To explain my (weird) thinking a bit more - I feel like I can't commit to him until I know he has seen the scars and accepts that I have them.

If I know he is able to look past them, I can be more open with him - put up my hair around him, go to grocery stores with him, be in bad lighting with him, etc.

So I want to bring it up specifically and say - here they are, you can accept them, and if you don't, tell me now so I can let this go and we can both move on.

Does that even make sense?

That actually makes a lot of sense!

To answer your previous question; No, I don't talk to my bf about my skin. I even hide my low self esteem and my worries from him, and since I've never talked about it, it would just feel weird to talk about it now.

But, I do think our relationship would have been ten times better if we were able to talk about stuff like that though.

I also have to say, I agree with many of the others here, most guys, most people, don't care that much about scarring.

From personal experience, and no sexism intended, guys are not bothered about scarring unless you are and draw attention to it. Lets face it, he wouldn't have gone out on a date with you if he thought you were the hunchback of notre damme, so there must be something physical/personality wise that he likes about you.

If it helps a sillicone primer and a heavy duty concealer built up in thin layers do wonders for scarring

Good luck!

I agree with MoonSpoon

100%. Its affecting you and youll never truly be able to totally let go and maximize your relationship

until you know in your mind hes totally accepting your scars (in the worst light and with no makeup) and you can

make peace with yourself on this.

You know what needs to be done.

I also feel that you should bring it up. Not because it's a big deal, or because he needs to see your scars (which I believe he already has), but because it's something that impacts YOU and he wants to commit to you. You should be able to share every part of yourself. It took me a really long time to bring it up to my husband, and I'm glad I did because now I feel less self-conscious around him and fully accepted.

I agree, you should bring it up casually (not in an obsessive or insecure way) to see his reaction. Based on what I described on my thread, next time I go out with someone I will tell them about my skin early on and if they don't like it then I can move on.

Your guy sounds like a nice guy. Asking for commitment after 4 dates shows he is serious about you. So he most likely will not care about a few scars. And if he does, do you really want to be with him?

Did you meet him online btw? Because if you did, it will give me hope that there are a few decent guys among all the losers. haha

Hi everyone - thanks for your responses! Will review and respond in detail later.

DudleyDoRight - I see what you're saying, for sure. It was after 4 dates, and my gut feeling is that he's a great sincere guy BUT let's see if I'm right after "The Scar Conversation" lol

Girl, you are making this hard on yourself. After 4 dates HE KNOWS!!! 4 dates shows interest, and he is either sincere or timid - you can handle either one of those guys. Just hang loose and enjoy the relationship. You sound like one of those guys on Big Bang who over analyse everything. He is coming back because he wants to, just accept that and don't diminish your position in the relationship. You can drive him away by thinking like you are thinking. You will plant the seed that you are not worthy, and eventually he will agree with you.

"Imagination frames events unknown, in wild fantastic shapes of hideous ruin, and what it fears creates" Hannah More

I think the most important question is do YOU want a commitment?

Chances are he's seen the scars already. And if he really likes you, he doesn't care about them.

At some point I think a brief mention of how your scars make you feel is ok. Healthy even. But I don't think it's something that needs to be discussed ASAP.

If you like him too, go for it! Good luck and keep us posted!!