Hello, My name is Connor. I'm a 20 year old male.

About 6 months ago I started an Accutane treatment for my acne. My acne wasn't severe but it was pretty bad for being done with puberty. It was my choice, I hated the way I looked.

I was on 60mg for approximately 2 months and 28 days. I was scheduled to take it for 5-6 months but I felt like I was going insane so I stopped on my own initiative. I remember the very first day I took it, I felt odd...almost like I was high. I did a fair share of recreational drugs in high school (as most teenagers do these days, sadly) so I knew what a high felt like. Needless to say I enjoyed the high and was excited to take it again in hopes of feeling high again, but that never happened again, I don't know if that will help you diagnose me but I told you anyways.

The main side effects I felt were: Joint pain, dry skin, dry cut lips, intense irritation and aggressiveness, (the aggression was kind of nice honestly, I didn't take any crap from anyone at work). However, what was odd was how it affected my mentality. Like I said earlier, I felt like I was going insane. I tried smoking marijuana a few times (that was a pretty bad idea now that I think about it but I still did it) and it made me feel fricking insane! I drank a few times too and the alcohol's affects were very intense. It's important to note I didn't monitor my vitamin A intake at the time, against my Derm's advice. I was overweight at the time and I was obsessed with losing weight and looking better so I ate plenty of vitamin A rich foods and still took my multi-vitamins. I'm really regretting that decision now. Also, I have a history of depression but I stopped taking anti-depressants about 8 months before I began Accutane. (My depression was pretty much subsided before my Accutane treatment.)

Anyways, long story short: I don't feel like the same person anymore. I feel socially awkward and depressed all the time. I constantly worry about everything and I just don't want to be alive anymore. However I'm an atheist and I realize this is most likely the only life I'll be living so don't worry I'm not considering suicide. I just want to feel "normal" again. Before I took Accutane, I was fat and acne ridden. But I was STILL happier back then, then I am now, and now I'm 90% acne free, 30 pounds lighter, and more muscular. I SHOULD be happier but I'm not.

I feel like Accutane did something to me that really messed up my psyche, but it's hard tell what it did or even if it did. I'm hoping those with experience in this field can shed some light on what I'm dealing with. Please ask me for any other info that may help you decide what's wrong with me. Thanks.

(It's important to note that I do feel slightly "better" since I stopped taking Accutane, but I still feel "different".)