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Yes, I can definitely relate to every point you have made. I'm 28 now and felt this way once or twice a week since I was 22, especially late at night when I'm thinking about it.
I have lots of friends and enjoy clubbing and parties but I have to force myself to go out and socialise most of the time. A lot of the time I will avoid most social situations and stay indoors myself. Meeting people for the first time, or work related meetings swamp my mind with serious anxiety.
I'm on a mission at the moment to get treatment to improve mine. Fingers crossed.
You can't give up hope that a treatment will one day solve this problem!
@ sydboi
The surprise went well his neighbor thought I was weirdo though lurking around the block in the dark lol.
Dating is very hard with scars. This morning we were laying in bed cuddling and I just hated that I couldn't feel comfortable and confident looking him in the face. He's gone back to his place to shower and change and afterwards he wants to take me out to explore the city and all I can think of is how sunny and bright it is outside which will make my skin look hideous 
My ex boyfriend and I were perfect together. He was the only one I was completely open with regarding my feelings about my scars. He was always very honest about the appearance of my scars too. Never just told me they look fine to spare my feelings. He would kiss them and told me I was beautiful and that he loved me. We used to go everywhere together, during daylight hours lol. He sent me a picture a couple of days ago that he took of me when we were together and in the photo I had my hair tied up, no makeup on that's the type of relationship we had, I could be myself, never felt the need to hide my flaws. He would even do my tca cross treatments on my scars, so he definitely got a good look at them but he loved me anyways.
I am not suicidal at the moment but I am thinking how life just ain't worth it for me. What do I have to live for? I can't even go for a walk outside during daylight hours because I can't handle these scars. I can't tie my hair up, it's like my security blanket... hiding my scars. It's so hard to pretend to be happy for other people when inside I feel, how unfair my life is. Simple pleasures robbed from me. I had so many dreams which now seem so unattainable. I respect and admire the people that are able to not give a f**k about their scarring and just move on and live a happy life but I can never be happy with these scars.
I completely forgot how it feels like to wash my face and wipe it gently with a towel because when I do that I hurt it and cause more scarring, I Haven't tasted the pleasure of sleeping on one of my cheeks for about 3 years eventually I invented a very sophisticated sleeping position putting my arms around my head to prevent my face from touching the pillow because when it does my acne turns into actual wounds and gets Inflammatory to the point of bleeding !! The dilemma expresses itself when I wake up from sleep feeling like crap with tremendous pain in my neck/back and going to the bathroom to practice my daily routine of applying painful topical stuff god only knows what it is and spending the rest of the day with sore all over my face.
It's not just restricted to mental issues or psychological pain anymore my face is literally killing me brutally and gradually, Before I was a teenager I never ever thought that acne would have such catastrophic consequences and effects on someone's life.
My life is a pile of shit and I can do absolutely nothing about it !!!
Sydboi: Yeah, I had a filler done about a year ago which actually worked wonders on my scars. Needless to say, they still look pretty bad to me.
I am currently looking into a few rounds of subcision, accompanied by derma stamping every 6 weeks or so.
I actually found a picture of the before and after on their website of my scars and they actually looked a lot worse pre fillers, than they do now. The problem is, they still have that tethered down look, which definitely needs to be taken care... -_- How about you? Feel free to PM me any time btw. It's actually pretty nice to speak openly with people that understand. Thanks for the reply btw! 
Before Filler:
After Filler:
Looking at these pictures really makes me sad to the point where I rather not even leave the house tbh. I hate pictures because of this stupid f***ing, life ruining scarring. *sigh* Sorry.
This is actually a pretty good result with the filler. Your doctor did a good job. In your after, I would rate you as having only mild residual scars. Seriously, if this was my result I'd be more than satisfied.
Honestly it's a really satisfying result It's just hard for oneself to notice an improvement at a high scale because he's always expecting more results but from my perspective I'm so happy for you that you managed to find a good doctor who apparently knows what he's doing, By the way did the doctor get into stuff like how long does it last and if it gets better overtime and so ?
@ SNDR, your results with filler looks fantastic! I've actually been considering fillers myself. If you don't mind me asking what kind of filler did you get and how long is it supposed to last? I was thinking of get subcision & combine it with a filler because I'm afraid to get the "donut" effect people keep talking about. So frustrating knowing that I could be saving all this money but am stuck filling the dermatologist's pocket.
So I went for a walk outside my hotel today and ended up sitting on a bench crying. It was awful. Ironically as I sat there thinking of my hideous skin and the many different aspects of my life it has destroyed, a man was walking by and called me beautiful, in my mind I thought get me into the wrong lighting and you'll see how beautiful I can be.
I can no longer handle my life. As I was sitting there I decided many things, one of which was that upon returning to Canada, I am going to give my 1 months notice and quit my job. I am going to take the next year to just deal with these scars. Get as many treatments done as I can possibly afford without having to stress about getting time off for recovery. I really need to do this. If can't improve my scars by at least 75-85% I can not be happy. I felt so lonesome and broken today as I sat there and cried. This vacation really made me realize how much I am not living life to it's greatest potential. I thought many times before to just quit my job until I am mentally well but always didn't because I didn't want to be looked upon as a loser or a weak person but I've been such a strong girl these past few years but this battle has really began to wear me out.
I've always been an outdoorsy type of girl. I enjoyed hiking, beaches, picnics, outdoor yoga, bike riding, running etc, etc. Since these scars happened I am no longer that girl. Mainly because of lighting. I just do not feel at all comfortable with sunlight. To the point that when I see it pouring through the window I get so annoyed. Dark, gloomy days are where it's at for me. Yesterday my bf took me out to eat at a restaurant and I felt so uncomfortable because of the lighting there. Ugh can't enjoy anything. I'm so happy we're long distance for the time being, I can't handle date nights they aren't fun anymore just stressful. He wants to me to move out here with him and get married. But If my skin doesn't get better I think I will break up with him because I'm not the type of person anyone should be in a relationship with. I'm never going to feel comfortable meeting his friends & family, although I did meet his dad once and he seemed to like me. And also, I wonder what if his family invites us out for a BBQ, or some outdoor event during daylight hours what am I going to do? What if we have kids one day? I'm going to have to take them to a lot of out door functions. Ya no kids for me until these scars improve. It's terrifying how a handful of scars can change your future so much.
Oh man...this is so me, all of it. Vacations are supposed to be fun and relaxing, but I'm always terrified of lighting everywhere I go. I have family in southern California I occasionally visit and as much as I love spending time with them, I absolutely do not feel comfortable in sunlight or any "bad" lighting, even if it's my own family. Like you even just seeing sunlight coming in from a window gives me a panic attack, I instantly start thinking about how my skin looks in sunlight and end up having to close the blinds or cover them somehow. It's very distressing. I think part of what makes me incredibly insecure over my scarring is the fact that I've had multiple people bring it up or ask about it. It's bad enough when a physical flaw makes you insecure, but when other people acknowledge they notice it too it's pretty hurtful. Scarring combined with mental health issues have really held me back from living a full life, even going to school and working is a living hell, even worse no one truly understands the emotional impact of scarring which only makes you feel more isolated from everyone else.
So I went for a walk outside my hotel today and ended up sitting on a bench crying. It was awful. Ironically as I sat there thinking of my hideous skin and the many different aspects of my life it has destroyed, a man was walking by and called me beautiful, in my mind I thought get me into the wrong lighting and you'll see how beautiful I can be.
I can no longer handle my life. As I was sitting there I decided many things, one of which was that upon returning to Canada, I am going to give my 1 months notice and quit my job. I am going to take the next year to just deal with these scars. Get as many treatments done as I can possibly afford without having to stress about getting time off for recovery. I really need to do this. If can't improve my scars by at least 75-85% I can not be happy. I felt so lonesome and broken today as I sat there and cried. This vacation really made me realize how much I am not living life to it's greatest potential. I thought many times before to just quit my job until I am mentally well but always didn't because I didn't want to be looked upon as a loser or a weak person but I've been such a strong girl these past few years but this battle has really began to wear me out.
I've always been an outdoorsy type of girl. I enjoyed hiking, beaches, picnics, outdoor yoga, bike riding, running etc, etc. Since these scars happened I am no longer that girl. Mainly because of lighting. I just do not feel at all comfortable with sunlight. To the point that when I see it pouring through the window I get so annoyed. Dark, gloomy days are where it's at for me. Yesterday my bf took me out to eat at a restaurant and I felt so uncomfortable because of the lighting there. Ugh can't enjoy anything. I'm so happy we're long distance for the time being, I can't handle date nights they aren't fun anymore just stressful. He wants to me to move out here with him and get married. But If my skin doesn't get better I think I will break up with him because I'm not the type of person anyone should be in a relationship with. I'm never going to feel comfortable meeting his friends & family, although I did meet his dad once and he seemed to like me. And also, I wonder what if his family invites us out for a BBQ, or some outdoor event during daylight hours what am I going to do? What if we have kids one day? I'm going to have to take them to a lot of out door functions. Ya no kids for me until these scars improve. It's terrifying how a handful of scars can change your future so much.
@blahblah82
Thanks for the kind words.
Yes. The doctor informed me that, over time, after a few sessions, these fillers should yield permanent results. He injected them once during the first appointment and then again in the follow up appointment. The results are more or less the same from what you see. I have a post somewhere around here from a few months ago where I posted a few (bad quality) pictures on how my skin is doing.
Too be quite honest, I do not remember the name of the filler that the doctor used. He did inform me however, that the filler used, yields permanent results over the period of a few sessions.
& to comment on your vacation, I'm sorry you feel that way, because I know exactly how you feel and you shouldn't have to go through this day in and day out. No one should.
Thanks. I only hope I can make it consistently better until I am happy with the results.
far out feeling so out of it today so depressed, feels like today my last day cant even go to work ffs because i have to put make up on as a guy ive been doing this shit for fuking years and its driven me to the fking wall, just hope this nightmare it gone today and i got thur and commit and leave behide of my nice toys that i cant fukin enjoy anyway fuck this
I feel you. I am not suicide or anything like that but I do get depressed. I'm 17 and in high school. I dint get picked on or anything like that either. I think my acne is mild to severe, I have tried many things to get rid of it and so far nothing has worked. I am still trying but every morning I wake up a look in the mirror I am disgusted by what I see. It just bums me out so much. I always think to myself why me? What did I do to deserve this? Why can't I just wake up one and enjoy a few hours with perfectly clear skin? Some times I almost just cry. I try to remain positive but it so hard when you try all these treatments and nothing improves. Because of this I have lost the fear of dying. I mean I don't want to die but if I did it wouldn't bother me. I think also the worst part is there is this girl I really really liked and we are best friends now ( I just like her as a friend now)but when I liked her it was awful knowing she'd never go for a guy like me. It was so awful watching these guys with naturally clear skin just so easily getting dates with her. I would have given anything to be with her. So I do know how you feel but like I said I'm not suicidal or anything like that. Because no matter how down I get I remember that there is always someone who has it way worse than I do. I mean I think of the kids who are dying of cancer and how I bet they wish their biggest problem was acne. That's what I use to pull myself out of a slump. I don't see my acne getting any better anytime soon. But I know I need to stay positive because it will get better!! It's always darkest before the dawn. So I keep telling myself that I will have clear skin one day and I will get the pretty girl it just takes patience and the ability to stay positive and fight. Don't comment suicide think of all the people you will hurt. Talk to someone and good luck!
I suffered to the point where the word (Happiness) Isn't part of my overall comprehension anymore, And if by any chance a miracle happens I know that the psychological effects and mental illnesses acne caused me I'll somehow dig further for anything else to be miserable again whatever the circumstances are !!!!
Misery now is my very own way of living I even invented a personal method to enjoy sadness by thinking of death to keep my mind occupied with negative thoughts that everyone no matter how exciting or fascinating their lives were eventually they all get buried I know how disturbing that must sound but that's how I cope with my depression. So instead of trying to deal with my problems (Believe me I made hundreds of attempts in all directions with no result whatsoever) I try to keep overloading my brain with the conclusion of all living things. !! My condition ruined my brain for good.
This is morbid, but when I feel suicidal to some degree, I think to myself, well I'm going to die some day regardless. It's not like I'll live forever if I don't take my own life. How sad. It kind of relates to my username. Memento mori means "remember death".
Some days are definitely harder than others. I mean I'm still able to find joy in small ways and I try holding onto that. There are other days that really get to me, particularly when it involves social interactions. Sometimes my anxiety is off the charts and I can't even handle a few hours of work.
Hopefully I will get better. Someday...
@blahblah82
I'll answer your question in a PM.
In regards to the stuff said previous to my posting this comment, I too have developed some seriously bad mental issues from acne scarring.
I almost never go out, I have a weird way of thinking that doesn't seem like my true self (obviously it's depression on auto-pilot 24/7 that is causing me to have these suicidal or disturbing thoughts, because I was never like this before). I can't even finish my thoughts right now cause I'm so low. I was mid-typing something and I was like, "ah, f that s." I swear too much now a days since I'm f***ing depressed off my rocker. -_-
For me, not only has it caused me to become introverted and distant, but I find that I can't even keep my train of thought nowadays. When I am having a conversation with just random people out in the world, I focus so hard on trying to seem cool and collected that I become totally scatter brained. You see people just scanning your face, and of course you know they are looking at your scarring. It's just a natural human reaction, and they probably don't even realize they are doing it. Of course once that happens, I get nervous and fidgety, and that kind of body language can create a negative impression in the other person's mind about you. It's kind of a vicious feedback loop, where the scarring causes insecurity which manifests in your body language, and that translates as "weirdo" to other people.
Forget dating and socializing, severe acne scars are probably also a professional liability. No one would admit it, but I think there is definitely an unconscious bias in the workplace towards people with visible differences (scars, birth defects, whatever).
erh fucking shit cnts need to hurry up and come up with a fix for this, i can't beilve people landed on the moon and we cant fix acne scaring.
The amount of toll this takes on one only the personk living day to day knows one can only be depressed for so long, ive been susidle everyday for a long time and im starting to buck and crack in public one can only take so much because im someone who keeps to himself and try to put a look the it donesn't borther me but deep down, im so fragile ready to murder some clown that pisses me off
guys there are cures for most acne scars, however in america they're all stuck in clinical trials due to the stringent fdastudy up on cytori celution/Antria(stem cell fat grafting) and avita recell; they give tremendous results for most types of scarring in combination w standard treatments..there is great hope for scar sufferers!