Greetings,

I've spent a lot of time lurking this site over the past four years, but never got around to making an account to discuss my situation.I just wanted to share my story in case there was anyone else in the same boat.

I had acne all throughout high school and into college. I have always been a confident and social person, but even the smallest breakouts crippled my personality. I spent a significant portion of my college experience keeping to myself and never wanting to make eye contact with anyone when I had breakouts. Honestly, it was extremely depressing and I reached some extreme lows emotionally. I don't really know why I let something as silly as acne beat me down, but I just can't come to terms with making myself feel better, even though I really do have a lot to be proud and thankful for. Every day I went to class and walked around my massive campus to see people with such beautiful complexions and it made me feel worse.

I saw a dermatologist at the beginning of freshman year and continued to do so all the way through my senior year. I tried every trick or treatment in the book, but finally ran out of options and turned to Accutane. I was very reluctant and hesitant due to the side effects, but I was so disgusted with my face that I was desperate for anything.

I did 5 months of 80mg a day and it was hell. My face broke out extremely bad through the whole period and the dryness was miserable. At about three months in, the emotional side of the drug really hit me. I endured a period of severe depression, and honestly had daily thoughts of suicide. The only thing that kept me from doing so was realizing how blessed I am with the opportunity to go to school and the privilege of living in a part of the world that is peaceful and affords me these kinds of chances. I tried to keep my head up, but battled with it daily. As a guy, I was pretty embarrassed to start wearing makeup (silly I know), but the only way I could get myself to go outside was to use a small bit of concealer, which only seemed to make it worse.

After finishing my course of treatment, my face finally gave me a break and I was completely clear. For almost 9 months after I had zero issues with my acne, and it significantly increased my overall confidence, happiness and personality. Many people commented on how nice my face looked and it really made me feel great about myself.

Unfortunately, in the last two months it has come back. I get a new pimple every other day, and it's really destroying me again. Some of my friends who noticed it was coming back commented on it, and it really made me feel bad about myself. I try to be the kindest and most empathetic person to everyone I'm around, and was hoping people around me would do the same knowing I've struggled with it. People have said some mean things that I've over heard and it really shot down my self worth again. As I type this I can feel pain under my face, and I can't help but just cry. I started following a new skin regimen with organic face wash, witch's hazel and small amounts of BP for breakouts, but my acne is still persisting. I just graduated from University and am about to interview for a full time position in the next week, but I feel so lack luster and terrible. This is the time in my life that I should be the most proud and confident, and I feel like I'm back to square one. I am 23 years old, and am hoping that it's just my hormones doing so since I was late bloomer. I am going to try and give it some time before I go back to that nasty drug.

I guess typing this all out is therapeutic for me, but I also just wanted to share that I feel so much for each and every one of you suffering from acne. So many of you are beautiful inside and out, and it really saddens me that something out of our hands causes so much distress. In the case that you don't have much family or friends in your life like me, I just want to say to keep your head up and I am sending positive vibes your way. I know how miserable this is and I'm really sorry that we all have to go through this.

Much love,
Austin