Hi everyone!

I have been following this site and it has been the place I go to when I don't know where else to seek help. I'm fairly new to posting anything on here, and I think this is the right forum for what I want to say. This may be long.

I started having acne in middle school, it started in 7th grade (2012), probably also influenced by hormones since I got my period in 7th grade as well. Looking back at what I had, it was NOTHING. I was young and I thought these face demons were ending my life. My mom would tell me to leave them alone ( I only had around 2-3 average sized zits on both cheeks) and that they would go away. I was impatient so I began picking at them, using harsh scrubs, and even home remedies. I even tried Cetaphil - which made everything worse. Still, even with the horrible things I had done, my acne was not that bad.

On May 4th, my mom took me to our family doctor. He took a quick glance at my cheeks, and prescribed me 100mg of Minocycline, 0.25% of Retin A, and Clindoxyl Gel (1% BP & 5% clindamycin). I followed this routine religiously. I would take the pill each night, and I would apply Retin A during the evening and wash it off before bed, then apply Clindoxyl before I went to bed. I washed my face with the Dove Beauty Bar. The initial breakout wasn't that bad because I was taking an antibiotic. I just had a couple blackheads and whiteheads on my cheeks. Fast forward to November, my skin was looking amazing. Yes, it was red, but it was manageable. During this month, I made a decision that I didn't need to consume any more pills of Minocycline, so i didn't take whatever number refill I had gotten.

8th grade - my skin stayed flawless and the occasional breakout was no big deal. Though, in the summer of 2013, when I was about to enter 9th grade, my acne slowly started coming back. This time, it was painful and it covered a vast area of my cheeks. I was pretty sure I had relapsed, because I never finished the Minocycline cycle from grade 7, which I should have, regardless of how clear I was. At this point, I also blamed my doctor. I didn't need antibiotics for the "acne" I had. In a way, it could've been caused by the new sunscreen I was trying out since I couldn't find the one I was originally using in stores. It was the Aveeno Protect + Hydrate SPF 30, the one I was using before was also by Aveeno (sunscreen lotion) but I'm assuming it's discontinued. IT WAS AMAZING - I NEVER BROKE OUT. Though, if this new sunscreen made me breakout, why wasn't I stopping even when I discontinued using it?
Eventually, I began improving my lifestyle, and started to move on from the regret I had. I felt like drinking cow milk every night inflamed my cysts, so i switched to Almond Milk. Though I still have diary in tea, but it doesn't bring harm. Only heavy amounts, such as straight up milk and cheese (I hope that logic makes sense). Anyways, I began drinking green juice as well. And I've always been drinking lot's of water.
I began using the Neutrogena Oil Free Acne Wash made for redness soothing. This product, combined with the moisturizer from Simple skincare, kept my skin at bay from irritation. Later on, I switched to Neutrogena's original Acne Wash which was orange instread of green, and that worked even better. By Spring, my acne bumps were gone and their PIH, which I reduced by applying organic egg whites with lemon juice once a week. Throughout this process of clearing my skin again, I discovered that hydrocortisone cream healed my cysts and I was less likely to be left with a red mark to deal with.

I had this clear skin for a couple months, but in the summer again, before going to High School, I started breaking out once again. This time, it was the worst it has ever been. I was so frustrated. Nothing in my skin care had changed. And I was healthy.

I'm still struggling with whatever this acne is due to - I call it 'Phase 3'. I think it is because of my hormones, since my menstrual cycle is irregular, it's always been irregular, but now it's monthly for the most part. Plus, my acne is almost like a beard - but it's not on my chin or jaw. Just the cheeks and temple area. Before I went to the doctor, my mom got me Papaya Acid Soap. I thought why not, so I ended up using this thing that made my cheeks feel so raw. I only left it on for around 15 seconds, yet it felt horrible. My skin wasn't red, it felt red. Whenever I would put my head back, I could feel the damage I had done. This soap also made me break out a little, which consisted of these small pimples that felt like blisters - I had around 3 on each cheek. I gave up and I went to a different doctor, who prescribed me Minocycline again for 2 weeks, 50mg twice a day. This doctor said I had an infection, and by moisturizing my face, I was feeding this infectious bacteria, so the doctor said to stop moisturizing my skin. Which I did.
I had this huge red bump, with no head, on my left cheek. Which I would ice nightly - before I went to the doctor. This bump went down while I was taking Mino. I went back, and my skin was improving, it wasn't that noticeable but my family and I could see it. The second visit, the doctor gave me a cream to try - Benzaclin and another prescrition for Mino which would last 1 month. Benzaclin has the same medical ingredients that are in Clindoxyl Gel. I had hope for this regime to work, but I only saw a minor improvement. It said to apply Benzaclin to the entire affected area, which caused my "clear spots" to break out. In fact, on my temples, I developed these cysts that cover the entire area. The one on my left temple is noticeably smaller, but the one on my right, looks so bad. It looks like one big cyst, but i can feel where each "cyst" ends. I think they're cysts, sebaceous cysts. Throughout the day, they pop by themselves and crust over. They ooze pus and sometimes there's blood and a small "plug". The next day however, it happens again. Mind you, the entire thing doesn't pop, its only this small area of it.

When my pills for 1 month ran out, when I went back to the walk in, I had to see a different doctor because the one originally "monitoring" me was busy. The one I saw said my skin was bad and I wasn't improving much, so she referred me to a Dermatologist, which might take 1 or 2 months to get an appointment with. I was told to stop using Benzaclin and I didn't get any more pills, instead I got 0.1% Retin A Cream.

When I got home I cried. I am so tired of dealing with acne. This time around, I've been more emotional since I don't know what is wrong with my skin. I would choke up whenever I took the Mino at night since I felt no hope. Am I cursed? Is it my diet? Is it stress? Hormones? Correct me if I'm wrong, but, if it is diet related - wouldn't I break out on my forehead? If it's hormones, why don't I break out on my jaw or neck? And how come it's persistent, meaning I break out before and after my menstrual cycle. Is this face-mapping theory correct? I read that cheek breakouts are linked to hormones and the respiratory system. I don't understand because I walk outside during the week for fresh air, and still there's not much improvement. I used to have anxiety, still do, but it's not that bad where I have to focus on breathing.

Plus in Highschool, almost everyone is done with Acne. Why not me? I try to be confident, but it's hard. I don't wear foundation since makeup just makes things worse for me. I know my friends love me and they support me, but I feel as if everyone around me is tired of my acne. Sometimes, people are too busy being distracted by my acne that they don't focus on what I am saying to them. I feel guilty for wasting my parent's money on numerous medications that don't work - like the Minocycline. I really wished for it to work, but my skin is probably immune to it.

I'm hoping that the Dermatologist can find my under-lying cause, or at least prescribe me Accutane. Since I really do believe this bacteria in my skin does't deserve my precious sebum . I do believe I am beautiful, but having acne, makes it so hard. Hopefully, this Retin A Cream will help my PIH and my overall active acne until my visit with the derm.

This was so long but I needed to get it out of me. For someone to understand or give advice would mean a lot. We all know that acne isn't as simple as using Pro Active or just washing our face. My acne comes back stronger whenever I think I finally got rid of it. Please feel free to ask for clarification on anything I've talking about.