Day 61. Today might be the worst day so far.
Saw my derm, blood test came out fine so I got bumped up to 40mg (once daily for some reason). He examined my face and said I was getting better, but then proceeded to tell me "oh this scar is going to get worse, this one might be a hypertrophic scar" and laughed off my questions about the ongoing treatment. (I asked if it was normal to have some lesions be so deep and he just laughed and said "no you're an exception". He said the severity of my disease means I might be on the treatment for 10 months, and that I might have to go to 2.0mg/kg (100mg) but that because of my scarring we have to ramp up slowly. He made me feel like shit all the while with a smile on his face. My husband wants me to change derms but I've already seen three and they all said the same thing, and I know how hard it is to change in ipledge.
Why did this happen to me? I never wanted to be on accutane, my skin has always been good. I'm going to be on this drug when my kid turns 1. I'm never going to escape.
Day 61. Today might be the worst day so far.
Saw my derm, blood test came out fine so I got bumped up to 40mg (once daily for some reason). He examined my face and said I was getting better, but then proceeded to tell me "oh this scar is going to get worse, this one might be a hypertrophic scar" and laughed off my questions about the ongoing treatment. (I asked if it was normal to have some lesions be so deep and he just laughed and said "no you're an exception". He said the severity of my disease means I might be on the treatment for 10 months, and that I might have to go to 2.0mg/kg (100mg) but that because of my scarring we have to ramp up slowly. He made me feel like shit all the while with a smile on his face. My husband wants me to change derms but I've already seen three and they all said the same thing, and I know how hard it is to change in ipledge.
Why did this happen to me? I never wanted to be on accutane, my skin has always been good. I'm going to be on this drug when my kid turns 1. I'm never going to escape.
I'm so sorry. I ask myself the same thing everyday 'Why me?'. It's so incrediby cruel. I feel sick at my reflection whereas once I actually really liked my apperance. You're not alone. I know what you mean about Derms. They can be very dismissive, even here. They're not going through it. at the end of the day they can go home and forget - they don't have to live it out like we do.
Day 61. Today might be the worst day so far.
Saw my derm, blood test came out fine so I got bumped up to 40mg (once daily for some reason). He examined my face and said I was getting better, but then proceeded to tell me "oh this scar is going to get worse, this one might be a hypertrophic scar" and laughed off my questions about the ongoing treatment. (I asked if it was normal to have some lesions be so deep and he just laughed and said "no you're an exception". He said the severity of my disease means I might be on the treatment for 10 months, and that I might have to go to 2.0mg/kg (100mg) but that because of my scarring we have to ramp up slowly. He made me feel like shit all the while with a smile on his face. My husband wants me to change derms but I've already seen three and they all said the same thing, and I know how hard it is to change in ipledge.
Why did this happen to me? I never wanted to be on accutane, my skin has always been good. I'm going to be on this drug when my kid turns 1. I'm never going to escape.
I'm so sorry. I ask myself the same thing everyday 'Why me?'. It's so incrediby cruel. I feel sick at my reflection whereas once I actually really liked my apperance. You're not alone. I know what you mean about Derms. They can be very dismissive, even here. They're not going through it. at the end of the day they can go home and forget - they don't have to live it out like we do.
Thank you 
I'm trying to learn to accept my skin as it is now, since it will look this way for a long time. I got married about a year and a half ago, and I can actually say I was the prettiest I've ever been, I loved our pictures. Now, I'm deformed.
Funny you should should say that, last year I went to a wedding with my then boyfriend and everyone told me how beautiful I looked. I also feel deformed too. I keep asking myself how can this happen? I imagine myself as I was, i kind of envisage the old me like a ghost - it's weird. It's like I can see myself as I was but when I look in the mirror - it's someone else.
Now it's like I inhabit a body that is no longer mine. But, i still have hope there is some redemption. We mustn't lose hope that we can't get back to a stage that is acceptable to us. How is the accutane going?
Funny you should should say that, last year I went to a wedding with my then boyfriend and everyone told me how beautiful I looked. I also feel deformed too. I keep asking myself how can this happen? I imagine myself as I was, i kind of envisage the old me like a ghost - it's weird. It's like I can see myself as I was but when I look in the mirror - it's someone else.
Now it's like I inhabit a body that is no longer mine. But, i still have hope there is some redemption. We mustn't lose hope that we can't get back to a stage that is acceptable to us. How is the accutane going?
Yes, that is exactly how I feel. I'm on day 62, 2nd day on 40 mg. Definitely feeling the dryness, a little headache and need to drink more water. I have a rash all over my hands but if I ignore it it's okay. And I also have weird pain in my ankle when I point it down, feels like I hit it on something but I don't remember doing anything to cause it.
I know you were looking into accutane, are you going on it?
Day 61. Today might be the worst day so far.
Saw my derm, blood test came out fine so I got bumped up to 40mg (once daily for some reason). He examined my face and said I was getting better, but then proceeded to tell me "oh this scar is going to get worse, this one might be a hypertrophic scar" and laughed off my questions about the ongoing treatment. (I asked if it was normal to have some lesions be so deep and he just laughed and said "no you're an exception". He said the severity of my disease means I might be on the treatment for 10 months, and that I might have to go to 2.0mg/kg (100mg) but that because of my scarring we have to ramp up slowly. He made me feel like shit all the while with a smile on his face. My husband wants me to change derms but I've already seen three and they all said the same thing, and I know how hard it is to change in ipledge.
Why did this happen to me? I never wanted to be on accutane, my skin has always been good. I'm going to be on this drug when my kid turns 1. I'm never going to escape.
Keep your head up sweetie. Some derms are assholes by nature so don't mind them. Just know your family loves you regardless of the condition your skin is in. It will get better but it will take time. I am at day 100 for my moderate acne and far my face has gotten better, gotten worse, gotten better and now has deterioated to levels that were pre accutane. I only have 2 months left too.
Acne is a puzzle that just takes a bit more time to solve. As for scars, focus on clearing up the acne first and then you can tackle your scars - one step at a time.
Day 61. Today might be the worst day so far.
Saw my derm, blood test came out fine so I got bumped up to 40mg (once daily for some reason). He examined my face and said I was getting better, but then proceeded to tell me "oh this scar is going to get worse, this one might be a hypertrophic scar" and laughed off my questions about the ongoing treatment. (I asked if it was normal to have some lesions be so deep and he just laughed and said "no you're an exception". He said the severity of my disease means I might be on the treatment for 10 months, and that I might have to go to 2.0mg/kg (100mg) but that because of my scarring we have to ramp up slowly. He made me feel like shit all the while with a smile on his face. My husband wants me to change derms but I've already seen three and they all said the same thing, and I know how hard it is to change in ipledge.
Why did this happen to me? I never wanted to be on accutane, my skin has always been good. I'm going to be on this drug when my kid turns 1. I'm never going to escape.
Keep your head up sweetie. Some derms are assholes by nature so don't mind them. Just know your family loves you regardless of the condition your skin is in. It will get better but it will take time. I am at day 100 for my moderate acne and far my face has gotten better, gotten worse, gotten better and now has deterioated to levels that were pre accutane. I only have 2 months left too.
Acne is a puzzle that just takes a bit more time to solve. As for scars, focus on clearing up the acne first and then you can tackle your scars - one step at a time.
thanks, I am trying to ignore what he said. It's a little disconcerting that he can't even tell if something is a scar though, no? Shouldn't it be obvious? And I'm just worried about this one because its on my forehead and it just stands out because the rest of my forehead is clear. If it's hypertrophic I'm gonna be pissed.
Sorry yours is giving you so much trouble! You know that people clear in the final month so keep your chin up too. I'm sure it wil get better. If not, there's always spiro to try :\
Hang on as best you can! It might sound cheesy but you WILL beat this! I don't think your derm is very sensitive to what you are going through. Not sure why he would decide on a career in managing skin conditions and then come off like a dismisive a-hole when a high priority patient needed his help... He went to school to specialize in this field so he should be eager to share his knowledge with PAYING clients, sheesh! You could always get another derm to look at it and give you another opinion on your treatment before proceeding. If it gives you peace of mind and the costs wouldn't be too high, I wouldn't hesitate to do so. Maybe bumping up your dosage will be a turning point! Keep holding on to hope! I was the same as you before this acne outburst all over my face. Best skin of my life the last couple of years. So smooth and hardly needed any makeup, just a thin, thin layer... We'll get back there, it's just majorly frustrating that acne treatment take so friggin' LONG!!! 
Day 70.
A couple of new pimples, and one cyst really deep under the skin thats slowly growing. Scared of that one, not sure if I should get it drained. Haven't seen any change in my nodules and still feeling really deformed 
Started applying some manuka honey to active stuff and my red marks to see if I can get them to fade a bit. Husband says I look normal with makeup on, I dont think so.
Getting super dry all over on 40mg. Lips aren't cracking, but eyes hurt, getting some joint pain in my ankle, finger and knee all on the right side. Going to start doing yoga to help alleviate that. Also taking glucosamine. I am still losing hair which also stresses me out but both my therapist and derm said it likely would have happened even if I wasn't on accutane.
I am also gluten/wheat, soy, sugar and dairy free for almost a month (soy/dairy for much longer). No difference :\
Sorry to hear that you are getting new ones. Maybe the upped dosage is giving you another little IB before it starts clearing? The dryness has to be good though. My derm told me the drier the lips the more likely that its going to start working more. Mine are just starting to get a little dry and cracking in the corners, so I hope that's a good sign. Any progress with your old spots? Are they still like before or getting any smaller? My old ones are shrinking but its just TAKING FOREVER!!! Have the biggest cyst yet on my right jaw under my ear (about the size of a quarter and nickel put together). I know how you feel about the makeup, my husband says the same thing, but I can still see the bumpiness and now its mixed with the dry skin. Still makes it more tolerable though for going out and fewer people notice it unless they get up close or stare for a long time so that's good. Keep your chin up. It's definetely hard to do some days. I get real low at times and then better if I can get my mind off of it. Its impossible to avoid having bad days once in a while though if you ask me. Its just good that we both have good support systems around us and have started our treatment so that we are (slowly) moving towards a goal! I can't wait until we are on the other side of the fence, clear, happy, and giving advice to others who are starting this process and scared/sad like we are/were. I think its going to work for us, its just going to take its sweet ass time, grrr...
Hi ughhhh , my sons face has broken out worse than yours and he's only 20 days in. However he has severe cystic acne that's inflammatory. He even has them in his head right now. Like you he can't sleep sometimes from his face being so sore. So I know how you feel. Stay positive. You have a lot to be lucky for , having such a smart and beautiful baby. You sound like a great mom and theres nothing wrong with stopping breast feeding to take medicine for yourself. Many moms dont even get to breast feed as far as you did. Good luck with your accutane. I didn't breast feed my son, due to infection right after childbirth but I did my daughter and she's the one with asthma and always sick...lol.
Hey Mosey mom - thanks for the support. I do feel guilty sometimes about it, but she is the happiest baby I've ever seen and in great health.
Should be day 91. More like day 87. Haven't broken out in two weeks I'd say, have a few small pimples and three nodules left since before start of treatment. Dr says I look really good.
Had to stop accutane for a few days because I got an incredibly awful stomach flu, and my eczema turned severe after an incredibly stressful week of family illness and needing to travel. The last time I told my derm about it he just said moisturize, which I've been doing. I did some research on it and came to the conclusion that I have pompholyx, or dyshidrotic eczema, not normal accutane eczema. When they actually looked at my hands today, they agreed. Prescribed the most potent steroid creams you can get (yay ) and told to stay off accutane until it subsides. I used zinc oxide on it which I think actually helped a lot, so I'm going to continue with that rather than the harsh steroids. Really bad news is that this might be for life. Why did pregnancy give me so many skin issues?!
They refuse to give me cortisone shots. I saw a different derm two weeks ago and he said he'd be giving me regular shots to help with treatment and wanted me to switch over to him, but he's much further away and apparently travels a week out of every month so I will always end up missing pills. My derm keeps claiming that they'll (the shots) cause more acne and won't help at all. Does anyone actually like their dermatologist? I'm so sick of searching for a new one.
My hand hurts and my thumb seems to have a little tremor which I'm just praying is because of stress because it came on at the same time. I fucking hate accutane but so scared to stop.
Well.
Day 120.
My derm told me today that everything on my face (that I was put on accutane for in the first place) is a hypertrophic scar. I have a line inside my skin that I thought was a huge nodule, but no, he said it just turned into a scar before it even surfaced. WTF. WHO'S SKIN DOES THAT. I currently have what looks like a giant cyst permanently on my forehead, and on both sides of my mouth.
First he says I might need to be on the medication for 8 months, now he says accutane has done its job and I should be happy I'm not getting any more major cysts. This was supposed to be a miracle drug. He took any hope I had and just threw it out the window. He said I'm welcome to get a second opinion, I feel like he's trying to get rid of me.
I used to think I was pretty. I don't even know what to think now.
Well.
Day 120.
My derm told me today that everything on my face (that I was put on accutane for in the first place) is a hypertrophic scar. I have a line inside my skin that I thought was a huge nodule, but no, he said it just turned into a scar before it even surfaced. WTF. WHO'S SKIN DOES THAT. I currently have what looks like a giant cyst permanently on my forehead, and on both sides of my mouth.
First he says I might need to be on the medication for 8 months, now he says accutane has done its job and I should be happy I'm not getting any more major cysts. This was supposed to be a miracle drug. He took any hope I had and just threw it out the window. He said I'm welcome to get a second opinion, I feel like he's trying to get rid of me.
I used to think I was pretty. I don't even know what to think now.
You need to see another derm. Your only on day 120 and hes already giving up, nevermind the insults. Sorry to say this, because i very rarely say it ...but your derm sounds like an a$$ . My son has some scarring but his derm said there are treatments for scarring but after he finishes the accutane. So if I was you, I would go get a second opinion. You stay positive, your a wonderful and beautiful woman with a great family. You already have it better than alot of people these days with just those things. So remember that, and theres nothing wrong with wanting more and if that derm cant give it to you tell him to go eat S*%T. LOL this is probably the only time youll hear me use a bad word here (even my kids looked shocked and laugh when i use a cuss word because they are not used to it) lol but he deserves it..lol.. And everyday when you wake up repeat "Im woman hear me roar!" , rinse and repeat as needed. And then kick that loser of a derm to the curb. I hope I dont get a warning for this post ..LOL
Thank you so much, I have switched to a new dermatologist but unfortunately I let dr asshole touch my face one more time and look even worse, he injected too much cortisone in my forehead and now there is a giant hole from atrophy, and another area has turned white. I can't catch a break. I plan on getting my forehead scar revised but will have to wait a year. I look terrible but hopefully one day ill move on.
Ughhh, just know that even scars from atrophy will get better with time I have seen it myself. So even though it seems really bad right now it will get better. The best news is you have moved on from that derm. Never be afraid to move to another dr if you are not getting the results you want, after all you are paying him, not the other way around. Talk to the new derm about the issues you had with the last and ask his opinions on repairing the damage. if he cant then find another derm> interview them before changing completely. Move forward and not backward. there is nothing you can do about what has happened but you can do things about the future.