship, you can only try so hard to comfort them & tell them their beautiful before it starts to have a negative impact on the relationship. Its not tough love its the truth.
I wish the original poster the best of luck, however don't think its impossible for this to cause a breakup.
I strongly disagree. It depends how strong you are and intelligent/sensitive you are as a person to be able to help your partner (who I presume you love) to overcome this. Some people are deeply effected by these things and it can be a very traumatising experience to go through as the sufferer. My advice is ignore the tough love approach. It sounds to me like this girl is very sensitive (like me).
Here's what I'd do: Sit her down in private, tell her how much you love her and that you understand that her skin condition is causing her a lot of pain and distress. Say that athough you understand how much it hurts her you really aren't bothered by it (or the scarring, if there is any) but you want to stick by her throughout whatever she chooses to do whether that be treating it or not (even if it's treatments you don't agree with like accutane ect). Give her space, if she's not comfortable going out with her skin bad then so what?! If she means that much to you spend the time indoors with her but reassure her that people will still see and love her for who she is regardless of her skin. It will take a heck of a lot of time and repetition. The key is to keep repeating the same sort of things to her even though it feels like you are banging your head against a brick wall - in time, it will sink in.
But! When people experience trauma the first thing they do is push the people they love away through their own self loathing. I am sure she is a sweet and kind person but it will take a lot from you to be able to get her back to how she was. It is possible, don't give up. Even if the relationship fails - please still be a friend to her because she will be going through a lot of pain. In time she will come to see that there are more important things in life but it can take months and months and months. Be patient even if it hurts you. It'll be worth it and she'll love you all the more.
My boyfriend did give up on me and it was and continues to be an experience that will haunt me forever.