Background: I was ugly as hell during high school. Fat, long hair, and i was made fun of. I nearly contemplated suicide. However things turned around thanks to accutane. i was voted twice to be the Vice President of an honors society. girls started to swoon over me, which raised my self esteem. But they left me with rolling and ice pick scars.
The scars (rolling/ice pick) itch like hell when i put lotion on or when I sweat and have begun to turn more red and and dark brownish. It has now come to the point that i walk in the bathroom and check myself out in the mirror for at least 1.5 hours a day (unemployed at the moment so lots of time). This also causes distractions when im studying for the CPA. Then I sit on a bench outside in a secluded area and cry like hell, something I haven't done since i watch The Land of Time.
I am already on anti-depressants and pills for anxiety and bi-polar disorder. But today i had a complete breakdown and ran into the cows pen to cry out. I cried until i was about to collapse. And, out of my own stupidy, I blame my mother for marrying my deceased father because he had horrible acne and suffered from mental problems like I do. These few scars are taking over my life. I ignore my now ex girlfriend, t's hard to focus on the CPA, and I have suicidal thought. (dont have the guts to do it)
While the scars aren't noticeable I wasnt to get this for cosmetic reasons. It's ruining my life and and driving me crazy. Today I went so nuts whole crying and started smashing cinderblocks at a tree. The only thing keeping me from taing advantage and using a dermatologist is that it costs so much since Kaiser will probably classify it as cosmetic.
Any suggestions would be great.
I am really sorry you're going through so much turmoil. I really do think that with time things will get better. I understand the depression associated with acne. I've been living with acne for 5 years and it got to the point where I gave up. I stopped trying to cover it up. People would stare at me. I could feel everyone just looking at the huge cysts overtaking my face. It was all I could I think about. Then as I began to clear myself, these scars left behind were so stubborn. I have hyperpigmentation and these deep dark red scars across my face now. I have noticed how great my skin feels after working out and sweating. It really helps with blood circulation and detoxification. Exfoliation is also very important. But you want to use something natural. Harsh chemicals and lotions are an acne sufferer's worst enemy. They con you into thinking it will work, but it's never long term. (I hope you're not using a lotion that has propylene glycol in it! read the ingredients of everything you put on your face) Propylene glycol suffocates your skin (it's like wearing saran wrap on your head all day!) and you must allow it to breathe if it's going to heal. I put raw papaya on my face every morning. The natural alpha hydroxy acids facilitate cellular renewal. And someone else on this site told me organic limes help. Also look into RAW Apple CIder Vinegar (with the 'Mother') it's cheap and also helps the body detoxify. I even use it as a daily toner! I highly recommend meditation. I spend a few minutes every day in silence and practice breathing. You should learn some breathing excercises. Get 8 hours of sleep every night.
What are you eating/drinking? Think about it. If you want your face to get better, how are you fueling the process? Whole natural food, THE MOST AMOUNT OF VEGGIES IN YOUR LIFE!, less dairy/ meat (or none, if you can!)
Give your skin more love, if you are just sad and angry then you are fueling the healing process with negativity.
HIGH HOPES AND POSITIVE VIBES FOR YOU 